soma

I've been skiing with this group of guys for most of winter and it has been going pretty good. They're fun to ride with and we all get along well.

I got a text message this evening asking me if I wanted to go skiing tomorrow. The person that was inviting me even said in the text that he would pay for my lift ticket (score!). Of course I said I would go. I get another text where he asks me if I could pick up one of his friends, and I agreed out of obligation.

Right now, I feel kind of tricked into giving someone a ride. I know if I said no, I'd put a little tarnish on the short friendship I share with these guys, but for saying yes, I feel like I'm being used. Also, I felt a bit weird that he offered to pay for my lift ticket, like he has to pay me to do him a favor? I feel like it would have been better if he just straight asked me if I wanted to ride with them and if I could pick up their buddy.

I'm going to go tomorrow just so I don't rub them the wrong way, but should I pay for my ticket and drive that guy? I feel like it would almost be wrong to accept money for a favor like that, right? I just want to be cool with everyone, maybe that's my problem?

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Plan9

Never stay in a situation where other people take advantage of you financially. Friends don't do that.

You can be generous, but if you feel like there are unnecessary expectations from your associates, let 'em know.

You might lose your associate, but you haven't lost a real friend.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

World's King

Is the guy you have to pick up way out of your way?

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Jimellow

I suspect paying for the lift ticket was the payment/reward for you picking up his friend. It also skirts the issue of whether you are being used, as you're less likely to bring it up if you're receiving something for your efforts.

As someone that "helps" others quite often, I'd say the decision is up to you. To call him/her on it will likely result in you having to be unpleasantly honest, but it could be beneficial if it sets things straight without upsetting them to the point of not wanting to be friends anymore.

It can be very enlightening to take a step back and view relationships from the standpoint of who generally is giving, and who is taking. It's also a nice way of tightening up who are genuine friends and who are just acquaintances that enjoy the benefits that come with being in a relationship with you.

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Martian

Wait, dude's paying for your lift ticket, and you feel used because he asked you to help out a friend? Unless the guy lives in the next state, I don't see the problem. Given that a lift ticket is typically around $30-$80 depending on where you're skiing, I'm inclined to say keep your damn mouth shut and don't make an ass of yourself.

Dude had an organizational problem. Dude solved his organizational problem. You got a free lift ticket, other guy got a ride. Everybody makes out here. Frankly, I think where your mind immediately jumped to on this says a lot more about you than the situation does about your friends.

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I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
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Plan9

Martian,

It's all about the hassle and distance and other factors. Ya know, the things we didn't get in the OP. Including the price of the lift ticket.

It's okay to be a cheap bastard with relative strangers. Nobody should dangle their wallet out there and let folks pick at it.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

soma

Thanks for the posts and putting everything into perspective. Here's some more information.
I live the closest by far, to the person that needs a ride. It is out of my way, but it makes sense that they're asking me.

edit: I'm going to sleep now, but I'll check this thread before I head out tomorrow if anyone has anything to add. Again, thanks. These silly little things drive me crazy.

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Having Girl Problems?

Jimellow

I think it really depends on the person that is asking, and that is something you will only know.

He could be the nice guy that offers to pay for your lift ticket out of kindness, but wants to invite another friend and was hoping you'd be nice enough to pick him up since you live closer.

Or he could be the guy that is always asking you to do things for him, and he puts his mind at ease by occasionally rewarding you for your efforts through payment, directly, or otherwise; in this case, a lift ticket.

I'd just step back and try to take an objective look at the person making the request and make the decision of what to do from here on that. I wouldn't recommend doing anything before, or during, the ski trip, as they seem like fun plans and there's plenty of time down the road to address these things. As long as you actually do address them at some point if you intend to.

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Desperation is no excuse for lowering one's standards.

Anormalguy

Give the one guy a ride, and accept the lift ticket from the guy that offered it. If a pattern starts developing, then decide what action you need to take.

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

thespian86

No. You shouldn't feel used.

This guy is your buddy, right? Well, if it makes sense that you are doing it, give his friend a hand. It's part of being in a circle of friends sometimes.

And like anormalguy said, if a pattern appears then decide what action to take.

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Daniel_

Treat it as an econnomic problem.

An associate offers you payment (to the value of the lift pass) to collect and deliver another associate to the resort.

If you would do the job for payment at this scale, then you've not been used.

Maybe a mention to your patron that the method was crass is in order, but it's going to be hard to pull off without looking like an ass-hat.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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ratbastid

Flip side of _Daniel: The other way to look at it is as a social exercise. The guy may not have made a real straight request regarding the transportation his friend needed, fine. People are bad at asking for things sometimes. But these are new buddies, you're having fun with them, and he did reach out to you with the lift ticket. Is it worth being grumpy about that, and cutting off the fun and the skiing you'd have with them? I say no.

Lasereth

Hell no they're not using you. I would do the same thing as that guy. You are doing him a huge favor so I would offer to pay for your lift ticket also. Don't look so far into it!

Now if you get there and he's like ok cya, I'll meet you at 10 PM to leave, then that's different.

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Daniel_

You do know you're my evil twin, right?

Or vice versa...

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Xerxys

He would have just asked "Hey man, could you pick up Dave? I know he's outta your way but I can't get to him like I normally used to. You know what, I'll make it up to you, how about I pay for your lift ticket this time round??" Job done. All this skirting around is useless.

northstar

This is why I hate texting. I bet if you spoke over the phone you wouldn't feel this way.

Good advice in this thread. First time, no big deal. If a pattern develops then you will have to address it.

Also depends on the guy who's asking, you know his personality better than we do and it's a little concerning that your first thought of this friend is that he's using you in this situation.

Regardless, you have a free ticket and a day of skiing with some friends. Go have fun!

genuinegirly

Now here's the real question: After enjoying a day on the slopes with a few buddies, do you feel used?

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soma

So here's a little update. To make a long story short, I TOTALLY overreacted to this entire situation. The day ended up being a lot of fun and I didn't feel used at all.
From now on I think I'm going to try to tune out all of the silly negative thoughts I have floating around in my head (easier said than done though...)
Thanks TFP for helping me sort this one out. I could have ruined my entire day with a negative attitude.

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Plan9

Pfft... way to get my hopes up.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

Whoo hoo! I'm glad you had a great day. Thanks for the update.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy