If I have a second child... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

BentNotTwisted · 08-06-2003, 09:24 AM

I have a daughter who will be 2 in a couple of months. She is a sweetheart. She's not perfect, but my wife and I get compliments on how well behaved and loving she is. She was easy to take care of as an infant as well. This positive experience has left us wanting another child so our daughter will have a sibling to fight with... I mean, spend time with.

I have heard that the first child a couple has is easy, otherwise no one would ever have more than one child. Can anyone else confirm this? Is our second child going to be a holy terror? Will it be colicy and finicky? Can any of you comment on being an only child? Do you wish you'd had a sibling to torture or are you glad you had your parents all to yourself?

lurkette · 08-06-2003, 09:31 AM

I've also heard, though, that the parents tend to freak out with the first one, and that the second one seems easier because you've already been through all the baby stuff once and now you have some experience and know (roughly) what you're doing.

My mom had 3 kids so the 2nd one (my sister) couldn't have been bad enough to prevent a 3rd (my brother). I, needless to say, as an oldest child, was perfect.

Boner · 08-06-2003, 09:47 AM

They are all different. My sister-in-law has three, and the third one was the easiest as an infant. The first one is very strong willed.

There's no set formula. However, your parenting skills will probably change with each one.

agentsmith · 08-06-2003, 09:53 AM

I say go for it.

Shades · 08-06-2003, 10:08 AM

I have an older brother, and I have thought about what it would have been like to be an only child a lot. Over all, I believe my life would be much more empty and lonely. The more family, the more love.

frogger27 · 08-06-2003, 10:09 AM

My brother and his fiance had a baby, he is six months old now and he hasn't been the easiest. When he was first born he got jaundice. After that he never slept at night, at all. Then he had colic and cried alot. But aside from that he's an adoabley sweet baby. Every baby is different but you always love them.I never had to wish for a sibling to fight with I am 4th out of nine children, 2 older bros, 3 younger bros, 1 older sis and 2 younger sisters. We all have out unique quailitys and most of us get along pretty well. I know nine kids is an extreme, and at times i wish that there weren't so many of us, but I've never wished to be an only child. My older sis is one of my best friends and I had tons of fun helping with my youngest brother when he was a baby I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have all my sibs. I think you should totally go for another kid, he or she won't be the same as your first daughter but you will love it just as much.

Bill O'Rights · 08-06-2003, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lurkette
I've also heard, though, that the parents tend to freak out with the first one, and that the second one seems easier...

So true...so true. I have a 15 year old (16 in 8 days...argghh) from my first marriage. I have custody of her, so my "current" wife has been active in the raising of my daughter for the past eight years. However, she knew nothing of raising the little buggers up from babies, until the birth of our son, ten months ago. Old hat for me, but every little thing freaks my wife out. I have to remind her constantly that "babies bounce", and that if they were as fragile as she thinks...then none of us would be here.

wwcd101 · 08-06-2003, 11:40 AM

Something else to think about.

With one child, one parent parents while the other does his/her own thing. With the addition of the second child, both parents are caught in the full court kiddy press 24/7.

I thought the addition of the second child to the family was a bigger shock to my system than either the first or the third. Word is after 4, each extra child is basically no extra work. It is impossible to do any more. So you do all you can and get by.

Thanks for listening.

rodgerd · 08-07-2003, 12:23 AM

My advice - if you want to have another, don't leave too big a gap. Giving a kid time to get to five or six (or older) as an only child, and then gain siblings can create a lot of hostility (going by my family's experience...)

Not having many kids myself, I can't comment first hand - but most of the people I know with more than one kid find it easier the second (and third...) time around.

hobo · 08-07-2003, 07:33 PM

It seems that a 2 year gap between kids is about as wide as it should get. Once a kid does get used to being the only child that is spoiled, s/he will get jelous when a baby comes along and steals all the attention. Go for it. I don't have kids but I am quite sure that they are well worth the effort.

absorbentishe · 08-08-2003, 05:58 AM

We have a 3 year gap between all of ours, it seemed to work out perfect. The first one is out of diapers for a while, then we start over. Our first one was way too easy, and still is. Our second one was a little more demanding, but not a problem. And so on... My wife and I have been pretty lucky with our children being fairly easy. The baby (1 yr old) was probably the most demanding of all, wouldn't sleep through the night, doesn't eat much, etc., but she is doing fine! It hasn't gotten any harder with the more we had, but we WON'T be having any more!

skysooner · 08-08-2003, 08:38 AM

Our oldest is 2 years and 9 months older than our youngest. The oldest is a high-functioning Autistic while the second is just a normal little boy. The first is a bit demanding while the second is just a quiet good-natured little boy. In our opinion, the second was much easier as we knew what we were doing in terms of feeding and caring for the child (and also because he doesn't have the long-term problems that the oldest has).

BentNotTwisted · 08-08-2003, 08:43 AM

Thanks for all the input. I hadn't been considering the fact we have been down this road before and now we know what we are doing (sort of). I didn't even expect to have a single child, so having two is going to be pretty amazing.

jimk · 08-08-2003, 08:57 AM

i am well positioned to share experience/advice on this one, as our 2nd turns 6 weeks old tomorrow!

our first of two boys is 3 1/2 and in the phase of vocabulary explosion. i don't know where he gets some of the shit he says from, but i suspect sponge bob & patrick are chief contributors.

we were concerned that it would not be possible to love anything as much as we love the first, so where does that leave the second?!? not an issue. they're different, and i'd take a bullet for either of 'em. seems we'd be wise to this 'cause we were worried about the same thing with our dogs, but we got through it as well.....

i'm gonna have to agree with absorbentishe on the age gap thing. we were diligent about telling the first how important he was going to be in the baby's life & how much help we would need. he has been nothing but loving with the new little guy. jealousy has not been an issue.

our first was a total test as an infant. his colic started during halftime of the super bowl in 2000 & he cried for about 2 months straight. in comparison this one is a cakewalk. from what i've heard from friends, it seems to be a roll of the dice.

my wife & i can't imagine growing up without our sibs, so there was no question for us as to whether we were going to try again. the question now is whether or not to go for 3. a friend with 4 kids says that's the big hurdle. gotta go to a zone defense at that point!

absorbentishe · 08-11-2003, 07:12 AM

It was more of a step going from 1 to 2, than 2 to 3. I guess we were more adapted to babies at that point. The age gap (3 yrs) probably helped the most though.

Good luck on your decision!

clavus · 08-11-2003, 04:48 PM

Do it.

Prep you current kid first. Tell her how important it is for her to be a big sister. Let her know how much you need her to help. Show her all the things she can do that a baby can not. Tell her how proud you are of her for knowing these things, and express that you hope she will teach them to the baby.

Make her feel involved and responsible for the new one.

No promises, but it’s worked GREAT with our 3-year old and his 3-month old brother. My only regret is we waited so long to have #2.

MacGnG · 08-11-2003, 06:38 PM

me an my sister fought sorta when we were younger but now that we are both older (me in college, her graduated) we are both just bro and sis, still fight a lil sometimes but you definately need another sibling.

08-06-2003, 09:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
BentNotTwisted Optimistic Skeptic Location: Midway between a Beehive and Centennial	If I have a second child... I have a daughter who will be 2 in a couple of months. She is a sweetheart. She's not perfect, but my wife and I get compliments on how well behaved and loving she is. She was easy to take care of as an infant as well. This positive experience has left us wanting another child so our daughter will have a sibling to fight with... I mean, spend time with. I have heard that the first child a couple has is easy, otherwise no one would ever have more than one child. Can anyone else confirm this? Is our second child going to be a holy terror? Will it be colicy and finicky? Can any of you comment on being an only child? Do you wish you'd had a sibling to torture or are you glad you had your parents all to yourself? __________________ IS THAT IT ???!!! Do you even know what 'it' is? When the last man dies for just words that he said... We Shall Be Free

08-06-2003, 09:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I've also heard, though, that the parents tend to freak out with the first one, and that the second one seems easier because you've already been through all the baby stuff once and now you have some experience and know (roughly) what you're doing. My mom had 3 kids so the 2nd one (my sister) couldn't have been bad enough to prevent a 3rd (my brother). I, needless to say, as an oldest child, was perfect. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

08-08-2003, 08:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
BentNotTwisted Optimistic Skeptic Location: Midway between a Beehive and Centennial	Thanks for all the input. I hadn't been considering the fact we have been down this road before and now we know what we are doing (sort of). I didn't even expect to have a single child, so having two is going to be pretty amazing. __________________ IS THAT IT ???!!! Do you even know what 'it' is? When the last man dies for just words that he said... We Shall Be Free

08-08-2003, 08:57 AM	#14 (permalink)
jimk Addict Location: Chicago	good timing i am well positioned to share experience/advice on this one, as our 2nd turns 6 weeks old tomorrow! our first of two boys is 3 1/2 and in the phase of vocabulary explosion. i don't know where he gets some of the shit he says from, but i suspect sponge bob & patrick are chief contributors. we were concerned that it would not be possible to love anything as much as we love the first, so where does that leave the second?!? not an issue. they're different, and i'd take a bullet for either of 'em. seems we'd be wise to this 'cause we were worried about the same thing with our dogs, but we got through it as well..... i'm gonna have to agree with absorbentishe on the age gap thing. we were diligent about telling the first how important he was going to be in the baby's life & how much help we would need. he has been nothing but loving with the new little guy. jealousy has not been an issue. our first was a total test as an infant. his colic started during halftime of the super bowl in 2000 & he cried for about 2 months straight. in comparison this one is a cakewalk. from what i've heard from friends, it seems to be a roll of the dice. my wife & i can't imagine growing up without our sibs, so there was no question for us as to whether we were going to try again. the question now is whether or not to go for 3. a friend with 4 kids says that's the big hurdle. gotta go to a zone defense at that point! __________________ raw power is a guaranteed o.d. raw power is a laughin' at you & me -iggy

08-11-2003, 04:48 PM	#16 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Do it. Prep you current kid first. Tell her how important it is for her to be a big sister. Let her know how much you need her to help. Show her all the things she can do that a baby can not. Tell her how proud you are of her for knowing these things, and express that you hope she will teach them to the baby. Make her feel involved and responsible for the new one. No promises, but it’s worked GREAT with our 3-year old and his 3-month old brother. My only regret is we waited so long to have #2. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

08-06-2003, 09:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
Boner Insane Location: Plugged In	They are all different. My sister-in-law has three, and the third one was the easiest as an infant. The first one is very strong willed. There's no set formula. However, your parenting skills will probably change with each one.

08-06-2003, 09:53 AM	#4 (permalink)
agentsmith Crazy	I say go for it.

08-06-2003, 10:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
Shades Insane	I have an older brother, and I have thought about what it would have been like to be an only child a lot. Over all, I believe my life would be much more empty and lonely. The more family, the more love.

08-06-2003, 10:09 AM	#6 (permalink)
frogger27 Tilted Location: Kansas	My brother and his fiance had a baby, he is six months old now and he hasn't been the easiest. When he was first born he got jaundice. After that he never slept at night, at all. Then he had colic and cried alot. But aside from that he's an adoabley sweet baby. Every baby is different but you always love them.I never had to wish for a sibling to fight with I am 4th out of nine children, 2 older bros, 3 younger bros, 1 older sis and 2 younger sisters. We all have out unique quailitys and most of us get along pretty well. I know nine kids is an extreme, and at times i wish that there weren't so many of us, but I've never wished to be an only child. My older sis is one of my best friends and I had tons of fun helping with my youngest brother when he was a baby I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have all my sibs. I think you should totally go for another kid, he or she won't be the same as your first daughter but you will love it just as much.

08-06-2003, 11:40 AM	#8 (permalink)
wwcd101 Insane	Something else to think about. With one child, one parent parents while the other does his/her own thing. With the addition of the second child, both parents are caught in the full court kiddy press 24/7. I thought the addition of the second child to the family was a bigger shock to my system than either the first or the third. Word is after 4, each extra child is basically no extra work. It is impossible to do any more. So you do all you can and get by. Thanks for listening.

08-07-2003, 12:23 AM	#9 (permalink)
rodgerd Psycho Location: Wellington, New Zealand	My advice - if you want to have another, don't leave too big a gap. Giving a kid time to get to five or six (or older) as an only child, and then gain siblings can create a lot of hostility (going by my family's experience...) Not having many kids myself, I can't comment first hand - but most of the people I know with more than one kid find it easier the second (and third...) time around.

08-07-2003, 07:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	It seems that a 2 year gap between kids is about as wide as it should get. Once a kid does get used to being the only child that is spoiled, s/he will get jelous when a baby comes along and steals all the attention. Go for it. I don't have kids but I am quite sure that they are well worth the effort.

08-08-2003, 05:58 AM	#11 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	We have a 3 year gap between all of ours, it seemed to work out perfect. The first one is out of diapers for a while, then we start over. Our first one was way too easy, and still is. Our second one was a little more demanding, but not a problem. And so on... My wife and I have been pretty lucky with our children being fairly easy. The baby (1 yr old) was probably the most demanding of all, wouldn't sleep through the night, doesn't eat much, etc., but she is doing fine! It hasn't gotten any harder with the more we had, but we WON'T be having any more!

08-08-2003, 08:38 AM	#12 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Our oldest is 2 years and 9 months older than our youngest. The oldest is a high-functioning Autistic while the second is just a normal little boy. The first is a bit demanding while the second is just a quiet good-natured little boy. In our opinion, the second was much easier as we knew what we were doing in terms of feeding and caring for the child (and also because he doesn't have the long-term problems that the oldest has).

08-11-2003, 07:12 AM	#15 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	It was more of a step going from 1 to 2, than 2 to 3. I guess we were more adapted to babies at that point. The age gap (3 yrs) probably helped the most though. Good luck on your decision!

08-11-2003, 06:38 PM	#17 (permalink)
MacGnG Know Where!	me an my sister fought sorta when we were younger but now that we are both older (me in college, her graduated) we are both just bro and sis, still fight a lil sometimes but you definately need another sibling.