Push-Pull

OK, so my first 25 years in the working world was pretty simple, that is it was my place, so I could speak my mind. Unfortunately, it did not prepare me for the real working world. You know, the one where keeping your mouth shut and not saying stupid shit is a benefit.

I've definitely gotten better at it, but I still have the occasional slip and I'm tired of tasting my shoes. Not to mention that it could mean serious backlash at times. I'm hoping that some of you have experience with this and what tips and tricks you have for keeping the mouth/brain clutch slipping freely.

Any thoughts?

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"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

Baraka_Guru

Read this phrase, memorize it, and then visualize it throughout your day:

"If you keep your mouth as silent as your nose, you will avoid ten thousand calamities."

—Zen Master Dōgen Zenji

The general advice is to think before you speak. Perhaps you merely need to practice patience.

What are your thoughts on this? Can you let us know more about these situations you get yourself into?

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Push-Pull

No real situations per se, just times where the mouth simply beat the thought to the punch.

Been practicing, but there's plenty of times where I start out thinking first, but once I get distracted, the mouth kicks in.

I've put some quotes like yours on my phone and I try to read them often to keep myself in check. Just curious to how others deal with this.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

FelixP

Just keep your bearing. Think before you speak. Sounds dumb, but it actually works.

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

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Martian

I don't know if there's any accuracy to this (bullshit-o-meter reading: moderate), but I've always thought that speaking before you think is a matter of impulse control. So really the question your asking isn't 'how do I keep my mouth shut' but rather 'how do I control my impulses better?'

It really comes down to deliberation. Always give yourself a moment or two to consider before speaking. Consider the angles, think about if what you're about to say is really the best way to express your thought or idea, consider it's overall importance to the issue at hand. Weigh the potential consequences of speaking against the potential consequences of not speaking. Is it that important to be right or be the guy who has the answer? Is what your saying really adding something of value to the discussion?

This is harder to do in real life than it is online, where you have as long as you need to review your words, but it can be done. Maybe you'll be a bit quieter, a bit slower to speak, but if your words carry more weight it all balances out in the end.

Courteous. Deliberate. Soft spoken. These are the traits that I strive for. I don't always succeed, but it's the endeavour that matters, I think.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Xerxys

Try saying nothing? If you have nothing nice to say ...

You see, your opinions are yours unless you impose them on others. I have tried to remain silent when I have little constructive material to add to the table.

lurkette

Practically speaking, sometimes taking a deep breath before you speak gives you the extra second or two for your brain to catch up with your mouth.

Also, try really listening to what the other person is saying...90% of the time we're not really listening, we're thinking about what we want to say and looking for an opportunity to look good/smart/funny. If you try really focusing on the other person's thoughts and words your brain might just put the kneejerk comments on the back burner.

Another good practice in support of both of these strategies is mindfulness meditation, even for just 5 minutes a day.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Cynthetiq

"Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."

Should it be said?, should it be said now?, and should it be said by me????

An ounce of "keep your mouth shut" is worth a pound of "I wish I hadn't said that."

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Push-Pull

I appreciate the advice. I'm particularly intrigued by lurkette's post, and have started looking into the mindfulness techniques.

I believe I've narrowed it down to two interrelated problems. One is the simply letting the mouth roam freely without the benefit of thought. The other is simply not being cognizant of the input around me. That is, once I get on a train of thought, it's like I'm not really thinking or absorbing input any longer, more like I went on autopilot. That's the one that concerns me most.

I'm sure I can break it down further, but these are definitely my main targets.

Thanks Again.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

MSD

That last post rings some familiar bells for me. If consciously being aware of a problem and trying to change it isn't enough, your tendency to just let what's on your mind flow out through you mouth is a hallmark of ADHD's primarily hyperactive/impulsive subtype. I've found that a very low dose of Adderall has helped me to focus and refrain from blurting out inappropriate comments while maintaining (maybe even improving) my wit and tendency to be the joker among friends. As with any advice I give about such things, this is something to talk to your doctor about and get a formal diagnosis or lack thereof, but something I think is worth considering.

Plan9

I'm a loudmouthed idiot that perpetually secretes awkward silences from his vocal folds, so I have to constantly work at keeping my mouth shut.

I put people into boxes, myself.

- Professionals go into the "shut up and listen, answer with Yes/No" box.
- Acquaintances goes into the "shut and listen, insert witty joke when possible" box.
- Coworkers go into the "get the job done, conversation is a means" box.
- Friends go into the "holy shit this guy is loud, callus, and way too jovial" box.

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Whatever you can carry.

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surferlove007

I have a similar problem...although I've found my personality (and being a girl) allow me to utilize my inability to shut up, and go on the offensive to make people laugh. Rarely do I hear crickets. Not to mention, while improving in my writing skills I have found my ability to eloquently state my opinion off the cup gains me more ground with my peers and my professors In particular, my professors have complimented my ability to write in a professional and humorous way that completes the required task with a nice flavor. Of course, having no professional experience in the real world, perhaps my method is frowned upon.

Wes Mantooth

I don't know that there is really a trick to it, at least not in my case. As others mentioned above, it really just comes down to thinking before you speak, and with practice you get better at it. I had friend who used to write down all the things he didn't want to blurt out (in a journal or something) and he told me it helped get the secret (or whatever) out of his system and he didn't feel such a strong urge to talk about it...might be worth trying if you're having trouble.

Best of luck.

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