Judy Taber

I just started working at a job where I seem to have nothing in common with anyone there on just about any level besides making money. I know everyone is there to make a living and would wish they were anywhere else, but even water-cooler chatter is difficult, strained. I wish to avoid eliciting any hostility from anyone there - most of them have been working together there for years - perhaps its just poor social skills on my part. Ijust want to fit in and continue to work and improve there.

Your thoughts, experiences, advice, or anecdotes appreciated.

shakran

you haven't really given us enough to go on as far as advice but the short answer is, yes, it's important to get along with your coworkers. They might be the source of the recommendation letter that lands you a job in the future.

shesus

It takes time to build relationships with people...even if it is a superficial work one. People take time to watch you and figure you out. You should kind of be doing the same.

Look for common interests. Ask them about themselves. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, even if it is complaining.

Work would/will be miserable if you don't like the people you are around. There are always going to be a couple that you can't stand, but you have to have some support to make it through.

Good luck!

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Judy Taber

Stuff like: should I actively go and strike up a conversation with someone who doesn't appear interested in talking to me, should I talk about only work-related topics or add something light for brevity, when will I know if/when the situation has become irrepairable, etc. For example, I was thinking of bringing in donuts again (for a 2nd time) but will I come off as a kiss-ass overdoing it? People seem to be making an attempt at being friendly, but others have given up and seem to just not like me...it's like theyre nonverbally saying, "just leave me alone now...go away".

Halx

Well, NOT getting along with your coworkers is a drag. At my current job, we have a lot of fun with eachother throughout the day and we definitely get along (though we annoy eachother a lot too). I'm not a particularly social person, but I decided on my first day of work that if I was going to work there for a long time, I needed to be myself. I'm rough, grumpy, brief and selfish, which makes it hard to have good relationships with people. However I'm also funny, supportive, competent and intelligent, which are traits I try to push forward as much as I can to improve my relationships with my coworkers.

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Judy Taber

Thats just the thing...Im so anxious to create allies I'm worried I won't have any at all. Is it possible to remain there with no support, a general sense that no one likes you....even if its subtle, non-aggressive, low-intensity animosity (at least for now)?

I appreciate the thoughtful responses so far...

And instead of creating a new topic, let me quickly ask: What makes a good worker? When someone says: that person is a good worker, what does that encompass?

World's King

I'm an extremely social person so I really have no problem with this.


Grabbing a drink with a co-worker after works always helps.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

eribrav

Remember, work is where you go to work. Home and the outside world is for socializing.
I truly like and enjoy some of the people I work with. Others not so much. But the key thing to remember is that you are there to act professionally, and to get a job done. You must work well with everyone, whether you really like them or not (and vice versa). Over time you probably will make some work friends, which will be nice, but it's not why you're there.
Stay focused.

StellaLuna

I can say from experience that where I work, I wouldn't have lasted long if I didn't get along with my coworkers. We, uh, even managed to run someone off because she didn't make any effort to get along. (Not my finest hour.) I work in an office full of women, and we are incredibly clannish and can be horrible to other people in our area one minute and defend them tooth and nail the next. One thing that always pulls the group together is food-- we feed people for leaving, for getting promoted, because it's a Tuesday-- and what really sticks out is when someone makes it themselves. That's our office, though; your mileage may vary.
I'm not saying make these people the be-all and end-all of your existence. You do have to work there, and you have a life outside of that job. Keep things light but not unprofessional. Just remember that you spend most of your waking hours with those people! Have a couple of work friends, maybe get a group together for a beer after a rough day. It doesn't hurt.

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thingstodo

Give it some time. You're the new guy and you said they've been there for a while. Perhaps you replaced someone they really like. You never know. Just be yourself, work hard and see how things go.

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Ourcrazymodern?

Getting along with your co-workers is absolutely necessary unless and until you have sufficient understanding of your new situation. Thereafter, cause the chips to fall where you want them to.

Mutual respect/professionalism, whatever.

Try to enjoy yourself. Others will, too.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

The_Jazz

In my world, I'm not going to bother to learn your name unless you report to me, are really super hot, work for a good friend of mine or are a direct threat to me.

People shouldn't take that personally. Knowing your name or anything about you takes energy that I would rather focus on continuing my own success. If there's a good reason to direct that energy to you, there's no problem.

Most successful sales organizations are very similar.

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Cynthetiq

get to know the hot people!!!!!

one of the most important things to remember:
If you work in a large company you'll see the same kinds of personalities you had in school, just older and with some money.

Getting along with people at work is part of the "works well with others" and also being able to work alone, "can complete tasks without help," because people notice these things. They may not express it, but they take mental notes.

You don't have to like anyone, they don't have to like you, but you should be able to get along enough to get your tasks done successfully.

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Ourcrazymodern?

[QUOTE=The_Jazz]In my world, I'm not going to bother to learn your name unless you report to me, are really super hot, work for a good friend of mine or are a direct threat to me.

heh. "You don't know what you're talking about"

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

Jetée

Either lean the one way...
OR

you lean towards the other...

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777

I never fit in during high school, and it's the same for work. I do get along with a person here and there, but never the clique as a whole. But I do what I can, and I turn out to be the person what they can relie on to cover their shift during a break, and the older people know me as the guy that never complains.

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"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny

analog

Work is much better when you're on friendly terms with people. However, depending on the industry and size of the company, this may not ultimately make any difference if your social time is limited and there are a lot of employees in one area.

amonkie

I feel some of your pain. My department is 16 people, 14 of whom have worked for the company in the same office for 15+ years or more. 14 of us are female.

Stellaluna's office description could possibly mirror mine - birthdays are week long food celebrations, everyone is gabby together, and call us "a big family".

I've been there about 3.5 months, and just finished a personality assessment training at work yesterday. It turns out I am the only one in our entire office who fits into one personality style, while everyone else fit into mainly 2 other categories.

It can be extremely frustrating when you have done everything you can to be supportive of them, inquisitive, friendly, and then to not slowly earn their respect in return. I know it is a slow process, looks like I definitely have a mountain in front of me though.

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little_tippler

When you don't get on with co-workers, it makes life pretty miserable I'd say. A pleasant level of interaction is enough. I luckily work with 2 other girls who rarely get on my nerves and I think I can call them friends. Sadly I also sporadically have to deal with a few people who are less than pleasant. The kind of workers who whine constantly about their job and think that because I'm a woman I should bow down to them. Basically one guy I work with occasionally wasn't pulling his weight and he's been with the company a while, and when he started to raise his voice at me about something I'd asked him to do (because my boss said he had to) and he hadn't done, I told him I thought he wasn«t pulling his weight, and all hell broke loose. He basically insulted me, yelled a lot, and waved his fist in my face. I almost called the police.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Jinn

I'd say that "getting along with your coworkers" is one of the most important skills you can have at a job, particularly in an office job. You'd be amazed how many chances people have to fuck you over, and if they're your "friends," they might hesitate on that chance.

Then again, I feel that same way about life; people can and will fuck you over if they have no good reason not to.

I'm a big fan of not burning any bridges until I have a fast enough vehicle to get far far far far away from the bridge.

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noodlebee

Try not to go out of your way to please your co-workers too much. If you are doing this as a permanent job, you should be enjoying the work and your environment while you are being yourself instead of wearing a mask.

I personally already know what sort of work environment I am most comfortable with: loud, fast-paced, high pressure, friendly, exciting, many things to learn. If a company cannot offer me that, I say no thank you. It is like match-making, not like desperately "get any old job just for money, nothing else".

These are things an employer should know beforehand and he/she would be able to have a rough idea if your personality will match the working environment (e.g. co-workers are friendly and encouraging). If you feel comfortable with talking to your supervisors, tell him/her about your situation with the social environment at work. Most of the supervisors in my past are very understanding (even if some are ruder than others) and will appreciate your feedback, offer advice on how to get along, transfer you to a different department, etc. It has happened to me after I got partner with someone with a different working style. I told my supervisor. She was very appreciative and actually said she preferred if I tell her immediately next time something similar occurred.

Jinn

Despite "equal working conditions," I've noticed that female managers are almost always polar opposites to male managers.

What you're describing sounds like a female manager. No male manager I've worked for would be particularly interested in the social dynamic of a place, so long as results were delivered.

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

soma

I think getting along with your co workers is just as if not more important than being competent.

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hagatha

That's actually really sage advice. If you don't like these people--FAKE IT.

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tooth

Be friendly with your co-workers. That doesn't mean that you have to "be friends", just play nice.

Denman

It sounds like you might have a bit of social anxiety. People with social anxiety have an extreme fear of being rejected, which results in nervousness, which makes it difficult to socialize, which often results in rejection. Take a look at some books on social anxiety and you'll find some good advice.

As far as what makes a good worker... the obvious characteristic is doing good work and meeting deadlines, but unless you're like me and you work at home, a big part of your success at work is defined by how well you get along with your co-workers and your participation at meetings.

Kpax

Yeah, I would say that a difficult co-worker is worse than a difficult customer, because eventually the customer leaves, but the co-worker is there, all the time.

777

Tell me about it. I've had two people stop speaking to me for "personal" reasons. And for half of them, it was their fault

__________________
"I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip."

Roger Zelazny