redrum

what she says vs. what she means


· We need. = I want.

· It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

· Do what you want? = You'll pay for this later!

· We need to talk. = I need to complain

· Sure... go ahead. = I don't want you to.

· I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you retard.

· You're look very manly. = You need a shave and you smell.

· You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

· I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = It's my period.

· Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I feel fat.

· This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new apartment.

· I want new curtains... = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

· I need wedding shoes. = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

· Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

· I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

· Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

· How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

· I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

· Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

· You have to learn to communicate. = You have to learn to agree with me.

· Are you listening to me!? = (When you hear this it's too late. You're dead!)

· Yes. = No.

· No. = No.

· Maybe. = No.

· I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

· I'm not yelling! = Yes I'm yelling, because this is important.


In answer to "What's wrong?"

· The same old thing. = You.

· Nothing. = Everything.

· Everything. = My PMS is acting up.

· Nothing, really. = I hate you!

· I don't want to talk about it. = I'm not ready to yell at you yet.

morlock

· Are you listening to me!? = (When you hear this it's too late. You're dead!)

EXACTLY!!!

Nhanced1

Oh. This helps! thanks!

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"Sell Crazy Somewhere Else, We're All Stocked Up Here," Jack Nicholson - As Good As It Gets

riptide4070

so true

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"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

Eviltree

I wish I had this a long time ago

blaze

Haha, i love this, great post, thanks.

glasscutter43

Then there is always the "F" word ..... FINE

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Book 'em Danno

icy_ca

Nothing....HA!

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After all is said and done,
more is said than done.

Meridae'n

God, the sad thing is I can identify and testify for at least 75% percent of these!

A couple of my own:

- It only takes me 10 minutes to get ready = Make-up and hair drying don't count

- It's the perfect size = it's small

- Her jacket is ugly = She looks better than me

- She's pretty = You even think of looking at her you're dead

- We're going to be late = You have made us late

- I love you = you better say it back, with 5 reasons why

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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?

Destrox

lol, i love this post

this kind of stuff is so funny cause its true

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You bore me.... next.

clifclav

good ones all. thanks

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Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!