dd3953

i guess i just wanna know if i'm alone in this:

i've been watching my friends and family . . . little sister is in love, so are 3 of my friends, and then there's the random people you still on the street.

i just got off the phone with a girl i think i like, not that it matters, she is annoying happy about some guy she meet who just broke up with his girlfriend. her talking to me about it was not the annoying part. the annoying part: realizing that i don't like her as much as i thought i did.

i mean i have had a number of crushes in my day. at any point in my life (for the past 26 years) i have had at least one. but not that type of like that makes you jump up and down. not that kind that makes you smile at random times. and not the type you see in movies (although how many people really get that movie / music type of love??).

at one point in time i thought i was just scared to fall in love. . . i'm a lazy chick and love is a lot of work . . . but i think i'm more scared of the fact that i may never get to experience it all at. i know people who have been in love, and they lost it, they feel like that "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" shit is just that, shit. but i can't help but think it's right.

do you ever feel emotionless? or like you'll never get to feel half of everything that's out there to feel?
you ever just sit and wonder if you'll get the chance to be in love?

ps: i'm not too sure if this is the right place to post this.

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

Shauk

you may have a chemical imbalance or a hormone problem. usually people have feelings towards other people one way or another, you seem fairly apathetic though.

I agree on "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" being shit.

once you love,and you lose it, it's like you have this hole inside you that needs fixing. Often times you seek this fix in other people, you may even delude yourself into thinking that they may be able to fix you. and so the cycle begins with people who use people and discard them.

it's like saying "it's better to have done crack cocaine and gone sober than to have never done crack cocaine at all"

shit can ruin you, it's an addictive emotion because it can feel so good, so safe, and so secure.

well, that and you may require a little confidence....

Manic_Skafe

Sometimes you've just got to let go and allow things to fall into place. You very well may never feel anything "magical" towards anyone else but that sure as hell won't happen if you're comparing how things actually are to how "magical" you believe they should be.

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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

surferlove007

You have to take risks.
Try craigslist!

dd3953

yeah. letting her go is not the problem, was not holding on too tight in the first place. . .

but am i really the only person who sometimes feels like they will never find love?

i mean, i know there are ways to find it. but i don't think "online" is one of them. . .

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

Hyacinthe

Real love is a rare and special thing

By real love I am talking about the type of love where youroll over in the morning and are glad that the persons there, where you look forward to the weekend because you get to spend time with your SO, the relationship that has you smiling at random moments because something about your partner popped into your head even if it's one of those habits which drive you mad.

Only advice I can give you dd3953 is that if you want to experience emotions of that intensity you're going to have to put in some work and let yourself feel.

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"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Infinite_Loser

No...! Love is a sham. Trust me, you're better off on your own.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

The_Jazz

No you aren't.

I figured out I was wrong 6 or 7 years ago. It happened when I least expected it.

Be happy with yourself first and foremost. That helped me more than I can really describe, at least when it came to keeping the relationship going.

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

QuasiMondo

So I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I always tell folks, "Love is a four-lettered word." Most of the time, they never get it.

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Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer.

-From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator

Cynthetiq

Agreed. This was the most important thing in getting me to the place I am now with a long lasting simple communicative relationship.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Seer666

To those who say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, all I have to say is, try it some time. that being said....
Truthfully, don't worry about it. So you've never been in love. Big deal. You still have friends, people you care about that enrich your life.That is what matters. If you find love, great, awesome, dance for joy. If not, then you never get to deal with the inevitable pain that comes after. Great, awesome, dance for joy. Just live. Take what comes, enjoy what you have, and don't worry about whether or not you fall in love. if it happens, it happens. Few people get that once in a life time love. Even fewer get it to last.

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

xxxafterglow

You're not the only person who feels this way. To reiterate what others have been saying though, it's not something that will just magically fall into your lap. Almost always, deep love comes from a solid relationship with yourself first, then a relationship with someone else.

It may sound harsh but stop wallowing in your perceived lovelessness. I only say this b/c I have been known to do that.

It really helped me to read Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" - there's a section in there that deals specifically with love but pay especially good attention to the parts about cultivating your own solitude.

Throw yourself into your hobbies and interests and have some fun! Get out and meet people that share your interests. Love will come in its own time.

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Uh huh her.

Jinn

To be completely frank (and thereby politically incorrect), there are a lot of dumb, annoying, trivial, shallow, ignorant, bigoted, money-hungry, uneducated, arrogant and crazy women out there.

Luckily for you, there are roughly 3,136,056,483 women out there still. Even if half of them fit the description above, there are still plenty of women to fall in love with.

My impression is not that you won't ever fall in love, but that you haven't found a woman worth falling in love with. This is a case-in-point with your discovery that you really don't like the person as much as you thought you did. This probably means you had a fantastical view of what this person "could be," or you were transposing what you wanted out of a woman onto her. That's a terribly bad thing for a relationship, so it's a good thing you realized it now.

The more women you meet, the better your chances of meeting one of the millions who are "perfect" for you.

(To be fair, all the adjectives above can also be applied to men).

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Plan9

Do you want love or do you just want to not be alone?

You can't attempt to attach yourself to another person to make yourself whole.

You have to be a whole person in order to "properly" bond with someone else.

(inserts chemistry analogy with ionic vs. covalent bonds)

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

Crompsin: QFT, brother. QFT.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

snowy

The best thing you can do for yourself, regardless, is get out there!

Get involved. Take a class. Volunteer. Go out.

Put the work into yourself, into your social happiness, and you will get back what you give threefold. But if you just stay home, and don't do anything, you will stay where you are now, without progress. You can't fall in love if you don't invest in yourself, and you can't fall in love if you don't put yourself out there.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Plan9

Mafawkin' A! I know all about this thread. Just about everybody here in this place does, too. We've all had the knife in our back, the grenade in our hearts, etc. It's a messy world out there. A necessity... you cannot have love without agony, happiness without despair. Eating shit for a year makes the first real food you get to taste awesome... even if it's a Hungry Man TV dinner.

If there is one thing I've really learned from the great atom smasher philosophy that is the anti-solipsist: Pain (anger/worry/fear) is a great source of arrogance. Assumptions (the mother of all fuck-ups)! We assume we are alone. We assume we are only one that feels these things. We assume that we are the first to encounter this problem, the first to get over it, the first to survive it and better ourselves for it, the first to be crushed by it and destroy ourselves with it.

Anxiety is like Baskin Robbins, OP... the 31 flavors are played out. The quicker you realize that you aren't feeling unique things and get over the weird xenophobia, the better you'll be. Laugh at yourself, acknowledge your fears and weaknesses, and for-fuck's-sake... one foot in front of the other.

Don't lay down and die behind the eyes. Running or crawling... forward motion.

...

"Death and sleep are the only two places you are truly alone while you're human."

Everywhere else? You choose to be alone through action or inaction.

It surprises me how much action is required to remain physically alone sometimes.

...

Here, this makes sense:

The Reverend speak'th! Sure, you can be scared... but don't close your eyes.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

dd3953

for those asking about me being alone. i enjoy being alone, i like not having to worry about someone else. i listen to some of my friends complain about being single and being "alone" and honestly i don't get it. but then again, listening to them moan is some of the reason i'm confused about "never finding love." half of me thinks it would be and wonders when it will happen, and the other half is like "shut up, we're find the way we are."

so yeah, loneliness is not the word for it.

i don't want someone to attach myself to. i want to be able to feel strongly for someone and have them return it (if only for a short while . . . . to quote tweet, "even if we're not together cuz that's the part that never last forever)

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

abaya

Crompy, how did I miss this the first time? Excellent words, man... I couldn't have said it better myself. Most people don't realize this, though, until they've fully recovered from at least one very horrible break-up. Best of luck, OP.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Ustwo

Love is chemical, and its a great drug. We can't plan for it, you can't create it, it just happens for whatever reason, our biologies are programed for it.

I had to do some investigative post searching because I was having a hard time telling if you were male or female and, being that I have just returned to TFP after a long break I had not read many of your posts.

One thing I have to wonder is, maybe you are not as homosexual as you think you are. The problem with finding love for you is that women just may not trigger that chemical in you. I know a lot of bisexual women who have the sexual desire for women sometimes very strongly, but they are all married and in love with men.

Perhaps, you are barking up the wrong tree?

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

dlish

i had similar thoughts as ustwo.

coming back from a hiatus, wasnt sure about ur sexuality.

i dont believe in love as much as believing in compatibility

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

dd3953

i think i know what the problem is: i think too much.

it's hard to have a feeling long enough to figure out what it is if you ain't doing nothing but thinking about it. which doesn't make much sense, but the more you think about something, the more things it can be. .

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

Mantus

I can't say I am one of those. I've had several wonderful relationships which I wouldn't pass up for the world. They made me who I am today.

I think the greatest lesson I learned about love is that it starts from within yourself. Loving the person you are in the company of another. Loving how that person makes you feel. Loving how you touch another life. It's a process of self-discovery, experience, adventure, and hard work. Love is earned, but not from another, from oneself.

Jezzabelle

That is too funny, a friend of mine posted an add on Craigslist for me, she was tired of me moping around being depressed and thought I should meet someone new. So turns out I met a really nice man and love hanging out with him. He was looking at an add for some tires and though 'hell, I'll just take a look' he did and he found the add my friend posted and responded and we met and I'm seriously in like with him! We get along amazingly!

The down fall is, I met someone else prior to meeting this guy and he was a total dud! We met at the mall, I called him to let him know I was there and he spotted me and asked if I was the girl with the ugly purse. He didn't have any of his upper teeth, which I don't mind but on a first date have some class and wear your fucking dentures. He then proceeded to try and tickle me not even 2 minutes into the conversation, and pin me against the wall and tickle me, pinch my cheeks telling me I had cute chubby cheeks and running his hands through my hair because it was just so soft. He also told me he is a man and that means he is horny 99.9% of the time... yeah that didn't make me horny, that makes me think your a dog for bringing it up the first 10 minutes we were talking.

My advise to you is... Don't take things too seriously, if you go out looking for love your going to find a million mr./miss wrongs before you find 'the right one' have fun and love will pop it's head up where you least expect it to, and have fun while you're out there in the field!

Plan9

Even if Cupid busts cap in your ass...

I often think "falling in love" is way dangerous.

A "controlled descent" may be a better approach.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Leto

I don't get the reference, is this some sort of love drug supository?


But anyways, sometimes time if you let it go i.e. don't fret about it, you can find love anyplace.

My eternally single brother accompanied me to my kid's hockey game (Atom, so around 10 yrs old) where he was surprised by the number of good looking hockey moms/sisters etc. He kept going with me just to enjoy the early morning coffee and visuals. He is now head over heals with a lady that he met there and bought a coffee for.

dd3953

i think this is one of the funniest and truest things i have read in a while. thanks.

and i have to agree with you, for a while (and even sometimes now) i thought maybe i was just too scared to let myself fall in love. you give up so much, just control of things. and i like having reasons for things. . . and i have learned (from watching others and even with being gay) that with love, there are no reasons, just actions. which to me is very dangerous in deed.

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

high_jinx

it's been about 10 years now since i was in a relationship, and it was the big one... i spose it'd have to be love.

i haven't remained alone because of lack of oppurtunity. i've remained alone because i enjoy the freedom and the lack of responsibility, and i've remained alone because i know what i want in another person now, and above all i want it to be simple.

at first i was probably a bit too picky when it came to who i'd open up to. now i've gotten better about that and it's more a matter of me spotting significant red flags before going to deep with someone than it is not giving them a chance with me at chemistry.

if you're ever not sure what to do, just focus on building yourself up. the more you accomplish anything, the more likely it is for you to pickup a fan or admirer along the way.

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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

savmesom11

When you find "real love" and you will, it will never feel as if you have to give up anything. That is when you know that it is real, imho.

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* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

Average_Joe

After reading your initial post, I probably could have signed my name to it when I was 26 years old. At that age, I too was looking for love, and all of my closest friends were either married or in serious relationships. It took a couple more years, but I eventually found love, and I wasn't even seriously looking for it.

I believe that if love and a lasting relationship is really what you want, then you will eventually get it. Don't give up, and don't worry about what other people have that you want. Waiting for the right person to come along is very important, and it can take a while.

Oh, and when it finally happens, you won't care how long it took.

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I think I'll procrastinate......in a little while.

Hain

TO quote my second to last ex... fling:

"You're broken... and you don't want to be fixed."

It's been a long time since I felt in love and I honestly think it wont happen again. I am happy for people that feel that deep seeded love, I really am. I had that loves lost nonsense, and it was like a drug. Love is like stupidity, it makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. I can live with myself being alone. The best part is I stopped looking around me for love, and I got to notice all the other great things I can take part in (kinda hard whilst sitting in front of the screen I know).


Oh words from my own mind. Sad thing: I dated two of them... silly silly horny younger me...

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////\\// IRONSKY.NET \\//\\\\

Ustwo

I know cupid kicked you in the nuts, but one doesn't control love, it just happens, for better or worse.

The trick is not being a dumb ass when it does.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

girldetective

Back to the OP:
I've actually felt that movie love, or at least felt what I imagined the heroine to feel. Believe me, it might not be as good as it is cracked up to be. It can be nerve-wracking and end disasterously (sp). Look what happened between Intellectual Martyr and me. Maybe you've just set your sight to high. Maybe the crushes you have are love of one sort or another. Perhaps not what you might hope to experience, but then who said we get what we want? I know it's cliche, but love the one your with (at least for a while and see what happens).

dd3953

And I think it has, for the worst. I swear this sucks, and I might be being an ass about it. Because it is the world's worst semi-love-triangle (and I say "semi" because I love her, her loves him, and he can't even get his shit together to love her if he wanted to, and it stops there).

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[Technically, I'm not possible, I'm made of exceptions. ]

sound chaser

I don't think it's right to compare yourself to others. I think a lot of people do that, and think that others are having better lives than ourselves, but we don't really know the truth of their lives. Superficially they could look happy, but this could just be a front.

I think that in life, we must be proactive and seek out what we want. Wishing doesn't make anything so. I've had similar feelings to you recently and thought that nothing would change until I helped myself. I went on facebook and I've met three amazing women who i chat with on MSN from time to time. I think we've struck up a rapport and I'm keen to meet them when the right time comes.