ladies: "free" compliments? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Redlemon · 08-28-2003, 04:19 PM

On occasion, I've been in casual contact with women that I find attractive. Not a co-worker, just for instance a girl at the coffeeshop. Sometimes I have felt like giving them a "free compliment", just to let them know I find them attractive. Typically not the standard beauty, but more like cute.

Now, I'm happily married, I'm not trying to get this to go any further, just hoping she would feel good about being complimented. I've never actually done this, 'cause I figure I'd end up sounding like some kind of stalker freak.

So, ladies: should I just keep these thoughts to myself?

(sorry if i mislead you and you came to this thread looking for a free compliment.)

i_t_man · 08-29-2003, 07:40 AM

I agree totally, I think people have been conditioned to think if you're complimenting them, you're trying to hit on em'.

There are times I'll see a women, sometimes a co-worker, sometimes a total stranger who just looks great. Maybe she's very stylish or just dresses nice and I'll almost say something like "wow, that suit really looks great" or something, then I think "better not".

oberon · 08-29-2003, 08:03 AM

Seems to me it depends a lot on the environment. If you're with a group it probably comes across as less threatening than if you were alone.

lurkette · 08-29-2003, 08:51 AM

I tend to think you should keep it to yourself. Even if you're not hitting on them, it's clear that you want them to know that you think they're attractive. It becomes more about you than about them, which is annoying and a little creepy regardless.

If it's someone you know fairly well (like the regular girl at the coffeeshop whom you see every day) and it's a fairly neutral comment, like "nice t-shirt" or "you look really nice today" that's fine, but "you have the most beautiful eyes" or something equally personal is kind of pushing it.

skysooner · 08-29-2003, 10:16 AM

I agree with lurkette. The more familiar you are with the person the less threatening it will be. I'll generally compliment someone on an outfit, a new haircut, losing weight. These things are generally acceptable and don't make them think I'm after them.

neddy65 · 09-01-2003, 05:47 AM

I complimented a girl at work on her new haircut " I think it looks great" or something like that and was overheard by another co-worker. Later he called me a dirty old man cause I am 20 years her senior but I really wasn't saying anything other than her new 'do looked really nice on her. Go figure.

kurty[B] · 09-01-2003, 07:47 AM

I know how it goes neddy, it seems everyone at my work thinks I'm sleeping around with every girl I happen to talk to (and there's even rumors pooring around that I got so-and-so pregnant when her husband works at the same place to). I never could figure out how conversations would lead to swapping of bodily fluids?

Back to the topic, I'll give compliments to a girl I've noticed who styled her hair and it looks good. These are generally to ladies I know pretty well (I generally don't notice if it's a stranger, or someone I only see on occasion things like that). For the most part I keep compliments to myself.

fooseballwiz · 09-01-2003, 07:49 AM

I have a Friend (whom in fact is a girl) and i went to a movie with her and another friend. I picked her up and she looked amazing and i said so and she took it much to seriously. Why do women do this. I'm not a man trying to hit on a girl, i'm a man trying to make her feel better about herself. Women do confuse me but all in all i'd rather spend a day with a girl then with a guy friend... They r much more entertaining and much more mature.

World's King · 09-01-2003, 11:47 AM

Now I'm a man but... In a world where I can go through my whole without talking to someone I don't know unless it's the cat behind the couter at Starbucks...

Having a random person say that I look nice is rather creepy.

We don't want to talk to strangers. We were told not to at a young age.

cheerios · 09-01-2003, 12:13 PM

If you walk up to me in a public place and say "gee your eyes are pretty" it makes me uncomfortable. what are we supposed to say to that? do you want something?

Now, if you're Brian who's been working with me for 2 months and calls me Baka at every opportunity, and you say, "hey, you're not so ugly today!" well, that's different.

mew · 09-02-2003, 07:39 AM

I would Really Love it if someone who didnt know me gave me a compliment. I kinda got one talking to a guy at this restaurant, who was serving me, and he ended up saying something like: "You know your very pretty"-and that was it. It told me that he thought i was attractive and didnt embelish on it too much that it sounded that he was comming on to me. Didnt ask for a number or anything. I felt like I was on cloud nine for 3 days-honestly, even though I didnt think of the guy any more than a nice person, but it gave me amazing confidence, and to say that I wasnt that ugly afterall..lol
Do you think guys would like this kind of "free compliment" as well?How far is too far? (ie: your sexy..ect?)

tinfoil · 09-02-2003, 11:40 AM

It's another of those self-defense instincts that have been programmed into us because of a few too many idiots.

I love it when a girl tells me I have nice hair.

I like it even more when she plays with my hair.

K.. so that's about the only compliment I ever get from strangers.

laxative · 09-03-2003, 01:13 AM

steal a flower from somebody's yard, hand it to a random ugly girl, and walk away.

bundy · 09-03-2003, 02:52 AM

i´m not sure about this term... ´free compliment´.
i´m guessing that its a compliment thats not meant as a come-on.

i like to compliment people. and i flirt a lot.
but i make it patently obvious if i´m flirting; by following something up and/or body language etc...

laxative, thats a great idea.

08-28-2003, 04:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	ladies: "free" compliments? On occasion, I've been in casual contact with women that I find attractive. Not a co-worker, just for instance a girl at the coffeeshop. Sometimes I have felt like giving them a "free compliment", just to let them know I find them attractive. Typically not the standard beauty, but more like cute. Now, I'm happily married, I'm not trying to get this to go any further, just hoping she would feel good about being complimented. I've never actually done this, 'cause I figure I'd end up sounding like some kind of stalker freak. So, ladies: should I just keep these thoughts to myself? (sorry if i mislead you and you came to this thread looking for a free compliment.)

08-29-2003, 08:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
oberon Quadrature Amplitude Modulator Location: Denver	Seems to me it depends a lot on the environment. If you're with a group it probably comes across as less threatening than if you were alone. __________________ "There are finer fish in the sea than have ever been caught." -- Irish proverb

08-29-2003, 08:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I tend to think you should keep it to yourself. Even if you're not hitting on them, it's clear that you want them to know that you think they're attractive. It becomes more about you than about them, which is annoying and a little creepy regardless. If it's someone you know fairly well (like the regular girl at the coffeeshop whom you see every day) and it's a fairly neutral comment, like "nice t-shirt" or "you look really nice today" that's fine, but "you have the most beautiful eyes" or something equally personal is kind of pushing it. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

09-01-2003, 05:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
neddy65 Loves green eggs and ham Location: I'm just sittin' here watching the world go round and round	I complimented a girl at work on her new haircut " I think it looks great" or something like that and was overheard by another co-worker. Later he called me a dirty old man cause I am 20 years her senior but I really wasn't saying anything other than her new 'do looked really nice on her. Go figure. __________________ If you're travelling at the speed of light, and you turn the headlights on, do they do anything? My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die! Drink Dickens' Hard Cider because nothing makes a girl smile like a Hard DIckens' Cider!

09-01-2003, 11:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Now I'm a man but... In a world where I can go through my whole without talking to someone I don't know unless it's the cat behind the couter at Starbucks... Having a random person say that I look nice is rather creepy. We don't want to talk to strangers. We were told not to at a young age. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

08-29-2003, 07:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
i_t_man Tilted Location: Seattle	I agree totally, I think people have been conditioned to think if you're complimenting them, you're trying to hit on em'. There are times I'll see a women, sometimes a co-worker, sometimes a total stranger who just looks great. Maybe she's very stylish or just dresses nice and I'll almost say something like "wow, that suit really looks great" or something, then I think "better not".

08-29-2003, 10:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	I agree with lurkette. The more familiar you are with the person the less threatening it will be. I'll generally compliment someone on an outfit, a new haircut, losing weight. These things are generally acceptable and don't make them think I'm after them.

09-01-2003, 07:47 AM	#7 (permalink)
kurty[B] Sauce Puppet	I know how it goes neddy, it seems everyone at my work thinks I'm sleeping around with every girl I happen to talk to (and there's even rumors pooring around that I got so-and-so pregnant when her husband works at the same place to). I never could figure out how conversations would lead to swapping of bodily fluids? Back to the topic, I'll give compliments to a girl I've noticed who styled her hair and it looks good. These are generally to ladies I know pretty well (I generally don't notice if it's a stranger, or someone I only see on occasion things like that). For the most part I keep compliments to myself.

09-01-2003, 07:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
fooseballwiz Banned	I have a Friend (whom in fact is a girl) and i went to a movie with her and another friend. I picked her up and she looked amazing and i said so and she took it much to seriously. Why do women do this. I'm not a man trying to hit on a girl, i'm a man trying to make her feel better about herself. Women do confuse me but all in all i'd rather spend a day with a girl then with a guy friend... They r much more entertaining and much more mature.

09-01-2003, 12:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	If you walk up to me in a public place and say "gee your eyes are pretty" it makes me uncomfortable. what are we supposed to say to that? do you want something? Now, if you're Brian who's been working with me for 2 months and calls me Baka at every opportunity, and you say, "hey, you're not so ugly today!" well, that's different.

09-02-2003, 07:39 AM	#11 (permalink)
mew Psycho Location: Canada	I would Really Love it if someone who didnt know me gave me a compliment. I kinda got one talking to a guy at this restaurant, who was serving me, and he ended up saying something like: "You know your very pretty"-and that was it. It told me that he thought i was attractive and didnt embelish on it too much that it sounded that he was comming on to me. Didnt ask for a number or anything. I felt like I was on cloud nine for 3 days-honestly, even though I didnt think of the guy any more than a nice person, but it gave me amazing confidence, and to say that I wasnt that ugly afterall..lol Do you think guys would like this kind of "free compliment" as well?How far is too far? (ie: your sexy..ect?)

09-02-2003, 11:40 AM	#12 (permalink)
tinfoil Fucking Hostile Location: Springford, ON, Canada	It's another of those self-defense instincts that have been programmed into us because of a few too many idiots. I love it when a girl tells me I have nice hair. I like it even more when she plays with my hair. K.. so that's about the only compliment I ever get from strangers. __________________ Get off your fuckin cross. We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.

09-03-2003, 01:13 AM	#13 (permalink)
laxative Loser Location: the bathroom	steal a flower from somebody's yard, hand it to a random ugly girl, and walk away.

09-03-2003, 02:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	i´m not sure about this term... ´free compliment´. i´m guessing that its a compliment thats not meant as a come-on. i like to compliment people. and i flirt a lot. but i make it patently obvious if i´m flirting; by following something up and/or body language etc... laxative, thats a great idea. __________________ Ohayo!!!