Nimetic

The girl of the house is seriously upset tonight. No obvious reason. She wont talk, won't tell. Yeah... I didn't get the washing in when she asked, but you'd not think that's a hanging offense. It's probably everything that I've ever done wrong, all rolled together.

I'm walking on eggshells.

There's nothing that can be done I fear. I'm doomed. There's a cloud above my head. Or maybe not, maybe it'll just vanish like a puff of smoke.

Wish me luck.....

(Nimetic is typing very quietly). Why why why why why.

Punk.of.Ages

Man, I'd go to the bar and have a few beers. Maybe when you get back she'll be happier... or asleep. On the other hand, maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I pretty much suck when it comes to women and relationships and stuff.

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abaya

Have you asked her what's wrong?

And is this the first time you've forgotten to bring the laundry in?

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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Ustwo

PMS

Its not just a cliche

Seriously. My wife used to have some of the worst, she would turn EVERYTHING into an argument. When we were first dating I finally told her not to call me for that week. Luckily there is enough of a rational side to her that she recognized it and knows when shes being hormonal now.

So I'd eliminate that possibility first.

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Jinn

It'd be easy to blame the mood and the behavior on her being a woman, but I don't think it is as simple as that. There are plenty of women capable of being level-headed and capable of expressing what they want and why they're upset.

That's why I think this is an issue of skill rather than gender. Assuming she's angry, you've asked why, and she hasn't explained, then she is poor at communication.

I wish women learned earlier how to communicate their needs and desires in a productive manner, without being passive aggressive. It believe it is our unfortunate society which discourages women from learning to communicate. It's a shame too, because women (unfairly) get this stereotype of raging anger and miscommunication, and I don't think it has anything to do with their gender.

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Leto

I've resorted to several strategies:

1) I buy vitamin B supplements for her (she calls them her happy pills during her less irrational periods) as they seem to work for the hormonal hell that she goes through

2) I've told her that I am a typical slow-to-figure-out-things male speciman. If she wants something done the way she wants, don't assume that I can read her mind. SPELL IT OUT FOR ME. I'll go to the ends of the earth to do something for her, but I will shut her out if she starts in on me for not figuring out what she wants. And in this I am only human, and have my mood swings as well.

3) Taking my younger brother's advice, I have plotted her period on calendar. Seriously. Information is a tool. Just like a guy can have mood swings based on hormonal flow, so can women in a big way. And I need to know when to expect her to be sensitive, so that I don't sulking around at her reactions.

Finally, what she wants more than anything is for me to try and be understanding when she's like this. She says that she doesn't like yelling any more than I do, but when she sees me "alking on eggsshells" it pisses her off. sometimes a hug is good, as is a cup of tea.

edit:

I just remembered: being on the birthcontrol pill can even out the ups and downs of the monthly cycle, but it tends to damped the libido as well. It's a give and take. Also, the pill is not recommended for women who are prone to breast cancer (my wife had it) as it is an estrogen based drug.

StellaLuna

Well, until Nimetic gets back, we don't know that it is PMS.

The OP is such a familiar situation to me-- I used to do that to my ex-husband all the time. He fucked up one time too many, even after repeated attempts at asking, nagging, and finally bitching; I decided he wasn't going to listen and that was the end of the discussion. I quit asking for help and quit opening up about anything, and one day I just quit the marriage. My advice here: ask her what's wrong. And bring in the laundry.

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Screw tradition!

Juley

Ask her what's wrong. If she says nothing, then just go about your business and eventually she'll probably let you know. But acting like you don't notice, leaving the house, or assuming it's PMS won't make the situation any better. It very well could be PMS, and it also could be something that has absolutely nothing to do with you. All you can do is ask. Just a woman's point of view....

Charlatan

Ask her. If she refuses to answer, explain to her that you cannot even attempt to change what is wrong (if in fact you are the cause of her anger) if she does not tell you what is wrong (you are not a mind reader).

Communication.

(and yes, PMS can be the cause, but don't jump to that conclusion without more evidence)

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Plan9

Answer: A reasonable amount of distance and time followed by a nice sit-down no-bullshit conversation.

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Whatever you can carry.

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Martian

I opened this thread and had a reply formulated. But when I scrolled down to click on the 'reply to post' button I found, to my surprise, that I already had replied.

Wait, no, that's just Charlatan saying exactly what I was going to. If you want to know what's wrong, ask her.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

robot_parade

Asking her is the obvious answer. PMS is the cliche answer. Life is more complicated, though. I've had the same sort of situation...my wife will seem to blow up over trivial stuff, but the next day she'll completely be fine with more major things ("oh, sorry honey, did my mistress leave her panties on the floor again?" (I kid! ;-))

You get the idea, though. It just seems to me that her reactions are more directly based upon her overall mood than what the actual 'event' is. I just try to deal with it, and communicate, and walk on eggshells when she's upset.

freeload

Slightly on topic:
For those down the PMS route - Check out http://menstral.net/ where you can download a java-application to your cellphone to keep track of her cycle.

On topic:
Yep - just like an onion. The visible layer can be quite far from the core of the anger.

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The future ain't what it used to be.

Ustwo

Like I need something to TELL me when that time is approaching.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Nimetic

Hey... I'm back.. but I'm off to work in a sec. : (

She's ok again now. Thankfully. In that she's talking to me and we went out for chat last night. So the girl is sub-critical, although that unfairly puts all the blame on her.

No I don't think it's PMS, but I'll find out when I get a chance to very carefully inquire about the nature of the problem. I've a few ideas. Probably there's little that can be done to really explore the layers of the onion (thanks for that analogy) during the working week.

Right now... I've got some tough deadlines at work, she's in a new job, she's got parents staying, and we're planning a marriage ceremony. It's fairly tough time.

Once again. Thanks all.

hambone

maybe its cause you call her 'the girl'

haha, j/k, let us know how it goes

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Nothing to cry over"

Dammitall

I would do well to share this advice with my better half... and I <i>am</i> a woman!