dalnet22

I'm a straight 23 year old male, and I have a desire to wear black nail polish. The problem is that as soon as I imagine wearing it, I'm terrified of going into public. I'm afraid people will judge me, and I will feel extremely alone and unsure of what to do. I'm worried I will receive poor customer service and not be fired my job. I don't know how homosexuals, goths, or anyone else with a different lifestyle gets around ok.

Do you have any advice? People always tell me "don't worry about what others think, screw them if they have a problem with you." But it's more than that - I want to be ok with them disliking it.

inBOIL

No matter who you are, there are already a few (or more) people who dislike you, usually for stupid reasons. Black nail polish will only slightly raise the dislike you encounter, and will probably provide a few openings to get to know people who do like you and would otherwise ignore you.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

dalnet22

Thanks for the reply. Knowing that someone will always dislike me does help a lot. It's funny because if I'm out somewhere with somebody else, my fear practically vanishes. But I don't want my fear to go away because I know somebody else likes me. Because if they die or move away, I'll be afraid again. What I want is to know that the person who dislikes me is in the wrong some how. That is, I'm not doing anything that makes me bad.

For example, most people look at a man with makeup, nail polish, and vibrant clothes and think they're gay. The people who hate gays will treat them poorly, and the people who like gays will be nice to them. But the fault is in the assumption - that man may not be gay at all. So, the dislike / like is based on an assumption of someone's orientation rather than anything real at all. The people don't dislike him because of the nail polish - they dislike him because of what kind of person he is.

I want to walk around and stop worrying about the people who will assume things about me. I suppose I want to walk around and stop worrying about those who assume correct things about me, too.

dlish

you said it yourself...stop assuming that people will hate you, and move into this century.

most people may find it eccentric, but its not over the top. usually i have two words for those who care what the world thinks...

"fuck it"

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

FuglyStick

I don't know if I'd wear it to work. Depending on your work environment, it might count against you. I know it doesn't make any sense, but if there is a question of whether it would be acceptable or not, you will have to decide if it's worth it to force the issue.

On your own time, do whatever the hell you want. Anyone who hasn't seen a guy in nail polish in the last twenty years, and is going to be shocked by it, has been living in a fishbowl. Nail polish is not an indicator of sexual orientation except in the most backwater places I imagine.

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Shell

...black nail polish DOES send a message to everyone...i don't know what it is but it's a clear message of SOME sort. I mean why do you wear it? I'm not looking for the obvious answer as in "because i like how it looks"...dig a little deeper and tell me the real reason why. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but it IS different, breaks away from the norm, and identifies you with a certain group of people...and i'm not talking about gays as you mentioned...i don't think of gayness at all when i see people with black nail polish.

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..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

dlish

shell, i dont see it as a gay action at all.

i think what you are insinuating is the goth/emo subculture?

yes is does give a message, but as long as its ok by him, then why would it matter? homosexuality is increasingly becoming accepted, so why should a straight male have to look deep within hilsef to justify why he should do what pleases him?

if its any consolation, try clear nailpolish and go out and see how you feel first. then maybe gradually introduce the black.

by doing this i think what you'll find is that you'll lose that feeling of paranoia

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

thespian86

I think the problem is that eccentricity is just that; different. And difference stands out. Most people instantly dislike something that stands out; especially if it's self-inflicted. So, yes, be prepared to be disliked.

But that is the way life is. I'm a straight man in musical theatre. I get it a lot to. I'm happy; so I don't care.

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Shell

...sorry dlish but you must have missread my comment as i said twice that i do NOT think the black nail polish is a sign of being gay...it's not a gay issue at all in my eyes. And the reason i asked him to look deeper as to why he wants to wear black nailpolish was not for the purpose of justifying anything...it's for the purpose of understanding other people's perception of him since he seems to be VERY concerned about what others think.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

dlish

you're right, i re-read it... my bad.

i need sleep....

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Baraka_Guru

Why, exactly, do you want to wear black nail polish? Is it to associate with the anti-mainstream sentiments of goths and punks? Is it for fashion?

Consider experimenting with other things first maybe. Try your toenails first and wear sandals. Try using darker colours other than black. Dark matte finishes might seem more suitable to men in your eyes. Go for dark greys or dark browns maybe. Shiny finishes might not be as easy to start with.

I wouldn't wear nail polish in the workplace if you work directly with customers who might have a problem with it. Such is life in business.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Manic_Skafe

There's no real going against the grain and you already know what to expect.

What is there to discuss here?

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roachboy

it is curious the extent to which folk allow themselves to be or feel boxed in by the imagined responses of others. when i was younger, i let similar things happen. one of the lovely things about getting older, it seems, is that you learn not to care in the same way about the same kinds of things.

but really, what manic skafe said above sums up my take as well.

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spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

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guy44

I know it is difficult to give this advice because everyone worries about what other people think, but basically, fuck 'em. If you really want to wear black nail polish, if wearing black nail polish makes you feel better, and you have the balls to just go ahead and wear it, then I say "bravo." I know I wouldn't have the guts to do it, and I have a lot of respect for those who would.

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Wrexify

I entered this thread expecting a lively discussion about shaving...

Anyway, I have to agree with most everyone else. Lifestyles change, fashion changes, and your own preferences will undoubtedly change. There will always be the conservative crowd that doesn't approve, but you already know that means nothing.

Hell, the company one of my friends works for just recently started to allow facial hair and shirts without ties! I'm willing to bet that even those executives couldn't justify such a strict appearance code. It's just a weird outdated tradition based on the ideals of past generations.

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Reese

I say just go for it.

I went though the same thing when I was younger - Always worrying that people wouldn't like me for expressing myself. Most people won't even notice, Most people that notice won't give it a second thought. Your friends aren't really going to care. They might ask you why but if/when they do, don't assume they're judging you, they're just interested. Since painted finger nails doesn't have a significant meaning, strangers aren't likely to make snap judgments either. Heck, I've been out with red and pink finger nails before and nobody really noticed.

I wanted to find some way to quote The Yardbirds' "You're a better man that I" but couldn't really find a way to do it. Relevant song though, It basically calls out those that would judge you based on your looks, but it also encouraged me to not give a damn about anyone that would try to judge me on trivial shit like this.

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“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

telekinetic

This is the reason I don't open carry...I wouldn't mind making the statement, but I don't to complicate my life by having to talk about it.

I say just do it...not to work, where it would make a difference, but, say, all weekend (assuming you have weekends off). I think what you'll find out is that people mind their own business, the only ones who will likely comment on it are your friends.

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twisted no more

Reese

I think open carry is just a little bigger deal than finger nails. I'll leave that conversation for tilted weaponry though.

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

MSD

I'll be perfectly honest, I judge people based on looks. Black nail polish on guys doesn't even register as odd to me anymore and I've never really seen a guy with black nail polish mistaken for gay, or as emo/goth unless the clothes go along. I've never seen someone judged as gay for it, either, most of the guys I've seen with black nails have no problems picking up women.

If nothing else it'll signify that you're upper class and don't have to do manual labor for yourself

Plan9

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Punk.of.Ages

I've done everything from nail and toenail polish, to eyeliner, to spiked/studded/patched up jackets/vests/clothing, to abnormal piercings, to combat boots with shorts, to ratty/holey clothing, to 15" multicolored mohawks with the words "Fuck Off" bleached right in.

I also live in Utah.

When you're a street punk here, not only do most people you see in public openly and blatantly stare at and judge you, parents regularly pull their children close and shield them as you pass, a lot of businesses will not serve you, restaurants will kick you out, buses will drive right on by, the law treats you quite differently, etc.

Being called gay is really the least of my worries.

Obviously, you're not trying to be a street punk though. You just want to wear a little nail polish.

Next time you're in public look around and ask yourself a question:

"How many of these people will I ever see again?"

The answer will probably not be very many people. What do you really care if someone you will never, ever see again in your life thinks of you?

You should express yourself however you'd like. Those that have a problem be damned.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Shell

I believe you should be able to express yourself UNLESS you're offending Mothers with their children and mostly everyone around you...they can't be protected from seeing "Fuck Off" emblazened on your Mohawk...because once it's seen it's too late to do anything about it.

Life is all about LOVE. Love of yourself, love of others, love of family and friends, love of God. "Fuck Off" is about anger, hate, self-centeredness, and attitude.

You choose. It's your life that you have one chance at.

I'm sorry to be so bold here but you seem to not care about others and so i felt a need to express myself.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

telekinetic

Why does anyone need to be protected from seeing 'Fuck Off'? They're just words, and my daughter will know what they mean as soon as she's old enough to be curious.

If kids don't know what the words mean, why does it offend, and if they DO know what the words mean, why does it matter?

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twisted no more

Shell

First of all, i am pleased to see that you didn't go for my jugular personally but rather questioned my views...thank you.

Secondly, "words" are never just "words". That's why Webster went to the trouble of differentiating between all of them. Btw, he says the F word "is considered offensive to prevailing notions of propriety"

Thirdly, let's try this scenario: "little susie" asks Daddy, "what does "fuck off" mean? He can't exactly say, " well, little puppyface, it means... be on your way and make sweet love to your soulmate, my dear friend". No, instead he has to introduce his innocent towhead to anger, vedictiveness, and the disrespectful term of the sacred act of making love. It's true that little susie will learn this eventually but what right does Mr. "Fuckoff" Mohawk have of provoking that discussion too early? Let children enjoy their childhood innocence for as long as possible.

I'm not faulting anyone for using it in here as this is an adult forum...although I have to say, i'm new and tiptoeing around it as best i can. Sorry but i just can't help feeling uncomfortable with it...although occasionally i do find myself laughing at comments using it.

__________________
..."Say what you think. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~ Dr. Seuss

Halanna

I would try it when you are at home for a few days first, without going out. You may just think you have a desire to wear it, maybe it will turn out you don't, or it doesn't look as good as you thought, or it just doesn't fulfill what you were looking for.

Then, if you do like it, you can drive to the next town over, go in a restaurant, browse a bookstore, etc. this way if the reaction is negative you know you won't have to ever see those people again, you know, kind of take it for a "test run" to see the reaction and build up your immunity to negative reaction.

And lastly, applying nail polish isn't as easy as it sounds. You need a base coat, two coats of polish and a top coat. Don't blow on your nails to dry them, it creates bubbles, and don't use any quick drying sprays, they tend to make the polish peel. The reds/blues are usually the hardest to work with, because they are dark, but black will require near perfect polishing skills. You're cuticles need to be trimmed, the nails perfectly smooth before applying the base coat. I would consider a professional manicure. Because if you want to carry off black nail polish, it better look perfect. And if it does you will feel more confident.

Punk.of.Ages

It's not that I don't care about others, I don't care about others' opinions of me and I don't believe in any kind of censorship when it comes to words.

I believe that from the time one is taught what words mean they should also be taught what kind of power words realistically have: none. "Fuck" is just a word. The only reason it would offend somebody is because that person allowed it to offend them. Shielding people from these words only enables the situation. The first step towards fixing this situation, I believe, is to offend people; to put it right in their face where it can't be ignored in hope that it will cause some of them to stop and question why they are offended. Make them question why it really matters.

So, when I walk around with an offensive statement plastered across my hair, clothes, or otherwise it is not out of anger, hate, any self-centered notion, or attitude. At least not fully. It is more of a statement about the things we take as offensive and why we do.

But, I digress. This is not a thread about censorship. It is about self expression and judgment.

The first half of my previous post was simply meant to point out that the experience I have with this is on the extreme end of the spectrum, and that I know exactly what it is to be judged for the personal decisions in regards to appearance one makes.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Manic_Skafe

Perhaps this is too obvious but I can't help but to find that the willingness to dress in a manner that gets attention is often indicative of a larger desire for the attention of others. Whether its a 15" hairstyle or a micro-mini skirt, when anyone can freely express themselves in the comfort of their own homes, its almost too obvious that those who dress in such a manner are actively looking to get a rise out of those that they come across.



This thread really isn't about censorship but don't you think it more sensible to place the onus of protecting children from the ills of the world upon their parents rather than going after the freedoms of adults?

...

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Punk.of.Ages

Admittedly, a lot of the ways I choose to present myself to society are meant to raise eyebrows and make statements. There's definitely a sense of rebellion and attention whoring in place.

Some may see this as immature and juvenile, but, once again, that's not a worry I take priority with.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

telekinetic

Welcome to TFP

Au contraire, words are ALWAYS just words. The only magic words left in modern society with any artificial power are 'cunt', and 'nigger', and in another decade or so even those will be mainstreamled and parodied into irrelevance.

Depending on age appropriateness, I'd say it was a rude way of saying 'go away', or, if I thought it was appropriate, I'd give a more literal definition (this isn't fully theoretical, I've got a 1 year old 'little susie')

If mothers having to talk to their children is really your concern, would you have the same vitrol if his mohawk had said "F Off" or "Eff You!"? The explanation to the curious kid would have to be exactly the same. Or howabout a shirt that said "You suck!"? That term is equally sexually derived.

This isn't meant to be a personal attack, but do realize that "Think of the children!" is a common appeal to emotion, and can sometime also be classified as a Thought-terminating cliché. It is a way of arguing against something without using sound logic, and setting up people who argue against you to look insensitive. I know you weren't trying to use a fallacy, but think for a minute what is really offensive about children seeing the word FUCK...Can you really honestly say that children would be offended/harmed/damaged/corrupted by exposure to those for letters in sequence? And if so, what about Screw You? It has the same meaning, will it do the same damage? If not why not?

Incidently, I don't find it angry, vindictive or disrespectful about the word 'fuck', nor do I think it is fully synonymous with the 'sacred act of making love'...my wife and I sometimes make love, and sometimes fuck, and any observer could distinguish the two easily (by both volume and calories burned).


Be careful...if you scroll down too far, I've heard there are links to pictures of naked people fucking

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twisted no more

dalnet22

Halanna, I didn't realize it was such an involved process. Maybe I won't do it.

I find it fascinating how many people are associating my original question with a desire to get attention. For me, painting my nails has nothing to do with looking different, going against the majority, or simply trying to get someone to look at or even like me.

I simply think the look is cool and would like to know I'm walking around, looking like something I think is cool. It would make me feel good.

Lastly, the reason I equate the nail painting to homosexuality is this: I was at a party one time, and I decided to color my nails green. Several people asked me if I was gay. Granted, I made it through the party without losing any friends, and I also went home with a girl. Hell, there was even another guy there with nail polish, and he didn't get attacked or kicked out. I guess it's not a big deal, but I've grown up with such horribly judgmental friends that it's hard to imagine doing something like this.

SSJTWIZTA

Penn Jilette of Penn & Teller:



Notice the nail?

...thats all.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Halanna

It is, that is why I recommended the professional manicure. Oh no, absolutely do it! If nothing else, do it once, just so it's an experience you had. But get it done professionally.

Life is way too short to not do what you want (as long as you are not breaking any laws/hurting others).

At 23 this concept is harder for you to grasp, and that is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just related to age. Before you know it, you're going to be in your 30's or 40's wondering where the time went.

Do what you want, even if it's to try it. It's nail polish! You're not building weapons, harming anyone or doing any damage.

Remember, your life is yours to live and enjoy as you see fit. If you allow others to live your life for you, then you will never have truly lived your life on your own terms. You will most certainly one day regret that. At that point, you won't be able to get the time back.

ps. Get some new friends. True friends love you how you are, not the way they want you to be.

telekinetic

Penn is 7 feet tall, can read your mind, relieve you of your wallet, remove your girlfriend's thong while shaking your hand, and catch bullets in his teeth--who is going to fuck with him?

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twisted no more

Martian

Preface: I walk around in a black fedora and a ponytail. I'm not extreme out there, but I stand out and I know it.

My view on the subject incorporates two separate but complementary elements:

1) We are who we choose to be. 'Cool,' to me, means 'someone I want to be like.' The guys who I always thought were cool were the ones who had ponytails and were completely unshakeable, the ones who were equally at home chugging beer and shooting pool and discussing the fine details of Humean Empiricism. That's the kind of guy I wanted to be. So I grew a ponytail, practiced my uptable shots and read up on philosophy.

The way you dress, the way you act, the things you say. They all make up the image of yourself that you project into the world. It's a facet of who you are, but it's under your control.

2) Life's too short. People are going to form opinions on you no matter what you do. I wouldn't assume a man with black nail polish is gay, but for the sake of argument so what if I did? What difference could that possibly make?

There are people out there who might make a big thing about you wearing nail polish, but I don't reckon they're all that important. People are going to pre-judge on all sorts of ridiculous things no matter what you do, so why worry about it? The ones who matter or going to like you for who you are, and that's the ones you'll find yourself surrounded by when you stop worrying about being what you think is socially acceptable and just be yourself instead.

To touch briefly upon the other concurrent discussion contained herein:

A word is just a word, and holds no power beyond what we give it. Fuck is only an offensive word if we choose to make it so, and will not automatically corrupt the mind of any child who sees or hears it.

The trouble with free speech is that it applies to the stuff you or I may not like too. I figure it's worth the cost.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Halanna

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms.

Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.

- From the movie The American President

Free speech is always worth the cost.

genuinegirly

dalnet, I'm curious how the black nailpolish has worked out for you, if you've tried it and the responses you have seen.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Wyodiver33

dalnet22, if I saw you at a mall or on the street and you had black nail polish I doubt I would go passed vaguely wondering why you painted your nails black. It's not something I want to do, but I just don't much care, ya know? But there will always be some uptight people who will just care too much. If something doesn't directly affect me then it really doesn't matter to me.

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I like stuff.

dalnet22

Thanks for the replies. I have not tried it yet, but my girlfriend said she would paint them for me some time soon. She thinks it would be weird for me to only paint my nails and not complete the look with eye liner or styled hair.

I do not get nervous wearing my traditional attire. If someone were to comment on what I currently wear, I'd brush it off because it doesn't make any sense. In fact, I wear shorts that have flowery designs. I've been criticized before for it, but it didn't upset me because I didn't think it was a big deal. But when I imagine wearing painted nails, I think I buy into the criticism toward it. If someone were to criticize me for it, I suppose I would agree with them.

I don't know.

Lindy

I would defend the right of anyone to express himself. I might even think WOW, there goes an interesting person.
I would also defend my right to think WOW, there goes another offensive, immature, self-indulgent asshole.

Lindy

genuinegirly

It's good to hear that your gf is supportive with this idea! I hope that your experiment proves enjoyable.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy