How to defeat roomates who cross your boundaries?
 

ooohhh kay LOTS OF PROFANITY AHEAD. GRR FACE, ANGRY MAN AHEAD.

1. I am the "2nd resident" of this 5 person circus in a 3 bedroom apartment, while none of this is going to matter in the long term, as i'm looking to move out anyway but in the mean time I have to deal with until I get a job that makes the cheap rent "worth it"

2. Roomate "1st resident" the guy who can't hold down a job and really, if it werent for the rest of us, would be living with his mother, or who knows? Problem with him is he has a very "know it all" attitude. I mean this is the dinner conversation with me and my roomates, we can be talking about conversion rates or something random and he'll pop in with "oh yeah it's xyz'o'clock there" like he has all the time zones memorized or something (I even got so tired of his attitude that I started whipping out the laptop to look shit up and see if he was right or wrong, he's wrong mostly):shakehead: So situation is, 3 of these roomates are WoW addicts. I mean OMFG if they lag even a little the tears hit the floor. OF COURSE ITS MY FAULT, THE GUY WHO DOESN'T PLAY WOW ANYMORE, KILL HIM! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

whoa, whoa, wait, what? I'm upstairs looking at TFP goddamnit, how is that slowing your game down exactly? no wait, let me rephrase, i'm TRYING to view tfp but I keep getting timeouts. :thumbsup:

oh but once again i'm getting ahead of myself, I didn't know this was the situation until the icon in the corner was "No wireless networks available"
What? where'd it go? I was just on it!?

yeah roomate #1 decides that "oh it must be Shauk, lets just shut off the wireless and let it work itself out" (what is this.. Office Space? do I need to cut a bitch to get my stapler?)

I come downstairs, get thier sob story about thier laggy little video game and how he claims it was INSTANTLY better as soon as he turned off the wireless.

you know, have you tried this thing called speed tests? I proceed to have him visit a view broadband testing sites and after running about 10 tests or so with me not connected and getting crazy ass spikes from 450kbps to 1.5mbits
I connect and actually had a higher average.

his conclusion? "well you're still lagging WoW" and then he wanders off to sleep.

2. I have another roomate, he doesn't work, he's terminally depressed, he has a weird cat fetish, he is a guy who wants to be a woman, he wants his junk chopped, thats his thing, good for him, he uses his very gender, who he IS vs who he wants to BE as the reason for sitting around the house doing nothing. His mom is afraid he'll get suicidal, she pays his rent for him, buys him whatever he needs to get by.
I hate him on the very principal that he's a weak human being who understands that his life wont get better unless he makes it get better (we've talked about this) yet he continues to whine about everything. He's in essence, a house pet. He leaves messes, he sits around the house all day attatched to his computer, he needs to thumped right in the forehead by the purple mushroom headed cock of reality. *stamp*
I just posted how I'm trying to eat better and all that and went out and bought tuna, I know exactly how many I had. I left town for a day and when I came back, 1 can of tuna is now missing, and all of a sudden theres a pet bowl on the floor, and water. Apparently he just let some cat that I kept having to remove from my room (random stray that walks in because no one closes the door around here) move in. Of course I asked everyone who lives here what happened to my god damned tuna and all I get is a bunch of "I dunno"



Do i need to buy my own wireless router and plug it into his router? do I need to set up surveillance in this kitchen? or should I just keep letting it slide until I turn into a raging psychopath and paint the walls red with 4 of my roomates? (civillian casualties included)

I dunno, my internet access is included in my rent, access to the kitchen is included in my rent. Expecting my internet method of choice to be accessible (i'm on a wire right now) and expecting my god damned food that I paid money for to not be eaten by people who didn't god damned pay for it is expected.


I don't know how to deal with people who wont listen, or be honest, or claim to know everything.

thats right, ignorant lying know it alls.

how do you beat that out of people?

You cant beat it out of people. You can't beat sense INTO people either.

RUN

As fast as humanly possible. RUN. Find another place to live. It only gets worse.

Run.

Or get yourself a lockable foot locker for your food. BTDT.

Jesus Christ, you're surrounded by bat shit people everywhere.

Do you show this much anger towards your roommates? Are they reacting to your anger? What would they say about you if they were posting here?

Yeah, you've got to hit craigs list and find another place to live for the time being. Can you afford a studio? It sounds like your trying to become a grownup and it's not happening where you live now. Whatever happens, don't forget to piss on the walls before you leave, that way they'll never forget you.

find a new place, plain and simple.

They probably even aren't fun to be with on WoW or kind of suck at the game.

Anyway, like others said, leave. Once you find somewhere comfortable to live, you'll find you don't have to concentrate on or think about stupid petty/worthless matters and do more things you want to.

I've made a post like this recently, elsewhere on the internet. I've lived with half a dozen different room mates who simply could not accept boundaries, and I've come to realize that it is impossible to fix it. By this time in their lives, they have their minds made up on what is acceptable, etc....so you can't change their mind with words, actions, or anything else...

-Will

Holy shit, dude. Go find healthy people. We're all pulling for you!

eh, tfp seems very thematic.

run from my ex, run from my roomates, run from my dead end job, run for my weight loss.


Part of me wonders if people here have issues just standing up for anything, part of me wonders if running from everything is how we just get by.

thats a deeper conversation for another topic though perhaps.

I don't think it's as much about running as it is about making decisions that are healthy for you. If you think you can somehow change all of your roommates into considerate, productive people, then go ahead and do it! But I think you know you can't, so you really have no other choice than to leave (Run, Shauk - Run!!)

Good luck :)

Umm, how about neither? Do you really think we have "issues" standing up for anything?... I'm sure you've read tons of threads about people who *needed* to stand up for things, and a lot of us told those people so. In this thread, a lot of us are seeing that you *need* to run away from these roommates, and incidentally, you might do well to run away from those other unhealthy influences in your life as well. When standing up for something doesn't do you a shit-ounce of good (as in your cases, because *all* of the people you're dealing with are headcases), then yeah, the best alternative is to get the fuck outta Dodge.

I don't think any one of us would say that the answer to life is to "run from everything." Quite the opposite, usually. But your circumstances in particular warrant a lot of running, to get away from that shit and start over somewhere else. You don't fit with any of it, man. That's what we're trying to tell you. You deserve better roommates, a better woman, a better job. Continuing to treat those people as permanent fixtures of your life is only going to stress you out more and bring you more grief. Do you really want that? If so, feel free to not change anything, but the advice here is not gonna change if you come back looking for advice. If you don't want to live like that, however, then RUN, man. The choices are clear.

I didn't mean it as an insult, you seem somewhat slighted by the comment.

just saying it's been 100% of my answer from here regarding even the most intricate nuance of my personal interaction with my situations.

not saying it's the WRONG advice, just wondering if its the advice that I'd learn the most from.

it's your time. if you want to waste it on quasi-homeless WoW geeks or a chick that dropped you for another WoW geek who afterwards more-or-less put her on the job, that's your decision. if you want to dick around with it, that's your choice. life is about choosing your battles; which of these do you feel like fighting?

Nah, that just tends to be my tone on some advice posts on TFP. ;) Nothing personal.
Well, take that as a good sign. We all agree on something for once. When a ton of people from different backgrounds and experience agree on something as much as we do on this, I'd have to say that's "collective wisdom" talking. Most of us have been through an experience or two similar to yours, and we're trying to tell you how to get out of it. If you choose not to follow that advice, you might eventually come to the same conclusion... it'll just take more time and pain. Whatever floats your boat, really. :)

I know this guy, who...ummm...takes care of things...y'know. For a little...consideration...he'll make your "room mate" problem go away.

Sometimes TFP is wrong (o the shock! o the horror! ban! complain! let's start a whole new thread about how batshait crazy Jazz is!).

I read this and thought to myself, "god, Shauk needs to grow some thicker skin if he's going to make it through this." Then I read the other responses encouraging you to bail. I couldn't disagree more.

Let's see, you've been inconvenienced because somone shut off your internet access in an experiment to see if you were affecting what they were doing. They should have given you the courtesy of letting you know beforehand, but that's just a courtesy.

Then someone ate a can of your tuna. Unless you're buying better tuna than I am, it's not exactly the crime of the century. I suppose you can try to convince the FBI to come out and dust for tuna or something, but chalk it up as a loss and hope that it doesn't happen again.

All the actual events you've described are minor inconveniences. Nothing that really meant anything else in the bigger picture. No one's been arrested. No felonies have been committed. No one is in the hospital. No one is having noisy sex in the living room when you come home. I've got my own set of stories of annoying roommates where some of the above happened, but this isn't about one-upsmanship here.

You're annoyed by your roommates. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. Welcome to the club. If you hate them sufficiently, you'll move out. If not, you'll just bitch about them like the rest of us do. Please don't think that I'm not sensitive to your plight - I am - but it's pretty much a part of being out on your own. Yes, roommates can be completely annoying and they can seriously fuck up your life at times, but as I read it, nothing really bad has happened, only annoying shit. If this is what you can afford now, cowboy the fuck up and deal. If you can afford better, move out and make yourself happy.

that jazz said. most roommates suck, but you have to deal with it. if you think it will honestly achieve anything, then go to them and tell each one of them not to touch your damn tuna and how fucking lame it was to turn off your internet. heck if you really wanted to, you could really rip into them and tell them exactly what you think of them. what that would gain you besides a temporary feeling of self-satisfaction is questionable, but if you really feel the need to stand up for yourself, then just do it...and deal with the consequences...

otherwise...i agree with jazz.

Jazz is on the money. I guess the jive I was getting was that you are completely and totally miserable with your current situation, and that you *can* afford better, so might as well get the hell out.

But Jazz is right... if you're truly limited by budget constraints, then you might be stuck for the time being. In that case, yeah, it's time to suck it up and deal... until there's a chance to make a change. I hope that comes sooner than later for you.

sounds like living with a family of 5 (like me).

Like the_jazz says, if you can afford to go, do it, otherwise, losing a can of tuna here and there, internet complaints is fairly minor. Even with my own family, I have issues that are far broader and fundamental but need to be dealt with.

Hmm do you see a recurring theme here? I'll give you a hint there are to groups of people involved in most of these problems...you, and them.

I'll give you a hint-the problem is not them!

Why have you surrounded yourself w/ people who treat you like shit? Change that problem and you will find you have a lot less drama.

yeah its not the value of the tuna or the internet that distresses me, it's the principal of the matter of my roomates being inconsiderate and disrespectful, or worst of all, dishonest people.

it's a personality flaw that I don't like.

it's not the 1st time it's happened either, I had some cash laying on my computer desk up in MY ROOM and went to work, when I came back, 45$ was gone.
needless to say I dont leave cash at my desk anymore.

as far as my budget constraints.

car payment, rent/util combo, insurance, student loan, cell, all are pretty low, only 600$ altogether. but I probably only make about 800$ a month. so yeah rounding up a deposit and changing my rent from 200$ to probably like 500$ without the utils included is something I'm saving for when I get a steady income that isn't tip income.

Shauk, one thing that I realized a few years after my last roommate (that I wasn't married to) is that I suck as a roommate. I'm inconsiderate. I'm disrespectful. I am honest, though.

Theft is a problem. If you'd led with the stolen money, I wouldn't have been quite as harsh, but tuna? C'mon. Don't be like that. You're better than that.

Sit down and figure out what qualities the perfect roommate would have. Write down everything you can possibly think of. Then go through and see how many of them you CONSISTENTLY manage to reach.

You probably suck as a roommate too. You're certainly being petty about a missing can of tuna.

However, if you do figure out who took your money, you have my permission to introduce their ass to your boot.

I'm as perfect as a roomate can get considering i'm home maybe 10 hours a day, (I'm not even home right now) most of that spent sleeping, in the shower, or making my dinner, to which I use and wash my own dishes or disposable dishes. I don't even enter the living room or anything, my entire existence there is "front door" "stair way" "bedroom" with a rare smattering (and this is only recent because I'm attempting to get more out of my rent by utilizing what my apartment actually has to offer me in terms of helping with my eating habits) "kitchen"

I also have my own garbage can up in my room, supply my own TP and garbage bags. I don't smoke, or drink. I'm not loud (though I certainly have the equipment that would enable the entire complex to call the cops on me)

Nothing I own is outside of my room aside from the food that I recently added to the kitchen.

but hey, lets turn this thread into an exercise in self examination.

I may not be a perfect roomate but when you grow up with a military father, and go from that to living in a relationship with a woman for 5 years who was just as clean if not more so.

no wait!
I don't make my bed, A HAH, totally why I deserve all of this!

We had this roommate our sophmore year of college that just never was home. When he was home, he just went straight from the front door to the bedroom. We hated him, because he never fucking talked to us. We didn't even know who he was, really. Whenever we tried to talk to him, he looked pissed about something or that we were taking him away from whatever he was doing. I still don't really know what that guy did or liked. He did tell us that he liked to be called "Re" -- like "Reeeeee." His name was Reondran or something. Eventually, he wasn't there enough that we turned his room into the party room and had all of our parties in there. That way, when we went to "retire" to our rooms, there wouldn't be anyone in there still partying.

Maybe they never got a chance to know you. Hard to respect someone you don't know.

they had plenty of time to get to know me before now. roomate #1 was my friend from 6 years ago. He's a passive aggressive little fuck who takes even the slightest criticism as a personal affront and will do his best to get back at you while trying to seem "innocent" but I see through that bullshit, he doesn't realize how transparent he is.

roomate #2 is me, I was there before all these new ones.

roomate #3 was a "personal favor" for a mutual friend of ours at the time, "oh my cousin is gay but he's quiet, he's a gamer, you guys will like him" He was ok for a while, the 3 of us used to hang out and play cards and go to our friends house which is where...

roomate #4 used to live, the brother of one of our friends. He's not bad, he's messy, but his mess is contained, he's got an addictive personality, alchohol, pot, WoW, he's been through or is going through all of that at some point or another. suprisingly, he's the most stable one out of all of us in terms of income. He seems fairly respectful of my space, as we share a room and all. Only thing that gets me about him is if I try to include him in any social activity with me he about snarls and bites my head off about it if he's trying to play WoW, but unfortunately thats where he is when he's at home. If you've heard a drunken ventrilo recroding, then this is probably him. Or someone very much like him.

roomate #5
some girl roomate #1 is bonking, but she isn't paying rent as far as I know, and she just moved in recently, she seems nice enough but she's mostly hanging out in the living room or roomate #1's bedroom, and I don't like either location. (both locations are trashy)

I have history with these guys, they know me, they've chosen to take advantage of this in some ways. I don't really want to hang out with any of them though because they've all gotten SO INTO WoW that it's all they talk about if they are off the computer.

they've been rendered useless to normal societal conversation as far as I'm concerned. It's just a big turn off to see the addictive personality override thier normal ones anyways.

and then they go and eat my tuna! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Alright then, I've got nothing. I've known a few WoW heads in my days, and I agree completely. It's like dealing with a robot who yells if you try to take them away from WoW, but generates more trash and mess than any robot could.

I guess the moral then is "Damn, your living situation sucks. Better make the best of it, cause you can't afford to do anything else."

Oh the plus side, if you stop talking to that damn girl, you'll have an extra $10 from me to help pay for the new place.

Perhaps my last post wasn't clear....

I agree they've done some shitty things. I agree they've done some shit to you that you DID NOT deserve. I agree that it would suck ass to live in the situation you're currently in.

What I'm suggesting is to make some changes in your life so that when you do solve the issues you're having now, that you don't find yourself in just as shitty of a situation, or a worse one. The only actions you can control are yours. I don't believe this is totally your fault, but you still have to deal with the mess your in.

ok after some more self evaluation, I think I've discovered my flaw as being "intolerant"

I guess with a lifetime of being shit on by people who I thought to be my friends, I don't even give people a chance beyond the first time they mess up.

hmm thats why i live by mayself.. well me and my cat. The ony noise i make is from me and I can think clearly with out being mentaly interupted

No, your flaw is that you're willing to not only interact with, but live with, people who care about WoW. People who play aren't always a problem (only usually,) but the ones who take it seriously should be avoided. The other guy is a waste of space and oxygen because of his shitty attitude and theft of your stuff. If you're paying anything toward utilities, then you have a right to 1/5 of the bandwidth regardless of whether it lags their game. If you buy food, it's yours, not the cat's. Make it clear to the other people that as long as you're paying your share of the rent and utilities that you expect everyone to contribute equally to anything that has to be done, that you expect an equal share of utilities you receive, and that you will report any thefts to the police.

If that fails, get tear gas.

edit: and put one of these in your room and turn it on when you're not there.