A Circle of Friends and A Web of Lies
 

I find myself in a very complicated situation, and I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it. Moreover, because of the nature of this situation (which will follow) I have no with whom I can talk about it. And so, I turn to the TFP for advice.

The Cast of Characters:
Sabrina Fair: Yours truly.
Carrie: Sabrina's next-door-neighbor and closest friend
Sam: a friend of Sabrina's and Carrie's, male.
Blair: a friend of Sabrina and Carrie's.
Matt: Sabrina and Carrie's other neighbor

The Plot:
A few months ago, my friend Carrie told me that her and my friend Sam messed around. Over the course of a few weeks, I was privy to the details of their fooling around--starting with some making out and progressing to bigger and better things. While they never had sex, it was an "everything but" situation that quickly dissolved when he started dating someone else.

A few minutes ago, I get a series of texts from Sam asking me if Carrie has ever told me anything to this effect. He explained that he had heard something from Blair, and that Matt had said something similar to his little sister. I told him he should talk directly to Matt or Blair, and that I didn't want to get myself in the middle of the situation. He understood, but reiterated that nothing ever happened between the two of them.

Now, it doesn't matter to me whether or not they messed around. I really don't care. However--I'm forced to face the fact that one of my friends is lying. Moreover, I'm not really sure here. This is complicated, of course, by my living situation. If Carrie made this up, then there are bigger issues at hand than whether or not she and Sam messed around. And I so don't want to be in the middle of this, but I feel like I am whether I want to be or not. And so, I put this problem out there. Is there a course of action I should take, or should I wait this out? Is it OK not knowing the truth, or should I seek it? Any advice you can give would be much appreciated.

Love,
Sabrina
-----Added 21/12/2008 at 06 : 42 : 33-----
Oh, and I should put it out there that these are all pseudonyms. Believe me, I'm not an air-your-dirty-laundry-in-public kind of gal. I'm just an air-your-dirty-laundry-in-a-semi-anonymous-fashion kind of gal.

Are you asking what you should do?

IMO, nothing. Friends DO tell lies to one another, for a variety of reasons - and it's often about sex, realtionships or money.

I think it's par for course and so long as you don't suspect someone of being a compulsive liar on a wide range of issues, I wouldn't be too bent out of shape about it.

I usually take a "I really don't know, don't want to know" to questions and situations of this sort. IMO, getting in the middle of this type things is a losing cause. I'd say of you don't want to be involved... then don't be and don't let yourself be shoved either.

Pretty much.

Sometimes the best course is to do nothing and see how things eventually pan out. Probably good advice in this situation.

Ha ha ha and a hee hee hee...I pretty much concur with the above. I'd ride this out, and probably be semi-sympathetic to whomever was venting at me at a particular time. Quick question: does Sam have a girlfriend, or a new girlfriend, or a new crush? Particularly one who might be close to this circle of pseudonymic people? My experience is that when you have two people, and one of them says "we hooked up, but it was casual...or nothing much is happening...or whatever" and the other one says "I never had sexual relations with that wo/man..." the truth is usually closer to the version that involves the hooking up. Maybe Sam and Carrie had an agreement that no one else would ever know, and now he's pissed and wants to perform damage control. Or maybe Carrie likes to boil bunny rabbits on the stove, or is really depressed...or who knows? I'd stay out of it...and usually the truth will out. Let Sam and Carrie hash this one out. I would wonder why she would be telling everyone about this little situation. I thought the first rule of bootycalls was that you don't discuss bootycalls?

Haha, it's probably a good rule of thumb, but Carrie and I do NOT have a lot of secrets. (particularly her from me; I'm a little more reserved)

In answer to the question, yes, Sam does have a new girlfriend. I should have mentioned that. He met her right on the heels of the alleged fling, and they very quickly became serious.

I'm planning on staying out of this one--but there's definitely no way I can avoid hearing about it. Most likely from both sides. I guess I'm just going to have to take a firm line on this one, and tell both of them I'm uncomfortable talking about it.

Well, from one little piggy on the interwebs, I would personally guess that's your answer right there. First, stay away from toxic friend issue. Second, homeboy made out a little with your galpal, thought it was strictly on the DL, and doesn't want it to get in the way of his burgeoning relationship. Is new girl socially conservative? Would she feel awkward around the group...of course, this recent issue won't help him. As they say, look for squalls.

Have fun!!!

Yeah, stay outta this one, and by the way, Sam isn't really lying, maybe to himself he isn't. When he says nothing happened that means he got no action. Carrie, also, isn't lying, she said they never knocked no boots, which is ........... quite accurate.

So, stay outta this one.

Would it matter if they did go all the way? Do they not want their current partners finding out about the fling?

Being a little reserved is not a bad thing, as you are discovering. Sometimes you just have to watch your back. I have friends that I like very much, but that I have learned to not trust in certain ways. My friend Marin, is absolutely 100% cash register honest. I could loan her a thousand dollars, and she would pay me back right when she said she would. But Marin is a terrible gossip, and I would not trust her with any information that I wanted to keep confidential. Besides that, not only does she gossip, she embroiders. I love her dearly, but I'm always careful what I say around her.
Theresa, on the other hand, I can ask for advice, and know that she will keep a confidence. I can talk about medical or romantic issues safely, but I'd never get on the wrong side of her financially. She's such a spendthrift, she always spends it before she has it.

Lindy

If Hollywood has taught me anything, it's that all of these problems can be solved with a threesome with lots of pictures posted here. You'll have to excuse me, though, while I pause for a moment while my child says something uproariously funny just before the laughtrack kicks in.

Seriously, I'd take a "I don't want to hear any more" approach followed by "ignorance is bliss. Help me find my bliss." No good can come of it.

strange..what i found out in hollywood is that enormous beetles swim about in swimming pools even in december. this is just one place where by experience diverges from that of comrade jazz.

i mention this because, were it not for that divergence, which effected what i learned from hollywood, i'd have said more or less the same thing as he said.

Let your friends tell you what they want about "the situation," but say nothing.

No, they didn't want anyone else finding out about the fling. But from what I gather (through limited info) is that this situation has spun outta control. Why would Sam not officially end it either way with Carrie before he started seeing his now girlfriend?? He didn't have to say to SabrinaFair all these things through text that nothing happened, blah, blah, blah........ to me they are both lying not because of what they said orally, but because they were being secretive.

So much drama could have been avoided if Sam would have said "Carrie, I've met another person and I think I have feelings for her, I can't see you anymore. The time we had was fun, and it does mean something to me though."

Am I immature or naive........ or both??

You hit the nail on the head, Xerxys.

To the op: Stay out of it. No reason to wallow in the muck. Just be a shoulder when needed and keep mum otherwise.