ChickenMuffin

7 month relationship and it was my first. I have learned a lot and would like to share my life experience.

It started off great, I had cherished her with everything I had to give and share. She is the person who is very important and of the same time, worth every second of my life to spend with. But communication was something we lacked in as in, we would talk about the problems we've had yet nothing changes because it would be the same problem.

This problem was caused because of my insecurities with her. She is the perv type and who is willing to try sexual activities such as a threesome. I had once asked her about that question and she said she would try it. I was disappointed inside because I thought she would love me and only me and not share with anyone else. She was willingly to try anal with me to her extinct and I love it, it turns me on.

But I get jealous a lot sometimes when she is either talking to another guy friend or just any actions she does with a guy friend always had me thinking that she's flirting, being as a pervert she is. She said I had put her on a pedestal and that she further played on her insecurities. I told her that everything I did was for the princess and after we've talked about it, I told her that everything I do is for the princess and I.

But the problem still persisted within me when she's just doing something fishy that I notice and I think that she's hiding something behind it. Why do I think she's hiding? She has hidden things from me before such that she had a cut in her vagina and she told me days after. I got upset because that's a health risking factor and that it could have been worse. Luckily when I found out, we went to the doctors to have it checked up on and it was nothing serious, in fact, it was normal.

There was a lot of problems that needed to be fix and details of course, I want to fix my problems and she unwilling to give me another chance only because she breaks down terribly and doesn't want to again. I want to do whatever it takes to try and change myself for the better but it's been turning my will down because she has given up on it and she wants me to move on as well. The last time we had talked, she told me she still loves me yet she wants us to move on. So upon that, I took chances and wanted to make up for her, made origami flowers and tried to seek for her but I made it worse. Now, she told me I can text/call her but not talk about getting back into the relationship.

This is really keeping me down from chasing her as I really want to. I want to let her know my patience is uncrackable and my love for her is so true that I want to change. I want to change myself FOR myself, this is who I am. Should I keep talking to her? We're in a middle of crisis since we have exams and assignments in few weeks. I'm scared that I give her too much space and not call/text her anymore, that she'll completely move on which I don't want.

She still has few of my clothes and a bracelet I bought for her, as well a DSi XL. I don't know if she still wears or plays the DS but I'm not going to ask for them back unless she wants to give them back to me. I as well own a jacket of hers and that's about it.

I don't want my will to be broken down, I need her and this relationship. If she tells me that she will get back into the relationship but to compromise/fix ourselves. I will completely go bonkers and turn super saiyen. I will completely change AT ALL COSTS. I will add more to my story but I will have to go for now.

---------- Post added at 02:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 PM ----------

Should I leave her alone for now? Is IT bad for me to keep persisting this relationship? as it's hard for her to focus on school so she needs to move on.

Manic_Skafe

That doesn't sound like love, it sounds like obsession. Walk away. Nothing good will come of this.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

The_Dunedan

Dude, I don't know how old you are. If you're still young, seeing as this was apparently your first relationship, that may explain and somewhat excuse your behavior.

That said, if you're an adult, this is seriously unhealthy. To the point that, if this was my sister we were discussing, I would be debating whether I should loan her a revolver or just sleep on her couch with a 12-guage. I'd be leaning heavily towards "both."

Walk away now. Let her, and the relationship, go. Pray this girl has no brothers.

__________________
"I personally think that America's interests would be well served if after or at the time these clowns begin their revolting little hate crime the local police come in and cart them off on some trumped up charges or other. It is necessary in my opinion that America makes an example of them to the world."

--Strange Famous, advocating the use of falsified charges in order to shut people up.

KirStang

Dunedan,

ChickenMuffin seems to be a college kid in his late teens. His earlier posts were discussing his first sexual encounters....

Chickenmuffin!

My first relationship was like yours. A lot of insecurities. There's a couple of things you should realize--You don't need to change for a person, people are jagged rocks that wear on each other, and over time end up meshing. Nobody and nothing is perfect.

I think you should take a deep breath, and stop thinking about her and trying to win her over. I know exactly how you feel right now. Do the "Do things for yourself" and "pursue hobbies" and "work out" thing for ONE WEEK. Just ONE WEEK, do something you REALLY ENJOY and HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS. Stop thinking about her.

It will work out.

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:10 PM ----------

In other words, back off a little.

__________________

dlish

my man Muffin.

firstly, sorry this didnt work out for you. its a bummer when things turn out this way. Everyone falls in love for the first time, and its always really hard to let go the first time youve been dumped.

what you need to do is chill the fuck out.

no one needs an ex to be nagging them about a relationship they just got out of. constantly asking if its ok if you two got together wont give you the yes answer that you're looking for. what it may get you is a police restraining order.

walk away. now.

no person is worth dedicating every part of your being and every part of your life to them. it seems like you have indeed put this person on a pedestal and are refusing to look at the negatives in this relationship. this my friend is called denial. the sooner you realise this, the better.

stop the calls, stop the SMS and emails. She needs her space to digest the last 7 months. if she thinks its worth a shot, she'll call you.

at least you've tasted what unhibited love feels like. dont let this relationship get in the way of giving 100% next time.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Shauk

I dunno, I fucking hate girls, my advice is to push her in front of a train, but that's just because my current experience makes me feel that way.

Plan9

...

One week? That's it? And you forgot the heavy drinking and isolation part.

I mean... I'm on several years with this plan. Your strategy isn't working.

It's good advice, but let's be realistic. You don't just shut it off, Trautman.

...

Errrrrrnnn! Wrong answer for this dude. False hope. Our boy is young, dumb and full of spunk... he mentioned threesomes and anal sex in the second real paragraph of the OP. He's clearly like 98% of all young males out there: confusing sex with love. Don't cater to his manic inebriated-on-sodomy brain with the idea that he can have her back if he just waits long enough. He shouldn't be waiting. He should simply get some and go again like every other horny youth trying to figure out life, love and the miscellaneous mysteries of the universe through the throbbing sensory organ in his pants.

He needs to get out and be among them... meet new girls, have new experiences. As with all things in life, experience is the only thing that counts.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

jewels

This cost is way too high for any human being. Don't let go of yourself to please another. It will only end more miserably. Anyone who's once tried this will vouch for that.

This was your first experience and it may be somewhat normal to feel this way for a little while. Let her go completely so you can begin to move on. The pain you're feeling will ease over time but you must be willing so that the process can start.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

ChickenMuffin

.. Thanks guys, it stung my heart good. I still have photos and videos. Everything.....

Plan9

Erase them. Or maybe just keep them until one of your new partners finds them while snooping and breaks up with you. Wash, rinse, repeat.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ChickenMuffin

She does have a brother, why should It even matter?

LordEden

Is he bigger and/or older than you? He's saying you sound like a stalker and might get your ass kicked by someone who doesn't want their sister being stalked.

Plan (as usual) has the best advice, as he always does in the "A female doesn't want to talk to me, what should I do about these [feelings/emotions/heartworms] in my chest" threads. Listen to plan9, he speaks the Truth (tm).

Delete the photos, NOW. Photos will do nothing but fuck up your head every time you look at them. Memories are bad enough, photos are worse.

__________________
Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

ChickenMuffin

His brother is older, but I am mutual with him. Is it wrong to ask for my belongings back? I gave her few of my clothes, ipod, DSiXL(gift), bracelet(gift), webcam

Plan9

Dude, just write that shit off.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Cimarron29414

I am struggling with taking this seriously, but I will bite:

ChickenMuffin,

This is the best thing that has ever happened to you ONLY BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU! It doesn't have to suffer by comparison.

You can't get your stuff back. Let this be a lesson to you not to give extravagant gifts to a 6 month girlfriend.

She's just being nice to you because she is a good person, not because she wants you to hang on. You suffer from Wet Pecker Syndrome. The only solution is New Pussy (TM).

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Plan9

Soma! UsTwo! POST!

...

Cimarron, the correct term is New Pussy (TM).

[insert bit about OkCupid / PlentyOfFish]

/thread

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

The_Jazz

9er, not everyone has been as fucked over by The World as you.

Chickenmuffin, my suggestion is to go find a chick that looks exactly like her, nail her and dump her.

Or you could just, you know, move on. I've been in your shoes, brother, and even if she came back, you probably don't want her. It sucks now, but go find yourself a new hobby - NOT internet porn, or you'll turn into that Crompsin dude that 9er mentioned - and do something different for a while. You've got the luxury of being young and the opportunity to find someone else fairly easily. Revel in that luxury.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Plan9

Please point out where I've dispensed bad advice in this thread.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

The_Jazz

I didn't say you did. There are two equally valid schools of thought here. I'm simply choo-choo-choosing the one that doesn't involve alcohol, strippers and "Crazy White Boy" tattoos.

Then again, I am the Ralph Wigum of relationship advice.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

KirStang

I'll repeat what others have said:

1.) Write off the losses.
2.) Go do something you enjoy, with company. Clear your head of this mess.
3.) ????
4.) PROFIT

In all seriousness, spend time away from this situation. It will help.

__________________

Plan9

Wow. It has been made apparent by this thread that we need to party together more often.

It's like you don't even know me. I haven't told you nearly enough stories. Oh, the stories.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Ourcrazymodern?

"fucked over by The World" must have a few in it.

ChickenMuffin, if you're sincere you can avoid this.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

ChickenMuffin

I'm trying but honestly, deep inside of me that I know she still has some feelings. Actions speaks louder than words, and I have yet to shown any acts of changes until she acknowledges. Despite the mood I'm in, don't get me wrong as I'm not trying to mend back the relationship but as well help learn and change into a better me. There was absolutely nothing wrong about her(not a complete checklist of course) but it was me, I'm a critical thinker.

But some say move on, the urges of getting back into the relationship cures me of my sexual needs, but that plays a huge part in the relationship and it was something special we did.

Plan9

Negative.

I am stone sober. I have been stone sober for two months now and will probably continue to be sober well into ChickenMuffin's next relationship.

And if you disagree with something I've posted, feel free to at least contribute your perspective instead of suggesting I'm drunk and bitter. I may be bitter, but I genuinely don't wish my mistakes upon another young guy. We're supposed to help people out here, right? TFP helped me out.

How much Henry Rollins shit do I have to post before you all start singing in harmony about how it's a bad idea to use somebody else's body to masturbate? As most of the older crowd here already knows... you can fuck anybody in the ass, but that doesn't mean you can build a life with them.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

citadel

Do I sense some respect/anger issues here? I agree with whoever said this sounds like obsession. You have this ideal of her, and then the real her, and drift between the two.

Don't change for anyone, or try to. It's not healthy.

What he said.

Is that a banned member here or something?

Plan9

Guy was an asshole.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dlish

what this guy said.

...QFT

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

The_Jazz

Not so much an asshole as a stone cold loser. Remember all that whiney emo-shit? I don't know how he did it, but he actually made my monitor tear-streaked.

Chickenmuffin, I think that you really need to take a step back and try to analyze the situation as emotionlessly as you can. Think about what's good and bad about the relationship. Think about what you'd tell a friend in the same spot. Most importantly, don't lie to yourself.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ChickenMuffin

She's also the type that may be very convincing to no end to cover up what my hunches would notice. I do understand that if she tells me the truth that she was checking out guys, and that would further lead into complications because she knows that I wouldn't really trust her anymore. She knows the outcome so therefore, she tries to pertain her innocence as much as possible, I just haven't been open about it because I do sometimes check out other women, I felt as if though everything I've done for her and she would do something small like that in front of me. Well, it's a bit disappointing and I didn't know how to react to it. There is only so much I can take but I have slowly digested all.

Cimarron29414

Think of it as the ugly catapillar and the butterfly. Crompsin was the catapillar. I like the butterfly better. Although, there's still some ugly catapillar in the butterfly. The right girl and a couple of babies will get rid of that, though. <snicker>

It's not even a good analogy. I just wanted to call him a butterfly. A pink one.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

The_Jazz

Sparkly too.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Plan9

Wait... I get it... it's all making sense now.

So when am I becoming a moderator?

Everybody talks shit... then I get promoted.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

The_Jazz

According to the Oedipal Theorum, you've got to kill me first.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Cimarron29414

"Here lies The_Jazz:

Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

The_Jazz

Awesomely hilarious. That needs to be noted somewhere.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

snowy

All right, boys. Back to ChickenMuffin.

ChickenMuffin,

Your attitude towards your ex-girlfriend creeps me out. You need to walk away, as other have advised here, for your own good and for hers. You have a lot of personal growth to go through before you're ready to be in a relationship again, and I do believe you have a lot of realizations to come to about other people before you should pursue having another girlfriend.

You must realize about this theoretical future girlfriend:

1) Your girlfriend is not your property. She is her own human being, and you should repect that.
2) Your girlfriend is free to check out any man that she likes, and not tell you about it.
3) What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or in this case, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.
4) Your girlfriend is free to fantasize about any man that she likes, and not tell you about it.
5) Your girlfriend's body is her own, not yours. She doesn't have to tell you about every single thing that may be wrong with it.
6) Your girlfriend is free to masturbate on her own when you're not around if she so chooses.

I really feel like the above list is just the tip of the iceberg, though. Your behaviors towards your girlfriend and your attitudes about her and your relationship truly trouble me. You are in a very, very unhealthy place. Let her go, walk away, and work on understanding what's appropriate in relationships and what isn't, please.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cimarron29414

snowy,

Your post was exactly what I wanted to say, only far more professional. The post I deleted included references to a basement, a pit, and lotion.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

ChickenMuffin

!@#$.... that makes a lot of sense now. Possibly, my biggest insecurity of all and that's one huge of a checklist too. I thought of her as my wife and I didn't want her to run wild. I gave it my all to the relationship and thought that it was too much to bear the things she does that isn't 'right'. But I don't own her and this is her life and I'm just part of it. I do need personal growth, and I haven't much respected her personal space. She has watched porn behind my back through webcam(I heard noises). and I confronted her about it, though I wasn't mean towards it but simply "Heyyyyyy which porn video you watching? Share! Share ! Shareeee<3" Not sure but I thought it was okay to be exposed to each other of these sorts. I mean, we were opened about porn, sex and etc. Don't know why she would hide that from me. I get it now... damn, why didn't I approach you all first when going through these problems. I trusted my own beliefs and values and had went with it, seeing my parents and what they go through everyday and yet they're always there for each other. They know each other and get back up together from problem to problem and this is something I wanted in my relationship, to grow from these problems. Maybe I was too delusional of this phase, maybe it was the simple life back then and now we're in the 21st century. God dammit...

purplelirpa

I agree with all of the above advice given to you (ie, work on yourself, develop your life, your woman is not your property, etc), and would also like to add--you may be tempted to repeat this behavior with your next relationship. My first serious relationship was with someone who came across very much like you do. He took it so far that he threatened to kill himself and I was young and stupid and believed him and then stayed with him for 3 years and was absolutely miserable. I called his bluff and he didn't do it--but he did go on to make more and more women miserable after me. You can change now!

Calling her a perv shows a big lack of wanting to understand her and what is important to her. It shows that your values system is different from hers. This does not make her wrong. There's a lot of judgment coming across in the way that you wrote your original post. If a person you are with clashes with your fundamental values system (ie,you think they are a perv and don't like how they express their sexuality), you are likely not a good match. Remember that next time, and try not to control other people or make them feel guilty for how they naturally are. I got fucked up so badly trying to change myself in that first relationship, letting myself be made to think there was something wrong with me just because I liked to masturbate and kiss other girls. These things are not fundamentally wrong, just different from some.

ChickenMuffin

Thank you guys, thank you all. Only time can tell eh? In my mind, I can't get this out of my head of thinking that there might be a second chance to start all over.