snowace56

Sitting around talking with my friends we got on the topic some bizarre sexual positions. And i was wondering if there are anymore out there. I'll give you a couple examples and I guess make a game out of it starting with what its called and then discribe it.

Strawberry Shortcake - Where you cum on the girls face then punch her in the face. Kinda fucked up but funny to hear about it.

Dirty Sanchez - The guy fingers the girls butthole and then wipes it off under his nose as a mustache. This is just sick but pretty funny.

I have one more which I'll save for later if this thread needs a little help.

crackpot

There was a post on the "old" TFP that had a million of them listed. And of course, I can't remember any of 'em.
Re: Dirty Sanchez... I thought you were supposed to wipe it off under <i>her</i> nose... sick but funny either way though!
<img src="http://www.swccm.net/picts/iconsex/iconsex-dirtysanchez.gif" width="49" height="25">

stankybcn1

The Houdini: When you're doing a girl from behind you act like you're gonna cum, then spit on her back, when she turns around you cum on her face.

The Chili Dog: You crap on a girl's chest then titty fu*k her.

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bongobong

AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

FREE THE TADPOLES
Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.

Tea bag - As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your scrotum in and out of its mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old
favorite.

Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a girl, you shit on its chest.
(a.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)

Donkey Punch - Banging a girl and then moments before you cum, punch it in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work
correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that it's asshole tightens up.

Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty skank and
you know you've got to give it the slip. However, you realize that your arm
is wrapped around it. Therefore, you must gnaw off your own arm to get out
of this situation. Can be very painful.

Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a girl is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into its cheek. It should leave
a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As the girl is lying on its back
and you are hammering it from your knees, you carefully balance yourself
without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then to flap your arms and
let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move.

Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your pinky fingers in its mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.

The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming its head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

Dog in a Bathtub - This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy
style and then just when said-girl is really enjoying it, you grab onto its
tits as tightly as possible and yell another girl's name. This gives you the
feeling of riding a bronco as it tries to buck you off.

Pink Glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet
enough. When you pull out to give it the money, the inside of its twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.

New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down on it, you puke on its box. Happy trails!

Dirty Sanchez - While banging a dog doggy style, quickly stick 2 fingers deep into its starfish, then reach around and wipe the residue on its upper lip, providing it with a man's mustache.

The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having it suck you off while you're on the shitter.

The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over its face. Follow that with a punch and
smear the blood and jism together.

Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch it in the nose while you are getting head.

Woody Woodpecker - While a girl is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your cock on its forehead.

The Fish Eye - Working from behind, you shove your finger in its pooper. Thereupon, it turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.

The Chili Dog - You take a dump on the girl's chest and then titty fuck it.

Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).

The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a dog from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let it grab onto anything when it is bent over. Then, drive your hips into its backside so that the momentum pushes it forward. The goal is to push it into a wall or table, or have it trip and fall on it's face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto its hips.

Glass Bottom Boat - Putting saran wrap over the skank's face and taking a dump.

Ray Bans - Put your nuts over its eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on its forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.

The Snowmobile - When plugging a gitl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.

Stuffucking- The act of "stuffing in" your limp, helpless member in hopes of getting it up. Potential causes: you're too drunk or the girl's too ugly.
(see also; Fugly)

The Flaming dingo- This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When
you're screwing some girl, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly
grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!

Old Jism Trail -The stream of semen oozing down the chin and chest of someone who has just finished fellating a bloke.

Post Poodle Syndrome -The feeling of depression felt after successful removal of a hammerhead. The excitement has passed, and you must now find something else to occupy your time.

The Schnorbitz Maneuver -Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking, slobbering girl's windpipe.

Angry dragon - This involves the girl giving the guy head and as he is about to cum slapping the dog on the back of the head causing the cum to come out its nose. Great care should be used to not slap her mouth shut.

The Walrus - when a girl giving u a blowjob and u cum in her mouth unexpectedly, cover up its mouth and punch her in the stomach.

ratbastid

Maybe it's just me, but referring to the female as "it" was actually more disturbing than the positions....

Kadath

It's not just you.

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Feyenoord

Those are some nice Pos., i am going to try a couple
Thanx

snowace56

Rusty Trombone - While the girl is jacking off the guy from behind, she is also giving him a rimjob.

slant eyes

callin the girl 'it' was just as disturbing for me as callin the girl 'the dog' and also takin a shit on her???

maybe i'm weird for not gettin off to this sort of male superiority, but shittin on a girl? what next?

mortius

It's just jokes people, relax.

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morlock

Honestly, IT? out of all things IT? Like not sure if its male, or female, or even human? Then calling the girl, "The Dog, and shitting on the girl, on her chest, or through saran wrap or whatever, or even wiping it on her face. WTF!?!!?! I MEAN COME ON!!!!!

jsn117

wow

AnUnkind

Well, I was gonna comment on the "it" thing too, but you guys got it covered...

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oblar

I think the person who posted it probably just copied and pasted, but I agree with everyone here.. That was a little over the edge by the person who originally wrote it (by it, I do not mean a female, but the actual list of positions).

and as far as the flaming dingo, I heard that one as the Flaming amazon. Because when you set her pubes on fire she will be as pissed as an amazon and the game is to try to put them out before she beats the shit out of you.

also I have a variation of the Angry Dragon.

Sloppy Dragon: When a girl brings you to ejaculation through fellatio, immediatley pull out and punch her hard in the jaw. Her jaw will become numb and she will have jism oozing out.

Scary sight!

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nofnway

all I know is my wife likes it in the ear......cause every time I try to stick it in her mouth she turns her head!

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brucedenton

nofnway you got the best joke outta the whole post

ratbastid

It puts the lotion on its skin, it does this whenever it is told...

ratbastid

Speaking of positions, you guys know what Rodeo Sex is, right?

Rodeo sex is when you're doing her from behind and you say, "Gee, honey, this feels just like your sister," then you see if you can hang on for eight seconds.

Jackson33

Monkey face is when you cum on IT's face, rip out a handfull of your pubes, and throw them into the cum making them stick...causing her to look like a monkey.

FuddMan

Hot Carl - Shit on it's chest

FuddMan

Hot Carl - Shit on it's chest while it's blowing you

opentocomments

wow just wow thats all i am going to say is wow

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hotzot

some people are never satisfied!!

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null_duality

yummy yummmy yummy

Bill O'Rights

Heh...exactly what I was thinking.

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"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

apeshit

heres some from an email someone sent me;

THE TEABAGGING The all time classic manoeuvre of
tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is
sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless
phrase Who's Your daddy?"

THE HOUDINI Going at it doggy-style until you are just
about to come, then pull out and spit on her back so
she thinks that you have. When she turns around a
blast is unleashed into her face and she is left
shocked and amazed, wondering how you managed it.

THE ANGRY DRAGON Immediately after you blow your load
in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make
it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look
like an angry dragon.

CUM GUZZLING SPERM BURPING BITCH The once in a
lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the
back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give
her a large cold bottle of your favourite carbonated
drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head
vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling,
Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your
friends.

DIRTY SANCHEZ A time honoured event in which while
laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger
into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it
across her upper lip, leaving a thin sh1t moustache.
This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty
Sanchez.

THE DONKEY PUNCH Banging a girl doggy style and then
moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass
and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow
to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass,
which will constrict the penis and give you a
tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

THE FLAMING AMAZON This one's for all you pyromaniacs
out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when
your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the
nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...
extinguish the flames with your jizz!

THE FLYING CAMEL A personal favourite. As she is lying
on her back and you are hammering her on your knees,
you very carefully move forward and prop yourself
(without using your arms) on your dick while it is
still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then
proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking
howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy
move.

THE SCREWNICORN When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on
her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a
crazed unicorn.

THE ZOMBIE MASK While getting head from your
favourite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her
you want her to look right up at you with those
"pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then,
just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of
goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This
temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie
effect as she stumbles around the room with arms
outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

THE TROMBONE This is when the female lies on the deck,
face up. You then squat over her face facing her feet.
You lower your arse down so that you hoop rests on her
lips. She then blows up your hoop, feeds her hand
between your legs and wanks you off at the same time.
The TROMBONE!

WOLF BAGGING The beginners manoeuvre of waiting until
your lover (or wife I suppose)is beginning to orgasm,
punch her repeatedly in the stomach. This will induce
vomit and screaming. The vomiting will create
convulsing, which intensifies her orgasm. The punching
and screaming will satisfy your violent rape
fantasies. and reinforce your feelings of superiority.
Chanting 'I'm the Master, I'm the Master' will add to
this feeling. The important thing is your doing it for
HER pleasure, which will strengthen her respect for
you,and, if she's gobby, will increase your chances of
getting a ride from one of her mates

north_20

My variation of the Angry Dragon..
WHITE DRAGON: As she's giving oral and your going to let it loose, grab her by the ears slam your cock down her throat.
And yell out "Yeeee Haww White Dragon". If done effectively it should slurt out her nose.

irateplatypus

The Rodeo:

Do her doggy style, then have your friends bust in...

See if you can ride it for 8 seconds!

irateplatypus

oops sorry for another "it" reference. I cut and pasted also... should've checked first.

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rainincarnate

Like stan and kyle from southpark.....Ive learnt something today.

Jinya

It is disturbed by all the references to 'it'. However, it realizes this is also a joke. It takes it all with a grain of salt or a bottle of lotion....


--Jin.

Stiltzkin

Instead of creating a new thread, I decided to resurrect this extremely old thread, because I have a variation on the rodeo that made me and my friends laugh our asses off very, very hard for about 10 minutes.

Go to a bar and find the ugliest, fattest, nastiest girl there. Get her drunk and take her to a room. Then stick your dick in her ass and wrap your arms around her body as tightly as you can, then whisper in her ear: "you're the nastiest piece of shit I've ever fucked".

May not be as funny when read, but the way my friend told it is classic

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skier

hahahahahahahaha very nice stilzkin

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Daoust

How do you guys get away with this stuff? I'll admit, I'm laughing, but I just don't know how you don't have admin knocking on your door. Where are the women at? They'd rip your head(s) off if they saw this... Especially the "IT" stuff.. whooooooeeeeeyyyyy!!!

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small one

There's some wierdos out there, but there funny

fpgt91

I burst out laughing for like 5 minutes straight to the monkey face one hahahahahaha lmfao ah! still laughing!

Spider-Man: Here's the manuever. Just before your gonna blow your load pull out and jerk off into your hand. Now with your load in the palm of your hand, open your hand and through it at her face and say "Go web go!"

jfelco

dayum.....

Embic

the angry pirate: when you doin her doggy style pull out and blow your load on her sholder, when she gets up punch he in the eye and then kick her in the shin. when she's chasing you she looks like an angry pirate

SunScar

Looks like the "it" thing has been covered, so Ill just say I agree.... otherwise, pretty funny stuff.

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duckduck

Wouldn't do.........well..............any of those, but they're funny nonetheless.

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