Two of the worst jokes ever, just read them and move on
 

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks at the other and says "Damn, it's hot in here!" The other one looks back and says "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

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A duck walks into the department store and up to the help desk. It looks at the guy behind the desk and says "Hey! Asshole! You got any grapes?" The now shocked guy looks down and says "No, we don't carry grapes here."

"Fine!" says the duck as he walks out.

The next day right after the guy gets to his desk, the duck walks back in and up to the desk shouting "Hey! Asshole! Got any grapes?" The guy looks down and says "No sir, we DO not carry grapes here, ever. And could you refrain from swearing at me."

"Fine!" the duck says as he walks out.

This goes on for a week, everyday without fail and it's pissing the guy off.

The duck comes walking into the store but before he can say anything, the guy leans down and says "If you ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your duck feet to the fucking floor!" The duck turns around and leaves. Now it's over, thinks the guy.

The very next day the duck sneaks into the store and up to desk, catching the guy off guard and says "Excuse me sir, I would just like to apologize for my actions over the past week." The very confused guy is now starting to feel a little sorry for his threats to the duck and says "I'm sorry as well, can I help you find anything else?"

The duck looks up and says "Actually yes. Do you have any nails?" "No..." the guy responds.

"Good!" says the duck, "Then do you have any grapes yet asshole?"

Yeah, those are pretty bad.

When I was in 11th grade, my World Cultures teacher constantly told the "got any grapes" joke. :rolleyes:

I'm sure the muffin joke is a parable. Now if only we can get a seminal religious figure to post a response in this thread and help make it clearer for me ...

They are certainly groaners. Good groaners, but groaners nonetheless.

the first one could be a funny one......on crack

I love the first joke. I don't care what anyone says. The second one I could live without...but it's not bad.