Sledge

This post sponsored by Analog's poll, which I didn't want to jack.

Out of curiosity, why do you people who want kids want kids?

I think that part of me is broken, as I've absolutely no desire for them. That's not a condemnation of your lifestyle and I'd like to know what drives you.

Please avoid general arguments, like "evolution makes us" - I'm more interested in individuals' internal desires and thoughts than the big picture.

Neato

To me I feel that watching this... part of me... grow up and succeed, this little being that I helped create... will just make life so much brighter, and happier.

I saw this picture of my art teacher while he was looking at this little adopted daughter, he had this look of total happieness. I want that.

Nefir

I believe that each of us brings something to this world - sometimes its good, and sometimes bad. I want to believe that what I bring to this world is not only good, but a continuation of the good done by my parents, and their parents, and so on.

That is why I want to eventually have children - so that I could raise someone who will be receptive to that moment when I hand down to him or her this mission, and who will continue the mission when I am gone. Instead of saying "oh who cares what happens after I'm dead!", I want to leave something good behind which will continue to perpetuate through many generations.

I don't want to break the chain.

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1337haxor

I feel that it is my biological contribution to the species and the future of society.

mr sticky

My reasons for having kids were totally selfish. I wanted one, and I had one. I liked that little girl so well, I thought we'd give it a go for a boy. And voila! We got both in the set! (i.e. both boy and girl).
Now, my initial reasons were purely selfish, but that is absolutely where it ends.
There are so many intangible things that make child rearing the ultimate experience, and with each parent it's different.
When I look around at my kids, I can't help but smile. The daily discoveries, the lessons learned, the inevitable pillow fight. These corny little "Hallmark" moments are the stuff of legend, providing more joy and laughter than any other form of entertainment.
I mean, if you thought you enjoyed going to the toy store when you were a kid, wait til you take your own...It's at least double the fun.

Whatever reasons you have kids, they tend to make a place of their own. Niether of my kids act as I thought they would. They didn't bring me the experiences that I assumed they would. I can't control them as I thought I could. So basically, you'e just along for the ride.
And coming from experience, you are never truly ready for a child. You are granted the gift, and from that day forward, you grow into your role as a parent. It's not something that you attain before the baby gets here.

Who knows man, in the future, you may have a dozen!!

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The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

yellowgowild

I'm with the poster on this one, I don't feel the slightest need for children. And it seems to me like most people want them based purely on false hopes of some future success or emotional attachment. OPart of me thinks that all the joy that comes with raising children is some sort of evolutionary trick.

Neato

Almost every pleasurable emotion, feeling, taste, etc... can be thought of as a trick of some sort. Foods taste good because our body wants them, emotional attachments are often the result of psychological needs being fufilled by that person. That doesnt make the feelings any less real.
If it is an evolutionary trick why should that make the happieness any less desirable?

ARTelevision

There isn't a real good answer to this, IMHO.

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create evolution

yellowgowild

It's all based on opinion anyways, not really any facts involved here.

Frowning Budah

We chose not to have any because we felt we were not up to the responsibility. Truth be told we probably would have done fine, but why take the risk of screwing some poor kid up for the rest of their life. I worry sometimes because there will be no one to take care of us in our later years, but you can't count on that if you do have children.

Craven Morehead

No matter what I accomplish in life, it will pale in comparison to being a parent. There's a pride in your children that is more statisfying than pride in your own efforts. There is something about having a family that can not be understood until you are a parent.

pocon1

I'm glad that anyone who doesn't want kids will take the responsibility to not have one, and that is a fact. That is not a condemnation on anyone who doesn't want kids. If you don't want any, don't have any. I, on the other hand, am full of goodness and light, so the world needs more of me around. If there were 5,000 of me around, this planet would be much happier. So women, line up and prepare to receive my seed and my instructions on the raising of my children. Men, if you are interested in helping the world, send me your wives, girlfriends, of-age daughters, and your MILFs for bliss and the opportunity to help the world. That is all.

splooge

My aunt and uncle are DINKs, that's what I wanna be. =)

(Dual Income No Kids)

Sledge

You have changed my mind.

hobo

I guess children would be a way to leave my mark on the world. They would be like little me's (more or less) that will live on after I die.

lordjeebus

I have no rational reasons for desiring children. Nevertheless, I feel at times that the irrational drive is overwhelming.

I was at an airport the other day when I saw a father showing his 3 or 4 year old daughter the airplanes outside the window, and answering her questions about them. At that moment, I felt an indescribable desire for a child of my own. If I could compare it to something, it would be infatuation -- a strong push towards something that makes no sense logically but "feels" right and incredibly important.

chavos

when caring for a child, i get the sense that my actions will have a lasting effect upon the earth. especially as i have grown in to a more mature relationship with my parents, i realize that they helped make me in ways much more profound than genetic material. i appriciate all they have done for me, and i want to return those gifts of nurturing love to a child, biologically 'mine' or not. and i hope there is a time when i'm able to take on that responsibility...there is nothing quite like the overwhelming love that one can feel for a child.

majik_6

Sledge: I don't think that it means that anything is "broken" in that you don't want children.

I know that I don't want to have children, because although I love kids, I want to lead a lifestyle (possibly unstable income, strange hours) that I don't believe would be conducive to the child-rearing process. Besides I can't even take care of myself when I have the flu, let alone an ankle-biter.

But my parents always told me that someday I'd want one, and they say that it's the most intense happiness and pride that you can ever feel. My dad claims that the most euphoric emotions can only come from your experiences as a parent.

I'm still not sold.

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dragon2fire

i could see wanting kids

watching my newphew grow as been something i have enjoyed

Conclamo Ludus

I'd like to have kids at some point. I think a lot of it has to do with contributing more to society. To pass on, not just your biological traits, but all the things you have learned in life. It allows pieces of you to live on after you are dead. Its also a person that you can mold and shape from square one. You will never have that kind of influence on any of your peers.

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splck

When I was in my teens and twenties I didn't even think about having them, but now that I have two wonderful girls, I am so glad I have them. When a child looks at you and says "I love you daddy" you know you did the right thing.
The one thing I notice about my friends that never had kids is they are quite sefish, not on purpose, but their world is about "me". They don't mean to be or try to be that way, but it's not hard to see. Everything they do revolves around themselves. I actually feel sorry for them.... No grand kids for them.

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nice line eh?

yellowgowild

I'd like to skip having kids and just have grandkids. Maybe I can rent them somewhere.

txlovely

There is no love like the love of a child. You are a hero, provider, teacher, healer, role model plus so much more all rolled into one. Nothing like it. Even when you know you may be sucking at life, they won't think so. All they do is love. That means something.

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

pocon1

Txlovely,

My dog feels the same way about me. I am God to him. Hopefully, when I have kids(couple more years) and they have grown up, they will tell me that they love me and then I will know that I have done a good job.

Which reminds me, I have to go call my mom, and maybe lay some flowers at my Dad's grave.

shakran

I don't think a part of you is broken at all. You don't want kids. Someone else does. Nothing wrong with either person anymore than there's something wrong with me for wanting a Honda rather than a Chevy.

I think society has placed far too much emphasis on children-as-a-requirement. I've lost count of the number of people who have told me "you'll feel differently when YOU have kids" (uh, no I won't, because I won't be having any, thank you). I've been told I'm selfish because I don't want to have kids. Still haven't figured out what the hell that's supposed to mean.

People are entirely too kidcentric. If you have kids, that's great (provided you actually raise them to be responsible people rather than let them run wild like most parents do these days). If you don't have kids, hey that's great too. By not having kids you are sentencing yourself to a life in which you have more disposable income than you would otherwise, a life in which you can go out any time you want on a moment's notice because you don't have to find a sitter, a life in which you can sit at home at night doing what YOU want to do rather than picking up after a kid, a life in which you do not have to perpetually fight a school district trying to make them actually educate your kid rather than sitting him in a classroom to be bored all day. In short, your life's gonna be great.

Besides, statistically, childfree couples are happier on average than couples that have kids.

Raising kids is HARD work if you do it right (and most don't), and if you're unwilling to make a minimum 18 year committment to HARD work with NO vacation days, NO weekends, NO time off, NO set hours (raising kids ain't 9-5 like most jobs folks) and NO pay, and NO recognition (how many times have we heard "does your wife work or stay at home with the kids - - as though staying at home with the kids isn't harder work than a 40 hour a week job), then more power to you. That's your choice, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

ARTelevision

It seems my initial post here was misinterpreted.

Personally, I can't think of a good reason to have children.

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splck

I think you answered your own question in your third paragraph, just read what you said bellow

Where did you get this info, I'd be interested in reading it.

Again, I think this answers your question.

I underestand and accept your choice for not wanting children, but I think you're making it sound alot worse than it actually is.

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nice line eh?

txlovely

Pocon1,
I agree with you - animals certainly give unconditional love.

I never said having children isn't work. It certainly is - some people are cut out for it and some aren't. I just think it's too bad when the ones who really aren't have kids anyway and the rest of society pays the price. It is just as much a responsible and thoughtful decision to not have children as it is to have them. I admire people of both sorts. Even though times have changed somewhat, choosing to not have children still carries with it a stigma. If anything, social pressures increase with that decision.

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Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

sexymama

Why did I have kids? The first, because I was young and stupid -- fell into lust and got pregnant. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Raising my son alone for the first 6 years of his life was 6 of the happiest years I had. Watching him learn to read, develop a personality and come into his own has given me much joy! Watching him struggle with growing up has given me much pain.

The next two were step-sons. I had them because I loved their father and wanted them too. We raised them together. Okay, I did most the work. Yesterday I got an email from Afghanistan. In it my son said, "I told my major I am who I am because of you." That made it all worth it! (That and the time he toasted me, in front of his biological mother, saying, "to the best mom a kid could ask for!" Ok, it is "bitchy" but -- ha!)

The last two, my daughters, I had because I was so in love with the boys and having a family that I wanted to complete it with a daughter. I ended up with two and would not send either one of them back.

All the hard work, all the pain, all the cost, all the "little triumphs", all the laughter -- every moment is worth it. I especially enjoy when my children snuggle up to me and tell me that they love me. Selfish, maybe -- but that is why I have children. I adore having a family, loving them undconditionally, and being loved! The rewards far out way the struggles!

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RotEx

wow great topic, i personally have thought about this ALOT! some days i feel like i'd want kids, and otehr days, i ask myself, why have a kid? its like... do i want a kid JUST because it is the right thing to do? or that everyone else is doing it, people may look at me funny or feel sorry for me if i dont have at least one kid. I mean, my sister had a kid, and i love him to DEATH i never spent so much time with anything in my entire life.

but, as I say, some days i wake up feeling like i dont even WANT a kid, all they do, is cost you money, money that you could be spending on your porche later on in life, but instead your spending it on your kids college fund, or bailing him out of jail, or anything that he may grow up to do. Yeah they bring you happiness for a few years, and if you have a good one, and raise them right, then they will keep you happy for your whole life, never letting you down, blah blah blah, but the majority of children just grow up and do nothing but cost you anguish time and money. so... it is a tough call, and its a good thing i am not yet at that age where its either YES or NO right now! because i couldnt make the decision.

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everytime i turn around it is an illusion.

Sho Nuff

HAHAHAHA!

Honestly, I think we are all slaves to our DNA. Our DNA wants to pass on so it makes us want to have children.

Personally, Id love to have a child just because Im sure my kid could kick everyone elses kids ass. Its narcissism plain and simple. Fortunately, my career makes having a wife and child nearly impossible.

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shakran

I'll admit, I'm lost. Where in my post did I explain how it is SELFISH of someone to not want children? Oh wait, you mean because I said raising kids is hard? Because I said if you don't have kids you have a lot more resources? Well hey, duh. If you don't have a kid, the money you would have spent on the kid can now be spent for other stuff. And anyone who doesn't think raising kids is hard is a moron.

If you wanna talk selfish, I say the selfish ones are the idiots who have kids for no good reason and who then neglect to raise the kids at all. They let the kids run all over everywhere, screaming and being general twits in public with NO corrective actions on the part of the parents, who sit there grinning idiotically as though their child is the most precious thing on the planet and can do no wrong. This is child abuse, because the kid's not being taught how to act in a civilized world, which cannot in any way be interpreted as a good thing.

Selfish would be the people that have a kid because they WANT one even though they don't have anywhere near the financial resources to take care of it, or even though they then plop the kid in daycare from 3 months to highschool so they can go do what they want to do.

I've been talking today with a woman who dropped her kid in fullcare (some stupid program where other people raise your kid for you) so she could work and go to school full time. She "oopsed" her (now ex) husband to have the kid, then dumped the kid on anyone who'd take care of him. Now she wonders why, at age 16, the kid can't stand her.

Selfish is NOT making the mature and responsible decision NOT to have kids.

Anomaly_

I agree completely shakran. In fact I would love if birth were actually regulated. So many absurd things are restricted in our society but irresponsible reproduction, something that is far from absurd, isn't. What the hell? As has been mentioned, raising kids the "right" way requires very hard work. Simply having kids does not elevate one's status over those who choose not to. Parents must be in it for the long haul or they don't deserve to be parents. I believe many of society's problems stem from poor upbringings but the prevailing attitude is to build more prisons and not address the problem at its root.

So "why have kids?" I really don't know . It is quite an undertaking and without the most sincere intentions AND actions there is the possibility of ruining a human life that is then unleashed on everyone.

yellowgowild

Amen shakran.

splck

I mearly pointed out that some people don't want to have kids because it will cost them money, time, and effort like you said in your original post. In my view, that is a selfish reason to not have kids.
I agree with you, people that have children when they clearly can't afford to raise them or arn't willing to raise them properly are having them for selfish reasons.

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nice line eh?

:::OshnSoul:::

Well, I wasn't planning on having kids when I did, but even if you don't have kids and are wanting them, the reason for wanting them vs. actually having them is incomparable. Once you have a child, your perception on children, as well as yourself and life is totally changed. You see so much more through their eyes. You have this passion you never dreamt of having. It's really indescribable to tell you the truth. Kids are instruments of light- they let you see things in different ways then you ever have before.

analog

This is not to the poster of the above, but to all those who represent what that person said- and by that I mean all the pro-parent "you don't understand" people. This is not a personal attack. (read: rant warning)

See now, I find that kind of thinking to be very self-centered. Every parent will think the world of their kids, especially if they're even moderately successful, but that does not mean I do not "understand" because I don't have kids. I understand just fine what having a family means. I'm not getting into it, because it could be a long rant here, but assuming we're all ignorant because we've simply not "done it" is a bit lofty of a notion to begin with.

Any twit (and I know several personally) can make a kid.

Or 4.

It takes a penis and a vagina, and nothing else. I work in a store near people who personify the "penis + vagina = kid", and i'm constantly reminded that there is no "brain" component in the equation. Sure, it's hard work. It's hard work you chose (or through inaction, like lack of protection) to give yourself, so don't bitch to me about it, and don't use it as a basis for argument. It's like those people who buy those fucking SUV's and then whine about the gas consumption. Morons.

You are not special. You are not better people because one of you got cum in her, and a kid came out 9 months later. It's not a miracle. A miracle is something special that is not commonplace. I guess you'd call the world's overpopulation a miracle surplus. Several BILLION people before you have done it, just fine, for many thousands of years before you- and so far (according to my religious beliefs) only ONE woman has ever birthed the Son of God, although most of you believe you have done just that.

You wanna have kids, that's all well and good, but don't give me second-rate treatment or talk down to me because I chose not to.

Actually, in most everyone, the love of a partner is stronger than that of children. It's been studied. Just thought i'd add that.

That is all. You guys rock. Read my sig.

ashap

It keeps you young. You have to spend all day in the adult world doinf mundane tasks. You come home and all they want to do is play and talk about funny imaginative things.

anti fishstick

i myself do not want a kid..at this time. and i'm undecided as to if i ever will want to. but i have my moments where i feel compelled to birth and raise a child. it's a beautiful thing. to look at a man i love and then this baby.. that i've created with him. that's gotta be an awesome feeling. i'm a very giving, nurturing person so it seems like wanting a kid eventually would seem natural to me.

however, i'm awkward around children.. never babysitted in my life. don't know if i could handle certain stages of develop (especially adolescence) and it'd be a lot of hard work i'm not sure i want to embrace

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Shyla Loral

I got pregnant on accident, but I wanted kids all along. I think girls are biologically programmed to want them, they smell kid when they're not shitting and feel right in your arms. AS far as having another, meff and i aren't really sure about that. He has schizophrenia in his family, and he has it, too;I'm bipolar, so what are the chances we'd have a healthy kid? So we're discussing, and are going to wait until he grows up a bit more before deciding for sure.

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