Odd company at the golf course - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Cervantes · 09-03-2005, 07:26 AM

Two old friends are just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag calls out to them,
"Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they say, "You're welcome."
So they start playing and enjoy the game and the company of the newcomer.Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the guy,
"So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"You're joking!"
"No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the direction of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see right in the window!"
"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my next-door neighbor in there with her..... He's naked, too! That bitch!" He turns to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's actually a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman takes out the rifle and takes aim, standing perfectly still for about a minute.
"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a second, be patient," says the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."

theguyondacouch · 09-03-2005, 07:47 AM

Ahahaha. excellent joke

cellophanedeity · 09-03-2005, 08:31 AM

Ouch....

I can't decide if this is brilliant or not!

Zeraph · 09-03-2005, 04:52 PM

Laugh, not bad!

cinnles · 09-09-2005, 06:50 AM

What a good businessman.

Arachnid · 09-13-2005, 05:40 AM

Mwuhahahahaha

thanks for the laffs

Ilow · 09-13-2005, 03:56 PM

different, i like it!

SirLance · 09-13-2005, 04:02 PM

Brings an interesting mental picture....

Good one, thanks!

Charlatan · 09-13-2005, 04:04 PM

Very clever....

ChistledStone · 09-13-2005, 04:04 PM

Ha - heard it before.

basmoq · 09-14-2005, 01:27 PM

LOL, that's great, thanks

batm4n_23 · 09-17-2005, 05:35 PM

great joke...i'll be saying that one again

KungFuGuy · 09-21-2005, 08:12 PM

i think i'd like to shoot that as a skit. good stuff.

09-03-2005, 07:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	Odd company at the golf course Two old friends are just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag calls out to them, "Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they say, "You're welcome." So they start playing and enjoy the game and the company of the newcomer.Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the guy, "So, what do you do for a living?" "I'm a hit man." "You're joking!" "No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see right in the window!" "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my next-door neighbor in there with her..... He's naked, too! That bitch!" He turns to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's actually a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hitman takes out the rifle and takes aim, standing perfectly still for about a minute. "Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend impatiently. "Just wait a second, be patient," says the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....." __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

09-03-2005, 07:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
theguyondacouch salmon? Location: Outside Providence	Ahahaha. excellent joke __________________ "Lick my frozen metal ass!"

09-13-2005, 05:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
Arachnid Crazy Location: Melb - Australia	Mwuhahahahaha thanks for the laffs __________________ -------------------- Cheers

09-13-2005, 03:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
Ilow Junkie Location: Pats country	different, i like it! __________________ "Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about" --Sam Harris

09-13-2005, 04:02 PM	#8 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Brings an interesting mental picture.... Good one, thanks! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

09-03-2005, 08:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	Ouch.... I can't decide if this is brilliant or not!

09-03-2005, 04:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	Laugh, not bad!

09-09-2005, 06:50 AM	#5 (permalink)
cinnles Addict	What a good businessman.

09-13-2005, 04:04 PM	#9 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Very clever.... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

09-13-2005, 04:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
ChistledStone Crazy Location: Australia	Ha - heard it before. __________________ A.minor.fall.then.a.major.lift

09-14-2005, 01:27 PM	#11 (permalink)
basmoq It's a girly girl! Location: OH, USA	LOL, that's great, thanks __________________ "There's someone out there for everyone - even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."

09-17-2005, 05:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
batm4n_23 Addict	great joke...i'll be saying that one again

09-21-2005, 08:12 PM	#13 (permalink)
KungFuGuy Insane	i think i'd like to shoot that as a skit. good stuff.