No job, no money, no woman, no car...at 38. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

dlish · 08-20-2010, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

Oh, sorry, I must have missed the part where I said I was the only one who had experienced a broken heart. Maybe you can point that out to me before you go on another one of your lame, self-serving rants.

grieving on your own gives the griever the idea that they are alone and that nobody understand their position like they do. Thats when people start to beat themselves up about their situation and their pitiful existence, because no one understand and no one's piece of advice is correct, because of course no one knows what you went through, except you. i think you're that person, and martian isnt far off.

go see a public health specialist. your GP and your councellor would be a start.

ring · 08-20-2010, 07:11 PM

That's why I asked him about his dog.
My dog was the best therapist companion after a break-up.

He would listen & lick the tear-drops.
Yeah,he might have just liked the salt, but it was all good medicine.

Feel what you need to feel.
My counselor told me that: "At any given time, we are all doing the best that we can."

Eddie38 · 08-20-2010, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian

You can get mad at me if it helps you. Clearly you're not interested in any advice, and I'm not interested in taking part in the little pity party you seem so intent on having for yourself, so I guess we're at something of an impasse.

If it was unclear, the part you didn't quote was the important bit.

I'm not mad at you, it's just that you clearly lack reading comprehension skills as I neither said nor implied that I am the only one here who's gone through a breakup. Which is why I think your initial response to me was self-serving. You had something you wanted to say and it didn't matter if it was helpful or relevant, all that mattered was that you wanted to say it. So cool, play the hard ass who lacks tolerance and tact...no sweat of my back. Maybe if you come at me a little stronger I'll really get the point. Come on big guy...let me have it.

Plan9 · 08-20-2010, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by From an anonymous entry entitled "When I Love Me, Can I Love You Next?"

Just right now, I'm standing outside the briskness of the night, a little drunk, but taking it in and I'm hit with an epiphany.

It's good to dream. It's good to hope. It's not a pathetic venture to dream big even when it doesn't seem like there's a hole big enough for you to fit through to get at what you dream about. I think most of us beat ourselves before we even get fixed at the starting line. Before we even get our numbers on our chest. We say, God this is stupid, why bother? We're like, there's no fucking way this is going to happen, a loser like me, a mediocre personage such as myself, a motherfucker of my means. We start to think that our lives are already laid out in an atrophic eventuality because we think we're stuck in a routine merry-go-round already. That we're strapped at the heels.

It's just that whatever we hope for just seems so out of the ordinary and stratospherically impossible. But, I guess, I've come to realize that, who knows, as we live right now, as we live in the present tense, there's no reason to chart out what didn't happen yet. We don't write our own horoscopes; we're not psychics of our own lives. Because right now, right at this moment, we can get the fuck off whatever it is we don't want to be and chase what we do want. I don't care. Even if what I want, at the end of my life, never happens, I'm not there yet, I'm here now. I'm here. right. now. and I can still be what the fuck I want to be. I can still do what I want to do. But for some reason, for the most part, that's so difficult to entertain.

It's not being idealistic. Honestly, to me: that's being realistic. To dream is being realistic. To want is being realistic. The cynics in us, hell, in me (it's a team effort) might say that to be realistic is to just realize the truth about our situation, that we're never going to be superstars, that to think that way is just an irrationality, at our age, but fuck it, I don't think so. That's when you give up. You shouldn't give yourself your own reason to beat you. Let someone else do it if it comes to that, but why should you do it for anyone.

You know what someone says when they give up? They say, "I'm just being realistic."

The question is, do epiphanies last the next day, after your blood alcohol level is back to 0.00?

noodle · 08-21-2010, 04:56 AM

Niner, we were nice to you when you showed up
because you still focused on motion rather than stagnating
in self-pity.

/threadjack

Carry on, I'm outta this thread.

Martian · 08-21-2010, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

...Maybe if you come at me a little stronger I'll really get the point. Come on big guy...let me have it.

...And there goes any remaining desire I may have had to actually try to help you through this.

Clearly you're big on playing the victim. Not a game I particularly enjoy, but different strokes I guess.

I'm following noodle.

Eddie38 · 08-21-2010, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian

Clearly you're big on playing the victim. Not a game I particularly enjoy, but different strokes I guess.

Yeah, you're so much tougher than me. Keep it coming, tough guy. Show me how tough you really are.

Healing is not stagnating by the way, noodle. Healing is just healing. We learn from our wounds. And Plan9, I like your excerpt there, if only I had something to dream about I might be able to pursue it.

amonkie · 08-21-2010, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

if only I had something to dream about I might be able to pursue it.

TA DA!

The only person who can make decisions and choices for you is... YOU.

The only person who can claim responsibility for your current state of affairs is .... YOU.

The choice to find a dream to pursue is ..... YOURS.

If you don't have something to dream about, then that might be a path of action right there in itself. Find a dream.

People aren't just born with dreams. They have experiences and reflect on them and do things and reflect some more. But of all it requires Effort.

If you are willing to at least try, you might find things suddenly looking a little different.

Xerxys · 08-21-2010, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

... if only I had something to dream about I might be able to pursue it.

Yeah, sure, go ahead, pursue your dreams, see if they'll feed you. If you are an empty and hollow shell why don't you just join the rest of zombie america and get a hair cut and get a real job?

Baraka_Guru · 08-21-2010, 12:02 PM

Why do you even want a job, money, a woman, and a car? Do you know that at least?

Eddie38 · 08-21-2010, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Why do you even want a job, money, a woman, and a car? Do you know that at least?

I admit, my original post was sort of a pity party. I was feeling sorry for myself and my situation. Mostly, I've just had the wind knocked out of me. I suppose I want a job because it will give me something to do. I want a car because it will get me to and from the job. I want money because that's what women want. And I want a woman because it's nice to have someone to love and share life with.

Xeryxs. I don't want to be a zombie American...no way. Zombie America is the very force that's telling me to suck it up and get back out there and work and feed the hive.

dlish · 08-21-2010, 02:14 PM

well let me break it to you..

you're never going to get the var, or the girl, or the job if you just keep selling your shit.

get even a menial job packing groceries to at least sustain your lifestyle while at the same time looking for a proper job in your field.

like everyone else has said..get off your ass and do something! its better than doing nothing and living off the proceeds of things youve sold. whats going to happen when you sell all your shit and you run out of things to sell?

Eddie38 · 08-21-2010, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

whats going to happen when you sell all your shit and you run out of things to sell?

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. By the way, it's only stuff.

Baraka_Guru · 08-21-2010, 08:14 PM

Like a ship without a rudder.... or a captain.....

Eddie38 · 08-21-2010, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Like a ship without a rudder.... or a captain.....

Who, me? I ain't a ship without a rudder, bro.

Baraka_Guru · 08-22-2010, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. By the way, it's only stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

Who, me? I ain't a ship without a rudder, bro.

So are you saying that you want to cross that bridge? You want to run out of stuff to sell? Stuff you're selling to live off the proceeds because of being unemployed? You'll cross that bridge when you get to it.

Are you a glutton for punishment?

Turn the fuck around. Take a left. Swim upstream. Whatever. You don't have to cross that fucking bridge. But it sounds like you're letting it happen, and that is why you're like a ship without a rudder. If you aren't, then you are where you are because you want to be there. Either snap out of it or be satisfied.

Eddie38 · 08-22-2010, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Either snap out of it or be satisfied.

Snap out of it? It doesn't work like that. When you go through a trauma in life, you don't just snap out of it. It's a process. I'm having to adjust and heal and I'm doing the best I can. I'm not disregarding your advice, not at all. But when someone calls me a ship without a rudder, I kind of take that as a personal insult to my character.

Baraka_Guru · 08-22-2010, 06:38 PM

Snapping out of it doesn't mean waking up and finding yourself where you want to be. It means shifting your perspective, which can happen in a second...but you have to maintain it or you'll fall back into old patterns. I've found myself in a bad position myself; I know what it's like to seem to have nothing. If I didn't keep trying to hold onto a more constructive perspective, I wouldn't have snapped out of it myself.

And the metaphor of a ship without a rudder isn't a comment on your character; it's a comment on your actions. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have the character to be the captain of your own ship. You have yet to convince me, but I haven't made a judgement on you yet.

I wasn't trying to insult you; I was making an observation based on what limited information I have in this thread. If you took it as an insult, then maybe you haven't told us enough about you and your situation. Either that, or maybe my opinion should give you something to think about.

Cynthetiq · 08-23-2010, 09:03 PM

you'll take an action when you are ready. hopefully that's before you hit absolute rock bottom. maybe you'll act before it's too late, maybe not. either way making no choice is still a choice.

Xerxys · 08-23-2010, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynthetiq

... making no choice is still a choice.

Deer, meet headlights ... making no choice is the worst you can make. Stagnating ... nothing stagnates. Everything rots if they don't move forward.

MSD · 08-27-2010, 10:35 AM

If you have no reason to improve your life because you got dumped and you're selling off your stuff to make ends meet, you're severely depressed and bordering on codependency. Some couch time with a therapist might do you some good, perhaps you can get a discount if you bring your own couch and let him keep it when you leave, since that seems to be the way you're rolling these days.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MSD

If you have no reason to improve your life because you got dumped and you're selling off your stuff to make ends meet, you're severely depressed and bordering on codependency. Some couch time with a therapist might do you some good, perhaps you can get a discount if you bring your own couch and let him keep it when you leave, since that seems to be the way you're rolling these days.

So I'm selling a bunch of stuff I don't need. Why is this such a big deal to people? It's just stuff, goodness. And I never said I have no reason to improve my life. Obviously you're another poster who has difficulty with reading comprehension. I'm recovering from a really bad breakup, so yeah, I'm not the happiest person in the world, try to understand that. When I heal from this whole ordeal I'm sure I'll get back on my feet again.

I'm selling my truck and taking a long trip next month overseas. I think it'll be good to just clear out of here for awhile, change the scenery, hang out with some foreigners. I know when I first arrive I'll be really lonely though. I'm lonely here and so going somewhere else where I don't know anyone will just exacerbate it. But I think once I'm there for awhile and meet some people I'll hit my stride.

Baraka_Guru · 08-27-2010, 12:20 PM

I think the issue people are taking with it is that you're selling your stuff off not merely because you don't need it; you're selling your stuff off because you need the money to get by. There's a difference.

And while I wish you the best in your healing, I sincerely hope you realize that this kind of healing isn't something that happens on its own. It's something you need to work towards; it's something you need to plan for and take action on. It's not like a flesh wound where you'll heal if you just eat and sleep as normal. You need to fix things actively. If you just "let it be," your mind will easily fall into patterns that work counterproductive to where you might want to be.

I'll say it again: you have to take action. When you come back from overseas, try to come back with a plan, with goals....not just hopes, wishes, or dreams. Maybe your time away will give your mind the freedom to decide what you truly value and what you truly want. If this does happen, go for it. If it doesn't, try something different.

Cynthetiq · 08-27-2010, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

So I'm selling a bunch of stuff I don't need. Why is this such a big deal to people? It's just stuff, goodness. And I never said I have no reason to improve my life. Obviously you're another poster who has difficulty with reading comprehension. I'm recovering from a really bad breakup, so yeah, I'm not the happiest person in the world, try to understand that. When I heal from this whole ordeal I'm sure I'll get back on my feet again.

I'm selling my truck and taking a long trip next month overseas. I think it'll be good to just clear out of here for awhile, change the scenery, hang out with some foreigners. I know when I first arrive I'll be really lonely though. I'm lonely here and so going somewhere else where I don't know anyone will just exacerbate it. But I think once I'm there for awhile and meet some people I'll hit my stride.

You've not been here very long, but the people you are accusing of not having reading comprehension have been some of the most stable, reasonable, and compassionate human beings in our community.

It's not that they can't read, you've not divulged. You've omitted for whatever reason and when they fill in the blanks, you accuse them of poor reading comprehension. That's mighty big of you.

Apparently you've got some plan based on this post, but no one knew that because it was posted as a "woe is me I lost all these things and I'm selling all mah stuff."

The_Jazz · 08-27-2010, 12:39 PM

You know what irritates me? When someone comes here looking for advice, gets some that's really good and then proceeds to knowingly do the exact opposite.

Eddie, we're not the captive audience of your own little blues concert. It appears to me that you're just going to do whatever it is you're going to do and the hell with the rest of us.

Others have given you shoulders to cry on. I'll be the hard slap of reality - when you get back from your Continental excursion, you're going to be in exactly the same place you are now - no job, no woman and no prospects. Only you'll have significantly less stuff, which might make it easier for you to fit all of it into a cardboard box under a bridge.

If you want to fix your life, I suggest actually dealing with it rather than running away.

ring · 08-27-2010, 12:46 PM

Baraka, I respectfully disagree about the taking of action as if it were a pill to swallow,
or a monster to disembowel. Some actions are only visible in retrospect slo-mo.

What appears to be a stagnating pond from the surface, is rich with microbial gymnastics.

Bon Voyage, Eddie.
Being able to travel overseas is quite the gift of opportunity.

Pack your camera or at least something to write on, or simply record
the experiences in your mind.

I hope your pooch will be in good hands meanwhile.

You will find yourself as lonely as you need to be, &
perhaps scowling at what seems to be a whole world of couples holding hands.

Aloha.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 01:07 PM

The Jazz, I've never pretended that my original post wasn't a "woe is me" bitch session. And I've made it clear that I am wholly grateful for the effort and time people have taken to respond and offer encouragement. But I can't handle the insults and insinuations. I'm not some loser who has given up on life. I'm not gonna go off myself. And I realize that I don't have an unlimited supply of material goods to keep selling.

Cythetiq, I don't have a secret plan. I've never a had a plan. Just last week I decided to take a trip. It wasn't planned. I'm doing it because I need to change something. I need to do something different. I need a challenge. I need a spark. I did however get a new contract for work with starts December 1.

Baraka, I don't completely agree with your take on healing. I think action is counterproductive when it comes to healing. Action can prolong healing and worsen the wound. Like a person who goes running when their broken leg isn't fully healed yet. Time is the key component, along with acceptance.

I just don't buy into this whole "pick yourself up by own bootstraps" philosophy. I believe in community and friendship and family. We should never have to pick ourselves up by our own bootstraps. That whole "I have to do it all myself" mentality is a plague of our society and it's one of the reasons I'm going over to Africa. They may be poor over there but they know how to relate to other human being on a genuine and personal level that we have just lost in this society.

---------- Post added at 03:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:03 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by ring

Baraka, I respectfully disagree about the taking of action as if it were a pill to swallow,
or a monster to disembowel. Some actions are only visible in retrospect slo-mo.

What appears to be a stagnating pond from the surface, is rich with microbial gymnastics.

Bon Voyage, Eddie.
Being able to travel overseas is quite the gift of opportunity.

Pack your camera or at least something to write on, or simply record
the experiences in your mind.

I hope your pooch will be in good hands meanwhile.

You will find yourself as lonely as you need to be, &
perhaps scowling at what seems to be a whole world of couples holding hands.

Aloha.

Thanks, very much. And your analogy of the seemingly stagnating pond teeming with life and change is wonderful and exactly how I feel about my own situation. My dog will be staying with my parents. And that's good advice to take a journal...I've never been very fastidious when it comes to keeping one, but I will try.

The_Jazz · 08-27-2010, 01:08 PM

Eddie, I see this as a capitulation that this thread is simply a quagmire of self-pity for you to wallow in.

Congrats on the new contract. And if you don't see how that's part of picking yourself back up, then you've again failed to see the larger message people have tried to communicate.

Word of advice: don't fuck any African whores. Most of the prostitutes, especially in Southern Africa, are HIV positive.

Cynthetiq · 08-27-2010, 01:13 PM

Congrats on the new job.

The trip and the job, those are the things that many of us have been saying is doing something instead of having it fall into your lap.

As Jazz says if you don't see that you're really missing the forest for the trees.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

Congrats on the new contract. And if you don't see how that's part of picking yourself back up, then you've again failed to see the larger message people have tried to communicate.

Word of advice: don't fuck any African whores. Most of the prostitutes, especially in Southern Africa, are HIV positive.

See, I'm not even that stoked about getting a new contract. Work and money is not the answer to my life. I can't work my way to becoming a better person. I may be back from Africa in time to accept the contract or I may not. But I'm certainly not going to let this job dictate how I choose to live my life.

And just so you know, whores aren't my thing.

ring · 08-27-2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

You know what irritates me? When someone comes here looking for advice, gets some that's really good and then proceeds to knowingly do the exact opposite.

Get over your own ego.
Someone asks for an ear & a little advice & they don't perform
or fall in line like you want them to,
in three or four posts on a message board?

Jesus Christ.

The_Jazz · 08-27-2010, 02:06 PM

ring, let me blow your mind: I don't do pity parties. And that's what this thread has turned into, despite the fact that a lot of good advice from knowledgeable people has been offered freely and kindly.

This has nothing to do with my ego and everything to do with Eddie's. Feel sorry for him if you want, but don't go insulting me when I dare say something that doesn't conform to your preconceived notion of what "welcoming" is supposed to be.

dlish · 08-27-2010, 02:08 PM

Its not just the whores. Africa has the highest incidence of HIV. I read somewhere that 1 in 8 women are HIV positive in South Africa, or will become HIV psoitive at some stage in their lives. its frightening.

which part of africa will you go to visit? there are some current hotspots you need to steer clear from. check with your local foreign affairs office before you finalise the destination.

congrats about the new contract.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

Its not just the whores. Africa has the highest incidence of HIV. I read somewhere that 1 in 8 women are HIV positive in South Africa, or will become HIV psoitive at some stage in their lives. its frightening.

which part of africa will you go to visit? there are some current hotspots you need to steer clear from. check with your local foreign affairs office before you finalise the destination.

congrats about the new contract.

I'm going to Stellenbosch, which is just north of Capetown. A friend of the family has a vineyard there. I've been to Africa 3 times before. Traveled through Morocco last year and Kenya and Zimbabwe the year before that. Have you been? Which hotspots would you suggest I avoid?

dlish · 08-27-2010, 02:35 PM

ive been to africa twice.. morocco, kenya and tanzania. will be there again in a few weeks time.

as for countries to avoid, off the top of my head, mali, algeria, niger, mauritania, congo, sudan, somalia, chad.. but dont take it from me. ask your State Department.

Baraka_Guru · 08-27-2010, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ring

Baraka, I respectfully disagree about the taking of action as if it were a pill to swallow,
or a monster to disembowel. Some actions are only visible in retrospect slo-mo.

I don't necessarily think it's as simple as swallowing a pill, but the fact remains: without taking action (whether this is in the form of doing or actual thinking), you're putting yourself at the mercy of your circumstances. I believe in the power of Zen like the next guy, but in the end, you've got to do something. Very little positivity comes your way like a happy accident.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

Baraka, I don't completely agree with your take on healing. I think action is counterproductive when it comes to healing. Action can prolong healing and worsen the wound. Like a person who goes running when their broken leg isn't fully healed yet. Time is the key component, along with acceptance.

I didn't give you a prescription on how to take action; I merely said that you need to do it, ultimately. So far in this thread you've convinced me that you're the kind of guy that just lets things happen to him only to somehow cope with it until the next thing happens. That's bullshit.

I know you're hurting; I've been in a similar position as you. But you know what? I've wasted nearly ten fucking years floating around not knowing what the fuck I want in life. In many ways, I still don't know. But what I do know is that I need to take action. Nothing is going to be served to me. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and "get it" and suddenly live a happy fulfilled life. No. I have to make it happen. Success is not an accident. Take a look at most of the successful people around you. Ask them at random how they got to where they are and if they met any hardships along the way. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that at least 8 out of 10 of them will have some pretty shitty stories to tell you.

Go ahead. Take the time to heal. But part of that healing will require using your mind to figure some shit out. It's not going to be easy, but you're going to have to own up to your life. You are the one responsible for it. You're going to have to make it happen. In most cases, you only get something if you give something first—not before. You have to decide what you want and then become determined to pay the price to get it.

So far it sounds like you're waiting for a freebie.

That's not a life strategy. That's a lottery. And you're not even buying a ticket.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

Success is not an accident. Take a look at most of the successful people around you.

Define success.

Baraka_Guru · 08-27-2010, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eddie38

Define success.

The best definition I've heard is one that is compatible with pretty much anyone. You've likely heard answers relating to money, happiness, or whatever, but these are limiting and/or ambiguous. (How do you measure happiness?)

Earl Nightingale was a broadcaster coming out of the '50s who became a motivational speaker. This is back to a time before motivational speakers, life coaches, and self-help books became a multi-million dollar industry and before you started getting bullshit like The Secret. Nightingale was often copied, and there is a good reason. He's probably the most genuine source of advice in terms of success and motivation. His stuff is now a bit old-fashioned, but it still has great value.

His definition: "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."

He kept it simple. If you can come up with a worthy ideal, and if you can take the steps to reach it, then you are successful. But success isn't something you get. It's something you keep accomplishing. Once you succeed and reach a goal, you set another one and keep going. This is what success is. It doesn't matter what job you have or how much money you make. As long as you have a worthy ideal and you see it come to fruition, then you are successful.

I'm sure you could come up with some concrete examples of what a worthy ideal would be for you. But the question is, will you do what it takes to achieve it?

All of this stuff. It is what you make of it. It won't do anything for you. You have to do the work. Nothing worth achieving comes easy. It takes focus and self-discipline. Nightingale was quick to point out that most people don't do this. Many people don't even sit down to think about what they really want.

Eddie38 · 08-27-2010, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

His definition: "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."

Who decides what's worthy and what's not? I suppose it's up to me to decide what I deem worthy. But then, if worthiness is self-realized or self-determined, then I guess the crackhead down the street is successful. For him, robbing the old lady and buying a nice fat rock is his progressive realization of a worthy ideal. Or what about Bernie Madoff? He had his worthy ideal. Hitler had what he considered a worthy ideal.

I guess the point is, 'worthy' is a term that's too subjective to be of any use.

You know, I've always found ideals to be very subjective and shallow because they're always imposed on us by someone else, some religion, philosophy, or by society or government.

I don't know, I don't want to come off as some contrarian. Am I missing something here, Baraka?

Plan9 · 08-27-2010, 04:47 PM

Don't be fooled, Baraka. It's all about the money.

I loved you in Wallstreet.

08-21-2010, 12:02 PM	#50 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Why do you even want a job, money, a woman, and a car? Do you know that at least? __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

08-21-2010, 02:14 PM	#52 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	well let me break it to you.. you're never going to get the var, or the girl, or the job if you just keep selling your shit. get even a menial job packing groceries to at least sustain your lifestyle while at the same time looking for a proper job in your field. like everyone else has said..get off your ass and do something! its better than doing nothing and living off the proceeds of things youve sold. whats going to happen when you sell all your shit and you run out of things to sell? __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

08-21-2010, 08:14 PM	#54 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Like a ship without a rudder.... or a captain..... __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

08-22-2010, 06:38 PM	#58 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Snapping out of it doesn't mean waking up and finding yourself where you want to be. It means shifting your perspective, which can happen in a second...but you have to maintain it or you'll fall back into old patterns. I've found myself in a bad position myself; I know what it's like to seem to have nothing. If I didn't keep trying to hold onto a more constructive perspective, I wouldn't have snapped out of it myself. And the metaphor of a ship without a rudder isn't a comment on your character; it's a comment on your actions. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have the character to be the captain of your own ship. You have yet to convince me, but I haven't made a judgement on you yet. I wasn't trying to insult you; I was making an observation based on what limited information I have in this thread. If you took it as an insult, then maybe you haven't told us enough about you and your situation. Either that, or maybe my opinion should give you something to think about. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

08-23-2010, 09:03 PM	#59 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	you'll take an action when you are ready. hopefully that's before you hit absolute rock bottom. maybe you'll act before it's too late, maybe not. either way making no choice is still a choice. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-20-2010, 07:11 PM	#42 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	That's why I asked him about his dog. My dog was the best therapist companion after a break-up. He would listen & lick the tear-drops. Yeah,he might have just liked the salt, but it was all good medicine. Feel what you need to feel. My counselor told me that: "At any given time, we are all doing the best that we can."

08-27-2010, 10:35 AM	#61 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	If you have no reason to improve your life because you got dumped and you're selling off your stuff to make ends meet, you're severely depressed and bordering on codependency. Some couch time with a therapist might do you some good, perhaps you can get a discount if you bring your own couch and let him keep it when you leave, since that seems to be the way you're rolling these days.

08-27-2010, 12:20 PM	#63 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	I think the issue people are taking with it is that you're selling your stuff off not merely because you don't need it; you're selling your stuff off because you need the money to get by. There's a difference. And while I wish you the best in your healing, I sincerely hope you realize that this kind of healing isn't something that happens on its own. It's something you need to work towards; it's something you need to plan for and take action on. It's not like a flesh wound where you'll heal if you just eat and sleep as normal. You need to fix things actively. If you just "let it be," your mind will easily fall into patterns that work counterproductive to where you might want to be. I'll say it again: you have to take action. When you come back from overseas, try to come back with a plan, with goals....not just hopes, wishes, or dreams. Maybe your time away will give your mind the freedom to decide what you truly value and what you truly want. If this does happen, go for it. If it doesn't, try something different. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

08-27-2010, 12:39 PM	#65 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	You know what irritates me? When someone comes here looking for advice, gets some that's really good and then proceeds to knowingly do the exact opposite. Eddie, we're not the captive audience of your own little blues concert. It appears to me that you're just going to do whatever it is you're going to do and the hell with the rest of us. Others have given you shoulders to cry on. I'll be the hard slap of reality - when you get back from your Continental excursion, you're going to be in exactly the same place you are now - no job, no woman and no prospects. Only you'll have significantly less stuff, which might make it easier for you to fit all of it into a cardboard box under a bridge. If you want to fix your life, I suggest actually dealing with it rather than running away. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

08-27-2010, 12:46 PM	#66 (permalink)
ring ░ Location: ❤	Baraka, I respectfully disagree about the taking of action as if it were a pill to swallow, or a monster to disembowel. Some actions are only visible in retrospect slo-mo. What appears to be a stagnating pond from the surface, is rich with microbial gymnastics. Bon Voyage, Eddie. Being able to travel overseas is quite the gift of opportunity. Pack your camera or at least something to write on, or simply record the experiences in your mind. I hope your pooch will be in good hands meanwhile. You will find yourself as lonely as you need to be, & perhaps scowling at what seems to be a whole world of couples holding hands. Aloha.

08-27-2010, 01:08 PM	#68 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Eddie, I see this as a capitulation that this thread is simply a quagmire of self-pity for you to wallow in. Congrats on the new contract. And if you don't see how that's part of picking yourself back up, then you've again failed to see the larger message people have tried to communicate. Word of advice: don't fuck any African whores. Most of the prostitutes, especially in Southern Africa, are HIV positive. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

08-27-2010, 01:13 PM	#69 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	Congrats on the new job. The trip and the job, those are the things that many of us have been saying is doing something instead of having it fall into your lap. As Jazz says if you don't see that you're really missing the forest for the trees. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

08-27-2010, 02:06 PM	#72 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	ring, let me blow your mind: I don't do pity parties. And that's what this thread has turned into, despite the fact that a lot of good advice from knowledgeable people has been offered freely and kindly. This has nothing to do with my ego and everything to do with Eddie's. Feel sorry for him if you want, but don't go insulting me when I dare say something that doesn't conform to your preconceived notion of what "welcoming" is supposed to be. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

08-27-2010, 02:08 PM	#73 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	Its not just the whores. Africa has the highest incidence of HIV. I read somewhere that 1 in 8 women are HIV positive in South Africa, or will become HIV psoitive at some stage in their lives. its frightening. which part of africa will you go to visit? there are some current hotspots you need to steer clear from. check with your local foreign affairs office before you finalise the destination. congrats about the new contract. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

08-27-2010, 02:35 PM	#75 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	ive been to africa twice.. morocco, kenya and tanzania. will be there again in a few weeks time. as for countries to avoid, off the top of my head, mali, algeria, niger, mauritania, congo, sudan, somalia, chad.. but dont take it from me. ask your State Department. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

08-27-2010, 04:47 PM	#80 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Don't be fooled, Baraka. It's all about the money. I loved you in Wallstreet. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."