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Old 01-03-2005, 09:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Somewhere, Missouri
He vs. She: A study of male and female writers

Haha, found this one on another forum I visit, thought I'd share it with you all.

Quote:
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE


Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.

Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

-------------------------------------------------------------

STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

*****.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Wanker.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

****.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

Get f****d.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Eat s**t.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.



************************************

(Teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.
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Old 01-03-2005, 09:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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A+ - I really liked this one.

HAHAHAHA!!! This is excelent!!!
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Old 01-03-2005, 10:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Edmontania
hahahaha this was awesome.
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Old 01-03-2005, 01:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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fucking awesome! i really liked that! it's a keeper.
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Old 01-03-2005, 01:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Sydney, Australia
Hahaha! I didn't want the story to end. I'm emailing this to everyone I know.
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Old 01-03-2005, 01:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Last line sums it all up.
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Old 01-03-2005, 04:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Great stuff! Had me rolling in the aisles!
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Old 01-03-2005, 10:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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lol, i remember seeing this before somewhere
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Old 01-04-2005, 05:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Metz, France
Excellent _and_ original ! Thanks !
I personnally liked it more before theyu began insulting each other, the story was very funny to read
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Old 01-04-2005, 12:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Missouri
Sounds like dinner with the wife.
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Old 01-04-2005, 12:28 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: Pats country
LOL, the real stuff is the funniest!
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Old 01-04-2005, 12:35 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mordret
I personnally liked it more before theyu began insulting each other, the story was very funny to read
I think that people have added onto the story as time goes by; I remember this from years ago, but it ended as follows (I just found it on Snopes, looks like it dates back to 1997):
Quote:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

You total $*&.

Stupid %&#$!.
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Old 01-04-2005, 07:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: Byesville
I emailed this to several friends, and five minutes later was rewarded by a call from one, and she was laughing hard. It really made her day and that made my day.
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Old 01-04-2005, 09:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Holy shit that was fucking great thanks!
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Old 01-08-2005, 12:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Location: Nebraska
That is about what would happen.
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Old 01-08-2005, 01:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Burton-on-Trent, England
Brilliant. Loved it. Reminded me of a Cyber Sex joke I saw the other day. I'll post it if I ever work out how to do a search on here
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Old 01-08-2005, 09:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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FUNNY AS HELL! I think I woke up my dog with my laughing! Funny as hell! Thanks for sharing! Got any other student papers? Heh...
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Old 01-09-2005, 11:35 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Location: I am not living.
that was a good story
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Old 01-09-2005, 03:23 PM   #19 (permalink)
Upright
 
as an educator myself...... I can see it happening. Good Job.
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Old 01-09-2005, 06:39 PM   #20 (permalink)
Upright
 
that's been floating around for a few years now, it's too bad it get's censored, it loses some of its affect!
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Old 01-09-2005, 11:31 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Location: California
That was hilarious!
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Old 01-10-2005, 03:44 PM   #22 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Nebraska
That ckick is totaly holding this guy back
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Old 01-10-2005, 07:37 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenkat911
that's been floating around for a few years now, it's too bad it get's censored, it loses some of its affect!
lol, personally I think it gives it more effect.
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Old 01-11-2005, 02:57 AM   #24 (permalink)
If you've read this, PM me and say so
 
Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?
That guy owns.
Hilarious!
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Old 01-11-2005, 07:02 AM   #25 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: virginia
ooh....i usually dont read anything longer than a paragraph.
but this was too funny that i continued till the end..

good stuff
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Old 01-12-2005, 08:17 PM   #26 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Sweeeeeet..

V. Nice :-)
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Old 01-12-2005, 08:33 PM   #27 (permalink)
dbc
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Great, caught me totally off guard.
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Old 01-15-2005, 02:48 PM   #28 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Victoria
LMFAO awesome
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Old 01-18-2005, 08:44 PM   #29 (permalink)
Insane
 
this was awesome
!!
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Old 02-11-2005, 02:11 AM   #30 (permalink)
Leo
Tilted
 
bet they marry. that was hilarious.
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Old 02-11-2005, 05:31 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
Brilliant.
"Go drink some tea - whore!"
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Old 02-11-2005, 07:57 AM   #32 (permalink)
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very fucking funny!! excellent!
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Old 02-11-2005, 03:23 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Location: In the middle of the desert.
Hysterical... wait, I have to evade some Andurian missles...
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Old 02-12-2005, 05:13 AM   #34 (permalink)
Addict
 
hahah, that was classic.

We used to make up random stories in irc channels when we were bored, but none turned out that funny.
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Old 02-18-2005, 10:10 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Location: under the freeway bridge
great stuff...think i'll give it a try...chamomille...ha!
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Old 02-19-2005, 10:30 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I've loved it since the first time I read it!
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