aintyoboyfriend

I have been single for over 2 years.

I am at the point in my life where I feel I have missed the opportunity to find "the one" or my "soulmate"

And I find myself giving up on dating. The few women that I have become interested in were useless. Either I have bad taste, or I sour them, though I doubt the last is true, cause I am a pretty nice guy.

So my point is that I have decided that I am going to be living my life as a single person. I have been waiting to set up my life plan until I found the right girl, and she is a little late, so it is time for me to figure out at least the next ten years and what I want to do.

My uncle was a single something in his 50's and he was basically shunned by society for being a wierdo.

Should I expect in the 21st century to be looked upon as a freak, or do you think that I can live a normal life without a wife or a girlfriend?

steve urkel

You would probably be looked upon as being wierd.

:::OshnSoul:::

1- someone comes along when you least expect it.
2- there's more than one "soulmate" out there, but only one true love you would choose to be with for the rest of your life.
3- Anything's possible.

wilbjammin

I was single the first 20, almost 21 years of my life, and then I went through two poor choices for girlfriends... and now, after almost entirely losing hope I found someone that seems like someone I could be with forever.

If you want to seriously consider living alone for the rest of your life, there are many things to consider. I worry with you that you're doing it out of spite or fear... I suggest against limiting yourself. Plenty of people live normal single lives, but if people ask you "why don't you have a girlfriend?" and your response is "because I'm a disillusioned bitter ascetic man" you might get some weird looks.

I always plug Albert Camus, but I think I'm very justified in doing it now. He writes a lot about solitude, esp. in his journals. You might check them out, it really helped me put some things in perspective.

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Innominate.

Lebell

It's very possible.

I was single the last 5 years of my marriage.

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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sillygirl

Don't reconcile yourself to being alone. That leads to hopelessness... Like Osh said, someone comes along when you least expect it.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Averett

Dear God I HATE that question! Well, for me it would be "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" As if there is actually an answer to that question.


I feel the same way sometimes. I've been single for over 3 years now. I don't really meet guys at all. And when I do, things seem to be looking up and numbers are exchanged. Guess what? Don't get a call.

I honestly don't want to live a solitary life. I could, but it's so much better when you have somebody to come home to at night, and somebody to share things with.

Yes, I'm only 25. I'm young. There are many people out there for me. I'll find somebody. People come when you least expect it. I've heard it all before. But hearing those things just doesn't help. It's not a comfort.

If I do somehow end up spending my life as a single woman, that's so much worse in this society than a single man. Single men are the "Bachelors" and single women are the "Old Maid's." Sigh.

I hope you can find somebody aintyoboyfriend

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Kostya

It is a sad truth that some people, regardless of all this bullshit about 'somebody out there for you' end up alone.

In this situation you can do two things:

1. Expose yourself to humilation, dissapointment and frustration by putting yourself out there and trying to find a girl.

2. Become introspective and try to find a more lasting inner happiness which is not dependent upon finding somebody else.

Frankly, while the second option gets a bad rap, I think it's still not a bad one.

What the fuck do I know, I'm only 19 anyway.

tecoyah

Found my soulmate at the age of 30, and we were both married to the wrong people. Took about 3 months to fix that.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

lurkette

I think staying single is becoming more common, and more accepted. The key seems to be being content with it yourself. Not to say that you don't want to find someone, but that you're living a fulfilling life on your own terms.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

tecoyah

Lurkette- love the avatar, Great movie.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

aintyoboyfriend

That is kind of where I am. I am content in the fact that I have a great life, and am not bothered by this at all. I was just curious what people would think of the thought.

erion

When the right person copmes along, you will know it.

My wife and I were both dating other people when we first met. Within four months we were both single and within six we were engaged. We've been together ever since. Going on nine years now.

Cynthetiq

live your life as you need to. anyone or anything that wants to be a party to it, well then you can decide at that point without distraction or misrepresentation.

take your time.

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wilbjammin

In that case don't worry about it. You can't live your life by what other people might think.

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Innominate.

Sparhawk

I haven't had a serious relationship in, oh, 3 years or so. But I have personal and professional goals that don't leave a lot of time for those 3 hour daily phone calls, etc that goes into a maintaining that sort of thing. The occassional fling keeps me going every couple months or so.

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"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

synic213

I didn't have a single girlfriend in my life until I was 24 years old. Now I'm 27, married and have a son. I don't know where you are in your life, but being happy with who you are is the important thing, whether you're single or not.

And another thing: cherish your individuality and personal freedom while you still can. Once you become a family unit (or a relationship unit) something just disappears. It's not a bad thing, but it's definitely different.

rockzilla

Why are you waiting for a girl so you can figure out your life? It's not her life you're planning, it's yours. You have no idea where or when you're going to meet that someone, so the only thing you can do is go out and live your life the way you want it, with only your goals and your happiness in mind. Somewhere down the road, you might meet someone. I don't know how old you are, but chances are you're too young to give up.

Conclamo Ludus

I've been quite alone for a couple of years and quite happy. I get plenty of weird questions about it, but who cares? Being alone isn't for everybody. But not everybody needs somebody. When people ask you why you are alone, you should be able to tell them the truth, and it should be "because you are happy that way". If thats not the truth, then you do need to be with somebody. You'll always get weird looks about being alone because most people are terrified of being alone. Just when you get comfortable with being alone you'll probably find somebody anyway. But like others have said, don't plan your life around a phantom woman who you've never met. Go enjoy the freedom you have. The only person you have to please is yourself. That can be very empowering.

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Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
-Son House, Death Letter Blues

Mr.Deflok

Feel free to do whatever makes you feel comfortable but I must let you know that when you find that special someone you'll never understand why you thought being single was a good idea.

wry1

Until just a week or two ago, I would have joined you in your lamentations....I hadn't been dating seriously - meaning I was having the same issues you were with women - for longer than your couple of years.

But you know what? Love happens. It'll hit you out of the blue one day...and when it does, you'll be ready for it!

Don't bother looking, just try to be the best "you" possible....the rest will take care of itself.

Rodney

I always say that if you want to have a girlfriend in your life, first you get a life to have her in. Honestly, I've know people who've gone around hunting for their other half and obsessed on it, and nothing ever happenedt.

Some of them, after a while, said, screw this, I'm not worrying about this anymore, I'm just going to get my life together and do some things I've wanted to and go in some directions I've wanted to.... and when they do, they usually end up finding the right somebody, without even really looking.

Symphony

That's what happened to me; I didn't want to be with someone, then we found each-other. It took a bit for me to even admit that I'd fallen...at the time I was very disenchanted with relationships.
Sometimes I still am...they are a lot of work ya know...

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and yet...and yet

yellowgowild

Having a wife can be a pain in the ass too. Even with you're with someone you're still alone. Unless you can merge somehow...

Anyways you shouldn't worry about what other people think since there's always some condescending bastard waiting to say bad things about you no matter what you do.

laconic1

I don't have anyone right now, and there isn't anything on the horizon. Of course men in my family are a bunch of late bloomers. My Grandpa (the one I supposedly take after) was 41 when he met my Grandma.

StephenSa

I think bottom line, just live your life. You can't design your life for some girl that may show up in the future and when she does she'll cause you to alter those plans anyway. I was single for eight years before my sweetie snatched me up. I, like you had pretty much decided I would be single for life. I got tired of all the hassle of relationships, the struggle to keep them afloat then the heartache when they finally sank. Being alone seemed safer and infinitely easier. There were some advantages. I moved to several great cities without having to consider some elses life, my money was all mine and I could live with the absolute certainty that if I screwed up royal the only life I would effect would be my own. People probably wondered a bit about why I was perpetually single but no one bugged me about it. (Well, my grandmother asked me once if I was gay, hoo boy thats a conversation you never want to have!) I just lived my life day by day and one day when I wasn't looking a beautiful intelligent sexy girl decided I needed a girlfriend. Next thing you know I'm engaged. Never saw it coming. Never would have believed it. So the long and short of it, if you stay single forever and can be happy with it cool. There is nothing wrong with having the confidence to stand on your own two feet. Personally I think you'll be like my story. One day, out of the blue Bam! The right girl
will snatch you up and make you feel all tingly. Good luck!

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Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.

cyclone

good post Stephen

taylorspl

And then they leave when you least expect it. And yes I am bitter but it's my own damn fault.

Harshaw

"If people are living to an older age, why the FUCK do they insist on getting married so soon?"

Someone I know asked me this once, and I really agree. Don't fret on it too much. All you can do is be an interesting person, take up a hobby, do something to meet people. It will happen or it won't but worrying about it isn't going to make it any easier.

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This too shall pass.

guthmund

You don't have "the gay" do you?

Sorry, that's just what my grandma used to ask at the ol' family reunions.

I think it depends on who you talk to. I have never let my family or friends in my personal life unless it's absolutely necessary. It's just that it's my personal life. If I choose to share it, so be it, but it isn't mandatory.

My family used to ask all the questions and I used to get a "weirdo" vibe from some of them. My friends, on the other hand, don't really see it all that strange.

Time's a big factor as well. The longer somebody is exposed to an unusual situation the easier it is for them to stop wondering.

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minyn

its possible. at least youll be one of the few who wont be jumping in a marriage to NOT be alone. people fear that and they are jealous towards the ones that can do it and be happy... gotta love irony, but thats just me, and i could be wrong =)

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Kaos

I've been single for 4 years now after I got out of a long term relationship that lasted 3 years. I'm more happy now than I was the last year of my last relationship. At this point in my life, I pretty much plan to be single for the rest of my life and don't see anything happening in the future to change that.

Thing is, all my friends are married and have kids. Then I see my friends in fights with their spouce, giving up things because the kids need something, can't afford this, don't have time to do that, etc...

And I cannot see myself living like that. I'm too independant, and love my freedom too much. Thing is, being single isn't for everyone. Hell it isn't for most people who need to define their life through relationships. But there is nothing wrong with being single, ever.