Divorce... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

daydream · 09-16-2003, 01:08 PM

Has anyone here experienced a time when your parent's were getting a divorce? Just curious to hear some thoughts and stories you may want to tell... cause my parents are currently on the verge of doing so.

I'm definitely not against them splitting up... trust me I knoooow that it's for the best right now.... but anything you would like to share would be much appreciated =)

sixate · 09-16-2003, 01:42 PM

My parents got divorced around the time I was 10. I was happy when they finally did it. I was smart enough to realize that they pretty much hated each other and it was pointless for them to stay together. But they were not smart. About a year after they got a divorce they got back together and repeated the break-up process all over again. Not very smart at all. If people don't love each other they shouldn't stay together because they have kids.

lurkette · 09-16-2003, 01:50 PM

My parents got divorced twice - once when I was about 4 (they got remarried when I was about 6 or so) and again when I was 18. For the most part we (the kids) were happy about it - they should never have been married in the first place, and certainly never should have gotten re-married.

I don't remember going through the first divorce, although I heard stories about it - who did what to whom, what we kids said, etc. The second divorce, even though I was older and knew it was for the best, was still hard. I'd just started college, and basically my mom gave my dad an ultimatum: go to AA or move out. He moved out. It was really hard to be in the middle, and it was particularly hard on my siblings, who were still at home. My dad would do stuff like just walk into the house without knocking (his thinking: he'd lived there for 15 years, why shouldn't he knock?) and my mom would ask us to tell him not to do it because he'd listen to us. Sheesh. Stuff like that. It was particularly hard on my brother - my dad hardly spent any time with us in the first place, but spent even less time after the divorce, and my brother blamed the lack of attention on my mom.

Anyhow, enough of my family soap opera.
Some stuff to watch for, though, is being put in the middle. Don't let them do that to you. If they have something to say to each other, make them say it. Refuse to listen to them dish shit on each other. Don't you play them off each other, either. If you have younger siblings, make sure they know it's not their fault, and make sure they have someone to talk to about it, preferably someone not in the family.

As much as you know it's for the best, it still sucks and I'm sorry. This is never how anybody wants things to turn out.

GoldenOuroboros · 09-16-2003, 02:41 PM

yeah about 3 years I think now.. meh.. don't know when for sure.. all I know and can say is that I wasn't home and my brother was the one who was caught in the middle of it. I was down south with my GF who's now my Fiancee, so many days when I was down I wished to be up there to comfort him.

Now he's hard that I am back (moved back due to the lack of work and financial reasons) he still holds it that I wasn't there against me and that hurts.

Mum and Dad.. I never really knew my father, was closer to my mother, My dad was in the RAAF (Royal Austrailan Air Force) so we moved around alot... but the thing was that we never knew him as 'dad' so to speak he was more the squadron leader.. barking orders and what to do.. meh...

Mum hates him and always will.. When I was down there she'd ring up crying.. and saying how much she hates him. She stills crys on the month that the time came around when their anniversary is and the days that dad moved out..

What really annoyed me is that they both tried to buy my love.. that REALLY pissed me off... I just wanted to tell them to @#$! off...

So my dads moved away with his new GF (the one he was having the affair for 3 years with) and I only hear from him every now and then and then, once a month if I'm lucky...

Mum has a BF, only comes home to survey the house, say hi to us cook us a meal if we need it then she rushes back to the BF's.. Sometimes I feel like a bad reminder.. like something she couldn't throw out... meh..

So that's my story..

daydream · 09-17-2003, 01:31 PM

Thank you for sharing your stories with me... I know divorce is a tough time and just having some input and hearing about other people's experiences help out a lot!

And Lurkette that's excellent advice.. I will keep that in mind!

sexymama · 09-19-2003, 08:16 PM

My parents divorced 7 years ago -- I was 34 years old and very capable of dealing with it.

The best advice I can give you is what Lurkette already said:

Quote:

Some stuff to watch for, though, is being put in the middle. Don't let them do that to you. If they have something to say to each other, make them say it. Refuse to listen to them dish shit on each other. Don't you play them off each other, either. If you have younger siblings, make sure they know it's not their fault, and make sure they have someone to talk to about it, preferably someone not in the family.

I would avoid being put in the middle by saying, "I love you and I love my other parent too. I just can't listen to you trash my mom/dad. Thanks for understanding."

It worked. I have a great relationship with both parents and my dad's girlfriend, as a result.

Best of luck to you!

guthmund · 09-19-2003, 09:08 PM

My mother and father divorced when I was 10. It wasn't amicable per se, but they both knew that one of them had to leave or they'd end up killing each other.

All I can remember are a few memories being related to it. After about six months of spiteful bullshit from both sides they just stopped....I think my father's girlfriend had a lot to do with curbing the old man, she is a very willful lady.

tinfoil · 09-20-2003, 10:59 AM

My parents were finally divorced when I was 12, but she kicked his ass out when I was 8. He was an alcoholic (was, as it eventually killed him).

It was a clean divorce though. He didn't contest anything. Too drunk I suppose.

I assume you are older, or else you wouldn't be here, so it won't be nearly as confusing for you as it was for myself or any other young child. You also seem o understand that it is for the best.

Just don't get dragged into it. Don't feel the need to take sides and don't play the ref unless things get truly dirty.

costello · 09-20-2003, 01:29 PM

Heh funny divorce story....

My mom and dad got divorced when i was 5 because he had cheated and was to proud to try to work things out. so he fled to san fransicso to marry his mistress as it were :P. anyway, my mom remarried about 3 years later to a cop who ended up cheating on her, and after numerous attempts to repair the marrige on my moms part, they finally divorced when i was 12. Back to my dad. His mistress cheated on him the last 3 years of the relationship and left him when i was 14. My mom and dad both got married again ... my mom when i was 15, and my dad this summer (im 19 now). so needless to say i feel no emotional attatchment to any of my family members except for my mom

. i think the only good thing that came out of that mess was that i will NEVER leave my wife, if i ever am lucky enough to have one. I'd exaust every last resource before even considering splitting up, especially if there are children involved, because i knew what effects it had on me. I hope you make it through alright

, trust me, the divorces get easier to handle after the 2nd or 3rd one you experiance

daydream · 09-20-2003, 07:15 PM

Yea I'm almost 20 so I know that the divorce is for the best and am in no way confused... I was just looking for a little insight from some people who've been through this already... Like I said my parents are thinkin about gettin a divorce... and I actually just wish they would get it over with already... I can't deal w/my father nemore. He's at that point where he just hates his life, and is unhappy at home... and while he's feeling so sorry for himself he's making everyone else's life a lot more difficult and most of the time I don't even want to be anywhere near him. It really sux...

The only reason my mom hasn't divorced him already is b/c she needs to get her nursing degree first so she can support herself, my sister and I as I go through college. My dad on the other hand... I think is a little afraid of being without a family... even though it seems like he's love to get rid of us!

zf0enix · 10-07-2003, 07:09 AM

My mom never married my dad, but was married to my brother's father until I was about 8 (my brother was 4). Big ugly divorce. My brother and I both had nightmares for months.

We moved states and my mom wouldn't let my step-father contact us at all. She then got married again, divorced again. I was about 13. More nightmares and emotional problems. She wouldn't talk to us about anything, why it was happening and whatnot (I later found out it was because he had an affair with a lady down the street).

After that there were men in and out of the house periodically. Just a fucked up mess. It was hard on my brother and me, trying to figure out who was real, who was going to stay and that it wasn't because of us.

My brother, who clearly had other emotional problems, eventually killed himself. In his diaries he wrote about how he just wanted a father to love him.

Bleh, thanks for the memories.

Prince · 10-07-2003, 10:57 AM

When I first got my driver's license, my dad had me drive him to bars and one night stands, wait outside until he was done, drive him home and then lie to my mother about where he had been. I was a pretty whipped kid emotionally and afraid of him enough to go along. Needless to say when my mom had cried enough, she divorced him, and I was pleased to see that happen.

anleja · 10-08-2003, 08:08 PM

My mother has been divorced 3 times. My dad (I think) tried to cheat on her with her best friend when she was in the hospital with bad appendix. I was about 10 or 11. Again when I was 15 or 16, the guy abused her emotionally and physically. Again a couple years ago when I was about 21, the guy was an alcoholic.

I vowed to never get divorced, and now here I am, not even married a year and very close to getting a divorce.

I'd write more, but it's hard to type because I'm holding my beautiful baby daughter in my arm. I think all the marriage heartache I'm going through is worth it since I know we made a lovely human being. Look for the positives, right?

I will add that, especially reading some of the stories here, I feel fortunate my daughter won't be raised much longer in a house where the parents have major issues with eachother. She's too young to be heartbroken, also. I hope.

skysooner · 10-10-2003, 10:02 AM

Parents getting divorced stinks for the kids no matter what the reason. There is the good side that they won't be tearing each other apart anymore but now you have to deal with all of the games they will play (wanting more time with you than the other parent, etc.). My parents finally started getting along around 15 years after their divorce and now things are much easier. It was still tough for the first few years after they did it though.

daydream · 10-12-2003, 12:53 PM

Today was a rough day... woke up to my father screaming. I'm sure you can imagine it's not a good way to wake up. My mother just tries so hard to try to pull the family together and make it work... her idea of "family fun day" was torn apart and she soon regretted even trying.... we're all just upset and miserable. This sucks! I'm a college student and at this time there's no way for me to be on my own... but I long to get outta here. I know you may say, I should try going away to college... but i have a full scholarship to a college by my house and unfortunately there aren't even any dorms there. So I'm stuck living here in this mess. I can't wait to graduate and move out.
Sorry to just vent all this, but I needed to get that out... thanks for listening

09-16-2003, 01:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
daydream Crazy Location: Long Island, NY	Divorce... Has anyone here experienced a time when your parent's were getting a divorce? Just curious to hear some thoughts and stories you may want to tell... cause my parents are currently on the verge of doing so. I'm definitely not against them splitting up... trust me I knoooow that it's for the best right now.... but anything you would like to share would be much appreciated =)

09-16-2003, 01:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	My parents got divorced twice - once when I was about 4 (they got remarried when I was about 6 or so) and again when I was 18. For the most part we (the kids) were happy about it - they should never have been married in the first place, and certainly never should have gotten re-married. I don't remember going through the first divorce, although I heard stories about it - who did what to whom, what we kids said, etc. The second divorce, even though I was older and knew it was for the best, was still hard. I'd just started college, and basically my mom gave my dad an ultimatum: go to AA or move out. He moved out. It was really hard to be in the middle, and it was particularly hard on my siblings, who were still at home. My dad would do stuff like just walk into the house without knocking (his thinking: he'd lived there for 15 years, why shouldn't he knock?) and my mom would ask us to tell him not to do it because he'd listen to us. Sheesh. Stuff like that. It was particularly hard on my brother - my dad hardly spent any time with us in the first place, but spent even less time after the divorce, and my brother blamed the lack of attention on my mom. Anyhow, enough of my family soap opera. Some stuff to watch for, though, is being put in the middle. Don't let them do that to you. If they have something to say to each other, make them say it. Refuse to listen to them dish shit on each other. Don't you play them off each other, either. If you have younger siblings, make sure they know it's not their fault, and make sure they have someone to talk to about it, preferably someone not in the family. As much as you know it's for the best, it still sucks and I'm sorry. This is never how anybody wants things to turn out. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

09-16-2003, 02:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	yeah about 3 years I think now.. meh.. don't know when for sure.. all I know and can say is that I wasn't home and my brother was the one who was caught in the middle of it. I was down south with my GF who's now my Fiancee, so many days when I was down I wished to be up there to comfort him. Now he's hard that I am back (moved back due to the lack of work and financial reasons) he still holds it that I wasn't there against me and that hurts. Mum and Dad.. I never really knew my father, was closer to my mother, My dad was in the RAAF (Royal Austrailan Air Force) so we moved around alot... but the thing was that we never knew him as 'dad' so to speak he was more the squadron leader.. barking orders and what to do.. meh... Mum hates him and always will.. When I was down there she'd ring up crying.. and saying how much she hates him. She stills crys on the month that the time came around when their anniversary is and the days that dad moved out.. What really annoyed me is that they both tried to buy my love.. that REALLY pissed me off... I just wanted to tell them to @#$! off... So my dads moved away with his new GF (the one he was having the affair for 3 years with) and I only hear from him every now and then and then, once a month if I'm lucky... Mum has a BF, only comes home to survey the house, say hi to us cook us a meal if we need it then she rushes back to the BF's.. Sometimes I feel like a bad reminder.. like something she couldn't throw out... meh.. So that's my story.. __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

09-17-2003, 01:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
daydream Crazy Location: Long Island, NY	Thank you for sharing your stories with me... I know divorce is a tough time and just having some input and hearing about other people's experiences help out a lot! And Lurkette that's excellent advice.. I will keep that in mind! __________________ "Can't help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way... I may switch off and go in a daydream... in this head my thoughts are deep, Sometimes I can't even speak, would someone be and not pretend, I'm off again in my world"

09-19-2003, 09:08 PM	#7 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	My mother and father divorced when I was 10. It wasn't amicable per se, but they both knew that one of them had to leave or they'd end up killing each other. All I can remember are a few memories being related to it. After about six months of spiteful bullshit from both sides they just stopped....I think my father's girlfriend had a lot to do with curbing the old man, she is a very willful lady. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.

09-16-2003, 01:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
sixate Registered User Location: Somewhere in Ohio	My parents got divorced around the time I was 10. I was happy when they finally did it. I was smart enough to realize that they pretty much hated each other and it was pointless for them to stay together. But they were not smart. About a year after they got a divorce they got back together and repeated the break-up process all over again. Not very smart at all. If people don't love each other they shouldn't stay together because they have kids.

09-20-2003, 10:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
tinfoil Fucking Hostile Location: Springford, ON, Canada	My parents were finally divorced when I was 12, but she kicked his ass out when I was 8. He was an alcoholic (was, as it eventually killed him). It was a clean divorce though. He didn't contest anything. Too drunk I suppose. I assume you are older, or else you wouldn't be here, so it won't be nearly as confusing for you as it was for myself or any other young child. You also seem o understand that it is for the best. Just don't get dragged into it. Don't feel the need to take sides and don't play the ref unless things get truly dirty. __________________ Get off your fuckin cross. We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.

09-20-2003, 01:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
costello Insane Location: Tucson	Heh funny divorce story.... My mom and dad got divorced when i was 5 because he had cheated and was to proud to try to work things out. so he fled to san fransicso to marry his mistress as it were :P. anyway, my mom remarried about 3 years later to a cop who ended up cheating on her, and after numerous attempts to repair the marrige on my moms part, they finally divorced when i was 12. Back to my dad. His mistress cheated on him the last 3 years of the relationship and left him when i was 14. My mom and dad both got married again ... my mom when i was 15, and my dad this summer (im 19 now). so needless to say i feel no emotional attatchment to any of my family members except for my mom . i think the only good thing that came out of that mess was that i will NEVER leave my wife, if i ever am lucky enough to have one. I'd exaust every last resource before even considering splitting up, especially if there are children involved, because i knew what effects it had on me. I hope you make it through alright , trust me, the divorces get easier to handle after the 2nd or 3rd one you experiance __________________ "They don't even know what it is to be a fan. Y'know? To truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts." -Almost Famous

09-20-2003, 07:15 PM	#10 (permalink)
daydream Crazy Location: Long Island, NY	Yea I'm almost 20 so I know that the divorce is for the best and am in no way confused... I was just looking for a little insight from some people who've been through this already... Like I said my parents are thinkin about gettin a divorce... and I actually just wish they would get it over with already... I can't deal w/my father nemore. He's at that point where he just hates his life, and is unhappy at home... and while he's feeling so sorry for himself he's making everyone else's life a lot more difficult and most of the time I don't even want to be anywhere near him. It really sux... The only reason my mom hasn't divorced him already is b/c she needs to get her nursing degree first so she can support herself, my sister and I as I go through college. My dad on the other hand... I think is a little afraid of being without a family... even though it seems like he's love to get rid of us! __________________ "Can't help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way... I may switch off and go in a daydream... in this head my thoughts are deep, Sometimes I can't even speak, would someone be and not pretend, I'm off again in my world"

10-07-2003, 07:09 AM	#11 (permalink)
zf0enix Psycho Location: PacNW	My mom never married my dad, but was married to my brother's father until I was about 8 (my brother was 4). Big ugly divorce. My brother and I both had nightmares for months. We moved states and my mom wouldn't let my step-father contact us at all. She then got married again, divorced again. I was about 13. More nightmares and emotional problems. She wouldn't talk to us about anything, why it was happening and whatnot (I later found out it was because he had an affair with a lady down the street). After that there were men in and out of the house periodically. Just a fucked up mess. It was hard on my brother and me, trying to figure out who was real, who was going to stay and that it wasn't because of us. My brother, who clearly had other emotional problems, eventually killed himself. In his diaries he wrote about how he just wanted a father to love him. Bleh, thanks for the memories. __________________ One step closer to the edge...

10-07-2003, 10:57 AM	#12 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	When I first got my driver's license, my dad had me drive him to bars and one night stands, wait outside until he was done, drive him home and then lie to my mother about where he had been. I was a pretty whipped kid emotionally and afraid of him enough to go along. Needless to say when my mom had cried enough, she divorced him, and I was pleased to see that happen. __________________ Who is John Galt?

10-08-2003, 08:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	My mother has been divorced 3 times. My dad (I think) tried to cheat on her with her best friend when she was in the hospital with bad appendix. I was about 10 or 11. Again when I was 15 or 16, the guy abused her emotionally and physically. Again a couple years ago when I was about 21, the guy was an alcoholic. I vowed to never get divorced, and now here I am, not even married a year and very close to getting a divorce. I'd write more, but it's hard to type because I'm holding my beautiful baby daughter in my arm. I think all the marriage heartache I'm going through is worth it since I know we made a lovely human being. Look for the positives, right? I will add that, especially reading some of the stories here, I feel fortunate my daughter won't be raised much longer in a house where the parents have major issues with eachother. She's too young to be heartbroken, also. I hope.

10-10-2003, 10:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Parents getting divorced stinks for the kids no matter what the reason. There is the good side that they won't be tearing each other apart anymore but now you have to deal with all of the games they will play (wanting more time with you than the other parent, etc.). My parents finally started getting along around 15 years after their divorce and now things are much easier. It was still tough for the first few years after they did it though.

10-12-2003, 12:53 PM	#15 (permalink)
daydream Crazy Location: Long Island, NY	Today was a rough day... woke up to my father screaming. I'm sure you can imagine it's not a good way to wake up. My mother just tries so hard to try to pull the family together and make it work... her idea of "family fun day" was torn apart and she soon regretted even trying.... we're all just upset and miserable. This sucks! I'm a college student and at this time there's no way for me to be on my own... but I long to get outta here. I know you may say, I should try going away to college... but i have a full scholarship to a college by my house and unfortunately there aren't even any dorms there. So I'm stuck living here in this mess. I can't wait to graduate and move out. Sorry to just vent all this, but I needed to get that out... thanks for listening __________________ "Can't help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way... I may switch off and go in a daydream... in this head my thoughts are deep, Sometimes I can't even speak, would someone be and not pretend, I'm off again in my world"