lurkette

So I'm sure most "alternative" relationships butt up against this wall at some time or another:

What do we call each other?

Ratbastid and I are husband and wife, but what are we to StellaLuna, and she to us? There are options, but all of them seem to kind of fall short.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend is what we've been using, but it doesn't entirely cut it.
Husband/Wife carries certain connotations of hetero monogamy that don't really cut it, either
Lover...um, no. Too Leisure Suit Larry.
Secondary/primary are just too hierarchical, and don't convey much to people not familiar with Polyamory terminology.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

abaya

I don't have an answer for you, but I wanted to say that your mention of Leisure Suit Larry made me nearly spit out my lunch. I thought I was one of the few corrupt people who loved that game (when I was way too young to be that corrupt).

What about the general term "partner?" I guess it sort of gives the impression of a pair, but think of it as in a law firm, where it suggests a group... StellaLuna "made partner!" Or something. But I suppose that would mean that you and Ratbastid would need to call each other partner as well, so that everyone would be on equal terms.

Do you still intend to call each other husband and wife, and are just trying to come up with something totally different for StellaLuna?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Sultana

How about "Beloved"? Has a nice ring to it, I think.

Comrad?
Associate de Amour?
The Tuna in our Taco?

Amiga!

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Willravel

I'm really missing something, but if I understand correctly...

I'd use a label that makes everyone comfortable. This might be something to just sit down and discuss meaning. Obviously there are many wrong answers, because they downplay or misrepresent the state of the relationship. I like beloved a lot, just in general, but I'm not sure it's descriptive enough. I keep coming back to the idea of inventing a label. 'Companion in love' might be nice. 'Third partner' is descriptive, if a bit cold. 'Other better half' made me chuckle a bit. 'Madam' seems a bit naughty.

The_Jazz

This is the funniest thing I've read all day.

Personally, I like "stakeholder", but that's because I'm in an odd mood I think.

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Push-Pull

Would "Mistress" be too impersonal?

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DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

ubertuber

I'd go with "better third" for casual conversation. And then you can make jokes about making someone feel like a fourth wheel...

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abaya

How about drawing on the etymology/history of threes for a unique name?

From Wikipedia:
You could call each other "trinitas," "triune," or one of the above-quoted things from Wiki. You guys were English majors, right?... plenty of fodder there. All hail the Triumvirate!

Or maybe more colloquially, "my better third?"

EDIT: Okay, that's more than a little weird. I was looking up etymologies and writing my post while ubertuber beat me to the punch. Guess that means it's a good idea, eh?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

The_Jazz

"The Big Wheel"? Cause they had 3 wheels?

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Kadath

I like 'partner'. This is my husband, ratbastid, and my our partner, StellaLuna.

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it's quiet in here

amonkie

My situation wasn't quite the same as yours as I was only in a relationship with Tecoyah and not also with the wife.. I was the Girlfriend.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

spectre

YEAH! or the Mongooses, that's a good team name."The Fighting Mongooses."

I got nothin'.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

Willravel

I love Futurama.

Dilbert1234567

fuck buddies and support staff?

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Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

Pogue Mahone

"Bite my glorious golden ass!"

Anyway, I have no experience in this sort of thing, so I don't know how much help I can be. But the closest thing I can think of to what's described, it's fuckbuddy. Although "Tuna in our Taco" is hilarious.

On a separate note, I wasn't aware that so many people here have a relationship to each other...

Not that it's a bad thing, it's just interesting.

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I still wave at the dots on the shore
And I still beat my head against the door
I still rage and wage my little war
I'm a shade and easy to ignore

ratbastid

I wasn't aware we needed a name...

NoSoup

I thiink this is the perfect opportunity to coin a word for all people in your situation. I'm leaning toward "Bazozzle"

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I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...

tecoyah

Best Friend


Seems to me the only time that term actually makes sense

ShaniFaye

I dont recommend mistress, in this day and age (or at least in my circles lol) Thats going to denote they have some sort of BDSM relationship

other than that...I have nothing....when Dave and I had a 3rd I struggled with the same thing....now I just call him asshole hehehe

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Charlatan

Here is my wife and my "girl in a box"?

sorry, now I can't get that song out of my head. I live the triumvirate and all the associations that abaya came up with.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

ratbastid

I suspect that "The Triumvirate" is going to stick.

ngdawg

That just cracked me up!!

Eh, you don't. Those that matter already know who/what you are/have and those that don't matter...don't matter.
Nothing wrong with "This is my husband/wife_______ and our friend______" and leave it at that. Then skip off holding hands

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

seretogis

I would recommend against any tri-name, considering that you will have to redefine your relationship if you bring a fourth person into it. "Partner" is gender-neutral and not numerically limiting.

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seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

snowy

I like "my better third."

It has a certain ring to it, and it sounds appropriate in usage.

/another English major's two cents

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

JustJess

I dunno. I just refer to Stella as "your girl". Just like Q is "my boy". I dunno why, tho... it just is. And if I were to chat with Stella, I'd refer to you two as her "boy" or her "girl" too.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

abaya

Well, they could always branch into "my better fourth" and hell, maybe even steal that famous TFP name and start calling each other "Quadro." Quartile, quarto, quartissimo, the possibilities are endless.

/loves etymology; considers going polyamorous just for the sexy wordplay

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

Oh, talk dirty to me...

Really, don't you just love stretching your vocabulary?

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

The_Jazz

Why do I get the feeling that if I asked either of you to talk dirty to me I wouldn't understand most of it?

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Jetée

I just came up with something that could rival the best of them:


"This is my former, and this is my latter." - which could be said by any of the three parties involved, and is extremely malleable in usage.



Whaddaya think?

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

World's King

Friends.


Why does it have to be fancy?

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Daniel_

Wifelet.

"This is Lurkette, my Wife, and this is StellaLuna, our Wifelet."

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Willravel

Heh. Wifelet. Not bad.

StellaLuna

Okay, I've had to wait all day to post here, and you guys are killing me. So first- no, we don't need a name. I just like being able to say "this is Ratbastid and he's the best (term) ever, and this is Lurkette and she's the best (term) ever." A friend of ours dubbed us all a "clumple" and I love it, but there's still the problem of what to call him, and what to call her, in relation to myself. As Lurkette said, boyfriend and girlfriend are the current terms and I can't stand them. They just don't ring quite true to me. These two are much much more than those words quite put across. The word "lover", while sweet and all, has been destroyed for me thanks to Sex and the City... "lovah"! Ugh. Lurkette also touched on one of my issues with certain poly terminology: secondary/primary are terms that piss me right off. I can understand how they may help people see where someone entered a relationship-- Lurkette and Ratbastid are primaries, technically I'm a secondary relationship to each of them, but dammit... they're my primary people! Both of them!
Abaya, we were talking about this thread when I came home for lunch today, and "partner" just cracks me up for the reason you said; I "made partner" and they're "my partners"... I'd feel like I was part of a very friendly law firm. And Sultana, you rotten thing, I am the Tuna in nobody's Taco, thank you. I'm really leaning toward "better third", and knowing that they're my better two-thirds... hey guys, you're my favorite 66%.
And wifelet..... aw... Ees just cute.

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Screw tradition!

lurkette

Wifelet! EEEEE! Can we both be wifelets?

I didn't ever really think about whether ratbastid and I would continue to call each other husband and wife...just kind of assumed we would. But that somehow seems a little inequitable. I like "wifelet" though

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Charlatan

Hey! Who's that?

Why that's Ratbastid and the wifelets...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

ngdawg

...singing their latest hit, "Three of a Kind"

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Jinn

I think significant other works.

You're all significant, and you're all significant others.. to .. one another.

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analog

"Ratbastid and the Wifelets" sounds like a shitty death-metal-garage-band name.

ItWasMe

I'd go with either significant others. Although pork chop and cupcakes work, too.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

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StellaLuna

Pork Chop and the Cupcakes vs Ratbastid and the Wifelets....
I dunno, man.

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Screw tradition!