monkeysugar

I am a very soft-spoken person. I am not shy by any means, but I feel very uncomfortable and frustrated when I am around people who have extremely loud voices.

I am not refering to people who may raise their voices every now and then, but those who drown out every other conversation in the room and wreck all attempts to concentrate on anything. The type of people who sound like they're shouting all the time.

Am I alone in feeling this way? Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get people to actually quiet down to the point where they are not pissing off everyone within a 100 foot radius?

Obviously, asking them to tone down their voices is an option, but that has not proved itself to be very effective in my experience.

shakran

speak even quieter. keep getting softer while you talk to them. People naturally lower their voice when others are doing the same.

yakimushi

Yeah, I sit next to one at work.

I ignore him. When he starts in on one of his pointless and meandering stories that have nothing to do with anything, I give him the shortest possible responses and pretend to be concentrating on a difficult issue.

Then as soon as he stops, I put my headphones on, even if I'm not listening to music. SO, when someone is yelling at you, put on headphones

orange monkeyee

be blunt about it. TEll them to shut their yap or else you will do it for them

InTeGrA77

Yeeah, I have a REALLY loud friend!!!

And its not just that she always talks at an extremely loud volume...its just that she never shuts up. I'm suprised that she doesn't pass out at the end of a conversation, because she never even so much as stops for a breath of air in between sentences. She doesn't let people interrupt her, but she ALWAYS interrupts other people, and YELLS at them if they complain about it.

She has to be the most opinionated person that I know and I would really enjoy running over her head with my car and the backing over it many times...hoping that she will finally shut her face...(but I doubt it!)

But anyways...I remember that I got her to shut up once and it was GREAT. I just got into a shouting contest with her; she yelled at me, I yelled back, she yelled louder, I screamed in her face! THEN, then she was quiet. So you basically need to put them in thier place, and make them understand that thier loudness is disturbing yours, and I'm sure many other people's conversations.

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monkeysugar

I have a very similar situation, InTeGrA77. The difference is this "friend" is actually a friend of my girlfriend, which kind of puts a pain in the ass spin on things. My girlfriend realizes that her friend is really loud and annoying, but feels bad saying anything about it and gets upset if I do. So....basically I just avoid the friend whenever possible. Thanks for the ideas everyone.

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jpenney

I've been reading some interesting things about abusive people, and one of the things that keeps coming up is this yelling thing. Yelling at someone apparently triggers (without us knowing it) chemicals released into our brain that are identical to those released when we're physically hit. In other words, being yelled at is almost identical to physical abuse (excaept the bruises).

This is probably oversimplifying, but ever since I read this I've been trying to figure out what to do with yellers. I work in a place where the ED is very, very loud even though she is fairly decent as a person, not unreasonable, etc. but every time she talks, she yells. Her secretary is one of those short loud women who don't know what they're talking about (has admitted it to me) is very friendly, but yells when she is confused and yells and manipulates to test people's knowledge.

I feel this needs to be fixed, I certainly don't want to put up with it, and I don't feel I should have to. Hope you all can help me figure out what to do, or I can help you.

Maybe this web site is useful.

http://www.rickross.com/reference/br...nwashing9.html

Thanks,

JP

Ch'i

Buy a megephone, and have a conversation with them. They'll get the picture.

abaya

Loudness does bother me, but not always in the sense of volume... it's the tone that gets to me. I have a friend whose tone of voice REEKS of anger, and then she gets louder at the same time... I've told her about it so many times, but she just continues reacting and reacting and reacting that way. She won't go to counseling to work on her anger management. Uggh.

Volume also bothers me, but it's different when the person is not angry. If someone is happy and talking loudly, and not dominating the conversation, that's okay. I'll listen to them. But if someone is yelling and angry, I do feel like they are verbally punching me. I'm pretty sensitive to words, tone, volume, whether positive or negative... I feel them as if they are physical.

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777

A good buddy of mine is loud. But we are also guys. So with us, it's not rude to ask him to lower his voice. Simply say, "Not so loud." as they start there sentance, and it's cool.

When I was younger, I had a habbit of befriending those gals that would talk endlessly, and not pause long enough to let you have an actual conversation. One day, I decided to try something... I interupted her. Just long enough to coment on what she was saying, mind you. So that I turn her monolog into a dialog. And it works! The next time I bumped into her, we chatted. And she became a lot more fun to be around.

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maleficent

Compared to some people, I'm loud... but not in a yelling sort of way, I just don't have a soft spoken voice (too many years of teaching software taught me how to project my voice... )

My former boss was a screamer and the littles things would send him over the edge and on a rampage... it took a few of his tantrums to realize they were just that.. a tantrum.. kind of like what a 2 year old throws... a 2 year old throws a tantrum because they didn't get their way not because mommy fucked up something they just didn't get their way... My boss's tantrums weren't about me at all...

Quiet talkers I think are way more annoying than loud talkers... If I have to struggle to hear someone because their head is down or they are barely speaking above a whisper... makes me insane... Some people I've seen use it as a control mechanism or an attention getting mechanism... Just serves to annoy me..

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thingstodo

I just read an article about the differences between men's and women's brains. I know, ha, ha! But seriously, the article mentioned that the typical male uses 7,000 words a day and the typical female uses 20,000 a day.

Now I understand...

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monkeysugar

WOW. I'd completely forgotten about this thread, and in the past two years things have changed a bit. It still irritates me, but due to where I work I'm surrounded by loud, annoying assholes all day so I'm pretty much used to it. I have also gotten a lot of practice in speaking with more volume when needed and getting my point across with authority. Two years ago I couldn't figure out what to do about the person that was annoying me. Today, I'd look at her straight in the eye, tell her to shut the fuck up, and there would be no question as to whether I am joking or not.

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777

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"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

metalgeek

Some of us have kinda naturally loud voices.
I think I'm actually kinda quiet when I talk, but because the way my voice is (very deep and projected) it ends up being loud... reminding me usually helps me try and quiet it down a bit. If I talk in a way that I think isn't a whisper, it ends up carrying across a room.

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Pip

I also have one of those voices that carry easily. If I had any sort of singing ability as well I'd be a great opera singer. Anyways, I raise my volume unintentionally sometimes (a lot of times) and I always appreciate when someone tells me to quiet down.
When I get annoyed by a loudmouth I usually say something along the lines of "I'm only a meter away, you don't have to speak so loud." or simply "Use small letters, not big!" and motion a shrinking letter with my thumb and index finger. It's sort of Kindergartenish, but once the symbolism is established the hand gesture can be enough.
Loud people that aren't talking to you on the other hand, no idea. Maybe butting into their conversaations? There were two loud women on the train the other day who were trying to remember the name of an author... I nearly yelled "Nick Hornby!!!1!" across the car. Nearly. I'm polite like that.

CaliLivChick

I think I might be a loud talker sometimes. It just sorta happens, and I don't even realize that I'm doing it. So if someone is speaking loudly, don't feel bad about asking them to lower their voice. They may not realize they're speaking louder than necessary.

Things that I've heard are "Could you please lower your voice, I'm right here", "Could you please lower your voice, I've got a bit of a headache", or "Could you please lower your voice, you're speaking rather loudly". As long as you're polite about it, it shouldn't be a problem, and if it is, that's a whole 'nother issue. =)

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Sultana

Heh, that reminds me of what I tend to do, I learned it from my mom who was a kindergarten teacher. She says to the kids, "Please use your indoor voice" or "Please use your whispering voice".

Grown-ups tend to be a little startled, but they comply.

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