aphex140

Had to post it nearly chocked on my coffee :
After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic
surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory
because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped
out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned
that, with six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip
here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than
a badly packed kebab.

Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses
at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're
very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." "Well" said
the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and
you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice" said Jane. "The second is from your husband -
he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get
you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for
years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?"
"That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the nurse. "He just
wanted to say thanks for his new ears."

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Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

[/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]

barenakedladies

her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped
out fireplace


badly packed kebab


i think i just threw up in my mouth

byesman

Thank you. That was a very funny one that I have already forwarded along.

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If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost,
forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl.

H.L. Mencken

SirLance

Funny! Thanks for the ears! Good line!

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Naked Communist

How could you throw up anywhere else? hee hee. I liked the joke, but for some reason the throw up line made me giggle more.

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We are ensnared by the wisdom of the serpent; we are freed by the foolishness of God.

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...inside the museums infinity goes up on trial. Voices echo "this is what salvation must be like after a while"...