girldetective

Hello some of my people, maybe.

This is important to me.

I have been quite sensitive the last few months. For good cause or not, my feelings are hurt over and over again.

My normal behavior is to leave a situation or a person when they hurt me. I am well known to do this. I begin to feel trapped and I up and go in the middle of a movie, a snowstorm, or dinner. However, now Mary has hurt me, deeply. I dont want to give up and leave her. I love her, yet my most basic instinct is to go my own way.

My question seems simple, but Im having difficulty: What to do with hurt feelings? They dont stay compartmentalized and they get added on to, like a ch-ch-chain. Talking about them with her seems awkward and will just lead to more hurt feelings, I afraid. In the past, I have overlooked them or used humor, but not this time. This time the chain is around my neck and Im breathing hard.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Xerxys

You have to confront her. Think about it like this. You love this person and you want her to stick around. You have to confront her because she will continue to hurt your feelings because she's either a jerk and doesn't care or she doesn't know how much stock you place in a certain situation.

When someone hurts your feelings you have to tell them. The chain you speak of is really resentment and grows tighter with time. If a confrontation does not illicit an apology then that just comes to show what kind of person you're living/dealing with. Think about the situation and exactly how relevant/important it is to you and central to your happiness. A lack of apology and resolution will ENSURE it continues.

Cynthetiq

A wise person whispered this into my ear...

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today... I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment."

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cheater

I think you need to sit down and talk to Mary. Your "normal" behavior to leave a situation isn't helping. If Mary knows you that well, perhaps she can help you understand that a lot of the hurt you feel is just a misunderstanding on your part. Seems to me that Mary is the one person that knows you better than anyone here - talk to her before you loose her.

little_tippler

If it's causing you pain, and won't go away, then clearly you do need to talk to her, no matter what will come of it. If there are more hurt feelings, so be it. You can deal with that after this. Also, if you can't resolve a problem together, even after talking it through several times to let it out, chances are, it has no resolution. Sorry. I hope you can work this out and put the hurt behind you. Feel better soon! :hugs:

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

girldetective

Thank you.

I have a solution in place! I called her betrothed and asked him to encourage her to come to me, if he felt like it. I explained what I thought the problems were, and how I believe they could be fixed. I included him, and ensured him I would continue to. I was concrete and brief, yet of course he knew it was emotional. His thanks were heartfelt. Although the problem was never with him, I think he liked that I included him in an important way that meant something.

See there - Im growing up, and I always come back to love.

Thank you again. Especially you, Cynthetiq with your gentle answer (seems unusual for you and me. I appreciate it.)

Peace.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

lofhay

Glad that you are finding a solution.

For whatever it may be worth, it is my philosophy that no one can hurt your feelings unless you let them. The question then is: what is going on with you that you are so easily victimized?