match000

so i knew i read a thread on this a LONG LONG time ago, but i searched and i didn't find the thread at all.

anyways, i know that guys bust each others balls all the time, and i am certainly guilty of it too.. we are all "trained' from childhood to take it like a man and become "hardened" in some way..

but i think i had less of that training. today when i was hanging out with my friends i think one of my friends who happens to ball-bust alot on everyone, he busted on me overly much and i just kind of got pissed.

and when i get pissed, i hear its very obvious, because usually i'm cheery, sociable and very talkative, but when i get pissed (i'm a thinker) and i just keep thinking about the statements/comments/insults that made me pissed. i become kind of quiet, and distracted, and i hear it is written all over my face.

anyways, i want to improve socially. i just want to know what everyoen's suggestions are on how to not let it get to you when it just gets piled on you, and how to "mask" your pissed off state..

and a suggestion might be to bust back.. i usually do but when it gets piled on, the sting factor makes me unable to think of comebacks and i just kind of sit their and think about it.

glooper23

This happened a lot to me during my childhood. For the most part, I was hanging out with the wrong people. While it's good to not let the ball busting negatively affect you, you might want to look for new friends. Most of the ball busting you talk about comes from insecure kids taking out their frustration on others they think won't get upset. That is, they will treat you like shit cause they think you'll take it as a joke since you're their friend.

You could standing up and telling them you don't like so much of the crap. Tell them it's ok if they do it a little bit, but sometimes there are more productive things to talk about. That small effort of standing up for yourself will greatly help your self esteem, which it sounds like you're struggling with.

EDIT: Just to make sure.. you are using "ball busting" as kids making fun of their friends? Not literally smacking each other in the balls? Cause if it's the latter, that's just fucked up.

Willravel

Take it in stride, because they don't mean anything by it. It's about camaraderie.

KirStang

Dish it out right back at them. In truth, "ball busting" as it has been called can be a pretty distasteful thing. I've seen people use it as a way of using ball busting as a veil for more malevolent feelings underneath, while defending it as a show of 'camaraderie.' Now, when some moron decides to bust my balls, I just bust his, albeit even harder.

It's one thing to have a friend take a few friendly jabs at you, it's another to push another's sore spots and continue doing so for the sake of entertainment. If your friends are doing the latter, lighten up, get quick on ur feet, and do it right back. That'll give them a taste of their 'camaraderie.'

World's King

When I was younger I got a lot of shit from friends for being smaller then most people. As I got older I got more and more fed up with it. So now, I'm the asshole that you know today.

Just take it. Give it back. You'll be fine.

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match000

UPDATE:

this same so-called "friend" shows his "comaradie" tonight while we are hanging out playing cards.. a girl in the group asks about my gf (something like "is she cute"), and my friend says something like "not really i'd do her after about 6 drinks", while I am right there.

I am not a confrontational guy, and I took the shit he dished about me, but to talk about my gf that way when we are not even close friends just infuriated me.

it took me like 20 seconds but I replied "hey, my gf is WAAY better than your recent ex" (which is true lol) and his older sister defended him "oh i beg to differ".

at that point the mood amongst everybody seemed to tension and sour, and i quickly left after about 10 mins cuz I was seething inside.

i know i know, as long as I like my gf nothing anyone says should affect me. and it doesnt. what pisses me off is that this "friend" shows repeated disrespect to me in front of all our mutual friends (we are all from the same research group in grad school). in the OP he keeps dishing it to me about me, now he decides to dish it out about my GF.

i am so fucking pissed. while i would like to completely unfriend him, he is the "social bridge" in our research group, and i think to burn the bridge with him would be committing social suicide in the group (not that people would turn against me, just that i would be left isolated from group activities, since he plans them all b/c he is the most social).

EDIT: i was pissed off but i was not actively angry, just angry inside. but i think its really easy to tell cuz everyone tells me when i am mad i am completely different. i usually talk alot but i turn super quiet and just brooding.

willynilly

Ok, giving grief about each other is generally ok, but taking shots at a girlfriend, spouse, family member, etc... sucks. A friend at work would occasionally get teased about his ears that stuck out. He took it in stride because it was not all the time. When I first started in sales I would get very nervous and perspire noticeably. My manager would say "relax your anus, let it go". This was funny, but if I couldn't take it then the teasing would have been merciless. But families, wives, girlfriends to me are all off-limits.
Try hitting him next time he pulls this shit.

xepherys

no, match, guys should not rag on other guys (friends) SOs. I mean, a playful jest is one thing, but actually insulting her? I would've either a) said something witty that shut him down or b) threatened his happiness with utter and sheer pain. Of course, I tend to be a bit chivalric. Though a lot of girls find it a bit overdone, I cannot idly stand by a guy ragging on a girl for no reason. That's not to say a chick that is an overt and utter bitch cannot be given shit in my presence. But if the girl isn't even there to defend herself? Blasphemy!

Yeah, some amount of ball busting is good between guy friends. But there is also a line that is known to most guys. Sounds like he crossed it.

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eggman414

Going after your GF is way beyond ball busting. That's just an asshole thing to do.

I was really sensitive about ball-busting when I was a kid 'cause I got made fun of a lot in grammar school. As I got older, I grew more confident (not enough, but hey, and now it doesn't bother me too much. I think most people have a good sense of the ever-present line. The amusing thing is the people who don't usually are the most sensitive when you hit them back hard. I have a very good friend who is like that. He's a great guy, really, but a big ball buster and once in a while he'll cross the line. He's also probably the most personally sensitive guy I know, though he'd never in a million years admit it, and really has absolutely no conception of how sensitive he really is. It's his blind spot.

Slims

Give what you get, and don't get all pissy. You also don't have to take absolutely everything either. If your buddy goes too far be a man and tell him so.

But don't be a wuss about it. If you display the spine of a wet noodle, then you just get picked on more.

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Cynthetiq

I have a group of ball busting friends. Nothing is ever off limits and nothing is ever taken seriously. It is known and understood as ball busting at a moments notice and you must be prepared. Always. I repeat, always.

We say some fucked up shit. Always.

Good times, good times. It's all in fun until someone takes it too seriously, then we have to kick it into overdrive until they realize how lame they are being by being sensitive to our insensitive remarks.

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Psycho Dad

And a good comeback could have been, "But she wouldn't do you after 9 and a roofie". However 20 seconds is too long for a comeback.

And your friend is a douche bag.

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Sultana

I personally wouldn't waste my time on people who say stupid things. Life is too short. I couldn't care less if it's a male rite of passage.

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My goal? To fulfill my potential.

guthmund

And there you go.

Remember, a quick wit and sharp tongue, much like any other skill, are refined through practice. So, if you must hang around this idiot, then at the very least, learn something, right?

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World's King

That's good but I would have gone after the mother...

"Say Hi to your mother for me."

"It took about that many before I could fuck your mom."


I might even go after the sister...

"I heard it only took two beers before you tried to fuck your sister."

"Does your dad drink before he rapes your sister?"


But we all know I'm an asshole.

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match000

well, its good to see that most people agree with me that he went way over the line.

i mean, this guy was a guy that i was hanging out with alot, getting chummy with, and all of a sudden he started turning nasty with jokes on me, then that insult on my gf. its funny to see that he doesn't dare insult the older senior students, and in fact, he's a total suck up to them (and they are in a sense his "boss", since they direct what he does for research).

what an asshole. i saw his nasty side, the senior student saw his nasty side. i can say that what goes around will come around. ppl will probably keep him at arms length from now on, too. heck, i would!

anyways, those comebacks were good guys. i have an idea of how nasty i should be when i need a comeback like that.. i usually don't have to, since i don't talk that way and neither do my friends, which explains why i suck at these things lol

Hyacinthe

first thing that flashed into my head was

"yeah dude? sorry she's not into bestiality"

"take 6 drinks before you wouldn't notice the paper bag she'd put over your head?"

then when the sister chipped in would have said

"really I never knew you swung that way will remind (insert so's name here) not to wear anything low cut around you from now on"

"you checked out your brothers gf? Incest a game best kept in the family hey?"

Nothing is sacred with my friends (most of whom are guys) you either learn to fight back or you tell them to stfu and they learn you don't accept that kindof behaviour. He sounds like the type of dude that can dish it out but can't take it to me though so after you start fighting back he'll leave you alone.

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krwlz

In short... Ball Bust back. The same guys who do the ball busting will either appreciate you for it, and then you become no longer a main target, or they're bully types. In which case they get all pissy, and no longer bust your balls because then know something is gonna come back at them.

You just gotta relax and not give a shit. Because, like everything else in life, it's one big mind game. In any game there are winners and losers, and in order to win, you gotta be quick, and you gotta slam em hard. If it's a true friend he will laugh as hard as the rest of your friends at the comment. If not, he won't hang around you anymore, and either way, you won.

match000

UPDATE:

well, i decided that since we are working in the same office, i didn't want any office drama.

so today i went in like normal, said hi, a few lines of chit-chat, etc.

then later he comes up behind my chair, then says "i hate u, i hope you die earlier." to which i responded "i hate you too, i hope you die earlier too"

then he said "yeah and i want to piss on your grave"

he said it in a half-joking tone.

but still, i dont know whats his problem. what is with this guy? we were hanging out alot and now all of a sudden he wont get off my back. i did not do anything to him..!

Cynthetiq

why don't you stop asking us what his intentions or intent is and ask him directly?

I mean, rock up and ask him straight up. You'll know if he's just ball busting or just don't like you. If he doesn't like you, great. You still have to be civil to each other in the office and work well together, but you don't need to be friends.

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krwlz

I gotta agree to cynthetiq. Put him on the spot. Likely it won't be confrontational. but it will be eye opening for the both of you. Sounds like he's just a cock. That's not how I bust balls.

Toaster126

Lighten up, understand this is how groups of males act, and get better friends/ people to hang out with.

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match000

males dont say that shit i posted in the *last* post.

fuck him. i'm ignoring him.

thanks everyone

Cynthetiq

sure they do. I've said that shit to quite a dear friend of mine. In fact I threaten his life on a regular basis since he is highly allergic to many things. I warn him that I'm going to put something that he's allergic to in his food.

In fact, I'm going to call him now and tell him that the next time I see him I'm going to toss a glass of milk in his face since he is deathly lactose intorant.

I guarantee his response will be, "That's so fucked up bro, why you hating on the milk intolerant people?" and we'll giggle for about 5 minutes.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

krwlz

Gotta admit though, that it's different with a very close friend. You wouldn't do that with a new friend, because you don't know how they stand on that kind of ball busting.

pornclerk

I like to think of it this way: guys who are "ball-busters" usually have small ones and need to over-compensate by saying mean things to other people. What I mean is they are very insecure and need to make other people feel lower so that they can feel better about themselves. Once I realized this, I can just laugh stuff off like that.

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Cynthetiq

Actually no, it does depend on having felt out the ball bustingness of the individual. There are some that can take it and that some that fold faster than a house of cards. At one point in time he wasn't a close friend, and our relationship wasn't much different.

Because when we are being ball busters, so sometimes we introduce other new ball busters into the fold. I don't know some of them, but when it is clear that the path is open to bust their nuts on something, it gets busted.

For the record my buddy wasn't home, so I left him that message. I'm sure I'll get one later on in the day since I kept hanging up on him all morning when he kept calling me when he was taking a dump.

Some people can take it, some can't. It is really no simpler than that.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

hrandani

Me and my best friend from high school would absolutely say the most fucked up, horrible shit to each other on a regular basis, and spent a great deal of time and energy trying to find even more fucked up shit to say to each other, about each other's sexual preferences, etc.

It got to the point where I'd slip up at work and somebody would leave the room horrified and possibly scarred for life.

However, neither of us ever talked shit about each other's girlfriend. That's just wrong.

Glory's Sun

If you dished it back out you can't really get pissed. It's just harmless fun. Hell his sister was just busting your balls a bit too. With me and my friends nothing is off limits.. it's just pure ball busting. Timing is everything though. You can't wait 20 seconds and expect the mood to stay right. If you can't handle it then you need to find different friends.

Me and my best friend have an ongoing competition to see who can embarrass the other one. So you can imagine things that are said and done in front of wives, girlfriends, random people at the bar etc.

Then .. I'm a pure asshole so I may have a different take than most people.

Hyacinthe

Cynthetiq that made me laugh just the

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"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."