McFrosticles

I'm sure you are going to have Deja Vu after reading this, but here it goes.

My girlfriend left me after 2 years back in August. It was definitely the worst thing I have ever been put through.

and somehow I still feel like I am going through it.

She left me because she "needed to get her life straight" and so she moved away to live with her parents.

I was obviously heartbroken, because I was going to ask her to marry me the day I graduate college (which is this May).

I just wish I could get over it. I'm sick of feeling like I want her back. She was selfish, not very intimate, and didn't have any respect for herself. Why would I want to be with someone like that? I don't understand. I haven't dated ANYONE since we broke up because of these stupid feelings I still have.

What is worse is that things are great for me! I joined a band, started my hobbies up again, joined the gym again, got a tattoo, and started teaching. But she is still the same old not "getting her life straight." I guess I feel like she was lying to me when she broke it off with me. She calls me every now and then to talk, which might be why these feelings are coming up again all the time.

I dunno, I just need words of comfort from the good people here at TFProject. How the HELL do I get over this?

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Good Grief

Plan9

I would ignore her. You're digging at scabs, buddy.

At least you know you're not alone: LINK

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

World's King

Well first off... Charlie Brown isn't the best role model to have right now.


Other then that... I'm probably not the best person for words of comfort.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

cj2112

Seriously....Don't talk to her for 6 months. It only prolongs things.

Start dating...do it NOW. Don't go gettin all serious with anyone just yet, but date. Go out, have some fun.

You get over her by hurting for a little while (which you've done), then going through the motions of being ok until it feels natural.

Plan9

How is that worse, again? You're doing exactly what you need to do and exactly what every "How Will I Survive?!" thread prescribes. Stop running through paradise with your head looking back at Shitsville. I know it's hard to do, but you're already halfway there.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

snowy

Do what she says she is going to do for herself--get your life straight.

This is one of the few times in your life where few will fault you for putting yourself and your own interests first. Pursue things you enjoy that take your mind off of it and get you out there--exercise, go to concerts, go to shows, do whatever it is you like to do, and ESPECIALLY do those things that you liked to do before you met her but she didn't like to do. Seriously. It helps. Call all your friends up and invite them to join you for a night out. Go and have fun.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Iliftrocks

At the risk of getting all pop-psychy, you need closure. You have probably been too busy finishing college to actually deal with your feelings. It really has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

Get drunk ( probably not ), have a big cry, or two, and try to get the self-pity out of your system. I really don't think you can move on until you indulge your sad, depressing feelings. Don't dwell there too long, either, you could get stuck. Once you've languished in this cesspool of emotion ( for a short time ), get out there and work on things that make you happy to be you.

You're going to be alright

** Ignore my sig, for the purposes of this post, heh **

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

ItWasMe

It sounds like you have done a good job going through the steps (moving on with life) except the part about severing contact and dating others. Her occasional phone calls could be preventing you from completely healing. Is it possible to change your phone number? Seriously, the next time she calls, explain that you have moved on with your life. If she wants to still be friends, let her know that isn't something you are able to do. Remember that she is the one who left. You are under no obligation to be her shoulder to cry on, nor her occasional chat buddy when she is bored. Ask her to find someone else.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

high_jinx

repeated, you have to break off contact until you both are new people.... minimum 6 months to 2 years. that said, you're doing the right stuff. just keep pouring all that energy into building yourself up, and maybe push yourself to hookup with someone new for perspective. the only thing keeping her "the one that got away" instead of "the last gf i had" is you sticking to that shrine of her in your head.

also, it sounds like you have a thing for birds with broken wings. i did too. you have to become aware of that, because the truth is most of those birds are in their comfort zones with a broken wing and want the attention of someone trying to fix them more than they actually want to be fixed.

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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

Plan9

Yeah, where I come from we call that "dead love."

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

soma

hey man, my GF dumped me about 1.5 years ago and i feel the same way you do. Ive dated other girls but i still cant get over her. It has gotten better with time tho, but it still eats at me.

If i were you, I would totally stop talking to her completely. Tell her how you feel and that you just would be better off without her in your life.

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Having Girl Problems?

highdro69

I agree with Ilift to the extent that something resembling closure is needed, but it's not so cut and dry. Closure to the extent that she is out of your life. You do need to forget her. Of course you have these horrible lingering feelings because this is most likely the first time you've had your heart truly broken. The first one is always the worst. But the common theme everyone here says, which I fully endorse, is do other activities to take your mind off of it. It seems like you have started a decent regiment of stuff to take your mind off things (and more importantly, her), so just keep that up. But if you honestly WANT to get over her (and since she was such an important part of your life, you sort of don't want to, and you need to recognize that fact in you for the healing process), you have got to stop talking with her. Even if she constantly wants to talk to you and ultimately get back together, there's no need nor reason to trust her with your heart again. Keep gymming it up, hone your instrumental skills with your band, make sure you have the best lesson plans your school has ever seen, and keep an eye out for some cute grad students in the teacher's lounge ;-).
You'll be fine, just takes some time.

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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Daniel_

Conclusion.

It is wrong to think of women as sex objects, however, hooking up with a new one will help you get over the old one.

Good luck.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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Plan9

Nice one, Daniel.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

genuinegirly

You're doing fine. She is not. Tell her you don't understand why she calls you. Ask her why she calls. Ask if she calls because she wants to get back together. Remind her that she left you. End the conversation and don't pick up if she calls again. Continue with your life. Keep moving on. You'll heal.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy