Dealbreakers
 

Hey,

I was thinking about this today and wanted to see if there was a pattern in this issue. When you are in a relationship, what are the certain things that you will not tolerate? What are your dealbreakers?

I ask this only becuase one of my dealbreakers is a lack of punctuality. I ironically inquire to others about this topic becuase I am currently waiting for a guy to call me back that is almost an hour late.

Smoker. May as well lump in poor grooming habits here.

Lack of intelligence/common sense. A little silly or absent minded now and then is fine, but having to explain nearly everything is a turn off.

Cheating. No how, no way. You cheat, you won't even hear me say goodbye.

Responsibility. Especially about money.

Dealbreakers for me are a little bit more in the bigger picture.

Having likeminded goals is a HUGE one. I'm not one for casual dating - as a result, I really don't have many times where I've cut things off because a guy didn't live up to an expectation I had. I take things slower than is probably the norm, but at the same time, it gives you chance to get to know someone and just let things take its course - there never becomes a deal to break if you take a little time to get to know them before you take a jump.

does not share my thinking on religion....I will respect an athiests way of thinking, but I will not bind myself with one. I could not live my life with someone that didnt share my spirituality

Cheating and trust issues:
Nothing irks me more than not being able to trust someone. It is the single most important part of any relationship be it romantic or friend.
Anger issues:
Don't ever shout at me. I don't shout at you and I can hear just fine. Shouting, whether you're aware of it or not, is an act of attempted intimidation, and I can't think of a time when shouting got anything solved. Talk with me, calmly and rationally.

I'll echo willravel here

Shouting - I can handle alot of things but shouting of any kind freaks me out completely - I freeze up, my mouth goes dry, my palms start to sweat - classic flight or fight response and all this because someone raised their voice to me. Someone yelling at me just makes me shut down mentally and emotionally, that is not something I can handle in my life.

Cheating - you get drunk and kiss a girl/guy sure I can forgive that but if I found out any guy I had been seeing had been having another relationship behind my back that's it. Don't write, call or talk to me, you're out of my life I want nothing to do with you and wouldn't spit on you if I walked past you in the street if you were on fire.

Jealousy - I have friends the majority of who are male and I have held with one simple rule since my first relationship. Anyone that tries to make me choose between my partner and my friend (whether it be either of those two) obviously doesn't care about me enough to consider my feelings and that is the relationship that would end.

Contempt / Patronisation - I am a full grown adult, I can make my own decisions. I do not need you to answer questions for me, pick my meal at a restaraunt, make decisions about my life. Doing any of the above without first clearing it with me (if I can't read the menu for example) to me shows a lack of respect. Being older then me is so not an excuse for this behaviour.


Hmmm I guess I am pickier then I thought lol

Smoker. Would never date one. The smell of it is repulsive.

Overly religious. Believing in god is fine by me, but being an atheist, I doubt I'd be able to get along well with a very religious person. But if they are, they wouldn't date me, ala Shani :p.

Cheating. Won't tolerate it. Period.

Penis - pretty important. No penii

my dealbreakers:

inability to express emotions and communicate effectively
swearing at me
shouting at me
ignoring or turning their back on me regularly
inappropriately making fun of me
blatant selfishness
man-handling or any form of violence
obssession with sports
total lack of ambition
excessively disciplined and rigorous
anyone who thinks I'm their maid or mother
constant criticism and negativity
excessively superficial and always worried about opinions of peers
lack of imagination
unsupportive of who I am
is highly religious and insists on raising kids that way also
anyone who thinks cheating is ok and sometimes justified
a smoker
a guy who refuses to dance with me, ever

I'm sure there's more but I don't want to scare you. I'm pretty demanding heh

Well, I'm married now, so none of this applies. :) But if I were still dating, I would share a lot of the dealbreakers that you guys listed above.

Lack of respect, irresponsibility, stunted emotional maturity, indulgence in anger, cheating or intentional flirting, unwillingness to go to counseling, crawling into a cave instead of communicating about issues, lacking discipline, being generally stupid, having seen a prostitute in the past, having a habit of getting drunk and making poor decisions, watching too much TV, being a gamer (of any kind), not wanting to travel, being on drugs of any kind, not being open to new people and ideas (especially immigrants and foreigners), argumentative personality, narcissism, being a workaholic, lacking self-control, being insecure and projecting that on me....... oh, I could go on and on.

But yes, SMOKING IS NASTY. No way in hell would I even kiss a smoker, let alone date one. I really cannot imagine a more repulsive, disgusting turn-off. Not just the smell and polluting nature of it, but how smoking communicates that person's total lack of willpower to face down an addiction and make good judgments about his health. That's a massive character flaw that I could never overlook.

My last new date was 20 years ago. But the thing that drove me away from my previous GF to the woman who became my wife was possessiveness. I am a flirt, and my wife understands that, because she knows that I will not cheat.

Other dealbreakers would include smoking, and attempting to convert me to religion. My wife is religious, but understands that I am not.

on a similar note, My only definate dealbreaker is someone that pushes religion on me. Generally, this is a hardcore Christian thing, as I have never had to deal with such an issue from anyone else. But, I have ended two relationships, and a marrige because of it.

I guess I have a lot of deal breakers, but I prefer to think of things in a more positive way: What do I want in a guy?

Otherwise the litany becomes too long and much of it is fairly obvious and is generally held by a majority of the population.

If you're with me, understand that I expect the following things:

-Good hygiene - I make sure I never smell bad and I brush my teeth. This is basic decency
-Trust me - I have a lot of female friends, all of my friends are close, but I will not cheat
-Be trustworthy - Don't cheat, and lying about things just makes everything bad or worse
-Don't try to change me - I won't. Something trivial like facial hair, a shirt you don't like? Fine, I'll be courteous and make things more comfortable for you. Want me to find God and worship Jesus? Try praying for them to send you someone more compatible. Can't deal with the fact that I'm a gun owner? It's a major hobby and part of who I am.
-Be self-reliant - I am not your parent. You can make your own decisions and support yourself. I don't have much money, so you're getting things that mean something instead of expensive shit.
-Bipolar? Borderline Personality Disorder? Codependent? - Keep walking so I don't have to turn and run.
-I am always willing to discuss and debate things. You should be, too. we will disagree on things, and we shouldn't hold these things against each other.

Too many to list here. Let's just say she's always walking a fine line.

Women afraid of physical activity, firearms, healthfood, and my need to babytalk my cat... need not apply.

Dealbreakers:

- Forgetting to use toilet paper after going #2.
- Calling me the wrong name in bed.
- Insulting my hobbies.
- Silent treatment.

Is that the kind of person you want to walk with, bro?

Same here.

Messy eating is also a major dealbreaker for me.

No head games. If you want something from me you need to communicate. I am pretty good at intuiting most things but sometimes it's best to just let me know your expectations rather than having some out of whack idea that I can read your mind. Thankfully my wife learned this early on.

A brain that works.
An ability to challenge me intellectually.
A good sense of humour.
An equal partner (nothing worse than a weak person).
Good hygiene should go without saying.

Okay, I was sort of kidding on that second line. But I think there are too many to list, really, though I would say that many are obvious. Let's just say that I'd sooner nip something in the bud before I'd engage in a deal that might later be broken.



Hee, hee... I said "nip." :D

Yeah, and I was sort of kidding when I told my ex I was okay with the divorce.

(looks up with strawberry jam and peanut butter on his face)

Hey, baby... how you doin'?

Emotional or physical violence
Not liking animals
Everything else is open to a bit of give and take, but I do like cleanliness, but I just assume that would be a given.

Lying.

Deal Breaker = emphasizing deal breakers over deal makers

Seems to me you could blanket nearly all these with one word -- disrespect.

Disrespect for yourself, for others, for nature, for society, for animals, for certain demographics, for certain beliefs... except for "penis" and it all comes back to disrespect.

I don't expect my SO or friends to have the same opinions, beliefs, desires, or priorities as I do, but as long as each side respects the other... everyone should get along just fine.

all these, and add on the fact that if you raise a hand to me or my daughter, its not only a dealbreaker, but you will not have that hand, or arm left when im done with you, and yeah... thats about right.

Lets all be honest - everything so far is second level stuff.

To get to the point where we can write someone off for the beliefs or smell, we've got to have allowed them in for their first impression.

So I guess "not being a moose" is important.

But dirty, smelly, rude, dishonest people piss me off.