Tully Mars

Ditto

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

ShaniFaye

I'm not sure how many people need to say this before you understand it, but add my voice to the mix. People in a healthy relationship do NOT need to dictate who the other person does or doesnt associate with based on the sex of those people. Unless you WANT to be in a controlling relationship, which it sounds like because you keep making excuses for his inexcusable behavior....you need to put your foot down.

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Sue

As for people not knowing what else you've posted, well, anyone can easily do a seach if they were so curious, and find the (now locked) thread you originally posted. If you didn't want people to know about it, you probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place.

Same advice, and this thread you posted now is pretty much along the same lines as your last one. I wonder if it'll end the same way too...

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kacilinden

[QUOTE=Sue;2602991]As for people not knowing what else you've posted, well, anyone can easily do a seach if they were so curious, and find the (now locked) thread you originally posted. If you didn't want people to know about it, you probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place. QUOTE]

I don't care if people know, that's why i posted it. I just wanted people to answer this question without the background knowledge.

LoganSnake

If you're actually considering losing just about all of your friends for a guy you've been dating long distance for 6 (?) months, maybe do you do deserve this relationship.

Here's the summary of all the viewpoints: leave him.

Alternative solution: don't leave him. Post a thread here when he breaks up with you out of suspicion that you're cheating on him.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

blktour

I agree with the rest of TFP that says split. I think kacilinden keeps on making excuses to justify her staying.

Sad really.

kacilinden

We are making a little progress

Sue

Great. Let's stop making threads about this then, since you're completely oblivious to our advice and opinions we've given you.

Post up when LoganSnake's alternative solution is the only solution left to post about.

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ngdawg

That's pretty unrealistic, but then again so is the whole scenario....
Big surprise.

So if we thought you'd been together years instead of days, you think the advice would change?

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

blktour

WE as TFP i think have made LOTS of progress.

It is you that has made NONE. From the looks of it.

i vote to close this, if OP doesn't have anything else to input.

Sue

Second.

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Cynthetiq

can you elaborate on that progress? more than 1 line or 1 sentence is a requirement since your one liners are pretty simplistic.

As far as I see it's just as dead end of a discussion as the last one.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Xerxys

Why, it might even get me to start watching The Soap Net. This is prime back and forth discussion right here people!!!!

I LOL in a pathetic sad kinda way.

Stare At The Sun

He's jealous and has security issues.

Don't let yourself be manipulated, hang out with whoever you want, if he doesn't trust you, that's his problem.

MSD

Massive warning sign of controlling personality, which leads to an abusive relationship.
Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "I honestly want to continue a relationship with someone who cannot see a woman as more than a set of warm, moist holes to put his dick in." Then come back and tell me how good it feels to say that to yourself.

ngdawg

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

kacilinden

He finally uderstands how unhappy it makes me.

Then fucking close it. I'm not forcing y'all to read or reply.

Cynthetiq

why don't you take a moment and look around at the other posts that people have asked for opinion and help from out community. It is a bit more than one single line. The responses back are also more than one single line.

The idea here is that the more you actually write out, read, and reread, sometimes that alone is enough to make one understand just what they are getting themselves into.

You aren't forcing anyone to read or reply, but this is a community of genuinely helpful people. Maybe over time if you stick around, you'll see that.

Maybe you'll understand that many of us have become friends over the years. Many of us have recently made new friends without prejudice of male or female.

He finally understands? The real crux here is do YOU understand?

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

kacilinden

I understand that i love him, and no one has to understand or approve of our relationship.

Thanks everyone for your input. I explained some of these things to him, and things are getting better.

botabota

We would NEVER really understand your relationship because we are not you, BUT.. we do care for people who are here to ask for advice and we want the best for them. This is what we at the TFP do.

When you give us feedback (not a one liner) it make us feel good (or bad) about YOU! Thats because WE CARE for whom ever seek advice and we would like to know how that person is doing. In this case it happen to be you.

dlish

how are things better? what did he say? did he change his mind? and if so, why did he change his mind?

just curious how things became better overnight with a simple conversation. usually people will only tell you 'yes' to shut you up because they dont value your viewpoint

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Iliftrocks

Do you perchance read romance novels, or (shivers) Twilight?

Romantic ideas need a logic buffer sometimes. There are consequences to buying into this "Endless Love" ideology.....

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Cynthetiq

right-o! many don't realize that "happily ever after..." requires work individually and as a team.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

snowy

As others above have suggested, love is not the be-all, end-all you seem to think it is, kacilinden. Maintaining real love, and a healthy relationship to sustain that love, requires a lot of work. It's not all sunshine and daisies--sometimes that work is painful.

Love is not unique. Your connection is not unique, though you may feel that it's special. As my dad told me shortly after I broke up with my first love, "Men are like MAX trains; there's another one every 15 minutes." He was right.

Ultimately, the relationship that lasts is not necessarily the one where you're both burning with passion. The relationship that lasts is the one where both partners are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship a healthy, functional one.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Baraka_Guru

I like this. It's funny because it's true. I might have to steal that one day.

So true. Everyone should heed these words because this gets to the core of the matter.

Passion is fleeting. That's the nature of it. It's what we do outside of passion that makes a meaningful (and long-lasting) relationship. It's making sacrifices and going out of your way sometimes. It's also about taking care of yourself as well as your significant other.

Sometimes it's:
"Listen, I need to go off and do my own thing."

"Oh, good, because so do I."

The two-become-one thing is cool in theory, but in practice one needs to maintain their individuality as well.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

cdwonderful

wait a minute, I gotta an idea.....if he is worried you are gonna leave him for one of you male friends.........
Keep all your male friends and don't leave.
That will teach him alright............

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Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

ring

You will do what you want to, and hopefully learn from experience.
I did, and still do things despite anyone's advice.

There is a lot of good & caring advice from others in this thread,
especially us older folks, who would like to spare you youngins
some of the pain we went through figuring this stuff out.

In my experience:

Experience is the best teacher.

You can't save people from having to make their own mistakes.

( I wonder if the Internet was around, and I had access to all the good
books that have been written since I was a teen, on interpersonal relationships, etc..
would of made any difference.) huh.

genuinegirly

You're actually thinking about this in a prouctive way. One where the relationship is salvaged. This seems healthier, and more along the lines of what the thread-starter was looking for.

It's much easier to give advice when we better understand the situation you are dealing with. If there is no background, we assume the worst. Reality is rarely played out in extremes.

I hope the best for you.
I hope he can see that your male friends are only that - friends.
I hope you two can overcome any and all feelings of mistrust. If any indeed exist.

Complex cultural issues might be at play here - we really know nothing of the situation at hand.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

MSD

With someone who felt he needed to rid himself of the temptation of having female friends, it's not going to teach him a lesson. Either he needs to fundamentally change his thought process or he's going to be constantly suspicious and imagine offenses committed against him if there's nothing there to substantiate his suspicion.

cdwonderful

I am convinced
Dump him

__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....

Tiny Dancer

I have myself been in a situation were I've been asked to stop talking to all of my male friends and like you that's pretty much all i have. I can could my female friends all on one hand.

So the bottom like is he is cheating, is a cheater, and is very insecure and wants to have all control. You will be better with out him and all the drama that he brings to the table.

Glory's Sun

Here's where I take issue with all of this...

this isn't just a casual relationship..you say you are getting married after his next deployment.. yet neither one of you KNOW each other. You say you love him and that he loves you.. yet there is no give or compromise. It's all take on his behalf. He's in NC with his marine buddies drinking and fucking some broad he met at the local bar..and then guilt tripping you..because he want to have his cake and eat some pie too.

Call me old fashioned..but it's pointless to get married or even talk about marriage when you really aren't happy..and you don't really know the other person.

plus.. I don't think I've ever known a faithful marine..ever.

just sayin.

Sue

Gucci. I must seriously correct you on this. Sam has been, and always will be, a faithful Marine (even if he is out now. ) I know you didn't intend anything directly towards me at all, but I actually felt offended at this.

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Glory's Sun

I don't know Sam

Sue

He's on this board, you do now

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Tiny Dancer

I oh so agree with you.



But if you don't even know him well you can't go forward with anything. I would say you should at least be together for a min of two years because people change so much it should be more like five years while also living together for some of those 5 years.

Teufel Hunden

Ah, sweeping generalizations. Nothin beats them eh?

Glory's Sun

It was a half generalization..but I was pulling from the marines that I have known IRL. Knowing someone by the text on the screen and in flesh is two very different things

but anyway back to the thread topic

Iluvjazz7

Yep. Your guy friend will or should understand that your soul mate is very important to you. You are still his friend but it is not appropiate to hang out nearly as much as you use to. In fact if you do why not together with your new mate. Does you and your guy friend have a co-dependency problem? If you love your new mate demonstrate. Trust is not instant, it is earned. Just cause you are not hanging out does not mean you are giving up friendship. Letters, ocassional phone calls, pictures of you and your mate to show that you are doing okay still shows your guy friends you are still friends. They should be intelligent enought to know life still goes through different levels. When or if your new mate or planing a family, friends are expecting too much if they still want you to hang out. That's kid stuff.

Xerxys

Gosh, I miss kacilinden, too bad I don't think she'll ever come back ... Kaci, wherever you are ... please come back ...