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Old 05-22-2003, 05:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Anger Management

Don't know if you've seen this or not? It's long but really funny! As I've always said, Don't get mad, get even!


For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and who just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know; take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it.
A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" he yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.

The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car
window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole,too.

I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.

"Hello"

"You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black Beemer our front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole # 2:

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello Asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now, I feel better.
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Old 05-22-2003, 05:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
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HILARIOUS!!!!!! Gave me some great idea's too!
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Old 05-22-2003, 05:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thats fantastic!
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Old 05-22-2003, 01:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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is this true? it would be sweet if it is!
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Old 05-22-2003, 02:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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lmfao
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Old 05-22-2003, 03:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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i want to do this right now!
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Old 05-22-2003, 06:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hahahaha!!~
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Old 05-22-2003, 06:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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OMFGROFLMAO!!!!!


If I ever get this chance I'm taking it!
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Old 05-24-2003, 06:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
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go you man, go you
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Old 05-25-2003, 03:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Doubt it's true, but it's still funny as all hell.
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Old 05-25-2003, 08:04 AM   #11 (permalink)
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that was great and exactly what i needed
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Old 05-25-2003, 06:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm adding that to my list of things to do before i die.
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Old 05-25-2003, 07:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
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thats something i'll put on my to do list
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Old 05-25-2003, 07:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Man, I think I'm going to have to remember that one!
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Old 05-26-2003, 12:32 PM   #15 (permalink)
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OMG thats a great setup... LOL!!!!
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Old 05-26-2003, 02:54 PM   #16 (permalink)
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hahaha yeah, that's a classic!
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Old 05-26-2003, 04:06 PM   #17 (permalink)
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lol
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Old 05-27-2003, 12:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Classic joke. Gotta love it. Thanks!
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Old 05-27-2003, 12:32 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Oh man, I'd forgotten all about that one.... first time I read that was back in '94 or so. I got hooked on calling people 'jackass' after that (it was jackass, not asshole back then). Amazing how it has evolved since then, with the caller ID & news crews hitching a ride.

Thanks for the memories & the laughs
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Old 05-27-2003, 04:55 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Thats just tp funny
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Old 05-27-2003, 07:05 AM   #21 (permalink)
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That is the funniest thread I've ever read on TFP!!!!!
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Old 05-27-2003, 07:28 AM   #22 (permalink)
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very clever one. thanks
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Old 05-27-2003, 07:44 AM   #23 (permalink)
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That's a keeper
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Old 06-14-2003, 03:41 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Classic. Simply classic.
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Old 06-14-2003, 04:10 AM   #25 (permalink)
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lol that was great....be *very* interested to know whether its a true story or not.
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Old 06-14-2003, 08:56 AM   #26 (permalink)
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That was a GREAT joke! I can think of dozens of people I would like to see that happen to. Excellent.
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Old 06-14-2003, 10:34 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I remember hearing that one before somewhere, but it's still good. Very funny.
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Old 06-14-2003, 12:26 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Still funny

The Darker Fire Within
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Old 06-14-2003, 06:53 PM   #29 (permalink)
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a little scary but funny
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Old 06-15-2003, 08:06 PM   #30 (permalink)
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*69 . . .. . ..
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Old 06-17-2003, 06:35 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Classic. I'm still laughing even after scrolling through all the replies!
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Old 03-18-2004, 05:52 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Heard that one before. Quite funny, and with a hint of justice. And thats my 200th post folks.
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