shesus

While waiting for the El today, I was asked, "What do you want people to remember you for?"...didn't have an answer.

I think I was put on the spot a bit, but the fact that I didn't know made me realize I'm floating through a low-key existence.

The conversation went on and revealed that I'm a spectator of life. I enjoy looking at what other people are doing with their life and their contributions to the world. My goals revolve around being a good person and being financially stable. I'm a worker bee I suppose. I'm happiest when I'm working and making an impact on people's lives. Now, I'm not out to please the masses and get recognized. I'm more for making a positive impact on my family, friends, and students. This means I'll be forgotten within 5 years of death, but that doesn't really matter to me. If I can be a positive influence on someone right now, that's what I find important.

I guess not all people are like that. Some people want to be remembered for something. Art, power, riches, talent, etc. Which brings me to the questions. This sort of reminds me of an assignment I had in high school where we had to write our obituary, but...

~Are you a contributor or a spectator?
~What are your goals and ambitions?
~Do you want to be remembered for something after you're dead?


**I'm not talking about dreams, that can be another thread. I have many dreams that I know won't come true because of reality or fear.**

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

spectre

I don't that's necessarily true. My grandfather fit exactly what you just said about being a spectator, but it would suprise you how well he was remembered. I was amazed at how many people showed up to pay their respects at his wake and funeral. If I run into anyone who was there, they still tell me about how big of an impact he had on them. So it is possible to not have a huge impact overall, but to have enough little impacts that allow you to be remembered.

I can tell you right now that you and JJ have had a very positive impact in quite a few lives.

Spectator. I try to do what I can for people, especially those close to me, but I don't think any of it is a particularly big deal.
Just to be happy.
Nothing in particular, just to be remembered in a positive way.

__________________
"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

JumpinJesus

I don't know how I feel about the dichotomy of the terms. I'm led to believe that if you consider yourself a spectator, then you don't contribute. I prefer the term "participant" to "contributor". In that sense, I consider myself a participant.


My goals and ambitions are varied. I remember reading once that when we read about ancient cultures, we learn more about them by studying their art. To me, art is everlasting. The utilitarian things are quickly forgotten in history. How do we know of the Trojan War? From a poet. My goals are to leave something behind that puts my mark on our culture.

I want to be remembered long after I'm dead. I want to haunt a library and find my photography in books.

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I have to say that I was completely floored by today's revelations. This has definitely been a day of learning for me.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Manorfire

Generally, when people die, those that knew them refrain from speaking about their negative attributes. Perhaps this taboo stems from 'respecting the dead' or those that are no longer here to defend themselves?

Many will readily criticise people when they are alive to the point of a personal attack, yet people seem to fear the backlash of speaking ill of the unfortunate dead. Sometimes, when people die, they are forgiven much of their past or they gain a degree of sympathy that they never had while alive. However, I've had enough sympathy and forgiveness in this life - I would prefer a dignified death, free of patronism.

I don't like others jumping on a bandwagon the minute someone has passed to decry their life if they never spoke ill of them when they were alive - it seems rather two faced to me. But, I don't want people to remember my shiny, glossy side. I want to be remembered as the grumpy, sly bastard I am. Somebody who made mistakes they need not have made. A warning to all to grasp every minute of life. Anything else would be half-hearted.

I don't expect to be forgotten for a long time. Everytime it rains, their cars break down, or they have boils on their arses, they will remember me!

That being said, I have met a few goals that I wanted to achieve. I expect a forest of trees to be planted on my behalf.

Gilda

I'm strictly a spectator. I don't want to be noticed, be known by a lot of people, have an impact on a lot of people's lives, mostly because such experiences are very seldom positive for me or the other people involved.

I enjoy my teaching, and like being able to provide a good life for my wife and sister. If my presence can make their lives a little better than they would have been without it, that will at least make it so I can add a little to the other end of the scale. I'll never be important to many people, but I am very important to these two.

Like shesus, I'll probably be forgotten very quickly once the last of my immediate family is gone, memories of me will last as long as my sister or wife, whichever lives longer.

I have a Willy Loman number of two. In Death of a Salesman, Willy is obsessed with how many people will be at his funeral. To him, the number of people who mourn your passing is the most important measure of how successful your life is.

Two isn't bad. It's two more than some people have.

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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Charlatan

I agree with JJ that being one thing doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't the other. I think I am a little bit of both.

Many who think they know me think I am outgoing and can fit into any situation. The truth is I am quite uncomfortable in new situations and don't like meeting new people. I would much rather be the guy in the background watching things. Even when I was doing radio and acting in theatre, I didn't like getting noticed. I was happy doing the craft but I wasn't comfortable with the attention it brought.

For me my "outgoing side" is a coping strategy. It's what I do to control the awkward situation. Of course this only works in situations where there is a small group. As soon as the crowd gets too big I am very quick to fall back into the shadows or make a hasty retreat.

Those who really know me, know I like to go to the movies by myself or that I am really happy eating in a fancy restaurant with just a good book for company.

I guess I am a bit weird that way. Sort of a social jeckyl and hyde.

~What are your goals and ambitions? Ultimately I want to be a contributor. I have always been drawn to entertainment (it has been a common thread in all my career choices). I seem to have lost sight of this somewhere along the way. I guess it was only a month ago that this became clear to me. There is nothing like watching TV and being able to say, "I did that" to give you a wake up call. The fact that hundreds of thousands of people are enjoying something that you created (pretty much anonymously) is kind of neat.

~Do you want to be remembered for something after you're dead? IT would be great to be remembered for my work or something like that but really, all I want to be remember for is that I was a good father to my kids and husband to my wife. They are the only ones who truly matter to me when all is said and done.

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

analog

I'm a participant. I'm always tasking myself with making things better where I can. I always try to offer a kind word where one is needed, a shoulder to lean on, or just someone to talk to. I'm also looking forward to saving lives as a paramedic- and perhaps even further, with time.

My goals/ambitions are just to help people through my medical training, and to advance that training higher until I think I'm done.

I don't need to be remembered in particular, but I try and make sure that anyone who matters to me at all, remembers me as the good person that I am.

shesus

Actually, you are a contributor because you want to leave something behind. I suppose participant is another term that could be applied. As a participant you would interact with other people whether that be helping out, offering support, or just doing good things for people, but not leaving anything material behind.


I agree that this tends to happen. This is a bit of topic, but it's interesting how that works. Some people don't become actual contributors until after they are dead. There are numerous authors and artists who don't become recognized as great contributors until after they have died.
A personal example of this is my ex-fiance. He hated the army and was about ready to be given a dishonorable discharge. He died in a car accident at age 21, the military, being the military, awarded him a promotion and a medal after his death. So people who don't really know him will remember him as a great contributor to our country when he really wasn't.

I think that it takes both types of people to make the world go. Not everyone can be contributors because then there would be no one to really appreciate the contributions because everyone is competing to get their contributions noticed. Not everyone can be spectators because then we wouldn't have the wonderful art, literature, music, architecture, and entertainment. I believe that everyone is a participant...that is the core of life. Unless you are a vegetable, you are interacting with other people. Humans need interaction and I don't believe there is really anyone out there that truly wants to be remembered as an awful, horrible person. Even serial killers generally believe they are good and justified in their actions...contributors to a better society or something.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

ngdawg

Shesus: while you may feel you are a spectator, you are a participant-you're a teacher. You touch 20 lives at a time and while you don't think you're making a difference, you are. I was 'just' a teacher's aide and I still, more than 3 years later, have kids, now seniors in high school, greet me, hug me, still ask if I'm coming back,etc., many of whom were kids I was not responsible for, but in some way, touched.
This could have been written by me, word for word. I fall back, preferring to clean up or just quietly slip out the door; I go off by myself many times during any gathering because I have nothing to say or do.
When I was able to afford it, I contributed monetarily to World Wildlife Fund and MADD to help them make a difference. I belong to PGR because I feel it's the right thing to do-now that I've ridden with a small core of people repeatedly, I've gotten more comfortable there. But, as a side note to that-at yesterday's mission for a fellow PGR's fallen son, I was approached by a television reporter who asked me if she could interview me, ask why do I stand in honor, etc. I declined, saying my words would appear foolish as it's too hard to describe and pointed her to my friend.
We are all mostly contributors and participants; I think the commonality we all feel is that it's never enough; that, in a world full of millions of people and thousands of faces we see as participants, we think we're nothing in comparison. It's common, but so untrue. And if you disagree, try disappearing from the lives of those who love you.

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

Dr Mario Kart

I'd say I'm a spectator, but I dont really care that much to observe what others are doing either. I prefer to be left alone.

You'll see more of me outside as you walk past my tombstone, with whatever clever saying I decide needs to get written on there.

noodle

I'm both. I sat here and tried to decide one way or another.
Many times, I find myself observing and watching and encouraging others to achieve and to take the spotlight. To find their own happiness. I find a lot of my own satisfaction in life through watching others that I care about succeed and find their bliss. But, I'm in a very important area of the helping professions and my job is to guide people in their journey through the dying process of their children. I derive an incredible amount of pleasure at the responses from families and kids about how I've helped them. People remember me from years ago.

My goal is to be there for the people that are important to me, while still retaining my own individualism and finding my own happiness. I want to be comfortable in my skin and my bank account enough to enjoy life. Whatever it brings me. I've been writing a book about death for teenagers. It's taking forever, but there's nothing out there that says it's okay to be pissed off that you're dying. Everything's about my fish that got ran over, or whatever. I want to finish that.

The only thing tangible that I want to be remembered for is that in some form, I made a difference in the lives of dying children. But, I hope that each person that I've made an impact upon in whatever capacity I came in to contact with has a positive memory of me that makes them laugh or smile when they think of me. That's all.

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Bossnass

I'm a spectator/participant right now. I like to think that I'll be a contributor before I die. I want to build great things in great ways. I've visited buildings;30 years, 80 years, 120 years old, that were built by my forefathers. And I've torn down poorly constructed non-memorable buildings without ceremony.

And I want to be a patriarch (in that I want children, and grand children, and great grandchildren, and I want them to know and remember me).

Demeter

~Are you a contributor or a spectator?
Contributor, even though most times, I'd like to be the spectator. I have to have a hand in it, no matter what 'it' is.


~What are your goals and ambitions?
I hope to find a balance between time for me, and the ability to benefit others. I can't do one without the other, and it's a constant tug-of-war.

~Do you want to be remembered for something after you're dead?
I want to be remembered as the one with the right words, the helping hand, the shoulder to cry on.
When I go, I would be happy if a few people could say "She was there when I needed someone...."

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I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
William Shakespeare

abaya

Me too, me too!! So many people have always thought I was an extrovert... but the fact is that I dislike groups larger than 3-4 (at most!), especially if they are strangers, and I become profoundly anxious after several hours of exposure to new people and/or crowds. Unless, of course, I'm shit-faced drunk... there goes my inhibition. But since most social gatherings are not longer than a few hours, I manage to eke out a gregarious impression on people, only to get home and crash completely in a calm, quiet room. Only my husband really knows that side of me... even my parents and best friends would be surprised to hear that I feel this way, since I mask it pretty well.

Anyway, to answer the questions...

~Are you a contributor or a spectator? I'm a participant-observer, how's that? (Something along the lines of what JJ said.) In fact, participant-observation is the primary method that anthropologists use when interacting with a population... and it's something I'm pretty much a natural at, I think (and it's my job). I have shied away from direct contribution over the years, after a lot of leadership positions in HS/college, and become someone who likes to participate in activities, but not be the center of them... and more often, like to observe them and see the big picture of why people act the way they do. But I can't help jumping in sometimes, because life's too short to marginalize yourself.

~What are your goals and ambitions? I'm gonna go with a gut reaction here. My goal is to live with as little regret as possible... not so much for things I did wrong, since I'm bound to make mistakes (and mistakes are SO essential for growth), but to avoid regretting things I didn't do. That is, my goal is to not live in fear of new experiences, of change, of things that make me uncomfortable, of people or situations that might challenge me. Throughout my life, this philosophy has been the only source of growth and joy for me... to simply embrace newness, or at least give it a fighting chance. Stagnation and boredom are some of my greatest fears (though I see them being different from contentment, btw... which IS one of my goals).

~Do you want to be remembered for something after you're dead? Yes, as someone who took life by the balls and lived it to my fullest. I don't want to be remembered as someone who let my choices be dictated by unhealthy fears. I want to be remembered as someone who sought out all my potential, even if that means living a quiet life and simply enjoying the day to day, raising a healthy family and being a good role model for my family and community. I don't want to be remembered as someone who worked too hard, or too little; or who was a recluse, or who lived on the edge; or spent too much money, or being a scrooge... heh, maybe I want to be normal (no extremes). I just want to be remembered as having LIVED, really lived, and tried to explore all facets of what it means to be human, without fear.

/asks pardon for rambling...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

amonkie

I would consider myself a contributor - mostly because I feel like I always have to be moving, be a part of SOMETHING. If anything .. I have more of a problem with not feeling guilty about taking the time to be lazy, .... a healthy balance is really the key.

Part of it is my current lifestyle - sometimes as long as you keep going, you're always so wound up that you don't have to think about the things that are nagging you, or that you have no control over.

I feel out of control when I am mostly observing, even though in crowds I tend to be quieter to gain a sense of the group, and maintain control of my interaction.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

clavus

Anonomous contributor. I try to make the world a better place without drawing attention to myself.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Ourcrazymodern?

Watching or making noise - people notice either way.
Depending on their "personalities" they might judge you'
They may not...

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

newtx

I am a contributor with strong spectative skills.

Ourcrazymodern?

Specutative is an extremely cool word.

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BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

josie

Me too- and I wasn't even able to pretend to cope by having an outgoing side until I reached my twenties.

But I think I've always been a contributor, though quietly and behind the scenes. I've always felt the need to add something in most situations that I feel are worthwhile. If I don't feel something is productive or valuable or fun, I don't have the patience to stick around and be a spectator.

In terms of goals, I'd like to live and teach in Africa someday- and
I wouldn't mind having some poems published maybe.

I'd like to be remembered for being kind and creative and making a difference in the lives of people who needed me to.