bobby

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct sub-groups: Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the dishes, sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history -- but alas now you know!!

..............XOXOXOO

__________________
"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

Gatorade Frost

That's not IMAO.US is it?

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

bobby

don't kill the messenger........It's a joke...??? xoxoxoo

__________________
"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

Gatorade Frost

I mean do you know where it came from initially?

__________________
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

DJKDAWG

I liked that, it was funny. Nice add.

TM875

I think it's less of a joke and more of a poorly thought out, idiotic insult. Elephant dung, if you will.

__________________
"I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

bobby

you got it...right wing puke.....got it from a born again republican ass hole...xoxoxoo

__________________
"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

streak_56

but we love you for it Bobby.... we all can't be liberals.... nothing would get done now would it?

GM2

I thought it was pretty funny.

iccky

I'd think it was more funny if I didn't think some people actualy belived it was true.

Martian

But the Governator says liberals are girly men. If someone famous says it, it must be true...

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

zen_tom

Here's another crazy one

In the early days before history, the world was full of Republicans. They roamed the land looking for things to prove they were stronger than because they felt weak. So they clubbed animals with their clubs and when they'd finished clubbing beasts, they'd club one another because they felt insecure about having not quite clubbed enough beasts. Before long, all the Republicans had taken so many blows to the head that they lost all their (albeit previously tiny) ability to think. And this is why all republicans are so stupid today.

From far away, a tribe of people called the Liberals who didn't feel quite so unsure of their own masculinity arrived on the Republican shores, and enslaved the foolish Republicans by waving bits of shiny metal in front of their eyes, and bandaging their heads when they ran into things or otherwise managed to injure themselves. The Liberals made the Republicans toil in the fields, fight their wars and do all the hard manual labour, while they cared for them and discovered how to make wine, and technology and other fine things. It was a wonderful situation, the Republicans were happy because they were out working in the fields, being looked after and doing what they were told by the much wiser Liberals, and the Liberals were happy because they had found an inexhaustible supply of manual labour. Plus some of the Republicans were quite sweet sometimes.

One day, one of the Liberals invented gunpowder. A Republican had fallen outside the door of his hut, and being too stupid to stand up by himself, lay drooling with his face in the dirt watching as the Democrat pointed a long stick at a target until it went bang and the target fell off the wall. The Republican liked the loud noise and his eyes lit up in delight. He tried to ask the Democrat what manner of wonderful invention he had created, but his mouth filled up with dirt, which started to make him choke and splutter.

While the Liberals looked down on the Republicans for all the obvious reasons, they still cared for them - and so the Democrat leapt up and helped the poor stupid Republican to his feet, slapping him on the back to help him cough up all the dirt, and mud he'd ingested. Taking him into his hut, the Democrat sat him down and went off to find something to drink.

The Republican looked shiftily around to see that noone was looking, and stole the gun and some ammunition and ran off into the woods with them, gibbering to himself with excitement.

In the years to follow, he learnt how to shoot, how to make more guns and how to make more ammunition. Before long he had a stockpile. He started to recruit more Republicans and before long, had a whole Republican army ready to march on the Liberals and take power.

Unfortunately, because the army was all full of Republicans, and had a Republican General, they all ended up massacring themselves, because they were much too stupid.

Eventually the Republicans did manage to raise an army that didn't end up turning on itself, (it took about 8 or 9 goes) but by that time the Liberals had invented TV, so it never amounted to much anyway...

questone

Looks like work of George Carlin