Miss Mango

Whats more important to you...

The way you see yourself OR the way others see you?

People will always see me differently than I see myself just because they dont have the constant stream of thought that goes through my head and validates the things that I do. Theres generally a method to the madness! Im much more focused on my own view of myself and accepting who I am. Especially since I have to live with me.

Willravel

Depends on the others. If the other person who's opinion I respect I'll take their input under advisement. Otherwise, I generally behave and think in a way that's acceptable to me.

jewels

Definitely the way I see myself.

If I don't like what I see, then surely no one else will.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

snowy

Ditto.

I'm pretty self-absorbed in some respects; there aren't many people I'll listen to when it comes to changing aspects of my personality/dress/whatever. Most people who try to change me end up slotted into the former friend category. I'm stubborn like that; I'm too self-aware of who I am, and I'm also really protective of myself in that respect as a result of a relationship where I did a lot of unnecessary changing.

So how I see myself is far more important than how others see me. Generally, this works for me. Most people like me the way that I am, anyhow.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

levite

Well, like will said, it depends on who the other is. I have a very small group of lifelong friends who are closer to me than family. I would be very concerned about how they perceive me.

But outside them, absolutely, how I see myself is vital. I don't really give a flying fuck at a rolling donut how others see me.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

ngdawg

I seem to lean on the side of how others see me. I hate HATE conflict, arguing or hurting another. I will go out of my way to make sure another is comfortable.
That said, I've never compromised myself in order to make anyone else feel better-that I'm aware of. I tend to do what makes ME happy.

thespian86

What Jake Gyllenhaal said.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Shauk

/win

World's King

Fuck other people.


Unless it's family.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Fotzlid

Succinct and eloquent.

I don't care how others see me.
To quote the immortal Popeye "I yam what I yam."

inBOIL

I have trouble telling what others think of me, so I usually don't worry about it. As long as they're not pissed off enough to attack, it's not my concern.

__________________
And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

Martian

That advice is applicable to so many situations...

I gave up worrying about what other people think of me a while ago. Occasionally I find myself wondering about that, and when I do I usually stop and ask myself why this person's opinion matters. There's rarely a good answer to that question.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Bear Cub

That is verbatim what I thought in my mind after reading the OP.

Unfortunately, I WISH I would listen to other people some of the time. The SO constantly reiterates how she likes me the way I am (physically), but I absolutely loathe the way my body looks (lost a lot of weight and the skin couldn't keep up), and am heavily contemplating plastic surgery in the near future.

Ratman

What other people think of me is none of my business.

__________________
The difference between theory and reality is that in theory there is no difference.

"God made man, but he used the monkey to do it." DEVO

ItWasMe

How other people see me is not unimportant, but it is less important than how I see myself. (yea, funny to say that after the 'battle scars' thread) This is because I know myself better than anyone else. When I used to walk with my head down, everybody knew I was shy. But, since I taught myself to make/maintain more eye contact, many newcomers in my life don't see my shyness. What they tend to see is a snob, or so I've been told. Go figure. As long as I know better, and the people that I care about know better, I am not losing sleep over it.

__________________
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

snowy

Yeah, but there are some people in my life, people in my ohana, whose opinions do matter. But they are not many in number, to be certain, and they're also not the sort of people who judge others anyhow.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Esoteric

Myself.

Fuck what other people think.

I am me.

__________________
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

jewels

The OP asked which was more important, the way YOU see yourself or the way OTHERS see you.

She didn't ask if you'd listen to other opinions or take anyone's advice. Now, that is something completely different.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Titan_Uranus

Me,Myself & I ,screw the rest.

CandleInTheDark

What I think of myself partly determines what others think of me. But I would never ignore the ability to manipulate others view of me through my dress and actions.

__________________
Where there is doubt there is freedom.

mixedmedia

I really don't understand the question. To me they are one in the same.

I don't blend in with the crowd, never have, and I used to be very self-conscious about it, but have learned to accept it. So I don't really think about how I see myself or how others see me. Too busy just doing stuff.

Now, I do have a desire for people to understand me, not to agree or identify, simply to understand. And I will go to great lengths to try and make this happen. But it makes no difference to me whether they like it or not.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

ottopilot

The way we see each other is part of living in a society. No matter how independent we "see ourselves", we still dress in some sort of style, we speak with regional accents, and generally interact with some commonality.

Because we are so adaptive, we are many people for various occasions. This is not to say that we vary far from our core values or base persona, but most of us will act differently in front of our significant other's parents than with our obnoxious friends at a bar. Trendy fashion, geek fashion, NASCAR fashion, hip-hop, Goth, etc. are often mixed and matched to accommodate your desired self image, but you're still borrowing a look, attitude, and culture ... even the most extremes or fringes. It's probably been done before.

I can never fully comprehend how someone else sees "me". For every person in a room at any given time, "they" will all have a very unique interpretation of "me". It's sort of like if there's 5 people standing in a room, there are 25 unique interpretations of who the singular individuals "are". I see "me" one way, everyone else sees or perceives "me" in their own way ... and on and on.

So with all these "me's" and "you's" running around, getting hung up on what everyone else thinks could become a bit maddening. You gotta pick out what you're comfortable in and make adjustments for the appropriate setting ... varying degrees are your option.

__________________
"It rubs the lotion on Buffy, Jodi and Mr. French's skin" - Uncle Bill from Buffalo

AKR

I go for what I think of myself, usually, but I'm not totally oblivious to what people say. When people don't like me, alot tend to start screwing me over, and that can complicate matters.

little_tippler

This part of what you say makes sense to me. The difference with me is that even though I am generally comfortable in my own skin (we all have moments of doubt), I still feel quite self-conscious, exactly because I often feel like I don't fit. I'm used to it, but I am quite conscious of it. It's not something to change, it's just how I am. I am very sensitive to how others see me, if they are close to me. I am generally sensitive to others and sometimes have to make myself see the bigger picture, in terms of the relevance or irrelevance of any event where I feel someone is judging me, positively or negatively.

I don't think the question makes sense, it's not about what is more important to me. Sometimes I am more concerned with myself and sometimes I am more concerned with others, or sometimes they both occurr at once. It's a changeable thing.

I do find it an interesting exercise though, to get some perspective on yourself, to get some feedback on how others actually do see you. It gives you a sense of your own (un)importance.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

mixedmedia

I used to be much more sensitive to how others perceived me than I am now, but it just kind of faded away over time (I've got a few years on you, I think ).

But it was strange when I saw this question, my first impression was, 'oh, that's easy...' but when I started to think about it, I had to pause. I couldn't answer it, lol.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

settie

Being a naturally sensitive person, knowing honestly what others think of me really gets me down. In my past I've heard things I'd rather have never heard from people about their opinions of me. I don't talk to them anymore.

So, because of that, I don't give a shit what people think of me anymore. I am who I am. This doesn't mean I make everyone else's lives a miserable hell. In fact, I get along with a lot of people. What I mean is, I care more about how I perceive myself, how I work on myself in all aspects of life as I grow up, than how others see me.

What I have discovered recently is I am a very defensive person. It's a habit now, to block people out rather than let them in. Socially, I'm a walled-in individual with a close circle of friends, keeping everyone else out and faraway to keep from getting too close...and not taking opinions lightly from others...or well. heh.

Network-wise and work-wise, I take criticism/advice/opinions very well and always work harder to do better. In the workplace, I thrive on feedback.

I suppose that's not too uncommon in people, to shut people out. As far as I know, its especially common with those who have experienced great loss in their lives, especially at an early age.

PlanG

I see myself as an intelligent, moderately attractive and reasonably awesome person.

I can be very good at talking to people about emotional issues, although I do struggle sometimes. I sometimes find myself unable to engage, which makes people think that I am resigned.

I think people tend to see me as an "unknown" as I am friendly with all of the different groups at college, instead of just one (although I am mainly in one group). This leads to people distancing themselves sometimes, and not always having a proper friendship, outside of my friends group.

I am generally well regarded, and have been told that I do not seem to care what people think of me, what they say, and am happy to take the piss out of myself, but just try to be happy and make the best of situations.

While this is true to an extent, although sometimes things that are said tend to hang over me.

I am hopeless with girls(although sometimes bat above my league somehow, sometimes even accidentally) and have a few insecurities, which are completely opposite of what I would expect of myself, although I just ignore them for the most part. I also have chronic "falling in love with a girl so much that I can't ask them out and then become their best friend by mistake and get so upset over it that I end up casting them away" disorder; it's happened a number of times..

I am very loyal to my friends, which I hope they all realise. I try to be there for them, even if they aren't always for me, as with my friends I very much follow the "treat others the way you wish others would treat you" motto - a good one I feel.

I am generally well liked, as I am a bit different, and casual, compared to some of my friends.
I may not be the best looking, funniest, most clever or best with girls. However, I accept that and enjoy myself as best as I can, which I think people are able to appreciate, and that is why they like me.