Don't fart in bed - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

GremlinDelirium · 05-26-2003, 12:44 PM

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep. As she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said "Honey,you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline,and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back. . .

morlock · 05-27-2003, 12:03 AM

I heard that joke like this several years ago.

A white guy, a black guy, and a polish guy go out hunting, they set up camp and get back from hunting, their about to dress the dear and the polish guy says he has to take a crap, the other 2 go to check on him, because he's been gone for about an hour, they find him asleep with his pants down on a tree stump. They get the idea to put the dear guts in the stump under his ass. He comes back and is hysterical, "OH MY GOD!! I WAS TAKING A BIG CRAP AND I FELL ASLEEP, I CRAPPED MY GUTS OUT!!!" The other two are grinning and ask, "Hey, well how are you still alive then if your guts got crapped out?" The Polish guy repies with a grin, "Thanks to the good lord and a long stick."

RAMONES!!! · 05-27-2003, 05:42 PM

i've heard the second one before, still funny

Glad-I-Ate-Her · 05-27-2003, 08:27 PM

pay back is a bitch!

glad

DEI37 · 05-28-2003, 05:39 PM

Those are both just hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughs.

05-26-2003, 12:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
GremlinDelirium Insane Location: Pullman, WA	Don't fart in bed If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep. As she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said "Honey,you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline,and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back. . .

05-27-2003, 05:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
RAMONES!!! _-_---_-_	i've heard the second one before, still funny __________________ Come on

05-27-2003, 08:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
Glad-I-Ate-Her Junkie Location: 1 mile from Ground Zero	pay back is a bitch! glad __________________ I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

05-28-2003, 05:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Those are both just hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughs. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

05-27-2003, 12:03 AM	#2 (permalink)
morlock Loser	I heard that joke like this several years ago. A white guy, a black guy, and a polish guy go out hunting, they set up camp and get back from hunting, their about to dress the dear and the polish guy says he has to take a crap, the other 2 go to check on him, because he's been gone for about an hour, they find him asleep with his pants down on a tree stump. They get the idea to put the dear guts in the stump under his ass. He comes back and is hysterical, "OH MY GOD!! I WAS TAKING A BIG CRAP AND I FELL ASLEEP, I CRAPPED MY GUTS OUT!!!" The other two are grinning and ask, "Hey, well how are you still alive then if your guts got crapped out?" The Polish guy repies with a grin, "Thanks to the good lord and a long stick."