Help wanted
 

That's seriously the funniest thing I've read in a while. Is it an actual ad?

Hey, I might have to call my local paper's classified section...

Good one, Brew!

wow, I have to show that to my local paper editor, she'd get a kick out of that...

Damnit, you found my ad! ;)

That is great. I think all guys need a woman like that.

That's really awesome. Is it real?

Couldn't be a real ad - the autojustification is a bit off, in order to make the words wrap correctly. And there's very little chance that you could get it to automatically fit in whatever font & size they pick for that newspaper's columns. (And, of course, there's no contact number or mailbox or however personal ads work these days.)

Nonetheless, very funny. The use of hyphenation is brilliant.

Oooh, I just found a paradox in it as well. Line 6 says only to pay attention to 1, 3, and 5, but by doing so, you no longer pay attention to Line 6, so you have to go back and read them all, but then....

/thinks way too much