World's King

I'm 22 yrs old. I live with my mother. I don't have a job that pays me well enough to move out. I don't own a car. And it's winter. Which means that it's cold and snowy. Now I do own motorcycles and scooters but like I said it's cold and snowy. So, my only form of transpertation is my mother's car. Which she has some strange obsessive attachment to. It's a PT Cruiser... I don't get it either. I go out a lot at night to hang out with friends. She every once in a while... Maybe twice a months will want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night... She's single.

So, the problem is this. The nights she wants to go out are always the nights I have big plans. She never really has plans... she just makes em' to spite me and expects me to cancel my plans. Now, we do have other cars we can use... My grandmother never touches her car. But my Grandmother doesn't trust me to drive her car so my Mom does and I take her car. I don't see a problem with this. Everyone gets to go out and do what they want. But for some reason my Mother has taken to starting a fight with me every time this happens. And trust me... they can get way out of hand. Both of us have really bad tempers.

So, my question is this. Am I wrong for using my Mother's car like she thinks I am or should it not be a big deal seeing as how everyone still gets to go out and do what they wish? I don't use her car for anyother purpose then going out at night. During the day I can bundle up and ride but at night I have no other choice. And don't give me the answers about taking the bus or getting rides from friends. I don't really live near any of my friends so non of them are willing to pick me up. And I have a very strong fear of taking the buss. I don't like being somewhere with no way for quick escape if I have a panic attack.

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lurkette

This sounds a lot like the problems my mom and brother used to have when they were living together. I don't know your mother, but I kind of doubt she makes plans just to spite you...it's more likely that it just doesn't occur to her to check with you. And in her mind, it's her car, and she has first dibs.

Since there are two cars, though, and she can take your grandma's car, it seems likely that there's something else going on besides just a conflict of plans. Have you asked her why she gets so upset? Does it have something to do with her attachment to the PT Cruiser? Does she resent you using the car for some reason? Do you return it in bad condition? Do you help take care of it, like paying for oil changes and stuff? Regardless of whether she's rational or not (and my mom rarely was when she picked fights with my brother) it is her car and if you want to keep living with her and using her stuff, you're going to have to take a deep breath, be the calm and rational one, and find out what's at the bottom of this, and work with her to find a solution.

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anleja

This post isn't really an answer to your problem, just thought I'd let you know I relate to you regarding this bus statement. Myself, I can barely be a passenger in a car without feeling like I want to jump out, or at least yell at the driver to pull over to the side of the road for a minute. For some reason, I am usually fine when I am the one driving.

I hope you find a solution to your problem. It sucks sometimes the dumb things that come between loved ones.

On a side note, while OK is reading this... you have some really great avatars. Ever-changing and ever-cool.

rogue49

I'm sorry O_K but "beggers can't be choosers"

Meaning, she has dibs on her car, no matter what.
She is doing you a favor by letting you use it at all.
And if your grandma doesn't like you using hers,
then it has come time for you to get a car of your own.

Having a car is more practical, especially if you are getting older.
These are the things we do as our world, responsibility & needs grow.

You might have to get another job to suit your growing needs.
Shit, I remember having 3 jobs when I was your age, I only got 4 hrs sleep a day.
(JCP shoe sales, Subway & a graveyard shift gas clerk)
Such are the sacrifices we make for "keeping up with the Jones"

I know...you hate cliches.

wry1

Your mom is paying for the PT Cruiser, so I'm sure in her mind it's up to you to come to her far enough in advance so that she can work something out if you've got plans and want to borrow her car.... Truthfully? She could always say "no" and that would be that, dude.

It sounds like it's time for you to trade in your motorcycle and scooters and see about picking up a year-round mode of transportation. Either that, or else you need to sit down with your mother and talk this out.

Remember: she doesn't have to let you use her car, you know....

Peetster

You are not very considerate of other people. I might even say spoiled. It's her car. She pays for it. It's not your car. She can do whatever she wants with her car. It is very presumptive of you to make "big plans" that involve other people's property.

It's also her house. She pays for it. Not you. You are a border at best, a mooch at worst. "Gonna Kill Mom"? Why? For giving you room and board?

It's not your Mom's fault that you don't earn enough to support yourself. You shouldn't take it out on her. Don't like it? Get a better job. Move. Join the Army. Sell Amway. Work three jobs. Take responsability and do something about your situation.

Harshaw

without knowing what your grandmothers car is, I can kind of see your moms point. She is paying for a PT Cruiser, a very flashy car. While I don't like this type of car, if I was paying for a flashy car... when I went out with the guys, I would want to use it.

I've been looking at cars lately and I have found that there are several cheap cars that might suit your needs.
Check this thread: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=40416
It might help you find a beater that will give you some added freedom.

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merkerguitars

I was in the same situation before I bought my first car...it seemed like my parents would never let me borrow theirs and that pissed me off but in the end like rogue saidwhich is very true. I learned that the hard way and forked out $200 for a pos beater. Then I could drive whenever I wanted.

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santafe5000

Time to get your own set of wheels. It's your respondsibility to to provide your own transportation. If this means selling your bikes, so be it. Get yourself a wreck to drive. Can't cost that much.

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Bamrak

why not get a better job or a second job so you can afford a better car? I lived with my parents until my mid 20's so that I COULD afford those things.

denim

The economy sucks, doesn't it? I'm assuming that you're looking for a better job.

Have you tried looking for roommates? I'd get out of that house if at all possible if I were you.

This thread probably isn't telling you what you want to hear. Reality, guy: you should have been out of that house as soon as you were out of school.

cj2112

The bottom line is it's not your car, therefore you have no claim to it whatsoever, your mom does not owe you a thing.

isis

I always have the same problem with my parents. Thus, they bought a truck, and I pay the payments on it/gas/insurance. This causes a good dent in my pocket, but its a decent sacrifice.

However, since you don't seem to have the money, perhaps you could try saving for like 6 months, and buy a car for $500. They ARE out there, and if you put a little bit of work into it, it can get you from point A to point B.

I agree with pretty much everyone on here. Its your Mom's car, and therefore her decision to not let you use it. Before I was paying for my own truck, I had to ask for permission, and they always messed up my plans. You gotta live with it, I guess. Or, alternatively, if anyone lives remotely close to you, give them $5 for gas every time they pick you up or something like that.

Best of luck.

Fly

sell the bikes and fuckin' scooters and buy a car/truck.


problem solved.

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Leviathan[NCV]

It's not yours. You're 22, and live with your mom.
She already supports your life, but now she should also support your happiness?

I'm sorry but there's only so much a parent need provide.

Stiltzkin

Well I reeeeeeeaally hate to say this but I'm glad that I worked my ass of in that programming job two summers ago and bought myself a car with it. My point? Get your own car, try as hard as you can. You're living with your mom, so pinching pennies is easier for you. I didn't spend a single cent of the $7000 that I made that summer--not on clothes, not on CD's, not on a cellphone (trash)--, which made buying a car really easy afterwards.

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water_boy1999

Take your mom with you when you go out with the homies!!!!

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jeenyus

awww... I thought you were gonna tell us how you were gonna kill your mom:P

moonstrucksoul

yes, maybe the King should part with a few of his steeds and buy a car.

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World's King

If I had a steed why would I need a car?

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majik_6

Hmm, I don't know what to tell you.

I understand on the parents just doing it to spite you, mine do that quite often (but not with cars). The solution for me was to buy a truck when I was fifteen, but for me, the vehicle was a passion, like I assume your bikes/scooters are for you (plus we don't have public transportation).

I'd say, either talk to her about it well in advance of the time you're wanting to go out, or as has been said before, buy a car. I don't really agree with the whole "sell all your stuff" mentality, though. When my truck started breaking down, I did whatever I had to do to keep it while still being able to get around town.

With the whole retro cool-cat thing you project, you could find a sweet older car that for most people wouldn't look right (therefore it'd be cheap), but for you, would just further that image. Plus, judging from the pictures of the girls you've posted on Exhibition, they'd be more than a little impressed by an old Cadillac or Mercury...or even a more obscure 70's car.
EDIT: what I mean by this, is that they seem like the kind of woman that would find it unbelievably cool if you had something a little different...just another interesting facet to your personality. It's actually pretty cheap to get a reliable ride that's pure money if you go with an older vehicle that doesn't look so hot, then spend a few months cleaning it up (that needn't be intensive or expensive, just enough to make it look smooth and run consistent).

I guess I'm just not a huge proponent on having to move out before you're financially ready. I still live at home part time. In fact, the whole reason I go to college is because I don't think that I'm ready to be in the job market quite yet.

Much luck, my man.

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macmanmike6100

I have to say that it is her car, so really she has final say. I personally would talk with her about this and see what you can do. maybe you can find a way to buy a used car.

jonb2serment

If you don't like your moms rules you should move out. You will learn real fast that it's not easy. Get off your ass, save your money and make future for yourself. It's called RESPONSIBILITY.

saleenobsessed

Fighting with parents is something that i'm use to. Me and my mom fight constantly. Most of the time it's because she wont let me go out and do what i want, her rule is my house my rules. its dumb. she doesn't care what i do unless im having fun. i have my own car but she bought it so another thing is she still thinks she can take it away even though its mine. its dumb but things wont get better until i move

moonstrucksoul

you said that you have motorcycles and scooters, now i know that it is hard to cruise with your friends on two wheels.

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~springrain

WK... i like you... a lot... you're one of my favorite posters here on the board...
yes, sometimes you piss people off, but i admire you candor... you write very well... and franky i just enjoy the fuck out of reading most of your stuff...

now.... since you asked (as i wouldn't be sticking my nose in otherwise)

i have to say that you sound like a very spoiled child! my parents kicked me out of the house when i was 17. i bought my first beat-up piece of shit car when i was 19... i hated it... but i needed it to get me back and forth from my three jobs. this story is not unique... most of us have had to struggle to get anywhere with our lives.

you are 22... time to move on and move out... if you don't want to do that, and you want to keep living in the luxury of mom's house? fine. Then stop complaining. She is giving you a gift... time to appreciate it.

Crazy/Beautiful

Parents are extremely annoying to live with! I go to college full time and have a part time job, which means I'm always fairly broke and busy. My parents constantly make me feel bad for not also working full time while going to college. I have a 93 Cavalier which is what my parents drove until my mom decided to buy a new car. When I was first entrusted with it it had no air, and for three damn years I drove it in Houston, Tx. But hey it was a car and it ran and I didn't have to pay for it.

Here Are Some Suggestions:

1. Maybe you can ask your mom, if you could help contribute to making insurance payments or car payments, gas money so you can have a right to drive the car too. I would also suck up by volunteering to wash the car, free of charge.

2.Or offer to buy your Grandmother's car and pay her a little each pay check and still let her use it when she needs it too? (families are good about letting you pay off slowly)

3. If this still doesn't work, maybe you and your mom should take turns each weekend having the car? So then you know when to make your plans and so does she. And hopefully both of you will stick to your designated weekend or find transportation from someone else. But you'll at least know in advance, whose weekend is who's

4.Or what I did forever having my mom drop me off at my destination or vise versa and calling her when I was ready to go.

5. Finally last but least, if your friends aren't willing to go out of their way to come pick you up, do you really want to hang out with them anyways? Offer to pay for gas money if they give you a ride. When I didn't have a car, this is what we always did. But I also had friends who coulnd't be troubled to come get me because I was out of their way, which always hurt my feelings but at least I knew who my real friends were. I drive at least 30 min. to visit my friend all the time and don't see it as a burden at all.

guru0z

It's your mom's car, she can do what she wants with it. You're 22, you shouldnt even be living at home.

thingstodo

Maybe your Mom is sending a subconcious message to you that it's time you got out, got a job and take care of yourself. Why should she risk her transportation on a 22 year old that still lives at home? Why should she even insure you on that car.... that's a lot of cash right there.

If you weren't a full time student, I as a parent wouldn't let you continue to live at home.

I'm sure you could sell you bikes and stuff and find a junker car that would get you from a to b. If you want it bad enough, you'll find a (legal) way to get it.

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thingstodo

As an add-on to my last post here:

In another thread regarding your Mom's drug situation, you mentioned that you drink. I then assume that you drink at night with your friends. With that assumption, why would your Mom want you driving her car?

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Charlatan

King... listen to springrain. She is wise.

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ladyadmin

Peetsters words hit the nail on the head sharply. It's a painful reality and one must work their way from the bottom to get to the top in order to succeed.

Can you work more jobs? Would selling some scooters be an option? If you work more than one job would your mom be willing to allow the use of her car until you can purchase your own? Would she be willing to help chip in so you could purchase your own car?

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Kaos

Sell your motorcycles and scooters and buy a car.

World's King

I'm sorry to have to close this but the situation has been resolved and I don't wish to talk about it anymore.

Thank y'all for the advice. Y'all are badass.

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