arctic cat

do you remember your first love?

are they fond memories?

maybe it wasn't the right time for you and/or your first love to make a commitment when you were first together. would you consider making another go of things and try again with your first love? (that's if you aren't in a relationship already)

ngdawg

It's customary to offer up your own take on the OP, just for the record....


Very first bf was 21, I was 13...not much there, just a lot of necking.

First lover was an asshole twice my age and failed to mention the wife at home and became a stalker after we broke up...so, no I wouldn't consider even making a phone call let alone getting back together.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

StellaLuna

Ah, that boy. I remember my first "oh, that's love" moment. Wouldn't trade A for anything in the world. Most of the memories are good ones-- he was smart and really artistic, and had the best strawberry-blonde mane of hair. And of course, he broke my little teenage girl heart. Even if things in my life were different, I couldn't see myself going back to him. We're looking for completely different things out of life. We still talk, we're still friendly, and I'm incredibly proud of him for his choices. (Part of me still wants to kiss him every time I see him, though! I've never managed to get over that!)

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Screw tradition!

Ourcrazymodern?

Not by any means qualified to be responding, I remember my "first love" quite well with fondness. But it was elementary school. The plot thickened shortly thereafter, with a boy whose name translates to "churchyard".

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

arctic cat

sorry, i didn't manage to get my first love out of my head until last year. i was always thinking about what he'd be up to and how he'd grown and changed. so up until last year, if i had the chance i would definitely be up for seeing him again. but since i met someone new last year, i don't think about my first love anymore.

it would be nice to get some guys opinions on this subject, thanks

tecoyah

My first Love....ahhhhh...the memories.

Sweet Horny Rape Victim....bright, funny, and quite fine.


Too happy now to really give a damn about the past loves...but thanks for putting her in mind again.

snowy

It was, as they say, puppy love. I was 18, he was 17. He had a Mustang. We barely kissed, we were so nervous around each other.

Every time I've fallen in love has been different, and some have been good experiences, and some have not. Currently I am in love with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and makes me breakfast in bed on the weekends. He is priceless. My love for him puts the rest to shame, truly.

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World's King

We dated for maybe a little over a month when I was about 17. She slept with a friend of mine the day after she ended it with me.

To this day I get all nervous when I see her or anyone even mentions her name.

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abaya

First love, eh? I don't really know who my first love was, if I had one at all. My first boyfriend was not my first love, though at the time, I thought he was... I was 14, he was 17, and it lasted less than 2 months. It was really just your typical short-term, high-school relationship... not love.

Then I had a male best friend whom I thought I loved, but it was not reciprocated... and can you really love someone without ever being mutually romantically involved with them? I don't know. I never found out.

Then there was my first "real" boyfriend, in college, and I suppose he comes close to being a "first love," though I still don't know what that whole relationship was really about. A year of head rushes and tearful confusion. Once again, I thought that was love at the time, but looking back, I really don't know. Dysfunctionality screws up one's notions of love. Yay for therapy.

So, I don't think I was ever healthy/mature enough to know what "love" was, not until the last few years with ktspktsp... (mid-20's). With us, as with Snowy, it is wholly different than any of the "loves" I thought I knew before. Maybe that's why we're married.

As for the OP: fond memories of all those people, yes. Second chance with ANY of them, first love or not? Hell no! That is just plain asking for trouble. That would apply even if I were still single... you just don't go there, unless you have *extremely* good reason to do so. Nostalgia/sentimentality/not getting over the person are not good reasons to try and go back in time. But, each to his/her own.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Manic_Skafe

Of course I remember her, it was a few years ago when I ended it but only a few months since she terminated our friendship.

Most of the memories are fond but I try not to remember them they bring up a lot of things I regret. There were a lot of things I did wrong and I'd have still ended the relationship but I'd have done things so much differently if I knew better.

It's been 3 years with my currently g/f and I'm still not completely over the ex. Part of me wants to call her and try to smooth things over so that maybe we can have a decent friendship but we did so much damage to each other that I'm convinced the best thing I could do for her is leave her alone......we've had so many "first ever" experiences together that I know I'll never be able to get over her....

If I weren't with my g/f now then I'd consider giving her a call but I'm involved so that won't happen. Her birthday is a few months from now - I've been thinking about sending her a bouquet of Spring flowers and a nice card but I haven't decided yet....

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Willravel

Big bucket of fondness followed by a sense of closure. It was great and I'll always have the memories, but life has long since moved on. I wish her well.

squeeeb

my first love wasn't my first, but i think it was my only. we were young, i fell for her like a blind roofer. crap and life happened, and we ended up splitting, i ended up in a commited relationship and even though we still had hot lust for each other it never happened and she is now married, i am now married, and there is that....

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onward to mayhem!

Charlatan

My memories are generally OK. In fact, I have been thinking about her lately because of some High School friends I have reconnect with on Facebook.

In the end I really wish it had been a short affair rather than the two years it dragged on for. I wonder what might have been different.

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Crack

I'll let you know when it happens.

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BadNick

I guess "true love" is either impossible or questionable when you are very young...
...but when I read the title of this thread I immediately thought of ChristineT who was my one and only love from kindergarden through 6th grade. I did everything I could to be near her, went up the sliding board ladder behind her, stood next to her during spelling bees, traded with other boys to make sure I was always her partner for everything, went to the public library after school to do my homework with her (she lived right across the street from the library), etc. Everybody in class knew and cooperated, even the teachers who eventually just paired us up for school plays etc. When she had a birthday party in second grade she invited all the girls in class and me, the only boy there; I was quite shy but really liked that; and this all went down like this not because I was sort of a girly boy or socialized more with the girls than the boys, quite the contrary. In about 4th or 5th grade I recall very clearly sitting next to her in class and literally getting orgasmic over playing footsies with her, just touching our feet together. By 6th grade though I noticed she was getting more interested in older guys in high school and it eventually sunk in that I had to move on ...it was painful and I cried, but then I met the "other Christine" ChristineC who was my second gf ....other than a big soft spot for MariaM who sometimes did homework with CT and I at the library and she always wanted to race me around the block outside the library since she could run faster than me.

I doubt you really meant this to be childhood sweetheart stuff, but that's what I thought of, pleasant memories. When we had our 25th reunion from elementary school graduation, I hoped she'd come but she couldn't make it. But the other girls called her on the phone and we talked ...it was nice.

absorbentishe

First love, I married her. I don't think the infatuations count. Once we were together for a while, I knew she was who I wanted to be with, and made it clear to her. Although, I should have waited longer... but that's another story.

little_tippler

I remember him. I don't have fond memories. I have memories of our time together, mostly of stupid things I did or said because I didn't know much about relationships back then. I don't ever want us to get back together. You might think he was awful because I'm saying this, but you'd be wrong. We were just so wrong for each other, it's weird. Can't really explain it.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Bill O'Rights

I sure do.
She was a 1968 Mercury Monterey Fastback. 390V8 under the hood, and every inch of 19 feet long. She was a beaut.

Oh, yeeeaah

What?

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mixedmedia

I was 16. He was 35. It lasted for two years. He introduced me to cocaine and his wayward friends. When I was 18 he dumped me. About six months later he became born again and tried to get me back, but by then I had emerged from that dysfunctional haze and was able to dismiss him handily. Oh, but my god, did I love him once. I believe I did.

I don't look back on it as all bad. There certainly were some bad times and times that make me wince a little to think of, but there were good times, too. For the most part he treated me very well. He was a mess - selfish and fucked up - but he wasn't all bad. I think he loved me too, even though he realized it too late.

I wouldn't mind seeing him again and saying hi. Letting him know that I'm alright...if I were him, I think I would be happy to hear that.

But I'm not about to look him up or anything. If we didn't bump into each other after all these years, then maybe it's for the best.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
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noodle

This was the story of 10 years of my life. It was easier to pretend.


My first actual love was my first in every sense. We've been on and off for over three years now. It appears to be on for the rest of our lives... possibly maybe.

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KellyC

Considering how it's just 2 years ago that it happened, yes I remember her. Lots of fond memories and a hell of a lot of dramas as well. I was so clueless back then...Given the chance, yeah, I'd like another shot. But knowing her and myself, I don't think I can put up with her dramas like I did the first time. Or maybe I'd be better equipped to handle those kind of situation. I'm certainly open to the possibility of things working out for the best for us, but I won't count on it.

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arctic cat

this made me feel a little sad for your girlfriend, but i do know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone while you're not completely over your ex.

i gave up a lot for that ex (first love) of mine and i always wondered if it was something i'd done wrong that made him cheat on me. i thought if only i knew where i'd gone wrong then i can change it and we be together again. i did contact him but he was already in a relationship with 2 kids so i couldn't really go there. i asked him why he did what he did but i never got a reply. and when i really thought about it, i realised i didn't really need an answer from him, i always knew the answer but i wanted him to tell me. we broke up in 1996, i have had a couple of relationships after i split with him but none of them worked. i was in a bad way for a long time, but then i met someone new last year and somehow he made me stop thinking about that first love. we were seeing each other for a few weeks last year but broke up and i saw him again this year thinking we were going to get back together but we've just split up again a few weeks ago. so now it's a different ex that i can't get out of my head

whoa, that's a huge age gap! sorry to point out the obvious. i was seeing someone a lot younger than myself (8 years younger) and i hope he has fond memories of me.

Kpax

I have another question. Does your "first love" have to be someone you dated and talked to for hours on the phone? Does it have to have been mutual? If "mutual" is the key word, then I guess I have never been in love...

analog

I was 20, she was 17. I met her in person for the first time when she came with her mom to pick me up at the airport. We'd met over the internet and been friends for years before... and had only just a year prior, when she was 16 and I 19, become anything more than friends.

I still vividly remember the smile on her face when she saw me walk through the gate (back when people could pick you up at the gate)... she lit up so much that if all the lights were suddenly snuffed out, I'd still be able to see her. Her smile was contagious, and she ran to me and threw her arms around me...

There's a point when you're hugging someone long enough that it can transition from a hug into a more personal, "holding each other". I think we only "hugged" for about 2 seconds, tops... and we both felt so instantly connected and "at home" with one another, that we both just relaxed instantly, and just stood there holding each other for a minute, whispering hellos and "nice to finally meet you"s through her tears and my smile.

I was with her for three and a half years, 3 full years of which were spent long-distance (about 1200 miles). After she moved here, we slowly discovered that we had incompatibilities with living together... but more importantly, we'd "grown apart". Though the love and connection was always there, we'd grown differently as people, and had different thoughts and priorities on things.

She was my second girlfriend, and the second girl I had sex with, but she was my first love, and I also think my deepest love to this day.

We've pretty much lost all communication with each other, but I think that was sort of engineered by both of us without either of us saying anything. It kept hurting us to be close, friends, to talk and chat and feel how we felt but know that being together just didn't work. And you'd think that seeing her happy with another guy would be the worst part- far from it. Knowing she was with someone who was making her happy made me happy for her. It was when she was single, and we'd chat, that I'd really miss her the worst.

But hey, after her I met another wonderful woman who I loved a lot and was with for almost a year and a half. She's the one major regret I have... though I'm sure things would still be the way they are, I feel like there were things I could have looked past (her complete lack of ambition/drive) if I'd tried harder to look past them.

But we are who we are, and I'll find someone new soon enough.

arctic cat

my first love wasn't my first either. i thought i loved the previous two boyfriends before him but i don't count them as love.

when i was single i had many infatuations with people, the same way i would be when i'm with someone, but i wouldn't call them love.

what you're talking about is unrequited love. i know how unrequited love feels, so share your story with us, anyways

Leto

!!! what was he thinking? not too responsible of him eh?

abaya

It would be helpful for us if, along with your questions, you would also tell us what's going on behind the questions. That is usually how we do things here on TFP... not just ask random questions with no explanation.

That said, what do you mean by "HAVE TO BE" ? There is no set "rule" for what defines love. For me, it just took growing up first (or at least, being in my mid-20s) before I learned how to define love more realistically. I don't think being *in love* and having a *first love* are the same things. You can be in love with someone all you want, and not have it returned... I've been down that road. But to have a "first love," I do think it needs to be requited... both people ought to have warm, fuzzy feelings for each other. Otherwise, it is just infatuation with another human being.

But this is all in my own opinion, no one else's. It would be helpful if we knew more about your particular situation, in order to reply more effectively.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Martian

Normally I wouldn't post in a thread like this, but I've got that little fond memories smirk on my face now, so I reckon I will.

My first love wasn't all that long ago. In fact, there are folks here who will remember it. The healing process kind of sucks, but in the end it comes down to happy memories. Remember the good, forget the bad.

As to would I go back, no. I really don't know if it could work anymore. In a sense I'm still in love with her and I suspect I always will be, but the bottom line is that neither one of us is the same person we were then and I just don't think it would work. I'd prefer to keep the memories I have unsullied, rather than messing that up in some vain attempt to recapture the past.

EDIT -

The short answer is that, yes, I think it does have to be mutual, although the specifics of it are different in each individual case. Love isn't something you question. When you're in love you just.. know. It's as elemental as your own name. This is me, this is who I am, and I am in love.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Smooth23

Yes I remember. It was fleeting, and I was a moron. We were going different directions in life and didn't have time for each other. When she dumped me, it was crushing.

shesus

Some great stories up there. Memories are great and better when somewhat rose-colored.

I always thought I was in love when I was in jr. high. I was one of those people that would get a boyfriend and be in love day 1. My relationships were short-lived, the longest being 1 month.

I guess my first 'love' would be my first fiance. We were seniors and had been flirting for about 3 months and finally just decided to get together. He introduced me to pot and alcohol, which were really my first loves.

We were happy, mostly because we were stoned everyday. We worked minimum wage jobs, had keg parties every weekend, and tons of fun together. After about a year of that, I decided we had to 'grow up'. I started actually applying myself in college and he joined the service. That was the beginning of the end for us. We tried really hard, but his drinking and the long distance were too much. Only seeing each other a couple times a year did not make a good relationship and we were growing apart. I decided enough was enough and it wasn't fair for either of us to drag out the engagement...so I ended it.

I don't regret ending the relationship, but I do regret my last words to him. He would continue to call and actually told the army that his grandma died so he could have an emergency leave to try to mend the relationship. I told him to fuck off. He died about a week later in a car accident. He really was a great guy. But for someone other than me. I wanted nothing more than for him to be happy with a great woman and have the family he always wanted. It's been 8 years and I still think about him from time to time. He was a huge part of shaping who I am today and I have many happy memories of those times.

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mandy

first loves huh...

well, I've had many boyfriends a few of them whom i thought i loved or rather was in love with. but none such a feeling had i experienced than in my first year of tech (college).

a lot of the "bf's" i had, although i doubt you could call them that because i never really brought them home to meet the parents, and because they rarely lasted over 6 months...except this one guy in primary school...i "went out" with him for over a year until i got to high school :-)

but yeah, the first year i started studying...

i can't really even begin to describe this feeling...and i knew that it was love,or rather that i was in love because it was a feeling that i had never felt before...it took me completely by surprise. and i knew that it was different to the rest because none of the others made me feel that way.

I missed him when he wasn't around and when he was there i could never let him go. My body tingled every time he touched my hand. My heart pumped lumps of chocolate custard every time i saw him in the cafeteria. My body ached to feel him and my heart yearned to see him all the time.

he was the dream i dreamed when i did not know who he was and the hope i clung to until i finally found him.

even when he'd make me angry, even when he'd make me sad, even when all i wanted to do is throttle him so bad that he couldn't really breathe...i loved him more and more...

because someone you did not care about and did not love as much as i loved him would not have made me feel as angry and frustrated and sad as he sometimes did.

but we always come out on top...and i guess you can say i've been feeling this for the past four and a half years now. healer and i have been together for four of them.

it's been a road of really shitty bumps in them and still sometimes we get the odd bump every coupla kilometers...but i know that one day, there's a smooth newly tared road just waiting to be traveled by us.

healer is now and will always be the only love of my life.

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Average_Joe

I met my first love on the beach when I was 16 and she was 14. She was vacationing with her parents for the summer. We spent lots of time together, and I was really bummed when she had to leave. We wrote to each other over the winter and kept in touch by phone every few weeks. The next summer she came back, and at first it was great to be back together, but she found someone else back home, and it fizzled out quickly. We kept in touch throughout high school and college, but the spark just wasn't there when we got together. Great memories!

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miko

I married my first real love.
I was obsessed with one or two other girls before that, but those never became relationships or anything.

noodlebee

Yes. We had a very tentative "relationship" if you even want to call it that. We were both shy. Because we both took a lot of the same classes, we did a lot of assignments and group projects together. We did not say anything like "I love you" or other proper gestures of love most couples have. Our excuse for holding hands was that his were too hot and he was sweating, but mine were always cold no matter what weather.

It was all good memories, none bad. We did not say anything explicitly about love until the day of graduation, but our university locations were too far. We slowly lost contact after 1 or 2 years.

bluestars87

Psssh...all I remember is that she didn't love me.

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