My cousin is my roomate, she's pregnant, and I don't know what to do about the lease. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hellaphli915 · 06-27-2009, 08:05 PM

ok, I lived in the city for about 3 years now and I hate looking for a roommate that I don't know. I moved my cousin up here about a year and a half now she is cool. We get along and we are very simular. I got her a job working at the same place as I did because it is easy money. She was supposed to get a car to make things easier because we are on my car, but she is still working on that. We got an apartment together and things could be better but who is complaining! We didn't like the apartment that we were in so we decided to move once the lease is up. Two weeks ago, she found out that she was pregnant and now she is going through the hell of the pregency (vomiting every hour on the hour, always in bed, etc.) and she is constantly missing work. The Baby father is MIA and we move in 1 month. She cannot move back home because her mother is dealing with her other daughter who is pregnant and her daughter and law who is pregnant with her second child..... Im going back to school soon......I not ready to be in this kind of situation.....what do I do????

Vigilante · 06-27-2009, 08:24 PM

Bail. She made her choice and she has to live it with. It does not involve you, unless you feel like trying to achieve sainthood.

I'll add that if her sister is also pregnant, then there appears to be a pattern of ignorance in the parents. If your kid doesn't learn what happens when you get knocked up before she gets knocked up, then fault lands squarely on the parents for not doing their job. 1 sister could be the fault of the kid, but 2 pregnant at once? And single (I'm assuming sister is preggers since the mom has to deal with that, and not the husband)? Yep, that's between her and mom.

DaniGirl · 06-27-2009, 08:53 PM

I agree with luciferase75, it is not your problem. This is not a mess you need to clean up. I have been threw three pregnancies and not once did I miss work because of morning sickness and Ive only worked in the food industry. If she is already having issues with missing work what do you think will happen when her feet swell and the baby starts pressing on her bladder. She will end up getting fired and you will be left paying for it. She needs to go home to her mom and figure out what she needs to do. This will bring you down if you let her stay. You don't want to ruin your relationship with her so its good to get it out before anger sets in and you resent her for bringing this stress into your life.

dlish · 06-28-2009, 06:50 AM

...or you can be a good friend/cousin and help her out in the best possible way. dont be remembered as the person that left when the going got tough.

sure, you didnt knock her up, but consider this. you're on the street and you see someone in need, do you help them? of course you do. its humans' iinate nature. so why wouldnt you give your cousin your support?

just remember that morning sickness goes away after a while.

just to clear the air here...you're not the baby's father are you???

ShaniFaye · 06-28-2009, 06:57 AM

Have you asked HER what she thinks the solution might be?

Xerxys · 06-28-2009, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Dad

... Use birth control or abstain. Seriously you know a lot of pregnant people who don't seem to be equipped to take care of themselves now let alone a baby. You have school starting and that is where you need to focus.

As for the living arrangements, are you wanting advice on how to replace your pregnant cousin with a stranger who has a job and a car?

Right ... You are going to be responsible for this or you're not. Really it's a question of responsibility and just how much you are willing to take on. What do you think is most likely going to happen? Take this into consideration ... did she show any initiative to take control of her life? Before she was pregnant was she missing work days? Coming in late and/or making the bare minimums required just to survive?

Psycho Dad is right here, only a temporary solution but a better one at that. A stranger with a job and car is better off right now for long term goals.

Hellaphli915 · 07-05-2009, 09:55 AM

Lol no, Im not the baby's father. But everyone is right. It is not my issue to deal with but for some reason, I feel obligated to help her out. I feel like she is stupid for not using protection in the matter....I thought that she was smarter than that. and the fact that she comes up with me to start a life and be on her own and she completely goes the other way... and depending on the situation, she hasn't really missed any days....just late a few times. This past week, she missed a whole week of work. Im getting prepared for the worst.

Puttz · 07-05-2009, 10:35 AM

sounds harsh but you have to be pragmatic about the situation, living with a baby and accepting any responsability for it will lessen how much you can focus on your studies. Just tell her you can't be a full time student and live with a expectant mother or new baby.

genuinegirly · 07-05-2009, 12:00 PM

Ok. Your lease ends in two weeks. Perfect opportunity for both of you to take a fresh look on life. Have you spoken with the mother that already seems to have too much on her plate? A support group like three women dealing with the same situation, and a caring mother to provide emotional support when they can't provide it for each other - all three coping at a similar place in life at once - sounds like an ideal living situation, even if all three pregnant woman have to share the same small bedroom. They'll create lasting lifelong friendships and have plentiful good/bad memories of the craziness.

Get your cousin hooked up with the best situation possible, outside of your home. Offer to let her come by to visit one weekend a month, or take her out to lunch and chat once a month - or talk on the phone. Be an emotional support. Do not become a financial support - you are in no position to provide this kind of aide.

06-27-2009, 08:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Hellaphli915 Upright Location: On the Highway to Hell	My cousin is my roomate, she's pregnant, and I don't know what to do about the lease. ok, I lived in the city for about 3 years now and I hate looking for a roommate that I don't know. I moved my cousin up here about a year and a half now she is cool. We get along and we are very simular. I got her a job working at the same place as I did because it is easy money. She was supposed to get a car to make things easier because we are on my car, but she is still working on that. We got an apartment together and things could be better but who is complaining! We didn't like the apartment that we were in so we decided to move once the lease is up. Two weeks ago, she found out that she was pregnant and now she is going through the hell of the pregency (vomiting every hour on the hour, always in bed, etc.) and she is constantly missing work. The Baby father is MIA and we move in 1 month. She cannot move back home because her mother is dealing with her other daughter who is pregnant and her daughter and law who is pregnant with her second child..... Im going back to school soon......I not ready to be in this kind of situation.....what do I do????

06-27-2009, 08:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Vigilante Broken Arrow Location: US	Bail. She made her choice and she has to live it with. It does not involve you, unless you feel like trying to achieve sainthood. I'll add that if her sister is also pregnant, then there appears to be a pattern of ignorance in the parents. If your kid doesn't learn what happens when you get knocked up before she gets knocked up, then fault lands squarely on the parents for not doing their job. 1 sister could be the fault of the kid, but 2 pregnant at once? And single (I'm assuming sister is preggers since the mom has to deal with that, and not the husband)? Yep, that's between her and mom. __________________ We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -Winston Churchill Last edited by Vigilante; 06-27-2009 at 08:28 PM..

06-28-2009, 06:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	...or you can be a good friend/cousin and help her out in the best possible way. dont be remembered as the person that left when the going got tough. sure, you didnt knock her up, but consider this. you're on the street and you see someone in need, do you help them? of course you do. its humans' iinate nature. so why wouldnt you give your cousin your support? just remember that morning sickness goes away after a while. just to clear the air here...you're not the baby's father are you??? __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

06-28-2009, 06:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Have you asked HER what she thinks the solution might be? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

07-05-2009, 10:35 AM	#8 (permalink)
Puttz Upright	sounds harsh but you have to be pragmatic about the situation, living with a baby and accepting any responsability for it will lessen how much you can focus on your studies. Just tell her you can't be a full time student and live with a expectant mother or new baby. Last edited by Puttz; 07-05-2009 at 10:40 AM..

06-27-2009, 08:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
DaniGirl Addict Location: Fucking Utah...	I agree with luciferase75, it is not your problem. This is not a mess you need to clean up. I have been threw three pregnancies and not once did I miss work because of morning sickness and Ive only worked in the food industry. If she is already having issues with missing work what do you think will happen when her feet swell and the baby starts pressing on her bladder. She will end up getting fired and you will be left paying for it. She needs to go home to her mom and figure out what she needs to do. This will bring you down if you let her stay. You don't want to ruin your relationship with her so its good to get it out before anger sets in and you resent her for bringing this stress into your life.

07-05-2009, 09:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
Hellaphli915 Upright Location: On the Highway to Hell	Lol no, Im not the baby's father. But everyone is right. It is not my issue to deal with but for some reason, I feel obligated to help her out. I feel like she is stupid for not using protection in the matter....I thought that she was smarter than that. and the fact that she comes up with me to start a life and be on her own and she completely goes the other way... and depending on the situation, she hasn't really missed any days....just late a few times. This past week, she missed a whole week of work. Im getting prepared for the worst.

07-05-2009, 12:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	Ok. Your lease ends in two weeks. Perfect opportunity for both of you to take a fresh look on life. Have you spoken with the mother that already seems to have too much on her plate? A support group like three women dealing with the same situation, and a caring mother to provide emotional support when they can't provide it for each other - all three coping at a similar place in life at once - sounds like an ideal living situation, even if all three pregnant woman have to share the same small bedroom. They'll create lasting lifelong friendships and have plentiful good/bad memories of the craziness. Get your cousin hooked up with the best situation possible, outside of your home. Offer to let her come by to visit one weekend a month, or take her out to lunch and chat once a month - or talk on the phone. Be an emotional support. Do not become a financial support - you are in no position to provide this kind of aide. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy