scarglitter

Good evening all,
*This is a somewhat long post*
I decided to see a therapist recently due to a lot of stress and change in my life. I was also having hormonal issues (related to the Pill) and had a lot of depressed moments over a week-period. Also, in the last 6-months, I have graduated from college, got a promotion (with way more responsibility and 50 hour work weeks), went on a few trips (mostly work related), and have been trying to plan for the future (in terms of graduate school, which I am questioning the path I previously chose). Icing on the cake: my older sister has a serious drug problem, and I have recently grown distant from my old circle of friends (mostly felt a lot of negativity in their behaviors) without building a new social network. So yea, I have been under a lot of pressure.

My first session, I mostly cried and talked about what is going on in my life. So, naturally she said I am depressed (after taking a 10-question quiz covering the previous week).
However, I had a problem with this - I know the diagnostic manual for psychologist/psychiatrists (DSM-IV) is pretty arbitrary, but to make a diagnosis of depression, a person has to have a two-week period of symptoms. I made it clear to her that I had not had anything that severe (only 2-3 days here and there, mostly in high school, which she assured me was very abnormal!), and my body was reacting really negatively to the pill all of a sudden, concurrent with my overwhelming distress. So, then she started insinuating that I am afraid to admit I am depressed and kept asking me why. The reason why I refuse to say I am depressed is that I function really well, and am usually very happy. However, if anything, I am an anxious perfectionist.

But nonetheless, I decided to stick with her, because she practices cognitive-behavioral therapy, which I have studied quite a bit in school and felt would be most effective for my problems, and wanted to give her a chance. I attended four sessions with her, and over this time she 1) stated that my alma mater university is not a very impressive school (then she stated where she came from to prove that she comes from a *pretiguous* school ); 2) demonstrated an arrogance about her neighbor's career path (manager of a gift shop); 3) keeps giving me stupid papers/assignments that are almost insulting (i.e., a notecard with positive statements to read when I feel down); and 4) keeps asking questions leading back to depression. She offers no insight into my thought patterns, and sometimes cuts me off when I am talking.

I am new to this; this kind of treatment is not normal, right? She is just starting her career, and it seems like she does not have enough clinical experience to assess my neuroses. She is definitly not right for me, so how do I "let her go"? In other words, should I come in for my next appointment and give her my personal assessment of her practice, or just cancel my next appointment over the phone and never look back? I do not want to pay her anymore; I feel like I have given her enough of my time and money and she has only provided me with arrogance and a lot of textbook photocopies. At the same time, I do not want to leave her hanging, and feel that I could offer my insight - however, she did not ask for it and it may lead her to believe that I now have a personality disorder.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you leave a therapist who is unable to meet your needs?

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any opinions/stories!!!

maleficent

You cancel your next appointment and find another therapist... check with your own physician for a referral if you need one.

It's not uncommon to go thru several before you find one that works for you - and you generally know immediately whether or not you have a connection with them...

Over the years, I've gone to several... and never lasted more than 2 sessions with each... The first one got ticked at me because I wanted nothing to do with medicating myself... The second decided all my problems were related to my sister being married and having children and me not. Another wanted to discuss my childhood when Iwent in to discuss a particular issue... get to the childhood stuff later- I had a purpose and adeadline...

Don't feel bad, you owe this therapist nothing... you are going into therapy for yourself... if it doesn't work wiht person A - move on...

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Elphaba

Amen to what Mal said and I would like to validate your feelings that this particular counselor is lacking in experience. She is relying far too heavily on these assigned tasks and from what I've read has not spent any real time shaping the problem you want to address. She has made up her mind on the basis of a ten-question test (asinine) that you are depressed and refuses to budge from her position (incompetent). Run, don't walk.

I disagree on one point, however. She is not likely to see her faults unless they are pointed out to her. You don't need to see and pay her to do this. You can call her or write a letter explaining your reasons to seek another counselor. A little humbling might be good therapy for her. (Groan)

Cognitive therapy sounds like an ideal choice for you (not so much Behavioral), and when you find a skilled therapist you will likely know in the first session.

Good luck!

Pen

Rodney

Write the letter, as Elphaba says. She may not be open to it, but you never know. And maybe she'll show it to a fellow therapist who'll say, "Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this...."

If she's just starting out, she has a lot to learn. I figure most therapists should pay _you_ during the first couple of years of their practice.

Cynthetiq

I am currently seeing 2 therapists to see which one I like better. I didn't want to go to one, then find out after a month or two that I'd have to start over from square one.

I now need to let one of them go.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Elphaba

Cyn, do *they* know you are seeing another therapist?

Cynthetiq

The first one knows that I'm seeing a second one. The first one has me going to individual sessions and group (2 people) sessions. She was effective in helping me quit smoking via accupuncture, but the other sessions I haven't really felt like we're connecting on any level. She wondered why I would do such a thing as see multiple therapists and I explained that I was treating it like dating girls, I didn't know how we would connect or work out, so I wanted waste no time in going from one then waiting months, until I found another.

Therapist #2 knew that I was initially seeing other counselors, but I never mentioned it again after our first meeting.

I like T2 and I'm staying with her. She's giving me some good insight and also has helped me uncover and discover some interesting things about myself.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Elphaba

I think I have seen some of that in your recent posts. T2 is a keeper.

(I asked because it is not considered a good idea to see more than one at a time, unless very different issues are being addressed).

scarglitter

Thanks to everyone who responded! I like the idea of the letter - it should be as constructive as possible. The process of writing it will probably be therapeutic as well...

This is the best website ever! I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago, and have learned so much since. You guys are great!!!

Elphaba

Ahhh, shucks.

Gilda

First of all, you therapist is an idiot and you have no reason to go back to her. She's doing some very unprofessional things, and other things that are not productive.

I walked out in the middle of a therapy session a couple of months ago and didn't go back. My therapist started saying insulting things about my sister, which I will not put up with. I'm seeing a woman right now who I am quite comfortable with.

It sounds as if you've decided how to handle this. Good for you. I think you're right that writing the letter will be therapeutic.

Gilda

Sage

Getting thearapy is like... finding a friend you never knew you had who not only is interested in your life and likes to listen to what you say, but knows when to help you talk and deal with things and when to let you shut up and vent. Naturally, finding a good one is a bit of a process. Best of luck!

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thingstodo

If one isn't working don't waste time, especially if other things like where they went to school and other outside items pop up. And they shouldn't interupt you unless you are getting off track. That's where both of you can learn the most.

Move on!

__________________
If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.

Jinn

A therapist, pushing DEPRESION as your problem, when that's really not the issue?

THE SKY IS FALLING!

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Sultana

I...don't really understand what this post is supposed to be communicating.

Especially when the OP is a rookie, and potentially unfamiliar with specific folk's opinions on specific matters.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.