teriaki

Alrighty, this may be venting a little, but I could also use the advice on how to deal with a somewhat awkward situation.

My brother's girlfriend is pregnant- like way pregnant, and they're keeping it.

My family (dad, mom, extended relatives) and I think she intentionally got herself knocked up- by telling my brother she has been on the pill, and this happened because she was taking antibiotics when the deal was sealed.
That would be fine, if it were the truth.

As it was, she had a pregnancy 'scare' every month for 7 months before they conceived. Pregnancy tests left in the family bathroom for all to see, and speaking with my brother verified that, yes, she had inconsistent periods, thought she was pregnant every month, had severe mood swings and crying jags when she wasn't preggers....and it goes on and on.

Now, she's in our lives for good, and I understand this, but I am no longer comfortable with her based on my suspicions...well, convictions actually. I don't want to alienate my brother, and I'd like to have my niece in my life. So, the question is, how/do I speak with her about what I think? And if I shouldn't, any advice on what I can do to swallow the bitterness I feel about her intentionally trapping my brother?

Oh, and if this doesn't belong in this forum, please move it- I just thought this was a life subject

__________________
Cute, but useless.

sprocket

Well, if your suspicions are true, the girl is most likely not mature enough (or mentally stable?) to handle the type of relationship she just got herself involved in. If thats the case it wont last forever. I feel for the kid who brought into the world as a tool for coercing someone into a bigger commitment than they are ready for (if thats really what happened).

Ask yourself whats it going to take to satify you, if you confront her about this. Would a confession that confirmed your theory be what you want? Or are you looking for some proof from her that she really didnt plan the pregnancy behind your brothers back. Im just not sure what you would resolve by confronting her.

__________________
Remember, wherever you go... there you are.

guthmund

By all means confront her, just beware you're opening up a whole frickin can of crazy.

Sounds to me, she isn't all that stable to begin with and you're going calmly confront her about her "little ruse?"

Can you talk to your brother about this? Will he see beyond his willy and look at the situation calmly?

My experience in matters like this that keeping my mouth shut does wonders. You start throwing around notions about her pregnancy saga....well good luck there.

You're just going have to ball it up and stuff it down deep in your gullet. People like to make their own mistakes and no amount of talking (no matter how much sense it makes) is going solve this.

You're brother will come round; they all do; too bad it'll be too little too late.

__________________
No signature. None. Seriously.

Dragonlich

Question: does your brother really love her, and is willing to accept the kid (and enjoy having one), *or* is your brother simply in love, and not serious enough to handle the problems of having a kid.

If it's the former, you probably should let them sort it out, and it might work out fine; if it's the latter, they'll break up regardless.

However, the question of whether to confront any of them with this is rather more difficult. If everyone in your family (and her's?) is convinced she's basically a bitch, it's hardly a good basis for a future relationship; if she's here to stay (seems like it for the near future), you should sort it out.

I'd say she wanted a kid anyway, and saw your brother as a good means to get one. It doesn't appear to be some sort of trap, because they're not going to stay together for long if it's only for the kid - she should have known that, giving society's marital problems.

tecoyah

Probably not what you want to hear, but here goes.....
If she decieved your brother in an attempt to "seal" the relationship, It is not your affair. If she did not, it is not your affair.
Unless you are commited to watching over your brothers life for the forseeable future, You must let him make his mistakes, and descisions.
Everyone will make the path they need to for this time. None of the choices are inherently bad in the long run.

O>K> enough psycology for now....

Now...you are basing your opinions of this girl on your perception, is this perception flawed, I dont know. She sounds very young from your description, as we all are at first. Perhaps she will grow into a better person in time, perhaps not.
I recommend you make the best of the situation and swollow your obvious dislike. She may end up being good for him in the long run.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

teriaki

Thanks everyone for your feedback- I figured I'd have to suck it up.

As a little more background, my brother really loves this girl, they've been on and off for a little over a year- another problem I have is that she slept with his best friend (who has since died of cancer) while my brother and she were split up, and then lied about it for many months.

I refuse to ruin the relationship my brother and I have, but sometimes the facts of how this girl (and yes, you all picked up on it- she's very young. Not only in age, but in maturity as well) came into our lives, and what the future will hold (potential custody battles, broken hearts, etc) frighten me.

Suppose I just don't really approve of her for my brother, he's a gem.

Ah well, I reckon I needed a good vent- thanks for all the insight!

__________________
Cute, but useless.

wannabenakid247

I agree shes obviously unstable and insecure. confronting her will not only achieve fuck all but will make things worse. Ride it out. It will all come out in the wash. Just be there for that 'gem' of a brother. Hope it works out ok

Cynthetiq

IMO your stupid "inlaw" to be holds the cards, especially if you ever wish to have a relationship with your neice, and if you wish to continue to have a relationship with your brother.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

raeanna74

OK My brother and now sister-in-law just went through this. They were only just married this past summer. I had kept my mouth shut though I have my well founded suspicions. For example She claims she's pregnant, my brother then agrees to marry her, then miscarries, then less than 4 weeks after she supposedly miscarries she's miraculously pregnant again. Highly unlikely. Not counting the other 4 times she mislead my brother trying to trap him into marriage and then suddenly miscarries every time. He never seeing anything of it the pregnancy or miscarriage or hearing of it from the Dr.

Anyway this isn't about my SIL or brother. He's just an example. It's about your's. If she is screwing with your brother, whether he's mature enough to realise it or not you need to just leave well enough alone. He will resent you for "breaking" up their relationship when it eventually goes. You will make an enemy out of the brother you are trying to protect. The most I can imagine doing is talking to your brother saying "Hey This looks so suspicious. Do you really think you can trust her? Do you really want to stick with this?" If he says yes then let it be. Say that you are just worried about things but it's his business not yours and tell him that if things happen to not work out you will be there to lend a hand or ear or shoulder. Tell him you wish him all the luck in the world.

DON'T go to her. If she is being a bitch she will continue being a bitch and might use your "accusations" against you by sharing with your brother or whining to friends and family. Who knows.

It's very possible that this relationship won't last. Just be there for your brother and niece and don't make any enemies along the way. Stand up for your brother if you are ever around when the dam breaks loose but don't stand in his way.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

grayman

If you trust your brother and his decisions, confronting her is the worst thing you could do. If she is really as crazy as you say, then he will eventually realize it, if he doesn't already. If he truly loves her, then he will side with her when you confront her and you will be alienated by him which isn't what you want. He has to live with the consequences of his actions and, by proxy, you do too. He doesn't need anyone telling him how stupid he has been or creating any more problems for him.

__________________
That's right - I'm a guy in a suit eating a Blizzard. F U.

Slims

Am I the only one here who feels like the brother dug himself into this hole?

I know you can't really place the blame for her deception on him, but he should have seen something like this coming.

Esp. w/ the monthly pregnancy scares.

He knew what this girl was like, and chose to stay with her rather than kicking her to the curb. He took his chances, and now he has to pay the price...

__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence