Your wedding cost? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Bossnass · 06-05-2006, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Ah, but how did you and your wife feel about that? Do you think you would have regretted cutting more corners than you did?

I think I would have, but had you asked me a week before the wedding I would have awnsered differently.

The photos were stupid expensive. I refused to pay the extortion. My mom didn't. And the way Mrs.Bossnass lights up when she shows off the album, and the incredible prints that are on the walls of each our parents and grandparents made it worthwhile. I'm not a photographer, but I can recognize 'professional' results.

We attended a wedding where the first dance as a married couple sounded terrible because of some problem with the laptop playing the mp3s. That alone promted us to get a DJ. He played pre-reception music, played appropriate music when the wedding party came in, shifted smoothly between background music to speeches with sappy music to specificly requested music. When the dance floor wasn't busy, the DJ filled it without being annoying. I wasn't sure about the DJ until the wedding day. The reception wouldn't have gone as smoothly or been as fun without him.

My brother got married in a hotel lobby with a justice of the peace. Me and his wife's sister the only other people. It worked for him. He has no regrets, but I'm certain that his wife does.

An old friend of mine got married on a beach on a beach in belize. Unfortunatly, almost none of his friends could make it. There were random people on the beach 30 feet away, even though they had reserved a section with the wedding planner at the very nice resort. He told me he regreted it when I picked him up at the airport; one of his keenest memories is "right after I kissed the bride, I looked up and saw an old fat hairy sunburned dude giving me the thumbs up".

Cynthetiq · 06-05-2006, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bossnass

one of his keenest memories is "right after I kissed the bride, I looked up and saw an old fat hairy sunburned dude giving me the thumbs up".

we had a dolphin circling the boat until we go out of the keys and onto the entrance of the gulf, then it stayed until after our vows.

Grasshopper Green · 06-05-2006, 04:16 PM

I got married at the JOP for $75, with just my mom and hubby's friend as witnesses. At first I felt a little sad that I didn't have a wedding, but as I've gotten older and seen family and friends stress themselves silly over money and minute details, I'm glad we did what we did. Neither of our families have money, and what a way to start out life together... with a huge debt.

After observing other weddings, I have a few ideas. Firstly, I don't care for wedding "rules" and "etiquette". I think a lot of weddings have started to become more of a keeping up with the Jones's rather than what it REALLY is...a celebration of two people's love. I'm appalled that the quality of gift should be equal to food price...people who can't throw a lavish bash should just get crappy gifts then? What's the point in giving someone something if it's not from the heart? Makes no sense to me.

Anyway, a very good friend of mine just got married, and this is what she did. They got married at an old church (neither is religious, they just liked the feel of it), and had a dinner afterwards. They had their reception the next day at a park...it was casual, they had a light lunch that they made themselves, and everyone had a good time. She said the photographer was by far the biggest expense, but the one she was willing to splurge on because 20 years down the road no one was going to remember what food was served, or what the bride or bridesmaids wore...but the pictures would be hers to cherish.

My sister (handy woman that she is) found an inexpensive dress and altered it herself, made her own veil, and made most of the food herself (she's a good cook too). My brother played the wedding music on his guitar, and at the reception at my dad's house, they had burnt CD's of music they enjoyed and played them on a boombox. They had beer and that was it as far as alcohol.

Another friend who got married at a reception center saved hundreds of dollars by switching the date from a Saturday to a Sunday. She also saved money by having everything at the center, instead of renting a church and then renting the center as well.

One thing you may want to keep in mind is if you do want alcohol, it will get expensive fast....and if you decide to have the reception in a park or other public place, there may be alcohol restrictions.

I don't know if any of that was helpful or not, but that's what I have. Good luck on this!

abaya · 06-05-2006, 04:57 PM

These are all great suggestions and stories, thank you.

I must say, I prefer to hear TFP'ers stories than to read some wedding forums (not yours Shani, but The Knot, for example) and see how FREAKY most brides are. They really ARE Bridezillas. How can anyone possible stress out THAT much about a few hours??

Anyway, the TFP is much more down to earth, and we are enjoying the feedback. Medusa, you're right... it's much cheaper to have a Saturday "day" thing than a night thing. And we are not going to be renting two places or something like that... one place is expensive enough, if we go that route. What a difference a few hours makes!

fresnelly · 06-05-2006, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

In all four weddings that I was a bridesmaid for... I hardly remember the details. I remember the bride's dress, I remember the big smile on the groom's face all day, I remember eating some cake and getting a bit drunk, and smiling at all the dancing and pretty flowers. But otherwise, what else is *really* necessary to celebrate the beginning of your lives together?

Something to think about besides decorations and catering, is the pace of the day. Like any good host, you don't want your guests to be waiting around too much. Whether it's for the ceremony to start, food to arrive, photos to be completed, or the speeches to end, there's nothing that can kill the mood faster. (OK, a fistfight would do it

)

As an example, if you hire a photographer, consider when your going to have the formal pictures taken. We had them done between the ceremony and the reception, which is convenient for the couple, but can leave the guests on their own for too long.

Is seeing each other ahead of the ceremony a concern for you? You could have the photos taken before the ceremony and avoid that downtime, but consider this: One of my fondest memories from our wedding is the sweet, overwhelmed look from my wife as she came down the aisle looking fantastic. I wouldn't give that up just to save a bit of time.

We filled that time for our guests by setting up a badminton net, croquet and a barbecue with appetizers (a big hit). The bucolic setting also helped as the guests could stroll around the grounds and kids could run off some steam.

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

I love the idea about burning your own CD. Truly, why would you need a DJ when you have all the music you want in one place? (I assume burning several copies would be a good back-up.) Plus, DJ's ARE pretty cheesy.

One thing a DJ can do that a CD can't, is play requests. And if Granny wants to dance the Macarena or the bird dance or boot-scoot to Billy Ray Cyrus, so be it. That's what makes a great wedding.

abaya · 06-05-2006, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fresnelly

One thing a DJ can do that a CD can't, is play requests. And if Granny wants to dance the Macarena or the bird dance or boot-scoot to Billy Ray Cyrus, so be it. That's what makes a great wedding.

Yeah... to be fair, you don't know my family.

Remember that I'm the only American in my entire family... I mean, other than a few cousins, my family is made up of older Thai and Icelandic people, none of whom care much for American culture, and ktspktsp's family is Lebanese. Yeah. Weddings are a whole different deal in all three of those cultures... I'm the odd one out.

So to me, a CD is really not such a bad deal.

Otherwise, you are quite right about timing things. As a bridesmaid, there was one wedding where the guests had to wait around for AGES in between the ceremony and reception for the wedding party (and parents, siblings, etc) to take pictures. Did I mention that I am an only child, and ktspktsp has just one sister? It's really not going to be a huge shindig...

raeanna74 · 06-05-2006, 06:32 PM

I believe we only spent around $300 for the wedding but we had a lot of help and we did not have a dance or any alcohol - both are forbidden by the church we married in.

I wore my mother's dress - it fit be perfectly and I liked the style. Hubby wore a sharp suit as well as did the 3 groomsmen. We purchased the suits through a formal attire supplier who supplied the suits for choral groups at my college. We had the guys purchase their suits but they were much less expensive than they would have been otherwise (about $50 each) and the guy were quite happy to have nice suits that they could use in the future. I and my Aunt who both sew quite well helped to fit the suits to each guy.

The flowers were purchased cut at a local floral shop. My grandpa, who use to run a floral business with his wife, and my Mom who was raise working with them, both took care of the floral arrangements. They mixed silk and real flowers in such a way that one could not tell that the bouquets were not entirely real but the arrangements were much less expensive.

The cake was made by a girl in our church and a friend of mine who had won awards for her cake decorating skills. She did a wonderful job and instead of accepting our payment for the cake told us that it was her gift to us.

I think the gifts to the people who participated were the most expensive.
The ladies of the church pulled together to assist in a reception that was open to all who attended the wedding. We paid for the food but the ladies took on preparing it for us for a small compensation that was less than we'd have paid for catering.
We had to purchase runners for the isles as the church had none and we weren't paying a florist to set up.
Grandpa built some candelabra for the front of the church and I decorated our unity candle myself.

I know a lot of this sounds all redneck and cheap looking but we heard comments from people who were quite impressed and enjoyed the atmosphere. We had over $300 people some of whom traveled through 3 states to see the wedding. Most everyone stayed for the reception and when we left there was quite a crowd still there.

Our wedding was not a stressfull one, I was not a bridezilla. I pretty much encouraged people to do what they wanted so long as they didn't change my colors and no one was excluded.

We even had one friend who played the trumpet with the pianist for Trumpet Voluntare (my march) and another friend who was an aspiring photographer and very talented who did all the photography.

The only thing I would have done differently is to have the photos taken prior to the service. Too stressful to have taken after.

snowy · 06-05-2006, 07:26 PM

Oh, another note, abaya: if you want flowers, go to your area Costco in Seattle and ask for the floral manager. They do bulk orders. Of course, you can only order what's in season, but the discounts are huge comparatively, and unlike most florists, they don't automatically tack on $100 just because they're wedding flowers.

For my wedding next summer, I'm getting the invitations, bridal accessories, and extra flowers from Costco, not that I'll need much. The ceremony is going to be in a local park in their rose garden, and I'm planning to have the reception at my in-laws' place here in town--they have 5 acres, a good portion of which is developed into lawn and gardens. They also have a pool, a giant deck, and a trampoline for the kiddies (and there are a lot of kiddies on my boyfriend's side). Though we're going to have 80 or so guests, my goal is to keep it a casual, laid-back, summer wedding.

abaya · 06-05-2006, 07:56 PM

Well hey there Owl, should there be an early "congrats" in line for you, too?

I didn't know you were already planning your wedding, as well!

Thanks for all your Costco tips... it's already one of our favorite stores. Costco rocks!

Yeah, my old house would have been beautiful for a wedding... my aunt was married there, actually, and I was a flower girl (about 18 years ago!) Too bad the place doesn't exist anymore; they demolished it 4 months before we might be getting married.

Still, my mom's new house would be fine for a little ceremony, and again, perhaps even the reception (it would save us about $1000). Our ceremony might not be what y'all are thinking... I mean, if we go the Thai route, it'll be early in the morning with some Buddhist monks in attendance, chanting sutras, with invites only to close friends and relatives. Not really a public thing. The reception won't be that much bigger, either... but it might need a *little* bigger space for celebratin'.

Have any TFP'ers done/attended a midday wedding? (Say, just before/around noon?) Any complaints?

It's just SO much cheaper!

maleficent · 06-06-2006, 03:35 AM

Koni actually read my mind somehow...

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...19#post2074019

in that thread he posted a cupcake wedding cake - while the display thing it's on is tough to find... a regular cake plate would work fine... and they're pretty, tasty, and frosting roses aren't that hard to make...

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Have any TFP'ers done/attended a midday wedding? (Say, just before/around noon?) Any complaints?

It's just SO much cheaper!

Inexpensive NOT cheap...

I've been in one, and been to a few...

Drawbacks - especially for those in the wedding - it's early... especially if you need to do something with your hair...

Plusses... it's generally a brunch wedding, so it's not rubber chicken, soggy pasta or overcooked beef... breakfast foods can't really be ruined...

Mimosas are deadly... (but you can use sparkling wine rather than champagne. Bloody Marys are tasty but watch spillage on light colored dresses.

Not many are up for dancing at noonish... so the whole reception kind changes and it's more socializing than partying... you can get away with just background music playing...

If you aren't having it at a reception hall - you could also consider a late afternoon cocktail/hors dourves reception - and pass on the rubbery chicken/soggy pasta/overcooked beef.. and just have trays of hors dourves passed... (the hors dourves can be bought cheap enough at either the grocery store or even costco i'd imagine - then hire 2-3 high schoool students to pass them)

go to the library and check out some wedding on a budget books for some ideas - there are tons written on teh subject...

Ample · 06-06-2006, 05:17 AM

50 Bucks

Got married in a judges office, we were both in t-shirts and jeans. I had one friend with me, she had three. She was also 2 or 3 months preggers going through some real bad morning sickness. When the judge said you may kiss the bride, she almost passed out. Should have known then that we were doomed at that moment.

My only wedding gift besides a some nice check that came from both of our parents later was a 12 pack of beer.

IF I ever get married again, Ill do it the right way

THGL · 06-06-2006, 06:06 AM

Just the wife, myself, and the justice of the peace on a beach on Sanibel Island, FL.

Honeymooned in Tampa for a week at my father-in-laws condo (for free).
Wedding dress: ~$200
Suit: $0 (own plenty to choose from)
Rings: ~$750
Justice: $250
Freakin' awesome wedding photo: Priceless

StanT · 06-06-2006, 06:33 AM

My wedding? $50 for the license, including the judge. Reception at Dairy Queen, another $20.

My eldest daughter is doing hers in 2 parts. She eloped to a destination resort in the mountains this weekend and will have the receprtion in a couple of months. Wedding/honeymoon/elopement package at a pretty nice resort was $2000 or so, all inclusive.Reception plans are ongoing, but will likely be twice that. On announcing her engagement, we offered her a settlement on all wedding expenses. She got a 2003 Honda Civic with very low miles in exchange for all wedding expenses.
My wife never cared for the car, my daughter loves it, son-in-law is happy they have 1 reliable car, and I just wanted out of the wedding planning crap.

snowy · 06-06-2006, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StanT

My wedding? $50 for the license, including the judge. Reception at Dairy Queen, another $20.

My eldest daughter is doing hers in 2 parts. She eloped to a destination resort in the mountains this weekend and will have the receprtion in a couple of months. Wedding/honeymoon/elopement package at a pretty nice resort was $2000 or so, all inclusive.Reception plans are ongoing, but will likely be twice that. On announcing her engagement, we offered her a settlement on all wedding expenses. She got a 2003 Honda Civic with very low miles in exchange for all wedding expenses.
My wife never cared for the car, my daughter loves it, son-in-law is happy they have 1 reliable car, and I just wanted out of the wedding planning crap.

Can I trade you for my dad?

Seriously. Trying to plan my own wedding--he has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and says that since he's paying, he gets to tell me what to do. Such a pain in the butt! Fortunately Mom told him to knock it off. I love my mom.

maleficent · 06-06-2006, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

says that since he's paying, he gets to tell me what to do.

you know what they say about the golden rule... He who has the gold... makes the rules

abaya · 06-06-2006, 07:06 AM

I like StanT's daughter's idea. We might just have to do something like that, given our time constraints!

Mal, I will check out a book or two when I get a chance, thanks for the ideas... all of them!

maleficent · 06-06-2006, 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

I like StanT's daughter's idea. We might just have to do something like that, given our time constraints!

My brother and his wife... on New years eve in 1999 -- took a friend each, and an ordained minister (who was a friend of theirs)(not telling anyone what was going on) and hiked to the top of some beautiful mountain near Seattle... In their backpack, they had two bouquets of flowers, for the bride and the maid of honor, a camera, and a veil... They wore hiking clothes and hiking boots... When they reached the top fo the mountain.. they told their friends why they were there - his wife put on her veil... the flowers were distributed, and they were married-- pictures were taken and they are absolutely beautiful.

(the fun began when they called my parents when they got back...

a few months later mommy dearest calmed down and hosted a beautiful party in their home for all their friends...

a wedding is what you make it - and the reception doesn't have to happen the day of..

barenakedladies · 06-06-2006, 08:06 AM

i didnt think my wedding was extravagant at all but it was every bit of 25,000 for 150 people.

rings and dress add about 15,000 to that

honeymoon another 5000

money doesnt go far with weddings

ShaniFaye · 06-06-2006, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

These are all great suggestions and stories, thank you.

I must say, I prefer to hear TFP'ers stories than to read some wedding forums (not yours Shani, but The Knot, for example) and see how FREAKY most brides are. They really ARE Bridezillas. How can anyone possible stress out THAT much about a few hours??

Anyway, the TFP is much more down to earth, and we are enjoying the feedback. Medusa, you're right... it's much cheaper to have a Saturday "day" thing than a night thing. And we are not going to be renting two places or something like that... one place is expensive enough, if we go that route. What a difference a few hours makes!

thats EXACTLY why I have my own...so I didnt have to deal with the daddy's girls who think their parents sole purpose in live was to give them a 200k wedding

Cynthetiq · 06-06-2006, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

thats EXACTLY why I have my own...so I didnt have to deal with the daddy's girls who think their parents sole purpose in live was to give them a 200k wedding

right. a guy who worked for me got married about 1 year after I did and told me his budget was $50k. He ended up spending $75k and they got divorced 3 years later.

Also, we didn't want parents meddling in our wants and ideas any more than their bitching about being present in such short notice. (We gave them 5 weeks notice.)

Paying for it all ensured that there were no arguments as to who got invited and what needed to happen.

Our money, our say, their money, their say.

ShaniFaye · 06-06-2006, 12:53 PM

we were very lucky...Dave's parents did contribute money wise (my 5k wedding total was what the whole cost, no matter who paid for it) but they never ONCE tried to tell me what to do. They would wait until we'd made up our minds on something...and then offer to pay for it. *sigh* I absolutely adore my MIL and FIL

snowy · 06-06-2006, 01:08 PM

Like I said, my dad is paying...but I'm not trying to bankrupt him! I don't WANT to spend more than I absolutely have to, and I'm trying to cut corners wherever possible. One place I don't plan on cutting corners is on the food--mostly because, well, I love food. Fortunately I have an in with a local caterer (one of my employers). I'd do the food myself, but then my SO would flip.

I also have a band picked out to hire--it's a local guy who has this trio that does swing/blues/jugband type music. They're cheap and exactly the kind of music I want at my wedding--they play fun stuff, slow stuff, and old stuff, and I think everyone will like them.

My goal is to make it low-cost but classy.

cookmo · 06-06-2006, 03:21 PM

I dont know if you plan on boozing it up....but if you do, have you ever heard of two buck chuck(charles shaw). Its a wine,that is very good but cheap.You can get it at Trader Joes, I think they have those in Washington. Here in Ohio its around 4 dollars a bottle...I know what your thinking, but its not shwag!!! Its been featured on CBS ad is getting rave reviews.

snowy · 06-06-2006, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cookmo

I dont know if you plan on boozing it up....but if you do, have you ever heard of two buck chuck(charles shaw). Its a wine,that is very good but cheap.You can get it at Trader Joes, I think they have those in Washington. Here in Ohio its around 4 dollars a bottle...I know what your thinking, but its not shwag!!! Its been featured on CBS ad is getting rave reviews.

It's $3 a bottle in Washington, and yes, they do have TJs.

abaya · 06-06-2006, 04:02 PM

Oh yes, ktspktsp and I are well-acquainted with Charles Shaw.

Unfortunately, the only way we usually have it is when I buy it in WA and bring it back to PA!!

That's because PA and adjoining states' liquor laws won't allow TJ's (or any grocery) to sell alcohol...

But that is an excellent idea. I wonder if they have champagne?? White wine could work.

snowy · 06-06-2006, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Oh yes, ktspktsp and I are well-acquainted with Charles Shaw.

Unfortunately, the only way we usually have it is when I buy it in WA and bring it back to PA!!

That's because PA and adjoining states' liquor laws won't allow TJ's (or any grocery) to sell alcohol...

But that is an excellent idea. I wonder if they have champagne?? White wine could work.

TJs sells similarly priced California champagne, and they give you deals if you buy by the case.

CaliLivChick · 06-07-2006, 09:20 AM

abaya, I don't know if you ever watch HGTV, but there's a Wedding Design on a Dime on Saturday night at 10pm... the promo said putting on a wedding for under $8K... they usually do a room for under $1K, and things turn out really nice... could get some ideas from this special. =)

FlatLand Flyer · 06-07-2006, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Maybe I've been to entirely too many weddings over the years.. but ... you seriously would expect to get a gift of any value without feeding or boozing your guests? Cash bars, which are quite common in New England, are tacky enough, but no food? No food - no gift... (etiquette says, that the monetary value of the gift should be what the couple spends per head at the reception - cheap snacks costs about 75 cents per head? I'm not sure a 75 cent gift would be appreciated

I am mostly a lurker here and have enjoyed your good posts and sound advice, but this post makes me glad I do not live in New England.

A wedding is about the couple getting married, most likely a younger couple starting out in life. They or their family are supposed to come up with the extra thousands, on top of what it cost for the ceremony and reception hall, just to get decent or worthy gifts? WOW!

I did not say no food. What I meant was that you do not have to provide a three course meal. We put out meat, cheese, and buns for sandwiches along with fruit, macaroni and potatoe salad (all done by our families). This cut some cost. We also got 2 kegs of beer. By my calculation using the above qouted formula, we should have recieved maybe an iron, a blender, and maybe some tupperware.

savvypup · 06-10-2006, 04:24 AM

Where I work caters for normally 2 weddings a week and it totally floors me with the cost that people spend on such a day. Don't get me wrong, your wedding day is a wonderful event and should be celebrated the way YOU want.... not your parents, in-laws etc. We have a minimum spend of I think about $15000 for a wedding but most go higher. Now that's just the reception!

I love the way we got married and looking back, there's not one part I'd change. We got married on our favourite beach and had only 20 people - family and 1 close friend from both sides. We hired a penthouse apartment, had caterers come in, kicked everyone out by midnight, then jumped back into our bathers and ate port and cheese to the wee hours of the morning. Then had everyone back for breakfast the next day, cleaned up and then flew off to Italy for a 4 week honeymoon. Doing it this way, we could afford to do what we enjoyed. Stuff the rest of them - it was our day.

And when we got back from Europe, we had a barbecue to celebrate with our other friends.

My dress - $80 and I couldn't have been happier. Why spend thousands of dollars, it just doesn't make sense to me I'm afraid.

Remember the day for what it is and should be, not for what money can buy. The memories of the day, the friends and family who are there are what live on, not the $15000 you spent on food to get a $20 toaster.

CaliLivChick · 06-11-2006, 09:31 AM

Okay, I watched the special... it wasn't as full of points, pieces, and tidbits as I was hoping it would have to save money, but it turned out to be a beautiful wedding... here's a link to the site, JIC. =)

http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/dc_occasion...742632,00.html

SirLance · 06-11-2006, 03:29 PM

Every bit of $27,000. Worth every penny:

Decorations for church and reception (Purchased at Michael's and assembled by our mothers):
332.10

Catering (choice of 2 entrees for 100 guests, including china/crystal place settings):
3,647.88

Wedding planning software:
39.00

Photographer
790.00

Groomsmen's gifts:
71.15

Hair/Makeup for bride:
200.00

Honeymoon (a week at a 5 star resort in St. Lucia with first class airfare and accomodations):
6,990.10

Wedding cake (including sheet cakes, enough for 100):
329.57

Invitations:
516.91

Limo (church to reception and reception to hotel):
580.00

Marriage license:
68.50

Photo developing:
249.36

Sheet music for singer (her cousin, who sang in the church prior to the wedding):
24.63

Reception hall (included tables, linens, setup, teardown, and hosted beer/wine/soda bar for 100 guests):
2,776.96

Party supplies (for bridal shower):
119.26

Rehearsal dinner (prepared meals at her aunt's house):
75.31

Wedding night and following night at a local resort:
675.18

Wedding and engagement rings:
4,465.00

Videographer (I watch the video once a month or so, I'm glad we did it):
795.00

DJ (Definitely do a DJ, he won't cock up the music and we had a choreographed waltz done at a dance studio for our dance):
695.00

Church, music minister, preist:
470.00

Stamps.com (did photostamps of us for our wedding invitations):
128.95

Wedding dress and bridesmaids gifts:
2,500.00

Wine/Champaign:
370.00

Grand Total 27,109.86

It was a fabulous experience, but it was also something we budgeted and managed very carefully. Everything got paid for, nothing went on a credit card that didn't get paid off.

I think you want the memories to last forever, not the payments....

Merlocke · 06-12-2006, 12:29 AM

*sigh* mine was around 35k-40k
(including honeymoon and engagement ring and wedding rings etc)

other than make your own invites and decor using family slave labour, that's about all of the insight I can give to the wedding part.

If you're interested for the honeymoon part though - I ended up joining this travel agent group. Cheaper flights / hotel / car rentals, got commission for setting up my own trip, and to boot as a "travel agent" we were able to write off the honeymoon as a business expense (partially).

abaya · 06-12-2006, 11:33 AM

Wow, each to their own, I guess?

I never thought anyone would be willing to spend that much money on a day of their lives... that only celebrities and such did that. But here we are with some regular ol' TFPers... damn.

Thanks for the very detailed answers (esp Sir Lance... wow!)... it's interesting to see that MUCH of the cost gets chalked up to the bride (with her gown, attendants, and ring). At the same time, women TFP'ers seem rather proud to have spent less on their weddings, while the male ones have no regrets about spending lots. Innnteresting.

Well, I found a book about having a wedding for $5,000 or less and am excited to take a look at it. I know it's possible.

snowy · 06-12-2006, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Well, I found a book about having a wedding for $5,000 or less and am excited to take a look at it. I know it's possible.

Could you let me know the title? I'd like to take a look at it. Thanks

abaya · 06-12-2006, 01:13 PM

Well Owl, a good search on Amazon/Barnes & Noble will be more helpful than my suggestions (I just happened to browse across a few at B&N), but I'll copy the titles of a few here so you can get started.

I liked #2 best, so far.

1) Priceless Weddings for under $5,000

2) Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style

3) Cheap Ways to Tie the Knot: How to Plan a Church Wedding for Less than $5,000

4) How to Have an Elegant Wedding for $5,000 (or Less), Achieving Beautiful Simplicity Without Mortgaging Your Future

thespian86 · 06-27-2006, 06:35 PM

Go Boho man. Get the most out of nothing; find a friend with a beautiful backyard, borrow, etc etc. My lady and I asked a friend to officiate for us (he's a pastor), having the actual wedding in my mothers backyard (who is an amazing horticuturalist), we are actually having our reception in a city theatre where we worked together, and met, for the first time. We have friends and co-workers who are going to perform, we will as well (huge dance and song numbers that will grow out of nothing; all the songs that mean a lot to us.) It will be very original, cheap as hell, very special to us, and involve all of our friends which means so much to us.

i say find something that makes you feel like yourself. If you feel the debutant thing then use what you have to make that real to you and your SO. Take what you have, and make it what you need and want.

06-05-2006, 04:16 PM	#43 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	I got married at the JOP for $75, with just my mom and hubby's friend as witnesses. At first I felt a little sad that I didn't have a wedding, but as I've gotten older and seen family and friends stress themselves silly over money and minute details, I'm glad we did what we did. Neither of our families have money, and what a way to start out life together... with a huge debt. After observing other weddings, I have a few ideas. Firstly, I don't care for wedding "rules" and "etiquette". I think a lot of weddings have started to become more of a keeping up with the Jones's rather than what it REALLY is...a celebration of two people's love. I'm appalled that the quality of gift should be equal to food price...people who can't throw a lavish bash should just get crappy gifts then? What's the point in giving someone something if it's not from the heart? Makes no sense to me. Anyway, a very good friend of mine just got married, and this is what she did. They got married at an old church (neither is religious, they just liked the feel of it), and had a dinner afterwards. They had their reception the next day at a park...it was casual, they had a light lunch that they made themselves, and everyone had a good time. She said the photographer was by far the biggest expense, but the one she was willing to splurge on because 20 years down the road no one was going to remember what food was served, or what the bride or bridesmaids wore...but the pictures would be hers to cherish. My sister (handy woman that she is) found an inexpensive dress and altered it herself, made her own veil, and made most of the food herself (she's a good cook too). My brother played the wedding music on his guitar, and at the reception at my dad's house, they had burnt CD's of music they enjoyed and played them on a boombox. They had beer and that was it as far as alcohol. Another friend who got married at a reception center saved hundreds of dollars by switching the date from a Saturday to a Sunday. She also saved money by having everything at the center, instead of renting a church and then renting the center as well. One thing you may want to keep in mind is if you do want alcohol, it will get expensive fast....and if you decide to have the reception in a park or other public place, there may be alcohol restrictions. I don't know if any of that was helpful or not, but that's what I have. Good luck on this! __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

06-05-2006, 04:57 PM	#44 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	These are all great suggestions and stories, thank you. I must say, I prefer to hear TFP'ers stories than to read some wedding forums (not yours Shani, but The Knot, for example) and see how FREAKY most brides are. They really ARE Bridezillas. How can anyone possible stress out THAT much about a few hours?? Anyway, the TFP is much more down to earth, and we are enjoying the feedback. Medusa, you're right... it's much cheaper to have a Saturday "day" thing than a night thing. And we are not going to be renting two places or something like that... one place is expensive enough, if we go that route. What a difference a few hours makes! __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-05-2006, 06:32 PM	#47 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I believe we only spent around $300 for the wedding but we had a lot of help and we did not have a dance or any alcohol - both are forbidden by the church we married in. I wore my mother's dress - it fit be perfectly and I liked the style. Hubby wore a sharp suit as well as did the 3 groomsmen. We purchased the suits through a formal attire supplier who supplied the suits for choral groups at my college. We had the guys purchase their suits but they were much less expensive than they would have been otherwise (about $50 each) and the guy were quite happy to have nice suits that they could use in the future. I and my Aunt who both sew quite well helped to fit the suits to each guy. The flowers were purchased cut at a local floral shop. My grandpa, who use to run a floral business with his wife, and my Mom who was raise working with them, both took care of the floral arrangements. They mixed silk and real flowers in such a way that one could not tell that the bouquets were not entirely real but the arrangements were much less expensive. The cake was made by a girl in our church and a friend of mine who had won awards for her cake decorating skills. She did a wonderful job and instead of accepting our payment for the cake told us that it was her gift to us. I think the gifts to the people who participated were the most expensive. The ladies of the church pulled together to assist in a reception that was open to all who attended the wedding. We paid for the food but the ladies took on preparing it for us for a small compensation that was less than we'd have paid for catering. We had to purchase runners for the isles as the church had none and we weren't paying a florist to set up. Grandpa built some candelabra for the front of the church and I decorated our unity candle myself. I know a lot of this sounds all redneck and cheap looking but we heard comments from people who were quite impressed and enjoyed the atmosphere. We had over $300 people some of whom traveled through 3 states to see the wedding. Most everyone stayed for the reception and when we left there was quite a crowd still there. Our wedding was not a stressfull one, I was not a bridezilla. I pretty much encouraged people to do what they wanted so long as they didn't change my colors and no one was excluded. We even had one friend who played the trumpet with the pianist for Trumpet Voluntare (my march) and another friend who was an aspiring photographer and very talented who did all the photography. The only thing I would have done differently is to have the photos taken prior to the service. Too stressful to have taken after. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

06-05-2006, 07:26 PM	#48 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Oh, another note, abaya: if you want flowers, go to your area Costco in Seattle and ask for the floral manager. They do bulk orders. Of course, you can only order what's in season, but the discounts are huge comparatively, and unlike most florists, they don't automatically tack on $100 just because they're wedding flowers. For my wedding next summer, I'm getting the invitations, bridal accessories, and extra flowers from Costco, not that I'll need much. The ceremony is going to be in a local park in their rose garden, and I'm planning to have the reception at my in-laws' place here in town--they have 5 acres, a good portion of which is developed into lawn and gardens. They also have a pool, a giant deck, and a trampoline for the kiddies (and there are a lot of kiddies on my boyfriend's side). Though we're going to have 80 or so guests, my goal is to keep it a casual, laid-back, summer wedding. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

06-05-2006, 07:56 PM	#49 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Well hey there Owl, should there be an early "congrats" in line for you, too? I didn't know you were already planning your wedding, as well! Thanks for all your Costco tips... it's already one of our favorite stores. Costco rocks! Yeah, my old house would have been beautiful for a wedding... my aunt was married there, actually, and I was a flower girl (about 18 years ago!) Too bad the place doesn't exist anymore; they demolished it 4 months before we might be getting married. Still, my mom's new house would be fine for a little ceremony, and again, perhaps even the reception (it would save us about $1000). Our ceremony might not be what y'all are thinking... I mean, if we go the Thai route, it'll be early in the morning with some Buddhist monks in attendance, chanting sutras, with invites only to close friends and relatives. Not really a public thing. The reception won't be that much bigger, either... but it might need a little bigger space for celebratin'. Have any TFP'ers done/attended a midday wedding? (Say, just before/around noon?) Any complaints? It's just SO much cheaper! __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-06-2006, 05:17 AM	#51 (permalink)
Ample Psycho Location: In your closet	50 Bucks Got married in a judges office, we were both in t-shirts and jeans. I had one friend with me, she had three. She was also 2 or 3 months preggers going through some real bad morning sickness. When the judge said you may kiss the bride, she almost passed out. Should have known then that we were doomed at that moment. My only wedding gift besides a some nice check that came from both of our parents later was a 12 pack of beer. IF I ever get married again, Ill do it the right way

06-06-2006, 06:06 AM	#52 (permalink)
THGL Psycho Location: Louisville, KY	Just the wife, myself, and the justice of the peace on a beach on Sanibel Island, FL. Honeymooned in Tampa for a week at my father-in-laws condo (for free). Wedding dress: ~$200 Suit: $0 (own plenty to choose from) Rings: ~$750 Justice: $250 Freakin' awesome wedding photo: Priceless __________________ "The truth is merely an excuse for lack of imagination." - Garak

06-06-2006, 06:33 AM	#53 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	My wedding? $50 for the license, including the judge. Reception at Dairy Queen, another $20. My eldest daughter is doing hers in 2 parts. She eloped to a destination resort in the mountains this weekend and will have the receprtion in a couple of months. Wedding/honeymoon/elopement package at a pretty nice resort was $2000 or so, all inclusive.Reception plans are ongoing, but will likely be twice that. On announcing her engagement, we offered her a settlement on all wedding expenses. She got a 2003 Honda Civic with very low miles in exchange for all wedding expenses. My wife never cared for the car, my daughter loves it, son-in-law is happy they have 1 reliable car, and I just wanted out of the wedding planning crap.

06-06-2006, 07:06 AM	#56 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	I like StanT's daughter's idea. We might just have to do something like that, given our time constraints! Mal, I will check out a book or two when I get a chance, thanks for the ideas... all of them! __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-06-2006, 08:06 AM	#58 (permalink)
barenakedladies Crazy Location: anytown, USA	i didnt think my wedding was extravagant at all but it was every bit of 25,000 for 150 people. rings and dress add about 15,000 to that honeymoon another 5000 money doesnt go far with weddings __________________ signature smignature

06-06-2006, 12:53 PM	#61 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	we were very lucky...Dave's parents did contribute money wise (my 5k wedding total was what the whole cost, no matter who paid for it) but they never ONCE tried to tell me what to do. They would wait until we'd made up our minds on something...and then offer to pay for it. sigh I absolutely adore my MIL and FIL __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

06-06-2006, 01:08 PM	#62 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Like I said, my dad is paying...but I'm not trying to bankrupt him! I don't WANT to spend more than I absolutely have to, and I'm trying to cut corners wherever possible. One place I don't plan on cutting corners is on the food--mostly because, well, I love food. Fortunately I have an in with a local caterer (one of my employers). I'd do the food myself, but then my SO would flip. I also have a band picked out to hire--it's a local guy who has this trio that does swing/blues/jugband type music. They're cheap and exactly the kind of music I want at my wedding--they play fun stuff, slow stuff, and old stuff, and I think everyone will like them. My goal is to make it low-cost but classy. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

06-06-2006, 03:21 PM	#63 (permalink)
cookmo Insane Location: Ohio	I dont know if you plan on boozing it up....but if you do, have you ever heard of two buck chuck(charles shaw). Its a wine,that is very good but cheap.You can get it at Trader Joes, I think they have those in Washington. Here in Ohio its around 4 dollars a bottle...I know what your thinking, but its not shwag!!! Its been featured on CBS ad is getting rave reviews.

06-06-2006, 04:02 PM	#65 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Oh yes, ktspktsp and I are well-acquainted with Charles Shaw. Unfortunately, the only way we usually have it is when I buy it in WA and bring it back to PA!! That's because PA and adjoining states' liquor laws won't allow TJ's (or any grocery) to sell alcohol... But that is an excellent idea. I wonder if they have champagne?? White wine could work. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-07-2006, 09:20 AM	#67 (permalink)
CaliLivChick In Transition Location: Sanford, FL (between Daytona and Orlando)	abaya, I don't know if you ever watch HGTV, but there's a Wedding Design on a Dime on Saturday night at 10pm... the promo said putting on a wedding for under $8K... they usually do a room for under $1K, and things turn out really nice... could get some ideas from this special. =) __________________ Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

06-10-2006, 04:24 AM	#69 (permalink)
savvypup Crazy Location: Want to run away? Follow the light	Where I work caters for normally 2 weddings a week and it totally floors me with the cost that people spend on such a day. Don't get me wrong, your wedding day is a wonderful event and should be celebrated the way YOU want.... not your parents, in-laws etc. We have a minimum spend of I think about $15000 for a wedding but most go higher. Now that's just the reception! I love the way we got married and looking back, there's not one part I'd change. We got married on our favourite beach and had only 20 people - family and 1 close friend from both sides. We hired a penthouse apartment, had caterers come in, kicked everyone out by midnight, then jumped back into our bathers and ate port and cheese to the wee hours of the morning. Then had everyone back for breakfast the next day, cleaned up and then flew off to Italy for a 4 week honeymoon. Doing it this way, we could afford to do what we enjoyed. Stuff the rest of them - it was our day. And when we got back from Europe, we had a barbecue to celebrate with our other friends. My dress - $80 and I couldn't have been happier. Why spend thousands of dollars, it just doesn't make sense to me I'm afraid. Remember the day for what it is and should be, not for what money can buy. The memories of the day, the friends and family who are there are what live on, not the $15000 you spent on food to get a $20 toaster. __________________ ciao bella!

06-11-2006, 09:31 AM	#70 (permalink)
CaliLivChick In Transition Location: Sanford, FL (between Daytona and Orlando)	Okay, I watched the special... it wasn't as full of points, pieces, and tidbits as I was hoping it would have to save money, but it turned out to be a beautiful wedding... here's a link to the site, JIC. =) http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/dc_occasion...742632,00.html __________________ Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

06-11-2006, 03:29 PM	#71 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Every bit of $27,000. Worth every penny: Decorations for church and reception (Purchased at Michael's and assembled by our mothers): 332.10 Catering (choice of 2 entrees for 100 guests, including china/crystal place settings): 3,647.88 Wedding planning software: 39.00 Photographer 790.00 Groomsmen's gifts: 71.15 Hair/Makeup for bride: 200.00 Honeymoon (a week at a 5 star resort in St. Lucia with first class airfare and accomodations): 6,990.10 Wedding cake (including sheet cakes, enough for 100): 329.57 Invitations: 516.91 Limo (church to reception and reception to hotel): 580.00 Marriage license: 68.50 Photo developing: 249.36 Sheet music for singer (her cousin, who sang in the church prior to the wedding): 24.63 Reception hall (included tables, linens, setup, teardown, and hosted beer/wine/soda bar for 100 guests): 2,776.96 Party supplies (for bridal shower): 119.26 Rehearsal dinner (prepared meals at her aunt's house): 75.31 Wedding night and following night at a local resort: 675.18 Wedding and engagement rings: 4,465.00 Videographer (I watch the video once a month or so, I'm glad we did it): 795.00 DJ (Definitely do a DJ, he won't cock up the music and we had a choreographed waltz done at a dance studio for our dance): 695.00 Church, music minister, preist: 470.00 Stamps.com (did photostamps of us for our wedding invitations): 128.95 Wedding dress and bridesmaids gifts: 2,500.00 Wine/Champaign: 370.00 Grand Total 27,109.86 It was a fabulous experience, but it was also something we budgeted and managed very carefully. Everything got paid for, nothing went on a credit card that didn't get paid off. I think you want the memories to last forever, not the payments.... __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

06-12-2006, 12:29 AM	#72 (permalink)
Merlocke Location: Canada	sigh mine was around 35k-40k (including honeymoon and engagement ring and wedding rings etc) other than make your own invites and decor using family slave labour, that's about all of the insight I can give to the wedding part. If you're interested for the honeymoon part though - I ended up joining this travel agent group. Cheaper flights / hotel / car rentals, got commission for setting up my own trip, and to boot as a "travel agent" we were able to write off the honeymoon as a business expense (partially). __________________ -=[ Merlocke ]=-

06-12-2006, 11:33 AM	#73 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Wow, each to their own, I guess? I never thought anyone would be willing to spend that much money on a day of their lives... that only celebrities and such did that. But here we are with some regular ol' TFPers... damn. Thanks for the very detailed answers (esp Sir Lance... wow!)... it's interesting to see that MUCH of the cost gets chalked up to the bride (with her gown, attendants, and ring). At the same time, women TFP'ers seem rather proud to have spent less on their weddings, while the male ones have no regrets about spending lots. Innnteresting. Well, I found a book about having a wedding for $5,000 or less and am excited to take a look at it. I know it's possible. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-12-2006, 01:13 PM	#75 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Well Owl, a good search on Amazon/Barnes & Noble will be more helpful than my suggestions (I just happened to browse across a few at B&N), but I'll copy the titles of a few here so you can get started. I liked #2 best, so far. 1) Priceless Weddings for under $5,000 2) Intimate Weddings: Planning a Small Wedding that Fits Your Budget and Style 3) Cheap Ways to Tie the Knot: How to Plan a Church Wedding for Less than $5,000 4) How to Have an Elegant Wedding for $5,000 (or Less), Achieving Beautiful Simplicity Without Mortgaging Your Future __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-27-2006, 06:35 PM	#76 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	Go Boho man. Get the most out of nothing; find a friend with a beautiful backyard, borrow, etc etc. My lady and I asked a friend to officiate for us (he's a pastor), having the actual wedding in my mothers backyard (who is an amazing horticuturalist), we are actually having our reception in a city theatre where we worked together, and met, for the first time. We have friends and co-workers who are going to perform, we will as well (huge dance and song numbers that will grow out of nothing; all the songs that mean a lot to us.) It will be very original, cheap as hell, very special to us, and involve all of our friends which means so much to us. i say find something that makes you feel like yourself. If you feel the debutant thing then use what you have to make that real to you and your SO. Take what you have, and make it what you need and want. __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.