soma

For some reason, the idea of taking a class with my GF strikes me as a potentially very bad idea. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or experiences relating to this whole thing.

What effect does taking a class with your GF/BF have on the relationship?

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herostar

I haven't had experience myself, but as I've seen from friends it's both good and bad. You have motivation to go to class (or reason not to... lol) and someone to study with. You might end up running into problems because of one of you doing much better than the other... I know you don't want to think about it, but also look down the road if you break up... not saying that it'll have any effect at all, but it could potentially make trouble.

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Temporary_User

are we talking about school, like math classes? or like a dance, cooking or something type class?

Really I cant imagine any problems arising, unless you guys break up in the middle, and still have to go to the rest of the classes.

Sugar&Spice

I think it is a bad idea. What if you break up? That will most likely make both of you feel uncomfortable and could have a considerable impact on your grade if you do not want to go and have to see the other person in class. I do not have any experience with it, but I do not think I would ever consider doing it because of the potential break up issue.

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Cynthetiq

If you are talking about classes as long as a semester, then it's like dating someone at work.

If and when you break up, you'll have to continue to see each other which can lead to uncomfortable moments.

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SecretMethod70

OK, so the "if you break up" argument has been well-established. We don't know soma's situation though, so we don't know how likely that is. Let's go beyond just that.

Just for emphasis, I agree that if you think it's remotely possible that you might end up breaking up in the course of the class, it's a bad idea. Beyond that, there are other things to consider.

Do you think that both of you would pay attention as necessary in the class, or would you be distracted by one another? Only you know how your relationship works, but this is a very serious consideration.

Both of you also need to think very seriously about how you would feel if the other were doing better than you. Imagine you're getting a C in the class (however likely it may or may not be) and imagine your girlfriend is getting an A. How would this make you feel? There are many men who are not comfortable with the idea of their wife making more than them, and this is a similar situation. Forget about the correct answer, think about the honest answer. Better to be honest with yourself if it would make you uncomfortable than to find out after the fact. She has to consider the same thing. How would she feel if you're doing significantly better than her? Furthermore, you each need to consider if you would feel guilty for doing significantly better than the other.

On the positive end of things, taking a class together could help you both. It could provide extra motivation to do your work (even just doing the reading can be done together) and it can provide a persistent study partner throughout the class. These are great benefits, but an important thing to keep in mind here is whether or not your study habits are compatible in the first place. Even if all the other potential issues won't be a problem, simply having completely different study habits could make it a problem.

I know that if onodrim and I went to the same school and were able to take classes together, it would be a tremendous benefit to both of us. But we're also not your typical couple: we've been dating for 6.5 years since high school and are all but engaged. It's impossible for me to tell you what's good for you and your relationship, but these are a few of the main issues I think you need to seriously consider regarding this. The one thing I will say is that I think it's a lot more likely for most couples that taking a class together is a bad idea rather than a good one.

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shesus

JJ and I were in the same program and we met while in college. We had a lot of classes together since the college was small and we were getting the same degree. I never recall it causing a problem for me although he said in the warm months my legs were a distraction. But that didn't harm his grades at all. Of course, we had classes together before we started dating too, so it wasn't a big deal when we did start dating.

I don't know I don't see it as an issue, in our situation anyway. But we also have worked in the same place for about 3 years and have no issues with that either, which most couples wouldn't survive. I'd say follow your insticts. You know yourself and your relationship better than us. If you think you can stand it and the relationship and and academic performance won't be affected then go for it.

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jth

every friend I've had that took a class with their SO regretted it even if there was no break up. There was extra stress for them because they were indeed taking a class with their lover and it was a distraction to them when it was time to study, do papers or assignments. There was also every time and with like 4 seperate instances an unfortunate competative edge that took over that lead to some unfortunate aftermaths. It might sound like fun I guess but for me it's got red flags all over it.

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soma

Ok, to clarify a few things: this is college, the course is a fluff requirement thing, I'm taking it pass/fail, she's taking it A-F, she is expected to do better than me (it's a lit class and I'm an engineering major), I don't care if she does better than me, I'll intentionally let her do better than me, and if we break up, I'm prepared to deal with the awkwardness of it all. Does that change anything?

Sorry these posts are quick, I have finals, tests, and projects all over the place. I'll post more thoughtfully when the semester is over.

Thanks!

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Cynthetiq

you already know your answer then, there's your answer right there...

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maleficent

If she's a literature major, I wouldn't call it a fluff course.. it's an elective necessary for graduation...

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BigBen

Oh, relax.

There is no reason to purposefully change your academic schedue because of your romantic relationship.

I find it funny that you state that you will purposefully let her do better than you to spare feelings. As an outsider, I call that a fool's move. I will never let someone do better than me. If you do, it is because you earned it. Do you let her win at chess as well?

I took some classes in university with the wife (before we were married) when we attended together. It was fun, and I embarrased her by speaking up in class and contributing to the discussion. I didn't apologize. That is the way I am.

Good luck in your studies. You need to calm down about your relationship, though.

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Cynthetiq

good point, passive manipulation, it's still manipulation and you not being yourself. If you can't be yourself, then why be in the relationship? No sex is good enough to cost that much.

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little_tippler

I think it's a good idea if you guys get on well in terms of methods of study. It can be fun...but also distracting

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We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

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snowy

Most engineers I know don't call lit classes fluff courses.

They call them hell.

Why? Because it's not as easy as they thought it would be.

I don't think she'll have any problem doing better than you. To be honest, I find your "I'll let her do better than me" offensive.

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Toaster126

I don't find it offensive, but I do find that viewpoint of letting her do better stupid and condesending. Grow up.

Personally, I would have no problem with taking a class with a S.O. I am not threatened by a person doing better than me, nor would I want to be in a relationship with someone who was threatened when I did something better than her.

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la petite moi

Yeah, I'm with everyone when I say that I found that comment about "letting" her do better a bit offensive!

Anyway, I'm not going to attack you like other individuals, though. If you are even thinking that there may be a problem with taking this class with your girlfriend, then you need to find a different course. However, the more mature thing to do is just suck it up and do your best.

soma

I didn't mean to offend anyone by what I said. But I am taking it pass/fail, so I can afford to go as low as a C-. And considering the other classes I'm taking, this lit class will be on the way way bottom of my list of priorities.

Not to be defensive, but what was it about my previous statement that offended you guys? I apolgize for offending anyone.

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SecretMethod70

I'm guessing it's the presumptuousness that you'd do better than her in the first place. I don't think it's a good assumption to make (in fact, I agree with everything BigBen said), but I also don't think it's any more offensive than assuming that since you're a male engineer you'd have a difficult time with a literature course

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Le temps détruit tout

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meepa

I'll tell you my experiences with this. For the first two years of college, I took several of the same classes with my girlfriend (pre-req stuff before we went into different majors). The upside was that I always had someone I trusted for group projects, always had somebody to study with, always had somebody to talk about the class with, always had a backup for notes if I missed a class.

Pretty much the only downside was that it made it a LOT more difficult to meet other people. I don't mean this as in trying to meet people to hook up with (although that would obviously be difficult), but even just trying to get to know people and make new friends is hard. Often in classes, most people don't know each other, and that makes it easier for spontanious friendships to form, as you can mingle with whoever you're near. But when you go to a class with a friend (and in this case, someone you're in a relationship with), the burdon to meet new people is completely removed. You're already set, and you start off in this closed bubble. Other people will instantly recognize this- they will see you not only coming in and being extremely comfortable and chummy with another classmate right away, but seeing it day after day. That will make you a lot less approachable. So to sum up this convoluted paragraph: you remove the neccesity to make friends and you make it more difficult for other people to make friends with you.

At least, this was my experience. In some of the classes it wasn't a problem, but I know in others, I probably missed out on meeting some interesting people because I was too involved in my own little world already. On the other hand, I know I did better academically in those classes as well.

Just my experience.

JStrider

when ariekitten and I were dating we had a class together, thats how we met... and then later on we took an intro to cinema class, met a general graduation requirement, was relatively easy.

If its a stressful class for either one of you then I would say no... but if it will be a easy casual kinda class then I say go for it.

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serlindsipity

ive done it and i recommend it! if its a big class and you two break up, you can hide in the crowd, or if there's another time, you can go then. You have a study buddy, and unless one of you is an idiout, its likel you will get very close grades. Dont do it however if you two are competitive,that is suicide. But if anything, you might learn something about her when you two study together.

However, dont share a book. Thats where i would draw the line. but other than that, go for it, who knows what will happen! just dont let it hurt your grade, draw a line if you need.

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shyr_15

i have experienced it. i took a political science class with my bf. we were seatmates and had a hard time concentrating in class. but we had loads of fun. we did a term paper together...spend nights together for that....

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Evileyez

me personally i wouldnt......it would be weird and somewhat irritating to have my significant other in the same class. i need alot of space and having them in my classes would make me lose interest....absence makes the heart fonder!!!

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