Cavi Mike

...and I broke her heart twice. Yes, twice. But here we were today, five years later, at the bank. After cashing my check I was walking towards my car, ready for a nap after a 12hr shift. She tagged along with her mother and was waiting patiently in her mothers car. "Mike!" she exclaims. Although her smile is something I reminisce about, I didn't recognize her. The way she used to bow her head, tilt it sideways and look at me from the top of her eyes, she would blink a couple of times and smile. I melt just thinking about it. She was so real but I fucked it up twice. Yes, twice.

Why are we here? Why did she call my name? Does she actually know that I feel like a total fucking scumbag and every day I regret what I did to her? Does she know the misogynist in me is only because I see no other woman but her?

Here's the real dilemma, I didn't give her any means to get a hold of me and vice-versa.

What do I do?

__________________
pearls ain't free

Cynthetiq

forgive yourself.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Bill O'Rights

Aaaaaand...cut.


Does anything more really need to be said?

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Jetée

If you feel as though you seeing her again after so long truly made you feel complete, then you should persue her. Do whatever it takes to make contact with her once again, and then let yourself go. Explain whatever you feel is appropriate in order for her to understand that you enjoyed seeing her and perhaps would like to mend a relationship. It's only fair that you would want to be happy, and by not taking action, you will only regret not seizing the opportunity to do so after a long time. She seemed happy to see you, so why not try to make yourself happy by finding her.

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

Sultana

What is he supposed to do, hang out at the bank every day? That's the problem, there is no way to contact her again. Why didn't he get that info though?

Ditto what Cynth said.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Daniel_

You know her name, you know her mother's name.

There are a load of ways to find people online.

Failing that, you can just ask the bank if they will pass a letter on to her mother.

Look up her old school and see if they have an alumni organisation.

Hire a billboard and post a huge photo of yourself with "Please write to Mike at PO Box XXX if you are his ex".

Call the local TV news and tell them your story - they may put a spot on the evening bulletin.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Bill O'Rights

Why does this sound, to me, like a bad Hugh Grant movie?

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Supple Cow

Try craigslist's missed connections?

*shrug*

If you're town's not that big, just trying being out and about more... maybe in places she'd be likely to frequent. Oh, and the forgiving yourself first is key. Then, once you find her, it makes it easier for her to do the same.

serlindsipity

apologize somehow, but never ever consider pursuing.

fool me once, shame on you, but fool me a third time? i know people change, but the hurt will linger.... and its changed her.

__________________
My third eye is my camera's lens.

Jetée

Love conquers all!

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

little_tippler

I think the time for this relationship has passed...you did break her heart twice. If she is that wonderful and forgiving that she'd give you a 3rd chance...then she's definitely a girl worth keeping. I'm not sure what to say. But, the thing is, you didn't get her contacts. So...I think that says something. Let it go? You may well have to carry this burden for life. Forgive yourself and move on.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

noodle

I forgave four times. Only because it was worth it.
I guess I'm the wrong person to ask... but, don't contact her if you "just want to see how things go/are/seem, etc." If you really and truly process the previous situation and can forgive yourself and move forward, then (and only then) think about contacting her. Don't process the Idea of Her. She'll never be the Idea/Ideal you want. Remember the relationship and what went wrong. Process that and see if it's worth it. And remember, she may have called your name in surprise... not because she ever wanted/expected to see you again.

__________________

analog

What he said.

abaya

Five years is a helluva long time to be in relational purgatory.

Listen to Cynthetiq.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

serlindsipity

relational purgatory- and Im saving that for my witty word bank.

__________________
My third eye is my camera's lens.