backforsummer

How do I avoid destructive actions and people so that I can "live at a higher level"?

I'm a 24 year old male and I have a set of goals that I am aiming to accomplish:

• Lose weight (get a 6 pack)
• Save money for a house
• Meet new people
• Meet a girlfriend
• Discover new and interesting things

It seems like my friends only want to do things that are counterproductive to those goals when we hang out. They'd like to go out to a buffet, drink, go to the movies, or just sit around at my house. These are all counterproductive to all of the above. I love my friends, but sometimes I feel like they hold me back, or that they don't add anything to my life. Do I need to make new friends? How? I don't go to school and I'm not involved in any social groups or activities. I feel uncomfortable going online to meet friends and/or romantic interests (when done for that purpose). Help?

Martian

Your friends don't control your life. If they want you to participate in an activity that you don't want to do, all you have to do is say no. This may mean that you will grow in different directions, but that's a part of life.

Meeting new friends is an organic process. Follow your interests and the odds are good that you'll meet others who share them. For example, you might make new friends at the gym who share your interest in physical fitness.

I would trike 'meet a girlfriend' off your list entirely. Being in a relationship just to have one is kind of stupid. When you meet the right girl it'll happen and until you do there's no point in fretting over it.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Charlatan

If your friends don't share your goals... start doing things without your friends.

I don't mean that you should ditch them entirely (although that may be the end result) but you need to move away from what you are seeing as negativity in your life and start doing the thing you think will lead you to achieve your goals.

__________________
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Manic_Skafe

Sound advice offered thus far but I should also add that you should start with the things you have the most immediate control over. A simple change of perspective can afford you the ability to discover new and interesting things rather easily - investigate the coils of your radiator, start listening to the rain....

It's cliche but it's all just a matter of how badly you want it.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

ASU2003

I started bike riding on the weekends and have done everything on your list. I even went on a 20 mile bike riding date with a cute girl yesterday. And you may be able to get your friends to join you as well. Bike rides are usually cheap too.

And if you start exercising eating at buffets sometimes isn't bad. You just have to find the high protein, low fat, low carb food. And drink water instead of pop or coffee.

jewels

Martian's spot-on as usual.

A list of goals is great, but mapping out each step you'll need to take in order to accomplish each goal will ensure that any obstacles that cross your path will be easily hurdled.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

mixedmedia

Everyone has given you great advice so far.

Everybody needs to have friends and you certainly don't need to ditch yours. But you can't just hang out all day, every day, either.

The only thing I would add to what everyone else has said is to pace yourself. You will burn out if you try to launch into accomplishing everyone of these goals at once. Choose the one that is most important to you NOW and work on it. Chances are, some of the others will fall into your lap in the process.

And give yourself time to just hang-out and be with your friends sometimes.

Balance is key to happiness. There's no sense in accomplishing goals if you're too stressed out and anxious about them to enjoy the time spent getting there.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

thespian86

Manic is king.

I went through this a year or two ago and ever couple of months I do it again. Manic pretty much said what I would of said, which is focus on the things you have control over and the others things come with time.

Most of all have confidence. Confidence can buy more then money and six packs; trust me.

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ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
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grumpyolddude

Have you discussed your goals with your closest friend(s)? They should be looking to their future, as well. Let them know that they are still truly important parts of your life, but you need to spend time on your own development.

Who knows? When they witness your drive and determination, they could get motivated as well. Then you'll have a tight knit group of accomplished, successful friends. Win-win!

Godd luck, and never stop!

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

speshul-k

Or meet like minding people who share common goals. Team work can be just as rewarding as completing the actual goal.

NoSoup

Perhaps it's just me, but I would think these goals are a bit too vague to really track your progress.

For instance - "Save Money for a House" - slap a buck in an envelope and label it House Fund and you've accomplished it.

Perhaps having more specific goals - Save $10,000 by X Date for a down payment on your house will help keep you more motivated because it's easier to track. Additionally, it will you allow to unequivically reach that specific goal.

Just my two cents

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