A good question, and you are right. In a sense.

Let me explain.

There exists a similar session to this one. There are a few differences, however. First, it is called "Ask me, not Baraka_Guru." Second, it is run by an entity known only as Garaka_Buru. I will spare you the details, but this Garaka_Buru exists on an alternative plane similar to our own but with a few variances. For example, instead of "Tilted Forum Project," they have "Slanted Symposium Scheme." And instead of it being owned by Halx, it is a partnership headed by android replications of Crompsin and Giant Hamburger. There are quite a few more differences (including the annual general orgy, or AGO) but, as I said, I'll spare you the details.

Anyway, the wisdom and knowledge you will gain here I guarantee you is of higher quality than over there at the SSS.

It occurred to me to wonder this morning how it is that someone might come by the name of "Hutch". Whatcha think?

joy.

if left is the right answer, would that make right the only answer left?

Dearest Baraka!

Your son is gay. Do you send him to a fundamentalist christian camp to convert him to heterosexuality?

"Hutch" is the name of the Norse god known as "the keeper of rabbits." It is a strong name that figuratively refers to keeping delicious vittles within one's belly. I can see why parents would want to bestow such a blessing on their children.

Sometimes parents simply name their children "Hutch" after their favourite mahogany cabinets. This, too, I can understand.

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The right answer is the one that's left, but only when you're left being right.

The only way to truly convert a homosexual to a heterosexual is by changing the details of his character and his interactions before you submit the story to the publisher. You may want to practice before making such an attempt. I suggest converting a heterosexual into a homosexual first, and then reverse the process.

thespian....guru's dont have children..they abstain from sex for their entire lives..can you not tell from the stress on barakas face?


dearest baraka...the pink g-string with the white fluff on the front, or the black lace G-string with the fritters on the sides?

Go with the black. It will help bring out the intensity in your eyes.

Yes, definitely the black.

He does have intense and dreamy eyes; they practically dance. (I'm attempting conversion on myself). Really, really dreamy.

http://images.needcoffee.com/dvd/doc...s-1-2005-2.jpg

Are you my mummy?

Dear Baraka_Guru

Given that the alien watchers are Hive-Mind creatures, and that humans - though very social animals - are individual entities each within their physical envelopes:

What is the most appropriate guest gift for an alien? They are Hive-Minds, and therefore probably not interested in items which would be of use to the individual (best selling novels, say, or a nice framed landscape). The en-masse gifting of matching slippers and housecoat (as an example) would cripple the combined textile industries of our planet trying to supply the alien hordes in their teeming billions upon trillions of like-minded entities.

I really would appreciate some ideas before next Friday.

if a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

Only you can make that justification.

http://media.picfor.me/001E307/Funny...-art_large.jpg

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

No.

I highly recommend gift accounts to the World of Warcraft. They'd make a kick-ass guild.

Yes, unless the entire jury is deaf, in which case it's called a signing.

can a dog look up?

The answer depends on how much wood the woodchuck would chuck if the woodchuck's wood needed chucking. Would this woodchuck chuck wood if wood was chucked by a woodchuck who could chuck wood? Why would a woodchuck chuck wood chucked even if he could chuck wood?

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http://www.nps.gov/laro/planyourvisi...es/Yosdogh.jpg

your answers are most profound.
thank you wise one.
and now, the most disturbing question of all...

why must life be so fucking complicated?

Oh, snap! Best. Answer. Ever.

It is because you ask why, instead of how.

i can see the light..oh master, oh wise one, you are a man of higher knowledge than us lay men. teach us, so that we may bestow your wisdom on other so that the baraka-ness may continue for eternity.

do men cry? if so, can they cry under water?

therein lies the answer to even deeper questions.
i thank you.


do snuggies have it right and robes were wrong in the first place?

Hey, Big Guy!

Is it wrong for me to love ring & you, too?

Men do cry; yes they do. They may cry; this is true.

They may cry on a boat; they may cry in a moat.
They may cry under water; they may cry at the slaughter.
They may cry in a keep; they may cry, some may weep.
They may cry in a tower; they may cry, upon the hour.

So if you ask, I say, yes they do. Men do cry, and you may too!

Snuggie™, ftw! I might be blessed one day to be gifted such a wondrous garment!

Hey, chief!

Hells no!

Oh supremely wise Guru, we manufacture the "GURU Plug" which has generated millions of dollars in profits over the past few years. Do we owe you a royalty?

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...jt/gurudlS.jpg

No, there are no royalties, though you do have an outstanding fee from our licensing agreement, which was issued two years ago. You owe me a sum of US$800,000 plus late fee (see below).

Make cheques payable to "Baraka_Guru Enterprises." All balances due in 30 days. A 2% late fee applies for overdue accounts (compounded daily).

Thank you, Most Wise One. Check's in the mail.

You need to send Baraka_guru a cheque.

Baraka, why is a check no good for you?

I am not afraid of the French heritage of what makes up a considerable part of our language.

That is why.

C'est considerable, non?

Oui... d'accord!

Have you ever been to C'est What?

Sadly, no. It's because each time I've tried to go, I was looking for a sign that read: "Say What?"

Incroyable, mais vrai.

You've improved my craziness. Why?

You deserve to see your craziness to its maximum potential.

Crazy, ain't it?

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

oh mighty one,

how does one reach such a guru-ness status? what can mere mortals like us do to acend such spiritual heights?

Great one, I seek thy wisdom. An acquaintance said to me the other day:

I have thought about this for days, and cannot work out if it is or isn't true. If it's not true, then it would have to be true. But if it was true, then it could not be.

Help me. Is it true?

I can't find my junk. Where the fuck did it go?

Dearest Baraka_Guru,
Can you explain the "I before E, except after C" conundrum?

where the fuck did you go ?.. oh respected highest holy one

He's procuring some mighty fine cigars for us in Cuba.

When the typing the subject of a thread in the little box for this forum, how is capitulation handled with this? Is it like a book title or is it like a sentence even if it doesn't have punctuation?