1337haxor

Hey,
Going to be looking for my first real job soon. When I mean real job I mean a job where I didnt get because I knew the boss or a job where I worked for myself.
Anyways, I don't have anyone to really look over my cover letter and resume. I have shown my friends and they all say is "its good", but they are about the same age as me so I doubt they have much managerial skills to weed out potential employees.

Feel free to bad mouth, bash, & criticise anything that is out of place or wrong.


COVER LETTER
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Dear Madam or Sir:

I am interested in working with [some research lab] in a part-time position until early September of this year. I am currently a full-time student at [well known technical university in the area] majoring in information systems and working to obtain a minor in biology and business. I am looking for a computer support field technician type position that will allow me to better expand my skills and experience. As my resume indicates, I do have experience with supporting, in person, users in an office setting. With my interest in biology, I am very comfortable and enthusiastic in a research laboratory environment. Because of my combined interest, I feel equipped to make a contribution to your organization.

I hope you will give my resume careful consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
-----------------------------------------------------------


RESUME
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Education

[some university]
Bachelor of Science in Information Systems Anticipated Graduation - June 2008
Cumulative GPA: 3.76

Experience

[some small business that deals with sales of chemicals]
IT Manager November 2002 to January 2004
• Planned, deployed and managed office network, VPN and file server
• Deployed category 3 & 5 cabling for office network and telephones
• Installed PBX for office telephone system
• Setup and maintenance of content as well as website and email server equipment
• Provided support in computer use and troubleshooting

[some ecommerce site I started up]
Principle Owner August 2002 to May 2003
• Importer and reseller of light emitting diodes (LED)
• Operated personal server for website
• Marketed and sold LED's over e-commerce website

Computer Skills

• Hardware Platforms: PC, Macintosh, Apple Xserve, Sun/Cobalt RaQ
• Operating Systems: Windows XP, Windows 2000 Professional and Advanced Server, FreeBSD UNIX, Mac OS X Server, Mac OS X, Sun/Cobalt RaQ Linux
• Networking Hardware: Networking and Telephone wiring, Rack/cabinet mount equipment and servers, Sonicwall firewalls
• Networking Software: DNS, NAT, DHCP, NFS, SSH, Apache, VNC, IIS, VPN

Relevant Coursework

Information Systems Lab I: Office XP Introduction Information Systems I & II
Computer Programming A: C++ Foundations in Software: Java
Human-Computer Interaction Information Evaluation, Organization & Use
Introduction to Analysis II: Calculus

Additional Information

• [some ivy league school] Summer Program, June 2004-August 2004
• Member of The National Society of Collegiate Scholars, March 2004-Present
-----------------------------------------------------------


If there is anything I should add, take out or change, please let me know.

Thanks a billion!
Robert

Cynthetiq

IMHO you should metion you are a college student but by putting the fact in your cover letter that you will be only seeking employment until September you are only making it harder for yourself. Also your titles as Owner and Manager, seem to put you out of context for just being a "lowly" field tech. Why would someone want to hire someone that they know doesn't fit for an extended period of time?

Save the return to school information for after they want you and make an offer to you. And even then I'd almost even go as far if they asked you if you plan on going back to school to say you are thinking of transferring to some local college/univeristy. You can tell them later as summer draws to an end that you will be returning to your old school

Almost all states are "at will" states which means either of you can decide that you don't wish to continue in the working relationship.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

1337haxor

I don't think I need to say that I'm transfering to a local school since my school is already local. I commute to school and the commute to this job would be shorter then to school.

The advice about omitting the september part seems to make sense. Would never have thought of that
When I was the IT manager for that company, it was a really small company. About 10 employees total. Should I somehow make a note of that so they don't think I'm some big hot shot system admin of a huge corporation?

Thanks!
Robert

agball

I would edit your cover letter, there is to much of the "I am" syndrome. Maybe change it to say - some of my accomplishments have been, etc.

__________________
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed"

1337haxor

ok, I changed:

I am currently a full-time student at [well known technical university in the area] majoring in information systems and working to obtain a minor in biology and business. I am looking for a computer support field technician type position that will allow me to better expand my skills and experience.

to

As a freshman full-time student at [some university], majoring in information systems and obtaining a minor in biology and business, I am looking for a computer support field technician type position that will allow me to better expand my skills and experience.

Will that work? It almost seems like a run on sentence

-Robert

1337haxor

ok, after a few hours of rethinking it and looking up some cover letter formating techniques, here is what i have so far!

---------------------------------------------------

I am interested in working with [some lab] in a part-time position. I learned of an opening in the Information Technology department through your organization’s website. A position in this department appeals to me because it is an opportunity to expand my skills and experience in the information technology field.

I am a freshman full-time student at [some school], majoring in information systems and obtaining a minor in biology and business. As my resume indicates, I do have experience with supporting, in person, users in a small office setting. Along with helping users, I also have experience in a wide variety of computer systems and platforms.

With my interest in biology, I am very comfortable and enthusiastic in a research laboratory environment. Because of my combined interest, I feel equipped to make a contribution to your organization.

I hope you will give my resume careful consideration. I look forward to hearing from you. You may call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx or e-mail me at email@email.email

MSD

If I was in the position to consider applications, the first cover letter would have been in the "probably not" pile, and the last one would get you at least a callback.

iccky

If you're applying for a specific position you should say what position, that way it will go straight to whoever is in charge of filling that position.

I would use this paragraph to talk about your knowledge of biology, since thats a big selling point for you. I'd make a new paragraph to say specifically how the experinces you have had before specifically qualify you for the position you are seeking ("my experience gave me xyz skills, xyz skills make me perfect for this job because...").

i_am_not_worthy

Hey,
I am in employment services.
You need to be more specific with your cover letter and not write a story. Hit the facts of what you know, and what they need, really hard. Use bullet points to cover these skills so that when they pick it up they focus directly on what you know and CAN do for them.
Also don't be cuddly at the end of the letter. Be confident in yourself and state that you would like to arrange a meeting to discuss this opportunity further. I have found that most employers are unsure when it comes to reading applications and need to be 'told' the next step. If you are direct with them in what the next step is eg. the meeting, there is a good chance they will arrange it.

__________________
It is not a mistake, but an experience.

1337haxor

Thanks guys!
All of your advice I have taken into consideration. Here is that i have so far:

----------------------------------------------------------------------
I am interested in working with [some lab] in a part-time position as a computer support technician. I learned of an opening in the Information Technology department through your organization’s website. A position in this department appeals to me because it is an opportunity to expand my skills and experience in the information technology field.

I am a freshman full-time student at [some school], majoring in information systems and obtaining a minor in biology and business. As my resume indicates, I do have experience with supporting users in a small office Windows setting. Along with helping users, I also have experience in a wide variety of computer systems and platforms such as UNIX and Macintosh.

While I have not taken many formal biology courses, my interest in biology makes me very comfortable and enthusiastic in a research laboratory environment. Because of my combined interest, I feel equipped to make a contribution to your organization.

I hope you will give my resume careful consideration. I look forward to hearing from you to schedule a meeting or interview. You may call me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx or e-mail me at email@email.

iccky

Rockin' man

The only other thing I could add is to say "thank you for your time" or something like that near the end.

1337haxor

Someone who is going to be my reference wrote a letter of recomendation for me. Should I send it in along with cover letter, resume, and reference sheet?

Thanks,
Robert

FleaCircus

Should be "Principal Owner"

__________________
"We must have waffles. We must all have waffles, forthwith. Oh, we must think.
We must all have waffles and think, each and every one of us to the very best of his ability."
-- Professor Goldthwait Higginson Dorr, Ph.D.

1337haxor

lol, can't beleive I let that slip, but its too late.
I sent it in already

Wish me luck!
-Robert