Wife's boss being an asshole to her - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Prince · 03-31-2004, 07:38 PM

Well... I don't know whether I am looking for advice, or just venting.

My wife works as a tech for a vet clinic, run by a married couple, both vets. One of the owners, the man, is a bit of a jerk. He has a tendency to be rude and insensitive, even towards customers, but particularly towards his employees.

Today, just as the clinic was closing, he called my wife into the office. He accused her of having made a mistake with a client, because there was 30 bucks more in the cash flow than supposed to. However, the mistake was supposed to have happened on a day when she wasn't working. She pointed that out, but he didn't pay any attention to it. He made some crude joke about taking it out of her salary (although I don't understand why, being that it wasn't money missing, but simply there was 30 bucks more of it than supposed to, to begin with). She was upset by that, the whole thing really, and asked if there was anything else he needed, as the techs were getting ready to head on home. So, he finished with "no, get your sorry excuse for a person outta here".

I was waiting in the car, picking her up, and she cried the whole way home.

She's the kind of person who doesn't understand when people are mean to one another, and when they are, she takes hurtful things to heart. She's a damn hard worker, honest and resposible, and quite frankly the way her boss treats her sometimes really pisses me off.

A part of me wanted to do something about it, because that's how guys are...we want to fix things. Women just want to talk about how they feel, and have you listen to them. Men don't understand that...we don't want to just listen, we want to act.

However, I don't know what if anything I could do, without potentially pissing her boss off and jeopardizing my wife's position there. Ultimately there is probably nothing I can do. But I do feel he was out of line, and he has been several times before.

Pisses me off.

Cynthetiq · 03-31-2004, 07:47 PM

there's laws for plenty of things regarding employment, but there's no laws saying that your boss can't be an asshole.

Maybe she needs to find another employer. Bide your time, look while there's some fire, but not an inferno requiring immediate action. Find another place, and then sumbit notice.

good luck!

KellyC · 03-31-2004, 11:45 PM

The asshole boss is probably one of those coward guys who thinks he can treat people whom he has "power" over like shit. I've meet those people before, they act tough, but are really pussies. A good scare would do, if not you can help your wife find a new job. An asshole like that isn't worth working for.

Good luck bud.

Nancy · 04-01-2004, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KellyC
you can help your wife find a new job. An asshole like that isn't worth working for.

I think you should consider finding her a new job because I can only imagine how much personal stress it would give working for such a jerk. However if she doesn't want to I think it's up to her to take a stand to him - not you. You let people treat you the way you allow them to y know?

kl0pper · 04-01-2004, 02:35 AM

i have a similar problem with one of my girlfriend's teachers...
obviously she can't quit...

skysooner · 04-01-2004, 07:58 AM

My wife had the same problem when she was working temp for a vet in Kansas. She was working temp just until the school year started, so she could get a teaching job. This vet was cruel to the animals when the owners weren't there and just a general asshole to the employees. There wasn't much we could do, so she just quit and went to work somewhere else. I wish I had more advice but unless he continually harasses her there isn't much that can be done.

agball · 04-01-2004, 09:23 AM

Purchase a digital recorder, get your wife to get him going on one of his abusive kicks, record it, and file harassment charges. Make that bastard suffer a little

Rodney · 04-01-2004, 09:50 AM

When people complain about something you've done, a lot of people tend to take it to heart and say, "What have I done? Why would this guy attack me unless I'd done something wrong?" Unfortunately, guys like your wife's boss love people who think like this, because it allows them to blame them for any damn thing that's actually the bosses' fault. He could just be an asshole, or worse an asshole/drinker who keeps a bottle in his desk. More common than you might think.

She should 1) start a job search and 2) just walk out on him when he does this. And explain why. He might start coming down on her harder, or he might just try to find an easier target. If he wasn't a coward, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. But in the meantime, she should get out of their. Probably, the other vets in town know about his sorry ass and will be receptive to your wife's job app.

Kaos · 04-01-2004, 07:34 PM

Wow, my first impulse wouldn't be to drive her home. My first impulse would have been to walk right in there and demand nothing less than an apology. It's one thing to be upset about discrepencies, it's another to insult a person like that ("no, get your sorry excuse for a person outta here".)

She needs to start searching for another job. His behavior was unexcusable. And while she is looking for another job she needs to carry a mini-cassette recorder to record his insults and document all his actions.

Cynthetiq · 04-01-2004, 09:15 PM

those of you saying to record the conversations don't seem to recall the Linda Tripp stuff with Monica Lewinsky.

Some states it's okay to record a conversation because it's a single single party state. Some states require ALL parties to have knowledge of the recording device.

You maybe getting yourself into more trouble by doing that then just looking for another job.

http://www.rcfp.org/handbook/c03p01.html

Quote:

You may record, film, broadcast or amplify any conversation if all parties to the conversation consent. It is always legal to tape or film a face-to-face interview when your recorder or camera is in plain view. In these instances, the consent of all parties is presumed.

Of the 50 states, 38, as well as the District of Columbia, allow you to record a conversation to which you are a party without informing the other parties you are doing so. Federal wiretap statutes also permit one-party-consent recording of telephone conversations in most circumstances.1 Twelve states forbid the recording of private conversations without the consent of all parties. Those states are California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington.

Linda Tripp was in Maryland and the law applied where she didn't have the right to record the Monica conversations surreptitiously. She was prosecuted for it.

raeanna74 · 04-02-2004, 11:13 AM

Keep record of the incidents. As much as possible she should have other employees around that can hear what's going on. NEx time he lights into like that for something that's obviously not her fault she should try to stand up for it. Even if she has to raise her voice and repeat herself that she wasn't working it's not her fault or whatever the issue is.

I had a boss like that a few years ago. I know now that I should have stood up to her. I should have spoken up. Sometimes bullies like that only respect you when you show a stiff backbone. Looking back I remember the times when I got fed up enough to tell her to back off as being the times she treated me with the most respect. If they think you'll take it they'll dish it out. Just be prepared with a back up job something go wrong. If they are accusing you of doing something you did not do then they legally should not be able to fire you if you speak up for yourself. That's one reason to document the accusations and rudeness and also for you to keep a witness around when possible. Just be prepared for the worst. I know my health suffered as a result of the stress I put up with at that job. It can't be good to tolerate it long.

03-31-2004, 07:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	Wife's boss being an asshole to her Well... I don't know whether I am looking for advice, or just venting. My wife works as a tech for a vet clinic, run by a married couple, both vets. One of the owners, the man, is a bit of a jerk. He has a tendency to be rude and insensitive, even towards customers, but particularly towards his employees. Today, just as the clinic was closing, he called my wife into the office. He accused her of having made a mistake with a client, because there was 30 bucks more in the cash flow than supposed to. However, the mistake was supposed to have happened on a day when she wasn't working. She pointed that out, but he didn't pay any attention to it. He made some crude joke about taking it out of her salary (although I don't understand why, being that it wasn't money missing, but simply there was 30 bucks more of it than supposed to, to begin with). She was upset by that, the whole thing really, and asked if there was anything else he needed, as the techs were getting ready to head on home. So, he finished with "no, get your sorry excuse for a person outta here". I was waiting in the car, picking her up, and she cried the whole way home. She's the kind of person who doesn't understand when people are mean to one another, and when they are, she takes hurtful things to heart. She's a damn hard worker, honest and resposible, and quite frankly the way her boss treats her sometimes really pisses me off. A part of me wanted to do something about it, because that's how guys are...we want to fix things. Women just want to talk about how they feel, and have you listen to them. Men don't understand that...we don't want to just listen, we want to act. However, I don't know what if anything I could do, without potentially pissing her boss off and jeopardizing my wife's position there. Ultimately there is probably nothing I can do. But I do feel he was out of line, and he has been several times before. Pisses me off. __________________ Who is John Galt?

03-31-2004, 07:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	there's laws for plenty of things regarding employment, but there's no laws saying that your boss can't be an asshole. Maybe she needs to find another employer. Bide your time, look while there's some fire, but not an inferno requiring immediate action. Find another place, and then sumbit notice. good luck! __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

03-31-2004, 11:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	The asshole boss is probably one of those coward guys who thinks he can treat people whom he has "power" over like shit. I've meet those people before, they act tough, but are really pussies. A good scare would do, if not you can help your wife find a new job. An asshole like that isn't worth working for. Good luck bud. __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

04-01-2004, 09:23 AM	#7 (permalink)
agball Insane Location: Long Island	Purchase a digital recorder, get your wife to get him going on one of his abusive kicks, record it, and file harassment charges. Make that bastard suffer a little __________________ "A friend with weed is a friend indeed"

04-02-2004, 11:13 AM	#11 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Keep record of the incidents. As much as possible she should have other employees around that can hear what's going on. NEx time he lights into like that for something that's obviously not her fault she should try to stand up for it. Even if she has to raise her voice and repeat herself that she wasn't working it's not her fault or whatever the issue is. I had a boss like that a few years ago. I know now that I should have stood up to her. I should have spoken up. Sometimes bullies like that only respect you when you show a stiff backbone. Looking back I remember the times when I got fed up enough to tell her to back off as being the times she treated me with the most respect. If they think you'll take it they'll dish it out. Just be prepared with a back up job something go wrong. If they are accusing you of doing something you did not do then they legally should not be able to fire you if you speak up for yourself. That's one reason to document the accusations and rudeness and also for you to keep a witness around when possible. Just be prepared for the worst. I know my health suffered as a result of the stress I put up with at that job. It can't be good to tolerate it long. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

04-01-2004, 02:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
kl0pper Crazy Location: thailand	i have a similar problem with one of my girlfriend's teachers... obviously she can't quit...

04-01-2004, 07:58 AM	#6 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	My wife had the same problem when she was working temp for a vet in Kansas. She was working temp just until the school year started, so she could get a teaching job. This vet was cruel to the animals when the owners weren't there and just a general asshole to the employees. There wasn't much we could do, so she just quit and went to work somewhere else. I wish I had more advice but unless he continually harasses her there isn't much that can be done.

04-01-2004, 09:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	When people complain about something you've done, a lot of people tend to take it to heart and say, "What have I done? Why would this guy attack me unless I'd done something wrong?" Unfortunately, guys like your wife's boss love people who think like this, because it allows them to blame them for any damn thing that's actually the bosses' fault. He could just be an asshole, or worse an asshole/drinker who keeps a bottle in his desk. More common than you might think. She should 1) start a job search and 2) just walk out on him when he does this. And explain why. He might start coming down on her harder, or he might just try to find an easier target. If he wasn't a coward, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. But in the meantime, she should get out of their. Probably, the other vets in town know about his sorry ass and will be receptive to your wife's job app.

04-01-2004, 07:34 PM	#9 (permalink)
Kaos Ssssssssss Location: Ontario	Wow, my first impulse wouldn't be to drive her home. My first impulse would have been to walk right in there and demand nothing less than an apology. It's one thing to be upset about discrepencies, it's another to insult a person like that ("no, get your sorry excuse for a person outta here".) She needs to start searching for another job. His behavior was unexcusable. And while she is looking for another job she needs to carry a mini-cassette recorder to record his insults and document all his actions.