nohitters

im not exactly sure if this is the right forum for this, but ill give it a shot.

i've always had trouble "socializing" with girls, mostly because of my shy nature. about 5 or 6 months ago, i met a girl, and to this day she is the only girl i've ever been able to hold a fairly extensive conversation with. i just think that everything about her is absolutely perfect. im 99% sure that im completely in love with her, but i don't know how to tell her because im deathly afraid of rejection. this trouble with girls i have is all due to past rejections. i think about her every minute of the day, and lately we have been hanging out quite a bit. plus, most of the time, if i hear a rumor about a girl i like, such as "getting around" or something like that, it just makes me second guess whether or not i like them after all. however, i recently heard something extremely serious about her, and i don't believe it at all. like i said, im almost positive that im in love with her, but i don't know how to let her know without scaring her away. any advice would be just dandy.

thx guys and girls

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For Sale.

Willravel

Ever seen the movie "Girl Next Door"? This is a great quote from the movie:
"...moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."

If you feel about her even a fraction of what I understand as being in love, then you've gotta go for it. After all, it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. If you love her, then you have to be willing to fight for her. Suck it up and do what's necessary.

That's my advice.

nohitters

thanks a lot, thats pretty much exactly what i was looking for. now, just to find a way to show her lol

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For Sale.

Willravel

Well take my advice with a grain of salt. I have never met you or your potential girlfriend, so my advice is very general. Consider it a universal "glass is half full" type of thing. Tell you what, if your comfortable, let's hear a bit more about you two lovebirds.

nohitters

its kinda complicated for only being a few months, but here it goes. where to start...well, last summer, a teammate on my baseball team sadly committed suicide. this is kind of a morbid thing, but i remember seeing her for the first time at his funeral and thinking she was the most beautiful girl i'd ever seen in my entire life. then i started noticing her at some of our home games. me, being as shy as i am, sat back and simply fantacized of even being friends with her.

then out of the blue, she sent me a message on myspace. my heart jumped as soon as i saw her friend request, because i have no problem speaking my mind or being myself online. we sent messages back and forth to each other for a few hours, and then i asked her for her cell number. we traded numbers, and we started to text each other non-stop for about a week and a half, and i think my cellphone bill had 1700 txt messages sent/recieved in that short period of time.

at that point, i thought we would actually start dating, and we hadn't even met in person. a couple days later, i started going to her basketball games just to see her. then one day, we decided to get something to eat after school. after i had gotten home from school, i got changed in something casual but nice at the same time, mistaking it for a possible date. we had a good time, but the next day she heard a rumor that i had been going around telling people that we were dating. she never asked me if it was true, but instead just didn't talk to me for a week cuz she was so hurt.

finally, once i found out what was wrong, i cleared things up, and we were cool again. then once again, out of nowhere, she didn't talk to me for a month and a half, no explanation or anything. i was extremely depressed, and i deleted her from my phone's contact list, myspace, and msn. i couldn't stand it, cuz everything reminded me of her. yet again, out of the blue, she started talking to me again and apologized like crazy for what she had done.

I'm a total nice-guy, so i would never tell her that i was angry about the whole dilemma, i was just glad to hear from her again. we never got to see each other during the spring because i was so busy with baseball and she had softball. ever since summer started, any time she gets bored, ill drive 30 miles to get something to eat with her, just for the sake of hanging out with her as much as possible. we always get fast food, usually mcdonalds, nothing special.

then a few days ago, she called me and told me she wanted to hang out, so we went out to an actual restaurant, and then she told me she wanted to see a movie. thats pretty much where this leaves off, with me thinking she may be hinting at something, but too afraid to really find out

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For Sale.

Willravel

Me thinkist she likes you, too. Give it a shot, but go in knowing that you will have to play everything by ear. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer or being shy, just remember that this is about both of you. Relax, and let it play out as it will. For God's sake, don't be fake. That's one of the biggest rookie mistakes. I did it. Most of my friends did it. You tend to grow out of it, but for people that know in the beginning, you might be able to skip the awkward phase. Let us all know how it goes.

nohitters

oh, and heres a late addition to our "history". i don't konw how much this means, but very recently, on her myspace profile, she changed her top 16 friends (which i've never been on) to her top 8 friends, and she added me up there. this was a pleasant surprise because she had to search through all 1200 of her friends, 40 at a time to try and find me in her friend list. i thought it may have some significance, even if it is just a myspace thing.

ill give it a shot. i have to. when school comes around, we are pretty much parting directions for the school year. im going about 45 minutes way from home to a community college near my home in illinois, and she's going away to arizona state. i forget to mention a lot of stuff too lol, sry, but this is another thing. my baseball team for college will take a spring training trip to arizona, and she told me she wants to watch me play, even if she has to travel 5 or 6 hours to see me. we'll see what happens, ill keep you posted

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For Sale.

Willravel

Best of luck!

genuinegirly

Wow, this is exciting! I hope the best for you two. It sounds like she considers you an excellent and reliable friend, if not more. I would enjoy what you have.

I'm pretty sure that she knows you love her, but you should be prepared to tell her. See how things work out with this Arizona training.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

little_tippler

I think she's probably figured out that you like her. And either she likes you back, or isn't sure. I also think the not speaking to you for a month and a half thing is weird but it could just be lack of maturity.

The first time she didn't speak to you, I find it odd that she was angry because of the rumour that you two were dating. Why would she be angry if she wanted to date? So I'd tread carefully on this one.

Also bear in mind that you're going to start uni and that for both of you a lot of things will change in the next months. She may just really value you as a friend, and partly because you do pretty much everything she asks you to. Sorry I'm sure that hurts a little. I'm sorry to disagree with other posters but I wouldn't hedge all my bets on this girl.

You also sound quite young...so take it easy and go ahead and declare your love for her. I think you owe yourself that, if you believe that you love her as much as you say. Think of it this way, you have nothing to lose. If she loves you back, great! If she doesn't, you may lose her friendship, but in the long run, you probably wouldn't be capable of staying just friends with her, at least not right now.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Jove

Beware of the friend zone. I would recommend speaking with her on neutral territory, and then tell her what you told us. I am sure you will get a response and if she ceases all communication with you, then she is stupid.

nohitters

well, thx everybody for all the advice, but looks like this isn't gonna happen. just found out today she has a boyfriend i guess its ok though, cuz at least i know she's still a good friend

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For Sale.

Seer666

Been there my man. And a good friend is nothing to scoff at. Take it from someone who can count the people they trust on one hand. Besides, there is still hope. I have just ended up happily up to my fucking neck in love, with a "good friend" of 10 years now. Seems I wasn't the only one pineing all that time for the other. Point being, there is always hope, but nothing worth wild ever really comes easy. And you can always find something cute to ocupy your time while you wait.

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Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

JimmyTheHutt

Congratulations! Welcome to the "Dick In A Jar Club"! At this point, just walk. You are not going to get what you want out of the situation, while she continues to milk you for everything she doesn't get from her boyfriend. No use putting yourself through emotional trauma every time you deal with her. Walk, let the wound close, and move on.

{INSERT JOKE HERE}

Truthfully, though, the odds of a repeat of your situation are astronomically against the OP. While it would be nice and all if it worked out that way with a little bit of patience, the only place it normally does is shitty romantic comedies. Better to cauterize and move on.



Veritas et Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

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Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

Jason762

I have my own situation where I wonder if I am in love...

I used to be friends with this girl and I liked her a lot but at the time I didn't have enough confidence to ask her out (and quite frankly I still don't).

I stopped talking with her after an incident. She said she wanted to keep talking but I felt so messed up I needed some time away. So I took a year off, and made a new screen name and added her name on there.

One drunk night, my best friend/roommate got my sidekick and started talking to her, and she got my new s/n.

Since then we've been talking again and recently we went to SF (along with another girl).

I felt fine until I started talking to her (I was able to stay in the background for most of the trip, but on the train ride home with just the two of us it was inevitable). All those old feelings for her flared up, though they were a little different.

In any case, she makes me want to spend more time with her. I could spend all day with her and the next morning call her up and do the same thing.

Honestly I can't figure out what it is that makes me feel this way. It’d be weird for it to be “love” (just cause I’m not experienced in relationships) but I want to go further than a friendship...

JimmyTheHutt

I do not mean this as an insult: How old are you?

The reason I ask is this: your life experience is going to dramatically alter your perspective on these kinds of things, and that normally only accrues with time.

From the sounds of things, right now you are attracted and interested in this girl. But there is a LOT more that goes into being "in love". From personal experience I can tell you that when it happens, it will change EVERYTHING.

The important thing to remember is this: you have absolutely nothing to lose by taking a chance here. If she rejects you and wants nothing to do with you, she wasn't your friend in the first place. If she reciprocates, you may have started something good.

And there is only one way to find out how its going to go.

Veritas et Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

__________________
Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

Jason762

I'm 21.

When it comes to relationships I am quite... unexperienced. I shy away from girls because of lack of self confidence.

As for the rest of life, I'm not sure how experienced I am. When it comes to taking care of myself, I can do better than 95% of my friends.

I've had an odd life and upbringing, so you may not be able to understand how I think.

But anyway, I didn't think it was "love" but it was the best word I could think of. I know it's odd what I feel for her, but love doesn't exactly fit. At least, not yet.

She's going to Japan for a few weeks, and I think I'm gonna go "under" so I can focus on work and working out so I can get in better shape. My self confidence is lacking because of that.

Anyway, thanks for the help.

JimmyTheHutt

No problem. An important thing to remember is that confidence will carry you further than being in shape. Don't let the fact that you aren't rock hard and cut keep you from making a move. Just follow some pretty basic rules of hygiene (bathe, deoderize, etc.), and carry yourself like you have nothing to fear.

Because really, you don't.

And if you can't be confident, FAKE IT. It often works just as well.

Veritas et Lux!

Jimmy The Hutt

__________________
Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

AndTylerToo

Yeah, I cannot begin to agree with and emphasize this enough. This has to be some of the best advice I have ever received and after realizing how true it was (for I did not believe it immediately) I have tried to tell everyone I can. Confidence really comes off so much stronger than many other things, and for many people can be the leading factor on whether they will continue to talkto you, go on a date or something of the sort, etc. Confidence is key and once you fake it for a bit, you'll get it for real. At that point, it feels great and comes easier. Good luck!
p.s. sorry if this is somewhat unintelligble as I have had almost a 20 hour day today!

Smooth23

Amen on the confidence thing, even if it doesn't make you succeed more(which im sure it does) it at least gives you the chance to succeed more. Let me put it this way, if you gamble and your odds are 1 in 100 every time you do something, you might not win the first time, or the second time, or hell the 35th time... but eventually if you keep on playing, that 1 is going to come up and you will succeed. So the more you play, the more chances you have. Not that you should be 'playing' girls, I frown on that.

Seer666

Listen to the man, he knows what he is talking about (Mostly from watching me. HA!). It's sound advice, that, unlike most sound advice, also happens to be true as well.

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

JimmyTheHutt

I believe the line went....

BE.....THE TWINKIE!!!!!

Or something to that effect.

Veritas et Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

__________________
Think Jabba, only with more hair and vestigal legs....

"This isn't a nightmare, its real. Nightmare's end."
-ShadowDancer

Seer666

Well, it worked didn't it?

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

high_jinx

i've got an important point to make to all the unsure fellas on this thread and i wish i'd learned it at that age.

there is a currency in relationships between guys and girls.

girls want attention.

guys want affection.

if you are a nice guy and giving a girl all the attention she wants, she's going to take that attention and go give her affection to a guy that she has to in order to receive attention from him, thinking she can have her cake and eat it too. and she'll be right.

if you're interested in dating a girl be careful about giving away all your attention too freely. it will get you pigeonholed into a "just-friend faster than you can say "blue balls".

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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.