icevrething

A coworker tells me today that she thinks I want to marry her, or be her boyfriend. I would love to get to know her and ultimately be her bf, but who the fuck comes out and says something like this? I've always kept things simple saying hi to her every time, but I didn't know she was on to me like this. Apparently I can be read like a book. My initial, taken-aback response was "you're too funny", then "maybe", then "what can i say?". My only concern is that she brought it up because it is making her uncomfortable. I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this... Any tips on doing this the right way are most appreciated. Thank you!

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Punk.of.Ages

She brought it up because she wants you to make your move...

GO!

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

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Shauk

I'd punch her in the cooter.

Xerxys

The rest of TFP will tell you to steer clear of company property but it is evident you want to hit that so ...

Next time a girl calls your carnal bluff, you cave in a cute "OMG, how'd you know?! Am I that transparent?" way. This is such that she knows your interested and to find out whether she is ... "Lets do it tonight, first plane to Vegas?" She's going to laugh, but if she pursues the subject any further from there it doesn't matter what she says, she's interested and you can ask her out to lunch later on. If she says "I was only joking" counter with "I wasn't."

So tomorrow when she brings up the subject again, (she has to bring up the subject) tell her you decided you don't want to be too scandalous, so your going to start off small like, say, a meal.

If the subject doesn't come up, find a reason, ANY REASON, to talk to her then ask her out, just don't use her opener.

dlish

if she wants to be like that, then treat her like your wife and tell her to get you a beer from the fridge or cook you dinner or something.


my advice is that i'd steer away from nutjobs.

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Titan_Uranus

wtf

Jetée

The female co-worker might've been thinking the same thing, though she handled the situation in such an egregious matter that there was no other alternative but to create an awkward rift between herself and iceverthing.
Otherwise, if she was interested in you, and could obviously pick up on those hints of you looking her way, she sure picked a confrontational way to voice her mutual appeal. Not a red flag, but still, awful courting counseling, by whomever her friends or family or love novel taught her this "approach" to men.

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thespian86

Call Guinness. Hey Xerxys. Great advice man. Seriously.

Let's hug later.

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Glory's Sun

steer clear of company property.

work has enough drama without adding sexual/relationship drama to it.

Plan9

Wow, I love it when Xerxys remembers to take his meds. Good show, old bean.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Xerxys

I don't get it, he wants to hit that, who am I to deny him a sexual harassment law suit?

Martian

It's context sensitive. If she said it in a flirty/joking sort of way, then this:

If she had the mace out when she said it, steer clear.

I met Magpie at work, and we're one of those disgusting couples that never fights.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Crack

Next time she is getting a drink near the water cooler, pretend to trip on a bump in the carpet and "accidentally" stick it in her pooper. Trust me, girls love it when that happens.

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

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KellyC

Yes

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

icevrething

LOL at the sexual harassment pic. I'll just get it over with and ask her out. I don't expect her to say yeah, but either way I'll post her response for the hell of it (prob in a couple days) Thanks for the advice xerxys.

---------- Post added at 12:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:17 PM ----------

If only it were that easy. She seemed calm saying it to me. She stopped me (stuck her leg out in front of me as I was walking) and then told me what she thought. She's very hard to read. I understand what you're saying though, and I think asking her out is the only way to really know whats up.

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savmesom11

It's only sexual harassment if she says stop

.....in addition; as an 'old-fashioned-I-want-you-to-ask-me' but yet extremely flirtatious and extroverted woman, if I was saying this it would mean I am on to you and interested so go ahead and ask please

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PIITB.

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Xerxys

Very true. Once she says "stop", you're fired.

Zeraph

Who mentions marriage like that? It's like going up to someone and saying, "I'm not a cop." Why would you even say that?

Prince

It kinda sounds like she's Glenn Close, but either way I hope you'll keep us updated on how it goes.

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SabrinaFair

Uh, yeah, you don't happen to have any pets do you?

Seriously, I find the remark a bit creepy. That's just me.

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Xerxys

tsk tsk Sabrina, women can't be creepy enough!

Plan9

This worries me extensively.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

surferlove007

I'm surprised that didn't scare you off...a bit early IMO. Most guys run at the M word...

Strange Famous

I aint in a position to tak about relationships at work, cos I did it... but in general it isnt the best idea.

But in this sitution I would have just said in a semi-joking way "well, yeah... I'm only human" or whatever and see where it leads. If you like her and she is obviously being quite flirtatious you may as well see how it goes...

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for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
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Dancer

I think she's just fishing to see how you react.

Strange Famous

I took the "marry me" thing as a joke btw?

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Poppinjay

Been four, either you're busy on the trampoline or else in hiding. Anything?

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Martian

Honestly, me too. Over a year in now and hardly so much as a squabble. It's unnatural.

But we also have wild monkey sex regularly too. The kind that causes neighbours to bang on the walls. So I think we're probably okay.

To the OP: Way to Man Up. Don't assume it's going to go Horribly Wrong, though -- the fact that she mentioned it indicates that she's thinking about it, which is a point in your favour.

More generally, This Is Not A Difficult Concept.

You like girl. You want to have the aforementioned monkey sex with girl. Or maybe you want rainbows and puppies -- some people are strange like that. Anyway, you're certain/uncertain if girl shares these feelings.

You ask. You find out that girl does/does not share these feelings.

You have wild monkey sex/move on with your life.

If it does turn out in your favour, though, remember that the key to office romance is this: No Wild Monkey Sex at the office.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

thirdsun

I tend to agree with those who say avoid a workplace relationship. If it goes bad, it makes for workplace weirdness and you don't need that.

Likewise, I can tell you as a manager of 25 people, she doesn't even have to say "stop" to you in order to report you for harassment. All she has to do is tell the HR department that you've made her uncomfortable in some way, and then you're marked, and again, workplace weirdness is the result, with the added benefit of it spreading to the HR people.

So, if you are unintentionally sending her vibes, find out how and quit it. Clarify the situation with her as a misunderstanding and tell her (nicely) that her attempts at reading your mind are making *you* uncomfortable and agree with her not to bring up the subject again. Record the date and time you had the conversation with her because you might need it if the aforementioned conversation with HR occurs.

My personal opinion is that she may well be interested in you (as discussed previously). Find out if she is and decide if you want to deal with the risks and/or rewards as they may be. If she isn't interested in you, then you've clarified the situation and you can get back to work.