Asking for help - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sleepyjack · 10-16-2003, 06:49 AM

Somtimes i find it quite hard to ask for help. I'd except help if it was offered, but asking for it sometimes is hard for me and i end up trying to do it all myself and fuck things up, well most of the time.

Any advice in helping me realise its ok to ask for help, sometimes i just can't seem to do it, and keep consciously thinking i can do it, when all i'd need is a little help and it'd make whatever i may doing so much easier and probably quicker. Seems i can't get out of a habit of learning the hard way

Averett · 10-16-2003, 06:52 AM

I'm the same way. I hate depending on people.

BentNotTwisted · 10-16-2003, 10:27 AM

I'd say the first thing to do is look at why you have a problem asking for help. I used to have a serious problem with it as well. I'd be carrying a box and I would kill myself trying to open a door and get it through the doorway rather than ask someone nearby for assistance. For me it came down to being embarrased about needing help. Hey, I'm a grown man, I don't need no stinkin' help. Or so I thought. When I finally got past being embarrased about it, life became much easier. So, what's stopping you from asking?

Kyo · 10-16-2003, 10:52 AM

It's a matter of being practical. While it's impossible to banish our emotions or our ego, in most situations they are at best inconvenient; at worst fatal. However, if you learn to think of things from a realistic/practical standpoint instead of an emotional one, things have a tendency to get done faster and with less effort.

If it helps at all, think of asking for help as using other people (rather than depending on them). That's how I tend to think of it, anyway. I will do what it takes and use who I need to in order to get what I want. Thought of this way, pride isn't much of an issue anymore.

Put simply, a lot of our 'problems' would simply vanish if we didn't have to deal with emotions. While we can't get rid of emotions entirely, learning to control them effectively will grant you quite an advantage against most other people - and therefore result in less pain and hardship for you.

jimk · 10-20-2003, 09:17 AM

i've just recently been exposed to the idea that not being able to ask for help is arrogant.(?!)

i am always willing to help other people, so why do i think that i shouldn't need/ask for help? am i that much more self-reliant/tougher/better?

it's been good food for thought for me......i'm starting to think that being able to ask for help is an important part of being human.

tecoyah · 11-08-2003, 06:30 PM

You just asked for help

JimmyTheHutt · 11-09-2003, 12:47 AM

I understand where you're coming from. I always thought of accepting help as a sign of weakness, which I despise. This tends to make me very anti-social, particularly when I have problems I'm failing to deal with. However, I've learned over time to make the effort, becaust its become more important to me that I accomplish what I'm trying to accomplish than I retain my pride. It really is a pride and ego isssue, and it sounds like you've made a good first step by asking the board for help. I hope it pans out.

In regards to your original questions, the best bet is to bite the bullet and do it. Don't depend on it, but be aware if its there, and put it to use. Humans are by nature pack/group animals so we are inclined to depend on each other. Tap into that natural instinct and trust your pack.

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

10-16-2003, 06:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	Asking for help Somtimes i find it quite hard to ask for help. I'd except help if it was offered, but asking for it sometimes is hard for me and i end up trying to do it all myself and fuck things up, well most of the time. Any advice in helping me realise its ok to ask for help, sometimes i just can't seem to do it, and keep consciously thinking i can do it, when all i'd need is a little help and it'd make whatever i may doing so much easier and probably quicker. Seems i can't get out of a habit of learning the hard way

10-16-2003, 06:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	I'm the same way. I hate depending on people. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-16-2003, 10:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
BentNotTwisted Optimistic Skeptic Location: Midway between a Beehive and Centennial	I'd say the first thing to do is look at why you have a problem asking for help. I used to have a serious problem with it as well. I'd be carrying a box and I would kill myself trying to open a door and get it through the doorway rather than ask someone nearby for assistance. For me it came down to being embarrased about needing help. Hey, I'm a grown man, I don't need no stinkin' help. Or so I thought. When I finally got past being embarrased about it, life became much easier. So, what's stopping you from asking? __________________ IS THAT IT ???!!! Do you even know what 'it' is? When the last man dies for just words that he said... We Shall Be Free

10-16-2003, 10:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
Kyo Crazy	It's a matter of being practical. While it's impossible to banish our emotions or our ego, in most situations they are at best inconvenient; at worst fatal. However, if you learn to think of things from a realistic/practical standpoint instead of an emotional one, things have a tendency to get done faster and with less effort. If it helps at all, think of asking for help as using other people (rather than depending on them). That's how I tend to think of it, anyway. I will do what it takes and use who I need to in order to get what I want. Thought of this way, pride isn't much of an issue anymore. Put simply, a lot of our 'problems' would simply vanish if we didn't have to deal with emotions. While we can't get rid of emotions entirely, learning to control them effectively will grant you quite an advantage against most other people - and therefore result in less pain and hardship for you. __________________ Sure I have a heart; it's floating in a jar in my closet, along with my tonsils, my appendix, and all of the other useless organs I ripped out.

10-20-2003, 09:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
jimk Addict Location: Chicago	i've just recently been exposed to the idea that not being able to ask for help is arrogant.(?!) i am always willing to help other people, so why do i think that i shouldn't need/ask for help? am i that much more self-reliant/tougher/better? it's been good food for thought for me......i'm starting to think that being able to ask for help is an important part of being human. __________________ raw power is a guaranteed o.d. raw power is a laughin' at you & me -iggy

11-08-2003, 06:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	You just asked for help __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

11-09-2003, 12:47 AM	#7 (permalink)
JimmyTheHutt Psycho Location: Hell (Phoenix AZ)	I understand where you're coming from. I always thought of accepting help as a sign of weakness, which I despise. This tends to make me very anti-social, particularly when I have problems I'm failing to deal with. However, I've learned over time to make the effort, becaust its become more important to me that I accomplish what I'm trying to accomplish than I retain my pride. It really is a pride and ego isssue, and it sounds like you've made a good first step by asking the board for help. I hope it pans out. In regards to your original questions, the best bet is to bite the bullet and do it. Don't depend on it, but be aware if its there, and put it to use. Humans are by nature pack/group animals so we are inclined to depend on each other. Tap into that natural instinct and trust your pack. Veritas en Lux! Jimmy The Hutt __________________ Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs.... "This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end." -ShadowDancer