Odd "Real Men" Ideas - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jason762 · 07-19-2006, 07:12 AM

So I'm sitting here durning my "lunch" (at work, at 8:30 in the morning)
drinking coffee and thinking about how other workers take their coffee.

I take mine black. The male forklift driver I work with takes his with
cream and sugar. The female forklift driver drinks those fancy
starbucks with whipped cream n shit.

so I'm drinking coffee and remembering how my mother thinks black coffee
is nasty, when I think/come to the conclusion that "real men drink black
coffee".

If you think about it, it sounds like a really wierd 'real men'
"requirement". And it's just mine, not everyone's.

So what are you 'real men' "requirements"?

skinnymofo · 07-19-2006, 07:39 AM

a real man has a firm handshake. no ifs ands or buts about it.
a real man protects his family before himself.
those are the only two i have. both have special circumstances that can be excused, but the other 99% of the time it holds true for me.

maleficent · 07-19-2006, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnymofo

a real man has a firm handshake. no ifs ands or buts about it..

so does a real woman... there's nothing more irritating than a limp fisted handshake or the woman who acts like she expects you to kiss her hand.

Real women can change their own tires too...

The_Jazz · 07-19-2006, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

so does a real woman... there's nothing more irritating than a limp fisted handshake or the woman who acts like she expects you to kiss her hand.

I need to introduce you to an underwriter that I deal with whose nickname in my office is "The Flipper Gripper". Shaking her hand is like shaking hands with a dolphin - it's slightly moist, limp, and she doesn't seem to have any idea what she's doing or why. Too bad that translates into her underwriting skills....

"Real" men know how to act like "real" men in public - they open doors for others (female and male), move aside when appropriate and have the common courtesy to not intrude on those around them.

Crack · 07-19-2006, 08:11 AM

Quote:

a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.

still holds true... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/quotes

Bill O'Rights · 07-19-2006, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnymofo

a real man has a firm handshake. no ifs ands or buts about it.
a real man protects his family before himself.

I might add that a real man can be taken at his word.

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Real women can change their own tires too...

Or...does a real woman know how to look just helpless enough to get some dumb schmuck to stop and do it for her?

J/K, Mal.

Oh...and I take my coffee black, thank you. On very rare, and special occasions, I'll put a spoonful of chocolate milk powder in it, but other than that...nothing adulterates my coffee.

maleficent · 07-19-2006, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Or...does a real woman know how to look just helpless enough to get some dumb schmuck to stop and do it for her?

J/K, Mal.
.

Ya see... just because she CAN doesn't me that she DOES... Why should she get all dirty when there is some dumb schmuck willing to do it.

Real women know how to DELEGATE

Ample · 07-19-2006, 08:30 AM

One of my first threads was something kinda like this
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=104917

About 4 post down redlemon showed about 4 others as well

Just to add about "Real Men". A Real Man doesnt look anywhere but straight forward while talking to another man at the Urinal.

Bill O'Rights · 07-19-2006, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Real women know how to DELEGATE

Oooooh...and the point goes to mal.

teflonian · 07-19-2006, 08:47 AM

I hate black coffee (man here, but obviously not a real one by Jason762's standards). I have actually noticed more men drinking and preferring white mocha's, cream and sugar in black coffee, etc. than women, but that probably is just my limited, and biased, knowledge of the coffee world.

So I will come up with a criteria for a real man myself:
A real man does not let anyone else tell him what a real man is. (Applies to real women as well).

frogza · 07-19-2006, 09:09 AM

Rudyard Kipling Sumed it up well in his poem IF (And yes real men can read poetry)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

ShaniFaye · 07-19-2006, 09:43 AM

Real men wear kilts

stevie667 · 07-19-2006, 10:24 AM

Real Men drink Ale.

thingstodo · 07-19-2006, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ample

One of my first threads was something kinda like this
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=104917

About 4 post down redlemon showed about 4 others as well

Just to add about "Real Men". A Real Man doesnt look anywhere but straight forward while talking to another man at the Urinal.

And he uses other bathroom etiquette like leaving an empty urinal between the other guy. In fact, there was a whole test for this on-line a few years back that was pretty funny. I'd love to see it if someone knows how to find this thing!

Crack · 07-19-2006, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thingstodo

And he uses other bathroom etiquette like leaving an empty urinal between the other guy. In fact, there was a whole test for this on-line a few years back that was pretty funny. I'd love to see it if someone knows how to find this thing!

challenge accepted!

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

Ample · 07-19-2006, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crack

challenge accepted!

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

Took the test, and missed one or two. My general rule of thumb is if there is no space, take the urinal closes to the door.

snowy · 07-19-2006, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

Real men wear kilts

I agree with that.

krwlz · 07-19-2006, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frogza

Rudyard Kipling Sumed it up well in his poem IF (And yes real men can read poetry).....

(snip...Poem was here...)

I really like that, thanks. Haha, sent an odd shiver up my spine.

And real men will stand by their word, and views, until/unless they are proven without a doubt to be wrong... And then admit it with grace.

thingstodo · 07-19-2006, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crack

challenge accepted!

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

Thanks for finding this one!! It's a classic and now I can begin testing again.

Jason762 · 07-20-2006, 03:31 AM

Well if we're going with general ideas, I think a real man is old school.

But yeah teflonian, that coffee thing is just some really odd thing I came up with. That's why I said, "odd real Men ideas"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ample

Just to add about "Real Men". A Real Man doesnt look anywhere but straight forward while talking to another man at the Urinal.

Yeah but I'm hearing impared so I HAVE to look at the dude (so I can read his lips). And at work there's this annoying janitor guy who is always picking the stall next to mine and always feels the need to talk to me.

I always put on my, "Can't this wait until we're done?" face and I respond with yes/no answers whenever possible.

abaya · 07-20-2006, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnymofo

a real man has a firm handshake. no ifs ands or buts about it.
a real man protects his family before himself.

Well, I guess I'm a real man, then...

I definitely agree with those two, except that I'm a woman. I've been told several times, when meeting people, that I have a VERY firm handshake. They usually ask me if I lift weights or something, which is hilarious... why would a woman need to lift weights in order to have a firm handshake? It's more about attitude and confidence, if you ask me. (In any case, I do lift weights, but it doesn't matter.)

My standards for a real man include:

* Real men express their emotions without hesitation, and are not afraid to cry in front of their women.
* Real men do their half of the chores without whining about it.
* Real men love to cook.

* Real men wipe the toilet rim with TP after they go pee (though I don't care if they leave the seat up or down).
* Real men do not let work overcome their lives, and they prioritize time with their loved ones over everything else.
* Real men admit when they don't know how to do something, or when they've made a mistake.
* Real men are not couch potatoes.
* Real men ask for directions.
* Real men are willing to go to counseling.

I'm sure I could think of more off the top of my head, but I gotta get to work.

teflonian · 07-20-2006, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason762

Well if we're going with general ideas, I think a real man is old school.

But yeah teflonian, that coffee thing is just some really odd thing I came up with. That's why I said, "odd real Men ideas"

Sorry Jason762, I did understand the theme of this thread, I was just using your listing as a springboard to my criteria. I didn't mean it to sounds so serious or as if I was offended.

rockogre · 07-20-2006, 09:17 AM

Real men never hit a woman, a child, or someone that hasn't attacked them first.

Real men stand up for the underdog!

Thought about it, came back to say that I don't consider these to be ODD ideas. Guess I posted in the wrong thread.

Real men, kickstart!

Mantus · 07-20-2006, 11:23 AM

The Oak for woman to lean her soul.
Our chest, so she may rest her lovely head in passion.
Looks up, knowing that she trusts,
is safe and he is still the same, despite her.

Jason762 · 07-20-2006, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

My standards for a real man include:

* Real men express their emotions without hesitation, and are not afraid to cry in front of their women.
* Real men do their half of the chores without whining about it.
* Real men love to cook.

* Real men wipe the toilet rim with TP after they go pee (though I don't care if they leave the seat up or down).
* Real men do not let work overcome their lives, and they prioritize time with their loved ones over everything else.
* Real men admit when they don't know how to do something, or when they've made a mistake.
* Real men are not couch potatoes.
* Real men ask for directions.
* Real men are willing to go to counseling.

Ermmm, sounds like a real female... I mean.... counseling?. Real men take shit with a smile, then bust it all out at the gym, IMO.

captobvious · 07-20-2006, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

* Real men wipe the toilet rim with TP after they go pee (though I don't care if they leave the seat up or down).

Real men have better aim than that.

biznatch · 07-22-2006, 08:09 PM

I hate when people try and judge me by my handshake. Doesn't mean I shake it limp (ooh, that sounds aweful), but a guy who tries to show he's a "real man" by attempting to crush my hand is often lacking self confidence.
Real can face their SO's and tell them they've been cheating instead of lying (I've seen so many machos jocks trying to come up with ridiculous stories and alibis).
Also, on the funnier side, I got this from Kontraband

Quote:

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You’re no longer a man and you’re out of the man club.

Ustwo · 07-22-2006, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason762

Ermmm, sounds like a real female... I mean.... counseling?. Real men take shit with a smile, then bust it all out at the gym, IMO.

I have to agree with this one.

genuinegirly · 07-22-2006, 10:14 PM

From what I've seen working at Starbucks... "Real (Wo)Men" prefer an Americano or an Expresso.

I'm a huge fan of real (wo)men taking charge of their bodies and working out both cardiovascularly and to build muscle mass.

Woman ordering an Americano & not-overdone muscletone = ADMIRABLE WOMAN!
Man ordering an Americano & not-overdone muscletone = YUMMY REAL MAN!

krwlz · 07-23-2006, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by biznatch

I hate when people try and judge me by my handshake. Doesn't mean I shake it limp (ooh, that sounds aweful), but a guy who tries to show he's a "real man" by attempting to crush my hand is often lacking self confidence.

Crushing your hand, and firm handshake are two very differant things.

I had an english teacher (and I totally agree with this man) that told us all that if you're on the edge at a job interview, and good, firm, confident handshake can make or break your opportunity.

abaya · 07-25-2006, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason762

Ermmm, sounds like a real female... I mean.... counseling?. Real men take shit with a smile, then bust it all out at the gym, IMO.

Yeah, not if you want to be my man.

Any idiot can go to the gym, but it takes serious balls to go to counseling; I don't respect anyone who looks down on counseling.

dlish · 08-17-2006, 05:37 AM

real men burp loudly after dinner and then let one rip..often with a chuckle..

longbough · 08-17-2006, 05:50 AM

I'll add my vote for the handshake. The most "manly-looking" guy loses all points if he has a limp-dick handshake.

A real man knows how to drive a car with manual transmission.

A real man can look you in the eye when he's talking to you.

A real man doesn't flee from his responsibility to his children, spouse, family or country.

A real man doesn't lie about his age.

A real man doesn't make promises he can't keep.

07-19-2006, 07:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jason762 Insane Location: Bay Area, California	Odd "Real Men" Ideas So I'm sitting here durning my "lunch" (at work, at 8:30 in the morning) drinking coffee and thinking about how other workers take their coffee. I take mine black. The male forklift driver I work with takes his with cream and sugar. The female forklift driver drinks those fancy starbucks with whipped cream n shit. so I'm drinking coffee and remembering how my mother thinks black coffee is nasty, when I think/come to the conclusion that "real men drink black coffee". If you think about it, it sounds like a really wierd 'real men' "requirement". And it's just mine, not everyone's. So what are you 'real men' "requirements"?

07-19-2006, 08:30 AM	#8 (permalink)
Ample Psycho Location: In your closet	One of my first threads was something kinda like this http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=104917 About 4 post down redlemon showed about 4 others as well Just to add about "Real Men". A Real Man doesnt look anywhere but straight forward while talking to another man at the Urinal. __________________ Her juju beads are so nice She kissed my third cousin twice Im the king of pomona

07-19-2006, 09:43 AM	#12 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Real men wear kilts __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

07-19-2006, 10:24 AM	#13 (permalink)
stevie667 Too Awesome for Aardvarks Location: Angloland	Real Men drink Ale. __________________ Office hours have changed. Please call during office hours for more information.

07-20-2006, 09:17 AM	#23 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	Real men never hit a woman, a child, or someone that hasn't attacked them first. Real men stand up for the underdog! Thought about it, came back to say that I don't consider these to be ODD ideas. Guess I posted in the wrong thread. Real men, kickstart! __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom Last edited by rockogre; 07-20-2006 at 09:23 AM..

07-19-2006, 07:39 AM	#2 (permalink)
skinnymofo Addict ed to smack Location: Seattle	a real man has a firm handshake. no ifs ands or buts about it. a real man protects his family before himself. those are the only two i have. both have special circumstances that can be excused, but the other 99% of the time it holds true for me.

07-19-2006, 08:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
teflonian Appreciative Location: Paradise	I hate black coffee (man here, but obviously not a real one by Jason762's standards). I have actually noticed more men drinking and preferring white mocha's, cream and sugar in black coffee, etc. than women, but that probably is just my limited, and biased, knowledge of the coffee world. So I will come up with a criteria for a real man myself: A real man does not let anyone else tell him what a real man is. (Applies to real women as well).

07-19-2006, 09:09 AM	#11 (permalink)
frogza Registered User Location: Right Here	Rudyard Kipling Sumed it up well in his poem IF (And yes real men can read poetry) If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream--and not make dreams your master, If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

07-20-2006, 11:23 AM	#24 (permalink)
Mantus lascivious	The Oak for woman to lean her soul. Our chest, so she may rest her lovely head in passion. Looks up, knowing that she trusts, is safe and he is still the same, despite her.

07-22-2006, 10:14 PM	#29 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	From what I've seen working at Starbucks... "Real (Wo)Men" prefer an Americano or an Expresso. I'm a huge fan of real (wo)men taking charge of their bodies and working out both cardiovascularly and to build muscle mass. Woman ordering an Americano & not-overdone muscletone = ADMIRABLE WOMAN! Man ordering an Americano & not-overdone muscletone = YUMMY REAL MAN! __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy Last edited by genuinegirly; 07-22-2006 at 10:15 PM.. Reason: typo~

08-17-2006, 05:37 AM	#32 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	real men burp loudly after dinner and then let one rip..often with a chuckle.. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

08-17-2006, 05:50 AM	#33 (permalink)
longbough Soylent Green is people. Location: Northern California	I'll add my vote for the handshake. The most "manly-looking" guy loses all points if he has a limp-dick handshake. A real man knows how to drive a car with manual transmission. A real man can look you in the eye when he's talking to you. A real man doesn't flee from his responsibility to his children, spouse, family or country. A real man doesn't lie about his age. A real man doesn't make promises he can't keep.